AstronautA Story by Mika BellandSometimes the best way to start loving the world is to leave it.chapter one: it started with a low light [Get “Me talk pretty someday”] <- a book I wanted to
read eventually Jupiter Anne Davis didn’t want the dust to make her
sneeze. It ruined the moment. She would be sitting there with her legs folded beneath
her body, flipping through the photos she kept in that little cardboard box. It
had been too long since she had opened the album. The attic had sort of become
a hidden chapter of her life, one she only visited when the occasion suited
her. Today, it was the anniversary of Noah’s departure. How long had it been? Three years? Four? However long,
she had gotten past missing him. At least, that’s what she always told herself.
Especially when she was trying to sleep. She’d lie there and stare at the ceiling,
missing the warmth of his body and the sound of his voice. It was one of those
sultry voices, one that hummed in your bones and made you listen. Dear Lord,
she missed him. Jupiter sighed and bowed her head so that the small
beams of sunlight streaming in through the attic’s single window landed gently
on the pale picture in her hand. There was her sister, perched like a bird on
the fence that was currently outside. The white paint was chipped and peeling,
but that didn’t bother her. She was the cutest little thing… Jupiter missed
her, too. She sneezed again, this time accompanying the body
function by spitting a sour curse. There weren’t enough good things in life "
ice cream, kisses, sunny days " to erase the terrible feeling of her nose
trying to remove itself from her face. Not to mention the fact that each sneeze
removed dust from her precious pictures. They were reminders of how long it had
been… she never wanted to forget. Just then, she heard the dull sound of the door’s knocker,
echoing up through the floor beneath her. She sighed and set down the photos.
[i]It better not be that damned baker again,[/i] she thought as she stood. Her
hands brushed down the dingy cloth of her pants, sending little dancing clouds
of dust around her bare feet. She listened to the melody of the knocker,
rap-tapping away. She decided that it was, in fact, [i]not[/i] the baker (whom
had been trying to get her to accept flowers for the past month), but the neighbor
who had moved in the week before. She was a sweet old woman who had deemed
Jupiter worthy of her never-ending life story. She must have remembered
something while making her heavenly peach pies and come to tell her all about
it. She practically slid down the ladder, almost ashamed of
how easily she had scaled it in the first place. For a woman who never went
into her attic, she sure knew how to do it. It was like a dog knowing how to
swim as soon as it his water; what was instinct " in this case, falling into
memories " came naturally. The knocking continued while she walked through the
hall leading past her bedroom (the one she wished " sometimes " that she had
never shared with a certain someone) and into the main room. The wallpaper had
long ago faded to a dull gray, but she didn’t mind too much. She was planning
on replacing it, actually, the next week. If she could just get to the
department store and buy a new pattern, one that didn’t remind her of him. When she reached the front area of the house, she took
one last moment to look in the full-body mirror which hung on the wall. Her
long, absurdly shining dark brown hair was curling in all the right places. She
never tied it back for fear of being unable to get the tie out. Then she would
have to cut it all off and her heart would positively stop and " Jupiter
chuckled to herself. That had never happened. Her long nose led a nice trail
from the corners of her almond-shaped, incredibly blue eyes. If she wore a
yellow shirt, they looked almost green. Noah always said they looked like
Neptune. Jupiter straightened the collar of her button-down white
shirt and turned to the door, which was still rumbling like a drum. The
neighbor-lady must have really wanted to tell her something. Smiling slightly, she
took hold of the rusty knob and gave it a good turn. It hardly budged. “Hold on, Miss, the door’s stuck. I’ll be out in just a
second!” She jiggled the golden handle for a minute, muttering under her breath
about how she would need to replace the darn thing. Once she finally got it
open, she sighed and stepped back so she could open it. “Okay, so what did you
wa "” Her breath stuck in her throat when she lifted her head.
