You Beat Me

“Let’s play a game,” you said
“What game?” I asked
“Whoever cries first, loses”
“No,” I shook my head
“Come on, one last dance”
I smiled and gave in
You took my hand, and led me to the dance floor
Reluctantly, I followed
Suddenly, we were swinging from side to side
Swinging to the tune of hearts beats
Our blood rushing and  pulse racing
“There’s no music,” I said
You chuckled, pulling me closer as if we weren’t close enough
“Music is you and me ,” you said
I searched your eyes and saw myself in yours " watching you
You stroked my cheek as we stood still
“I love you,” you said
“I love you more”
“Enough to let me go?” you asked
“Why should I let you go?”
“Your world and mine are different now " Let me go,”
Right then,clouds formed in my eyes
As you faded, I came back to my world
“It was a dream,” I murmured. “Or was it?” I sobbed
You beat me

Reviews

[Elisa]

I really liked this; however, is it bad I found it sort of humorous at the end? I enjoy the little story at the beginning and how the narrator realizes they have been beaten. That is what I found funny by the way; that in the midst of sadness they can still sound like an innocent, child while admitting defeat. Sorry if that was offensive in any way; I did not mean it like that!

[And She Sings]

I was so moved by this poem. I have quite recently experienced every emotion presented in this work. I must say, you made me feel them all again, but not in a necessarily bad way! Excellent work!

[Lily Mae]

You know how to lay out a power punch of emotions in short writes.. You amaze me.. I love your work..xo

[Patrick]

yes like enid said (enid blake what a name!) - this is as a novel but not...it forms a whole with just a part and so my hair off to you...i have no hat :(

[J. Write]

Thank you for reading and for your kind comments...and yes the hair for the hat... I see you:)

[Enid Blake]

This poem is like a novel in a few lines lol. It's intriguing and I love how you wrapped it up with that final line - perfect execution ;)

[J. Write]

Youre so kind, thank you for reading.

[nunya]

speechless just speechless

[J. Write]

Thank you:) Thank you.

[nunya]

your welcome your welcome

[Robbie~xoxo~]

This is absolutely Beautiful! You have written a brilliant piece, so unique....it takes my breath away. I have tears in my eyes...amazing!

[J. Write]

THANK YOU:)

[Shandra Sun]

"Music is you and me..." beautifully said.
And yes, even when love seems perfect...you never know.

I think you are a male. From the way you write and look at things: from the outside, objectief, as a picture.
I enjoy your writting because is so different from mine.
Thank you for your creativity.
Shandra Sun

[J. Write]

:) Thank you for reading, and for your kinds words.

Male you think? Maybe if you read this chapter (you're no creature sweetheart) from my profile, you will have a change of mind.. haha

[Riley Mistwood]

Loved this. Very well written

[J. Write]

Thank you:)

[Sarah Ramsbottom]

i love it! I think my hearts broken!

[J. Write]

Thank you :)