You Beat Me

“Let’s play a game,” you said
“What game?” I asked
“Whoever cries first, loses”
“No,” I shook my head
“Come on, one last dance”
I smiled and gave in
You took my hand, and led me to the dance floor
Reluctantly, I followed
Suddenly, we were swinging from side to side
Swinging to the tune of hearts beats
Our blood rushing and  pulse racing
“There’s no music,” I said
You chuckled, pulling me closer as if we weren’t close enough
“Music is you and me ,” you said
I searched your eyes and saw myself in yours " watching you
You stroked my cheek as we stood still
“I love you,” you said
“I love you more”
“Enough to let me go?” you asked
“Why should I let you go?”
“Your world and mine are different now " Let me go,”
Right then,clouds formed in my eyes
As you faded, I came back to my world
“It was a dream,” I murmured. “Or was it?” I sobbed
You beat me

Reviews

[Iddy]

Oh my God. This was so sad, but sweet. >.

[Sami Geiger]

This is the sweetest thing I have read!

[Meenakshi Malhotra]

'Music is you and me' I loved this line J, fine lines!

[Danielle]

Very touching!

[Jen96]

This is so deep! I love it! :)

[afra]

very beautiful and deep ....good job

[Emberlorna]

Wondrous..and heart-rending......a uniquely beautiful poem. I enjoyed reading :}

[Becca Bishop]

Ok, this review is going to make you hate me but I've gotta be honest...I loved it. Right up until the second to last line. In my Creative Writing class last year my teacher told us to never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, EEEVVVVEEERRRR try to end our poetry or short stories with "it was just a dream..." or some variation of that. It's like saying that everything we felt and saw and read wasn't real. It's like getting slapped on the face by our minds while they scream "Hahahaha!!!! We beat you!!! Loser!!!"

I don't know about you, but I'd feel pretty dumb if my mind did that.

I know this review is probably going to make people mad but it's my opinion and feelings. I'm not saying you're not a great writer (if anyone DOES say that it's you and me, parking lot at 6:00....bring your medical kit because you're going to need it) just that I've got a thing about ending poetry and stuff like that. It's not you, it's me.

And my Creative Writing teacher.

Loved all the rest of it though!!!!! Great job!!!!

[J. Write]

I get you Becca, and I, for one don't like stories that ends with dream slap in your face. But, I did try to add that "Was it?" in the end, which I think leaves the reader a choice on how they would like it to be. Ha haha, I know I'm fighting really hard to get away with this one, but yeah, I get you.

And yeah, about the parking lot:) if it comes to that, let me know so I could be a witness...he hehe!

Thank you for your comments Becca, I still love you.

[Kurera]

interesting with hidden meanings in it that make people read it over and over, but they never get tired of it. you are very good at elements like these

[Claire Twinn]

Love can be about not being in control of your destiny, not always being first or best, such a hard thing to be.. Great thoughts!