There wasn’t a little old lady standing there. Far from it. A man " whom she
remembered being quite pale and detached " stood before her, dark ringlets
framing his beautiful face. His skin was a glowing brown, something she wasn’t
familiar with but felt was right nonetheless. His golden eyes stared straight
back at her, as if to ask her what she was looking at. But of course, she could
never read that gaze. It was like staring into a pool of melted amber, with a
ring of burnt brown. She felt her heart stop as she let her eyes move over his
arms. There were tattoos there; one, it seemed, for every star in the sky. Not
a single one of them matched another. There was one of a skull, one of a
dancing fire, and one with a heart and a ribbon going around it. When Jupiter
peered closer at this one, her curiosity a burning fire in her stomach, she saw
that there was a name. [i]Madeline.[/i] She felt such a painful jealousy that she had to stand
up straighter and incline her chin as she looked on him. “Hello, Noah,” she said calmly, though inside she was
trembling. “You look very different.” chapter two: next thing i knew [i]She had
been married when she met Noah. For about one year, she had been with a
handsome businessman from Maine . He was a competent husband, a real gentleman…
except she didn’t love him. Well, she thought that she did. Jupiter Anne was
absolutely positive, when she said ‘I do’ at the tender age of seventeen, that
she was deeply, madly, and insanely in love with him. Not that this helped her
remember his name years later, after she left him. Her
grandmother made her wedding dress, all white with lace and beautiful flowers
sewn in at every angle imaginable. The buttons running from the base of her
neck to her tailbone had been gorgeous and shimmery in silver light. Her
bouquet had been white tulips and baby’s breath. The church itself had been old
and rickety, but beautiful for what it was. The stained-glass windows showed
renditions of Christ’s birth, death, rebirth, so on, so forth. The music
playing was classic and heart-breaking. Her grandmother cried. It absolutely appalled
Jupiter, but then again she would never say that to the sweet little creature
that had raised her since she was " oh, how old had she been when her mother up
and left, leaving her with Mama? Seven? Not even that old. Jupiter and
the gentleman from Maine went on their honeymoon to New York . It wasn’t what
she wanted, and the loss of her maidenhead was sour and disappointing. He
didn’t make up for his lack of humor in bed, that’s for sure. When they
returned, she was sore and tired of him, but would never say anything because
her grandmother would become depressed. Not that Jupiter always listened to
what Mama said " it was just a tradition to hear. And her little
sister, as cute as a button (left a bundle of fuzzy-headed joy in the
mailbox at three months old, of all places and times) and only seven years old
when her big sister Jupie went away and never came back. But she did come back,
of course. She would drag her husband back to her not-so-small hometown, just
so she could see Lora Joan, the adorable little thing who loved to balance on
white picket fences and box with the neighbor’s cat. “Poor Lora Joan,” people
would say (it boiled Jupiter inside), “can’t go a week without getting a
fever.” Lora Joan was
born with a special kind of disease. No one knew the name for it; when the
doctor came each month with her medicine, he would shake his head and walk out,
stethoscope hanging like a noose around his neck and a sad twinkle in his dusty
blue eyes. Lora, you see, was very prone to illness. She would be fine one day,
dancing with butterflies and singing with the birds, and the next she would be
moaning and groaning in pain, dormant in her lacey white bed and hiding her
head from visitors because her tummy hurt. When Jupiter
met Noah, it was at Mama’s funeral. It was Jupiter’s duty to bury her right; if
there was no other way to put her to proper rest, it was this. Jupiter didn’t
let anyone know how devastated she was inside, especially not her sister. Lora
Joan had begged not to be left at the big house " the one with ivy covering the
wall like a blanket and the red autumn trees dozing in the front yard " with
her husband. Jupiter loved that house. She had been loathing leaving, just
because of a silly marriage. She had wanted to stay with Lora and Mama. But now
Mama was gone, and she had to bury her. It was a
mournfully sunny day. All the people who lived across the street or sold Mama
bread or washed her automobile or cut her curly old-people hair came and bid
her farewell. The city was the special kind of religious where everyone
believed that if you lived to be over 65, you went immediately to Heaven.
Jupiter thought it was absurd, but she would never say that out loud " Lord,
no. There were
flowers and tears and little white chairs. Someone mentioned that the war was
to blame, that she had been so stressed from watching those damned programs
that her little heart just gave out. Jupiter tried not to glare at them. The
war had nothing to do with her Mama’s death. “Jupie, help
me pick up these flowers, ‘k?” Lora was trying to lift a bouquet that was, as
their Mama would say, bigger than her head. There were roses and daffodils and
little pink ones Lora Joan had picked up from the side of the road. She had
almost been too weak to bend to retrieve them, poor baby. Except she wasn’t a
baby anymore, not really. She was grown up! That’s what she was proud to tell
people. She had her mother’s deep umber eyes and long brown hair, but she had
her father’s nose. That’s what Jupiter always told her; she had never met her
own father, much less Lora Joan’s, but she simply assumed since she had seen
pictures of their mother. She was an angel, with dark skin and a gorgeous
complexion. Jupiter thought she got her fair skin from her father, whom had
remained nameless her entire life. “Sure thing,
pumpkin,” Jupiter said with a smile. She gently took the thick stems of Lora
Joan’s roses and held them in her tiny arms. Lora Joan had known Mama all her
life, but she wasn’t a very attached child. The only person she ever clung to
was Jupie, her big huggle-muffin, as she called her. Jupiter giggled softly and
tucked a loose strand from Lora Joan’s French braid behind her ear. “Come up
here, okay?” The small
crowd of people parted and left a short walkway towards the open coffin. It was
cedar, with white paint on the inside. “Mama looks like an angel,” Lora Joan
whispered, like a conspirator spreading secrets. Jupiter nodded and bent down
to kiss the beautiful old woman’s soft brow. There was a lullaby playing on a
guitar not far away, one that made Jupiter turn her head. It was familiar, yet
she had no idea where it came from. Lora Joan was
busy watching an army of little black ants march across the dirt path. There
was another little girl crouching next to her, the end of her blue flower dress
dragging in the dirt. They were a cute partnership, poking at the ants and
watching them detour to the grass. Jupiter smiled and went to find the guitar.
