Mr. Nice Guy

A story about saying no.

Fibers demand discipline. When you eat too much of them and then suffer the consequences you will understand. If you pass a certain point and enter the deep end of the pool regarding what you stuff into your face you will see that even a man can get a certain degree of mother’s post pregnancy emotions. After a horrible 30 minutes of blood sweat and tears releasing a piece of stool as broad as an 6 year olds arm you realize that changes of diet must be done or you will be cursed with this repetition of self inflicted prison rape in reverse each time you try to execute one of the most basic parts of human bodily functions. It’s all about balance I believe. Something which we all must strive for in all aspects of life. Like when conversing a friend or a lover. It feels like the truth to say it’s a question of give and take. Take too much and you soon run out of people to take from and if you only give you might be left with sore jaw muscles and a hurt self image.

My psychologist told me I lack the proper tools in order to tell people to stop taking from me. This must be common. I mean in a world with so many takers there in respect of all reason must be a lot of givers. It didn’t feel good to know that one was part of creating and imbalance in society and perhaps infecting the situation in the future for generations to come. I mean you don’t want to be made aware that your lack of action might in the end create a rampaging hoard of individuals who are completely foreign to the word no. Imagine if your conserved use of the word no resulted in for instance rape or successful telemarketing sales somewhere? All grown fat and strong on the fertile soil of your weakness.

- This is still about the vandalism charges pressed against you right?

I’m coming to that officer. Also may I be as blunt and ask you for one of those fine cigarettes you are smoking. I truly respect your exquisite taste in tobacco sir.

-Yeah, sure.

-Can you tell me something which would actually clear your from any allegations? That would help you more than all this s**t you are feeding me now. For instance tell me the deal about this thermite stuff.

Oh yes. The result from my little home cooking. It was just a little practical joke which was supposed to function as a comment. Seems I was the only one laughing. Sad when it turns out that way. Thanks for the death stick by the way.

-You burned a hole through the man’s motor block. Mr. Stein’s car is trash. A potato shoved up the exhaust pipe I can see the humor in but the line has been passed pretty massively for your part.

It was a reaction of me being forced. Truly I am the victim here in any real sense.

-Couple of weeks back Mr. Randy Stein sold you a car. Was there anything wrong with the car? Is this some kind of payback? Please enlighten me because I am at a loss here.

No there was nothing wrong with the car in itself it was more of an issue about how it came into my possession.

-We got all the papers regarding the transaction. Seems pretty clean cut the whole deal.

The part which made me act the way I did was that I didn’t want the car. I have a car but in some way it apparently was inadequate. He told me so.

-Mr. Stein?

Randy yes. He wanted me to call him Randy.

-So Mr. Stein sold you his old car, and there was nothing wrong with it and yet you trashed his new car. I’m lost.

Well that is because the fallacy of your logic, in most of those cases you end up feeling lost. He didn’t sell me a car. As in me being a customer and actively seek out a respected car dealership and take part in the hunt for a new automobile. Correct?

-Well that is correct but it doesn’t really matter, does it? People in the US buy and sell several thousand cars each year privately. You lack a point. Yet again I ask you, was there something wrong with the car? Except it being unwanted?

Randy is that kind of person which can’t take a no. He most likely knew from the start that I didn’t want a car, but still he persisted. Why do you think that is? Because he wanted something else than my satisfaction as a customer. He was not working towards a goal with my happiness on his mind. I pay money for my happiness. So one could say he owed me for buying that car.

-Would I be insane to ask why you didn’t simply reject his offer?

I like you officer. You have a refreshing yet perhaps blunt outlook on problems. I rejected him several times. But he held strong and stood persistently firm in his attempts. Painting a glorious image of how my life would be after the car purchase. Catapults loaded heavy with vagina flung in my direction; my image of being a winner which would radiate out towards other aspects of life as well. He often spoke of how in order to gain success in life one must first create an image which matches it.

-Did he threaten you?

