I Listen To This Music Because

I listen to this music because
The people around me would think

That I'm the manic I really am
If I screamed in their ears
So I'll let someone else do it to me

 

I listen to this music because
My frantic, erratic, sporadic, thoughts
Somehow come back to earth
When I hear the words of my heroes
Released in guttural roars from their throats

I listen to this music because I've never really been that good
At expressing myself to anyone, in any way, ever
And those screams; those roars, they feel the same way
I listen to this music because I am a pool of volatility
That teeters on the edge of self-destruction
And if I don't let some of it out

I'll lose my balance and fall to my own annihilation

I listen to this music because I miss my mother
Because I wish i knew my father, I miss my brothers,
I miss my sister, because I left everyone behind
And I'm about to do it again

 

I listen to this music because I hurt everyone when I hurt myself
I think I've been kicked around so hard
I don't know how to accept love
And I so used to not being forgive
I can't figure out how to forgive myself

With these headphones on I'm not hurting anyone

So I'm going to listen to this music because I despise all that I am
But those angry screams you hear are going to comfort me

They allow me to channel my emotions as I must
Because all I feel is anger, hatred, and sadness, building inside of me
And I am really close to losing this facade of being fine

I listen to this music because I want the crude, untreated, unprocessed, natural fever
I listen to this music because their auditory chaos, is so much better than my own


When I got sick of being forced to pay a debt that wasn't mine
When I slaved for two years to give it all away,
When my brother and sister felt I betrayed them when I ran away,

When I found my mother and discovered her aneurysms
When I lost one best friend to coke and the other one suicide
I didn't scream then I kept it all inside
I kept my mouth closed and marinated in my misery

So I'm making up for it now.
I listen to this music because at night
When I'm falling asleep
My thoughts try to pull me back to a place
I don't want to be
So I scare them away with the screaming, double bass pedals,
Power chords, bass riffs, and audio explosions.
And I dream, serene.

I listen to this music because I have a future
But to get there, I have to fend off my past
And there isn't a therapist I can afford
Or even one I'm not convinced is a fraud

I listen to this music because they will scream til they bleed
And I can share with them, a moment

A common problem we both have
Without hurting myself more

Author's Note

This was heavily influenced by and in some part borrowed from a poem with the same name by Abbie Sigmon. However they are two entirely different pieces of work, as we havd different things to say.

Reviews

[Abigail Alliah]

This is so incredibly epic...and credible...and relateable.
We all have things that people don't get and don't bother to get, and lately that has been getting on one of my last nerves >.<
truly amazing, and I respect our difference in taste.
your logic is flawless, and i don't know what else to say and hate myself for it....



once again, epic grammatical failure....
"And I so used to not being forgive"