When she found it, she was faintly surprised to find a man sitting on a stone
bench with the instrument cradled in his arms. He was wearing an almost
painfully casual outfit. Grey shirt, black pants, shoes that looked like he
hadn’t had a new pair in years. His hair was black and messy, a shining mass of
curly locks that dangled over his nape and made him look slightly wild. His
head was bent over the strings of the guitar, so that she could only catch a
glimpse of his face. She hadn’t noticed until just now that she was standing in
a small building with no real walls, only white pillars. It reminded her of her
lessons on Greek mythology. There was ivy swaying everywhere, and the sun "
which had been morbid and depressing only moments earlier " set the man aglow
in a way that made her question his mortality. The lullaby
continued, deepening in beauty and rising in sound. His fingers danced across
the strings in a fluid motion that dazed Jupiter and nearly made her collapse.
It was so beautiful, the way he nodded every few moments and tapped his foot
like it was the only time in the world. He was so careful, so delicate with it,
and yet he made it sing so passionately that it made her heart flutter. She had
a childish thought about how he might treat a woman the same. Her shoe
crunched on a twig, and the music halted like a heart beat. She stopped walking
toward him immediately and met his gaze with a gasp. His eyes were the sun,
plain and simple. “What are you
doing here?” he asked softly. Her heart, if it had stopped before, leapt into
her throat and tried to strangle her. His voice was deep and comforting, but at
the same time careful and timid. He looked up at her like she had caught him
with his hand in the cookie jar. She blinked in
astonishment. “What am I doing here? It’s my grandmother’s funeral, that’s what
I’m doing here.” She frowned and looked him over, trying to see if she had
missed something at first glance. He wasn’t the brightest, was he? He shook his
head and stood. The guitar made a scraping sound as he set it on the ground.
“Not ‘here.’ [/i]Here.[i]” He motioned at the bench, then looked sternly at
her. “And who said you had to go to her funeral?” Jupiter was
horrified. “She raised me for more than half of my life! Not to mention my
little sister. We owe it to her!” The man
frowned and turned to set his guitar gently on the stone bench. She saw that
his hands were big and calloused, but tender at the same time. It confused her.
“You don’t owe it to her. Do you honestly think she would want you moping
around a place like this?” He turned his golden eyes to her and stared like she
was an idol. “Yes? What
about you? Why are you here, if it’s so bad?” She felt a need to protect
herself. It was her job to bury Mama, it didn’t matter if she would have wanted
her there! She had to be responsible! That was why she had decided she and her
husband would take care of Lora Joan from now on. Like she had her own child.
But different. The man rolled
his eyes and took up his instrument. He slipped the strap over his shoulder and
twisted it around so that it rested, upside down, against his back. “It’s what
I do, ma’am,” he said, and saluted her before walking away. Jupiter almost
let him go. Almost. “Wait!” Guitar man
turned and looked her up and down like a magazine model. “Yes?” Now she was
shy. Her cheeks burned and she shuffled her feet. “What’s your name?” She
wouldn’t meet his gaze because she was afraid she would be paralyzed if she
did. He smiled
slightly, and though Jupiter wouldn’t know this for some time to come, he
thought she was a very beautiful girl. If it hadn’t been for the small ring on
her left hand, he might have offered to buy her a coffee. But she had it, and
so he couldn’t. “I’m Noah. Noah Fairburn. What’s yours?” Her red lips
pulled into a smile as she looked up at him through her long eyelashes. “I’m
Jupiter Anne Davis.” As if on a second thought, she added, “You play very
beautifully, Mr. Fairburn.” Noah smiled
slightly. “Thank you, Jupiter Anne Davis. I hope to see you again.” Then he
nodded, and left. Jupiter forgot
his name, too.[/i] chapter three:
they
ripped me from my bed Noah was
sitting calmly at the dining room table. His face was turned to the open window
so that the autumn sunlight poured over him and emphasized every curve and
perfect blemish in his golden skin. His amber eyes were pools of light. Both
feet were kicked up on the next chair, in that casual pose he always had. It
was like he was home " which he was, of course. He was in Jupiter’s kitchen,
the one they had shared for nearly a year before he left. He looked like an
angel in the off-white glow of the kitchen’s tile. The year was
1947. Jupiter had left her husband in ’42. Noah had left her in ’43. Lora Joan
had died " not as unexpectedly as their Mama " in ’45. Jupiter would have near
murdered herself between now and then, if not for the blind hope that Noah
would come back and still want her. Because she knew, she would always be his. “Feels good to
be home,” he murmured, not turning his head to Jupiter, who was leaning on the
doorframe not 5 feet from him. She felt like a child in his presence, all grown
and golden in the afternoon light. It hurt her to know that he had been fine
without her for those four years. She had dreamed that he might miss her as
terribly as she missed him. “Did you have
fun?” She felt absurd, speaking pleasantries when all she wanted to do was grab
him and wrap her arms around him and feel his do the same to her. She missed
being loved more than anything. But she said nothing of it. Noah nodded.