No he didn’t. I wish he would have beaten me and crammed a pen inside my fist and forced me but he didn’t. He did something worse. Mr. Stein used my own weakness and fear of confrontation which he could smell like a bloodhound to gain what he wanted. He spoke of how he longed for a vacation trip with his family which the sale of the car would help finance. In a way he said. Buy the car or be a virgin party pooper for me and my wife and children.

-Sir, you don’t think you were blowing this way out of proportion?

I wouldn’t know. What are the correct proportions? In the end I feared disappointing him to the point I bought the car for him, a stranger instead of buying it for myself.

-Sir it’s not against the law to be pushy neither is it a crime to stick up for yourself. What I feel bad for you about now is that an intelligent guy like yourself have ended up in this pickle just because you didn’t put your foot down at the moment it occurred and decided to get pissed off later and burn a hole through Mr. Steins car. It harmed you more than him. From the looks of it you have given him another week of vacation based on the money he wants for the damage on his car. Also why didn’t you face him directly instead of cowardly attacking his car?

This wasn’t about him personally. In a way it was a material argument. It was a fight about objects. To attack or in any way harm Mr. Stein would move the topic away from material and become personal.

-But it was personal. It was Mr. Stein’s car.

From that viewpoint would you be able to agree that Mr. Stein attacked me personally by using my freight of confrontation to pay for his family’s holiday?

-If you could prove in a court of law that he was aware of any mental condition of this I would agree but I doubt it. You would need some kind of medically tested examination in order to validate this. It still wouldn’t defend the vandalism though.

No for that I take full responsibility.

-Well goodie then we agree on that anyway. You admit fully to have planed and set his car on fire?

Yes.

-May I add a comment?

Please do.

-I find it ironic that you think refusing to buy a man’s used car to be an act of uncomfortable confrontation while cooking up some thermite and pouring it onto his new car later is an action

performed within your “safe zone” sort of speak.

I wanted him to be happy. That’s why I bought his old car.

-Why would you possibly care about Mr. Stein’s happiness? He has been your neighbor for not more than half a month.

I care about everyone’s happiness. I wish nothing more than to be cared for by others as I care for them.

-Are you religious?

No it’s more of an “I scratch your back you scratch mine” type of deal. I find people to be easier to deal with if they like me or at least find me to be neutral.

-But Mr. Stein most likely hates you now.

Yes that doesn’t matter since I will not have to meet him anymore.

-Yes I read in my papers that he is moving in fear of his family and property. Did you want to get rid of him? Was that why you did this?

His presence didn’t bother me until he spoke to me the first time. Mr. Stein was uncomfortably loud and always tried to clap me on the shoulder and was generally a very hands on type of guy. It was as if he constantly had a spot light on him and did his best to drag me screaming and kicking into it. Before that we were merely reduced to the polite wave during the entering or leaving of our houses.

-Despite this you wanted him to be happy?

I wanted to give him no reason for emotions which would lead him to target me as the source. Sadness, frustration perhaps even anger. I wanted him to consider me as a piece of machinery which always functions in a way which makes his everyday easier. Made to transgress in the fashion of a shadow. Not noticed when there but surely when missed. But Mr. Stein violated me in a way I couldn’t accept. So know I suffer the consequences yet hope I have in a way made myself clear and as a result made Mr. Stein think twice in the future about his behavior.

-You’re not married sir. No girl friend no friends.

Is this part of your interrogation?

-No this is me being interested and asking questions. It is well within your rights to refuse to answer.

It’s just that, for being someone who only wishes life to proceed smoother without your involvement or at its height passive involvement, you have very little people around you who would get anything out of this. I could at least expect a dominant spouse or some “please get the bill will yah buddy” type of friends but, no?

This is the part where the interrogation is over and I’m going to ask to leave.

-What happened with the caring for others part you talked about earlier? It would make me very happy to hear more about your social situation and see if there is anyone out there you can talk to about this and how your life situation is in general.

It’s foolish to say a yet unanswered question would in any way make you happier than you currently are. And with that I will leave you and take my car bought through own free will to my home now lacking a neighbor to the left. Good day sir. I assume you will mail me regarding court date?

-Sure will, good day sir. Take care of yourself.