This is Real War

This is Real War

Up the hill, there was a war

No weapons needed, he told us so

 This is real war

How could we fight without weapons?

“No weapons!” he said. “This is real war.”

There is no war without weapons?

Bring your hearts, bring your souls

This is real war

We listened not and packed the weapons

How could we win without real weapons?

The world watched as we wore the armour

Kisses from the children, tears from our mothers

“Come back son,” my father whispered

With Beautiful memories in our hearts and mind

We began the journey up the hill

Up the hill, there was a war

Then we arrived

Over my shield, I saw no enemies

All day and still no war

Then, Hunger struck from East to West

North to South diseases spread

Broken hearts screaming in pain

Greed flourished without shame

Lies became our daily feast

Poverty loving every other day but Christmas

Jealousy, my enemy, became my friend

Hatred devoured my heart

Courage escaped the stinking fear

We bathed in waters of discrimination

Baptised ourselves in the name race

If hope was there, I must have killed him

My best friend religion deserted me

The nature I loved, my enemy destroyed

Then we cried … I cried

“Is this the war?”

“Real War,” He said

I told you, no weapons

Bring love, and lots of love

This is Real War

Author's Note

I enjoyed writing this :) I had to stop myself before it turned into a chapter, else I would start on another book.

Reviews

[David Scott]

I felt the passion in your words. You had something important that you wanted to say. You did get it out and for the most part it came across as genuine. I was a little exhausted with the pace of the read and the constant metaphore. I also felt like there was not a very solid idea being supported through the whole poem. Yes, you packed in a lot of good ideas, but for me, I would like my servings to be distinct and not running together all over my plate...
I hope you feel this is constructive and not overly critical. You have written something that has potential to me. So I felt it was worth a longer review...
Be well.

[J. Write]

Thank you for reading and for your detailed review. I think you gave me a constructive criticism. Thank you:) I have taken note of your comments.

[Tex]

A very beautiful and profound work. Glad I checked in on my lunch break... this was a wonderful way to start the afternoon.

this was just amazing:

We bathed in waters of discrimination
Baptized ourselves in the name race
If hope was there, I must have killed him

very good imagery at work in this piece... Keep up the great work!

[J. Write]

Thank you for reading and for your encouraging words.

[quinfinn]

profoundly exuberant and blissful. "like"

[J. Write]

Thank you :)

[Persona]

Some nice imagery and use of language which made you sound fluent and eloquent which is good. I'd remove some of the repetition and replace it with more detail. I was curious to know if this was a mental war

[J. Write]

Thank you for reading and for your comments.

[Persona]

You're welcome J. Write

[Sarah Ramsbottom]

beautiful and powerful!

[J. Write]

Thank you for reading:)

[Felicity's Eve]

This is lovely and so powerful. It is full of truth and makes you think. It is a real eye-opener.

Great work!!! :)

[J. Write]

Thank you for reading:)

[Felicity's Eve]

:)

[Lonely Islander]

you shouldn't have stopped yourself because this is so beautiful, thoughtful and powerful. great job:-):-):-D.

[J. Write]

Thank you for reading and for your kind words.

[Lonely Islander]

welcome:-):-):-D.

[The Rock And Roll Cowbo..]

An emotional war can be very devastating... and just like in real war no one wins cause those kinds of scars will forever effect the participants.

[J. Write]

Thank you for taking time to read :)

[The Rock And Roll Cowboy(REBEL WITH A CAUSE)]

No problem.

[Keith]

I loved the twist here. It is a powerful way to look at the wrongs of the world and see how to repair them.
Bravo!

[J. Write]

Thank you for reading and for your kind comments.

[Not Your Typical New Yo..]

Very interesting concept you have here, and it's actually very true. Awesome job!!!

[J. Write]

Thank you for your kind words :)