There was a flicker of a smile at the corner of his pale ruby lips. Jupiter
felt a pang of jealousy deep within her. Who had he had that fun with? Had he
thought of her? “Yes, I had fun.” Then he turned his head to her, and she felt
herself melt in his gaze. There was love there, she was sure of it. Noah spoke
the words that she had wanted to hear from the moment he had left. “I missed
you, Jupiter.” She nodded and
looked away before she started crying. Why was she so sad? She should have been
overjoyed at seeing him, knowing he was alright, that nothing had happened to
him " other than the acquiring of several tattoos. She wanted to ask about
those. He must have
seen her looking, because he stirred. His eyes fell to the one near his right
elbow: the heart with [i]Madeline[/i] on its twisting ribbon. He figured that
was the first one he should explain. Noah took a deep breath and pulled his
legs down from the other chair. He turned to the table and rested both arms
upon it as he stared at a spot which Jupiter could not see. “You do realize
that when I left, I didn’t just leave Cape Cod.” His eyes lifted to hers in
answer to her unspoken question. “I left you, as well.” Jupiter’s
throat closed and she felt tears prickling her eyes. “I see,” she whispered,
unable to look away now that she had met his gaze. She wanted to avoid
subtlety, because that never got anyone anywhere. “Did you fall in love?” Noah’s eyes
softened like they always did when she said something that upset him. “No,” was
all he said. Nodding, she
moved to sit across the table from him. She stared at the stainless steel top,
not having to lift her head to feel him watching her. “But you got a tattoo of
her name.” “Yes.” She glanced up
at him for only a moment. “If you weren’t in love with her, why did you get a
tattoo with her name on it?” She was on the brink of tears; she had lost the
only man she had ever truly loved. He had left her, she had let him go. She
remembered what he had asked her:[i] “I have to fly, Jupiter. I don’t know
where to, and I don’t know what I’ll find, but I have to fly. I need this. Will
you come with me? Maybe… maybe we can find each other out there. Not here. I
can’t take it here anymore.”[/i] And she had
said,[i] “No,”[/i] with only Lora Joan in mind. And so she had lost Noah. His stern
frown frightened her. “I didn’t want to forget her. Jupiter… she was a part of
my life for four years. I couldn’t let her be forgotten.” He paused and looked
at his left hand. There was a small black heart on the stretch of skin between
his forefinger and his thumb. He held this hand out to her, so that she could
see it. “This was the first, Jupiter. Do you know why?” She shook her
head, feeling much like a child when a parent asked her why she was being
punished. “Because it
was to remember you.” [i]Noah sat on
the cold tile of the miniature airport. He had taken the pen from the woman at
the counter, who had red hair and a very large, ravenous smile. She would be
his pilot for the next few years, they had signed contracts and paperwork; it
was all set up and ready to go. He had asked for a moment alone before they
actually started up the airplane and headed to California for a month (Noah
wasn’t positive he’d make a good surfer, but he was willing to try). It was so
cold in Massachusetts; he was ready for [i]heat.[/i] He wanted to drown in the
sun. He picked up
the little needle he had [s]stolen[/s] borrowed from the first aid kit on the
wall. Who needed that in a place like this? He wasn’t sure how to do it
correctly, but he did it nonetheless. He poked himself alternately with pen and
needle until he was satisfied with the bloody and black mass that would become
a heart. He smiled slightly, feeling proud of himself as he stood and went into
the washroom to clean it. You weren’t supposed to put a bandage on it, were you?
Noah had no idea, but he had fun admiring the puffy, angry red bump shaped like
a heart. Jupiter would scold him with a smile for this one. Madeline " she
was the woman with the red hair and alligator grin " looked at it curiously but
seemed to know better than to ask. Then they were on the plane, seatbelts
buckled and helmets slapped on. Sometimes leaving what you were used to helped
you feel better, or so Noah believed. He felt kind of… free. When the plane
took off, he was breathless. They flew into the sunset, sailed on an ocean of
clouds. He had to wipe the tears from his goggles a few times. Madeline never
said a word about it. [/i] Jupiter
sniffed and wiped angrily at her eyes. Just because Noah had given himself a
tattoo in her memory didn’t mean she would stop hating crying. It was weakness
when she could be strong for other people. Maybe that was why Lora Joan had
always touched her cheeks, as if she were waiting for the tears that would
never come. She did that even on her death bed. She wanted to see Jupie’s tears
glimmer in the sickly yellow light her room had grown. But she had never shown. Noah sat back
and looked at the heart for a moment longer before he looked at the window. The
frame was cracked from water damage. There was a thin sheet of ivy over one
corner, and if he sat in the right spot he could see the soft green light
falling like a blanket on the kitchen. He distinctly remembered the bedroom
having a window completely covered in ivy. That had been nice: no chance of
peeping Toms. He chuckled, which drew a curious look from his lover. Well, she
wasn’t his lover anymore, was she? His sunshine eyes looked sadly at her for a
moment before he smiled. “You’re crying.” “No, I’m not.”
She turned from him and rubbed the rolled-up sleeve of her shirt angrily across
her face. “I’m not crying, okay?” She looked desperately at him. “Okay?” “Okay,” he
said softly. The quiet smile on his lips made her breath hitch. “It’s getting
late, Jupiter.” He sat up and pushed away from the table, his hands pressed
flat to the metal. “We should go to sleep.” Mortified, she
gaped up at him. “What do you mean, ‘we’?” She didn’t have the words to express
her surprise. She would have assumed that he had somewhere else to stay. It
never occurred to her that he would come back… and expect her to take him so
quickly. His eyes
leveled on hers. “Um. I mean you and I. Go to sleep.” He pointed at the
ceiling. “In a bed.” Jupiter felt a
giddy rise in her stomach, but pushed it down with a deep frown. “Noah...” She
had to taste his name on her lips once more. She always did. “You’ve been gone
for four years.” “Yes.” He
didn’t blink at her words. It was obvious, he thought. He continued that
thought, and realized where she was coming from. A smile formed on his mouth as
he took a step toward her. He took her hand from its resting place on the table
and lifted it, bending so that he could kiss her knuckles. “Jupiter… come to bed.” She tugged her
hand away, unaware of the crimson blush splashed across her cheeks. “I " I have
to clean up, I made a big dinner and I didn’t put anything away…” Upon looking
around the kitchen, she saw that there was really nothing to support her argument.
Not a single dish was out of place. Noah pulled
her to her feet and wrapped his strong arms around her slender waist. She fit
perfectly against him " something he always loved. The heady scent of her body
made him woozy. That was something else he had always loved about coming home
to her every day; he could breathe nothing but beauty for however long he had
wanted. He bent to
softly kiss her neck. Her spine went rigid in his embrace, but he knew she
would give. She always did. His lips grazed her jaw, pulling into a smile at
the sight of her tightly shut eyes. She didn’t want to see him that close,
apparently. Without a
word, Noah took her face in his hands and kissed her soundly on the mouth. He
could feel her melt against him. Her fingers rose and fluttered over his
cheeks, as if she were afraid he would disappear. Then, she seized his hair and
deepened the previously tender kiss to the point of passion. He chuckled and
pulled gently from her grip. “The bed, Jupiter,” he reminded her. He watched her
gasp softly and smile. “Okay,” she whispered, grinning sheepishly up at him. Dear Lord, she
had missed him. chapter four: and
then they took my blood type Jupiter sat
silently at the end of the bed, hands pressed together between her knees. The bedroom
window was cracked enough to let a small breeze in through the blanket of ivy
hiding the setting moon. There was a jagged pattern of moonlight dancing on her
bare legs and the sheets around her. Noah was fast
asleep, lying next to her. He didn’t snore, which was a relief to Jupiter. It
had always been so. Mama had snored like there was a toad sitting in her
throat. Not only had her younger days been spent taking care of Lora Joan and
making sure they both had the living them needed, but her nights had been
restless and long. Sleeping in the same bed as Noah had been a breath of fresh
air. They had come
up to the bedroom with the intention of making up for four years of separation.
It hurt her deeply to know that he had had sex with women aside from her in
that time. The tattoos weren’t as much indication as his sudden increase in
confidence. Before, he had almost been afraid to hurt her, or frighten her
away. Now, he seemed to know exactly what to do to make her… well, to please
her. That, ironically, frightened her to the point of declining him. “Not tonight,”
she had murmured, pushing on his dark shoulder. “It’s too soon.” Noah had
nodded and moved away at once. There wasn’t a trace of disappointment in his
shining eyes as he kissed her and rolled over to fall asleep. No doubt, Jupiter
felt, he was exhausted from the flight, the travels, the sex with other women. Jupiter stood
and turned to look at him, sleeping on his side with those eerily beautiful
tattoos glistening on his skin in the faint moonlight. She felt something like
anger boiling in her stomach. He had come home expecting her to accept him with
open arms. He had gotten tattoos to remember another woman. It wasn’t just a
little heart " like the one he claimed reminded him of Jupiter " but a full
name. On a heart. She swiped a
fast hand over her eyes, blotting the angry tears forming there. He was fast
asleep, and she was determined not to disturb him. She picked up her discarded
shirt and pulled it over her arms. Only the top few buttons seemed worthy of
fastening. She tied the ends in a small knot at her center, so that her stomach
and the small of her back were exposed. One of her long fingers " with a long,
neat nail at its end " poked her belly button. She smiled and straightened her
drawers before leaving the room. When she
reached the attic’s ladder at the end of the hall, she stopped. There was a
very scant supply of light. She took either side of the ladder in her hands and
lifted herself to the first step. When she reached the top, she crawled to the
side and felt the floor until she found a small box. She pulled a match from
inside and lit it, then lifted it and glanced around to find the long wax
candle she kept handy. After she lit it, she waved out the match and leaned her
shoulder on the wooden pillar nearby. She was battling
with herself; she loved him so much that she was prepared to instantly take him
back, but at the same time she knew that what he had done was wrong and that
she should be angry; and she [i]was[/i] angry. Angry for all the nights she had
spent alone, angry for all the possible suitors whom she had turned away in his
very memory, angry for all the pleasures in life that she had been denied
because of his mere absence. Jupiter could
still hear the words he had whispered to her when he thought she wasn’t
looking. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i] Jupiter
sat silently at the end of the bed, hands pressed together between her knees.
The bedroom window was cracked enough to let a small breeze in through the
blanket of ivy hiding the setting moon. There was a jagged pattern of moonlight
dancing on her bare legs and the sheets around her. Her husband
was fast asleep next to her. He snored horribly; she never got any sleep
because of it. It had been nearly
a week since she had met the man with the religious name. What was it, Moses? Jupiter stood
and pulled on her red robe. She had made it from the leftover cloth of Lora
Joan’s Halloween costume from the year before. When she stepped out of the
room, she felt the air become colder. If her husband was good for nothing else,
he was good for keeping a room warm. She rolled her eyes and went downstairs
into the kitchen to get a glass of water. The midnight thirst had always
haunted her, ever since Lora Joan had been brought into the family. She would
wake up at the most horrid hour and [/i]need[i] a drink of water. Although, now
it was digressing into a midnight glass of whiskey. After she had
downed the water, she walked around aimlessly. It was so cold inside,
especially since autumn was at their doorstep. There was a nice breeze
trickling in through the crack under the front door. She could feel it touching
her toes when she stood still. It wasn’t too
early to sit on the porch, was it? Jupiter had never been quite sure what time
was suitable to be spent outside. The neighbors would come out to drive to work
and would waste minutes at a time staring at her, most likely wondering if her
brain had been replaced with rose petals. Not that she minded. It was nice out,
who was there to stop her from sitting? And so she sat. And she sat. She continued
to sit, her head cocked to the noises of the neighborhood and her eyes
half-closed in the loving moonlight. She sat, in fact, until she heard a small
sound that was too sudden and above all other sounds in volume to belong. Her
eyes opened, her neck straightened itself, and she sat forward to look " without
moving " for the source of the noise. As she was moving off of the small
swinging bench, it happened again. It was a little tap… like a pebble dropping.
Or perhaps striking glass. Jupiter
stepped off of the porch and walked quickly " but quietly " to the cause of the
problem. If they didn’t stop that, her husband would wake up and demand to know
what she was doing outside. He wasn’t the “women’s rights” type. When she
reached the front corner of the house, she stepped into the darkness of the ivy
and listened. There was another sound. It was almost like the echo of a faucet
dripping into a full sink of water. Drip. Drip. Tap. She peered
through the curtain of leaves that hung from the corner of the building. She
could just barely make out a form, sitting in the grass as quiet as a shadow.
Her eyes widened as they adjusted to the darkness, and she saw a flicker of
moonlight pass over his features. There was a jaunt curve of the jaw, a short,
button nose, the dark shadow across his cheeks " a sure sign that he hadn’t
shaved in at least a day " and the splash of vivid gold which was his gaze,
turned in her direction. Gasping
quietly, she ducked behind the corner and held her breath. She could feel her
heart beating like a drum in her ears, but she heard nothing from the man she
had seen. He was like a criminal, sitting in the darkness and awaiting the
approach of a fair damsel. He was like a dragon perched upon a dark tower,
breath flickering like gold from his maw. Jupiter
giggled despite herself and listened. There was no sound other than that of her
breathing and the soft night breeze. Perhaps he hadn’t seen her. Just to make
sure, she leaned out until just a third of her face was peering through the
curtain of leaves. She saw him, sitting with his head thrown back so that his
mop of black hair shimmered in the late light. Her throat threatened to close
as she continued to gaze at him from her hiding place. After a moment, he
turned his head. But it wasn’t to her, now was it? His chin was down; he was looking
at something on the ground beside him. What he picked up was too small for her
to make out as anything harmful. She knew what it was a second later when he
lifted his head to the side of the building, lifted his arm, and jerked his
hand forward in a classic “throwing pebbles” swoop. The telltale [/i]click[i]
sounded a moment later. Feeling very
much like a sly cat, Jupiter inched away from the corner and decided it would
be better if she simply went back to bed. But who was to say she wouldn’t open
the window and look down to see him? That would be something romantic, wouldn’t
it? [/i]No, no,
no![i] She hissed at herself and beat her forehead with her palm. How could she
be so stupid? She was [/i]married[i], for Peter’s sake! She couldn’t be
thinking about someone else like that. Particularly not someone who played
guitar like a god and tossed pebbles at a window that was very obviously hers. Blushing
fiercely, livid with frustration at herself, the young woman trotted back to
the front door and sat down beside it. She huffed angrily and crossed her arms
tightly over her petite chest, legs splayed like stilts before her. Her habit
of wearing a shirt that was far too large for her had settled into her core
since she was very small and had to borrow one of Mama’s shirts for a gown. She
squinted so as to be able to see the dark fabric beneath her robe, pooling on
either side of her silver legs. One of her long fingers traced its pattern
across the wood beneath, her head tilted to the side and her mouth set in
deadly concentration. She had always wanted to paint, to be an artist, “free of
the frame” as Mama would say; she also lacked all talent whatsoever. Blowing out a
breath of dismay, she leaned her head back on the white wall. She took
satisfaction in knowing that the tapping had stopped, though it never occurred
to her that he might have noticed her sitting there around the corner. Before
long, she had drifted off into a comfortably outside-slumber. She loved seeing
the stars as she lost consciousness; to her, it meant that there were things
bigger than all of them out there, and they were so beautiful that they just [/i]had[i]
to shine in the sky. Each pinprick of light was the dream of a child, the wish
of an ill person, the hope of a parent. It took her breath away, yet gave her
life. She never once
wondered why Moses " or whatever his name was " had been tossing stones at her
window in the middle of the night. She wondered why she hadn’t heard it when
she was in bed, of course, but it never crossed her mind that he might have an
interest in her. And an
interest in her (as she would find out only minutes later when she heard him
whisper “Your hair looks so beautiful in the moonlight,” opened her eyes, and
saw him sitting before her with the most unreadable expression on his face) was
exactly what he had.[/i] Jupiter felt
tears welling in her eyes. She could remember the excitement she felt when she
had seen those golden eyes. She could still taste the bittersweet flavor of
infatuation on her tongue. The idea that she had loved someone so fully, so
unconditionally, and then lost him in less than a week, struck her so hard that
she felt like sobbing until she could do so no more. It didn’t matter that he
still loved her. It didn’t matter if he had found himself or not. All that
truly mattered was the fact that he had left her here, to bear the burden of
her sister’s life alone. Sniffling
quietly, the woman (four years older than the age she had fallen in love)
looked around the dusty attic and decided it was time to confront her fear.
Noah was a sweet soul who loved her dearly, but that was no excuse for him to
hurt her so terribly. The ladder was
dark beneath her. She had grown accustomed to the lack of light, though, and so
her steps were sure in descent. When she reached the halfway mark, she stopped
and lifted her head to stare down the hallway. There was the silhouette of her
lover, standing in the doorway with his golden eyes boring straight into her
soul. She never could read that book. “Noah,” she
whispered, as if afraid to break the seal of silence placed upon her heart. So
long she had waited for him, so many she had turned away because of him. She
had ached inside for four whole years. She had watched her sister waste away to
nothing, right before her eyes. She had been helpless to fix the dam which
released all the terrible things in her life she had only feared as a child. “Jupiter?” he
queried, concern furrowing his brow. He took a step towards her, drowsy from
sudden wakefulness and clumsy in his curiosity. To see her face again was like
a message sent from God above, a dove with an olive branch resting on its beak.
He had, for four years, woken up at random times in the nights and called out
for her, only to be drawn back to bed by the snake-like fingers of Madeline.
Madeline, the woman he had foolishly followed through the sunset. His freedom
had been put on hold by her leash. And they
stared at each other, preparing in their own ways for the storm they both felt
growing between them. Jupiter stood tall on the ladder, one hand clasping the
rail and the other dangling like an unused surrender flag at her hip. Noah was
swiftly gaining his wit. This was a battle he didn’t want to fight, but had
been anticipating since the moment he walked out of their front door. There was some
explaining to do; there was no doubt about that. chapter five: it
left a strange impression in my head [i]“Your hair
looks so beautiful in the moonlight,” he murmured, unable to help staring at
her. Her name was Jupiter; how could he forget such a name? He hadn’t been able
to get her out of his head since the moment he had laid eyes on her. He
remembered every splash of color on her pretty face. There were
some things in everyday life that Noah had realized were beautiful. When he
woke up and saw the sun’s fingers swimming through the dust in his bedroom’s
air, he saw beauty. When he stepped outside and bent to see the dewdrops on
each blade of grass, he smelled beauty. When he played his guitar and tinkered
with sounds, he heard beauty. When he went to the graveyard and performed for
the lost souls and stragglers from the other side, he felt beauty. When he had
looked up and seen the woman with the stunningly turquoise eyes, heard her
voice asking him what he was doing there, been scared right out of his skin
because he had believed that he was alone, Noah had experienced true beauty. It
was in the form of a woman " what else? It was that gentle feeling that tugged
on the strings of his heart and made his mind sing. He just couldn’t stay away. Noah felt the
cold thrill of pleasant surprise when the woman " well, she was more of a girl,
wasn’t she; there was no way she could be past twenty-five " opened her eyes
and saw him. A fluttering gasp blew past her porcelain lips. “What are you
doing here?” she hissed, alarm widening her eyes as she looked beside her at
the door, like it might burst open at any moment. Smiling
slightly, he stood and brushed himself off. He had sat in the glittering grass
for over an hour before he had mustered the courage to actually throw any
pebbles at her window, so his drawers were moist. “Pardon me,” he muttered,
biting back his satisfied grin as he turned and trotted down the trio of steps
to the lawn. He had gotten what he wanted: to see her once more. “Wait,”
Jupiter whispered. The man stopped his departure and turned his shoulders to
look back at her. She was sitting forward, hands pressed to the wood before
her. There was a desperate light in her eyes, one that he didn’t recognize. It
didn’t match what he had assumed was going through her head. “Yes?” The girl
started to twist and turn the ends of her red robe. Noah couldn’t help but
marvel at how perfectly it molded itself to her body. Even in the dark, he
could see how it flowed over her curves. The shadows cutting across her person
simply emphasized her beauty. “Don’t go… was your name David?” An embarrassed
blush crawled up her exposed neck as he shook his head. “No, ma’am. My name is
Noah.” He smiled sweetly and turned to lean on the post holding up her porch.
“I am sorry for invading your privacy, I was only curious.” This seemed to
spark her interest. “Curious?” she asked, sitting straighter and slowing her
busy hands on the cloth in her lap. “Of what?” Noah hid his
smile and sat down on the top step, turned to the side so that he might rest
his back on the pillar. “Well… of you, of course.” He reached in his pocket,
slipped out a small piece of plastic and started twirling it between his
knuckles like a coin. In a burst of
previously silent passion, Jupiter stood and grabbed his sleeve. “Come on,” she
prompted, tugging him off her porch and leading him " by his elbow " down the
pebble path. He followed without a word and glanced back at her house with a
faint frown. What was she so afraid of? She pulled him
until they were so far from the house that he could only make out the green
mass of ivy on its walls. The wind ruffled its feathers at them as they sat in
a patch of clover near an abandoned shack, as if trying to hide their… what was
it that they were doing? Obviously nothing good, if they were sneaking away
from Jupiter’s house to sit behind the cover of thick and red maple trees.
Maybe her parents were the strict type, and she was frightened they might catch
her with him and punish her… something absurd like that. But when she turned to
him and he looked in her eyes, he saw the independence there. He knew that no
one older than her would ever be able to control her. He saw the strength in
there; he wondered what pain had caused it to grow. “How did you
find where I live?” Noah blinked.
She was a very blunt little thing, wasn’t she? He turned his head from her and
leaned back on his rough hands, shoulders brushing against his ear. He lifted
his eyes to the sparse stars and smiled slightly. “There are only a few,” he
murmured, counting them in his head. One, two, five, twenty. Never enough for
him to wish he could touch. Jupiter lifted
her head, trying to see what he was looking at. “What? What is it?” She frowned
deeply and squinted her pretty eyes to the point where he couldn’t see their rich
color anymore. This frustrated him, so he shifted his weight and reached out a
hand to touch her cheek. Her face instantly relaxed, in fact twitched away from
him. “What?” Her voice was much quieter, like she was afraid again of capture
by some thing greater than her. “The stars,
Jupiter.” When she
looked up this time, it was with a quiet peace. Her eyes were wide and
wondering. Her rosy lips fell apart and a delighted smile tugged at their
corners. Noah glanced down and saw that her hands were resting in the clover
all around her. His eyes followed the path her hair carved along her shoulder
and up her neck. The dark brown took on an almost heavenly glow in the late
moonlight. “Jupiter…?” “Mm?” The girl
turned her head to him and smiled sweetly. “Yes?” Noah looked in
her eyes and felt his insides shrink. He turned away quickly, glad for the
darkness which masked his heated face. “Why were you outside your house so
early?” “I could ask
you the same thing,” she quipped, turning to him and crossing her slender arms
over her chest. He looked at her and was met with a pout-like frown. As much as
he wanted to smile, he had to bite it back. She was being serious. “It’s my
porch to begin with; I have the right to be on it whenever I please. You, on
the other hand, were trespassing. What were you doing, throwing rocks at my
window? What if my husband had heard you?” A freezing
feeling shot through his entire body. [/i]Husband…?[i] Noah turned his head
from her and tried to dismiss the numb rock he felt in the pit of his stomach.
She was married. Of course she was; she was too beautiful to stay alone for
long. But… how old was she? How old was her… husband? How could he not have
noticed that at the graveyard? “I… wanted… to see you, before I left.” He didn’t look
at her until she gripped his shoulder and turned him to her. [/i]“What?”[i] she
hissed. “You’re leaving? Why?” Grimacing and
swallowing his intense pain, he nodded and fiddled with the loose ends on his
pant leg. “I was, er…” He had to swallow to get rid of the dry feeling in his
throat. “I was going to visit my uncle. He lives by Silver Lake, he and I are…
going to catch up.” Jupiter
relaxed beside him. “Okay,” she sighed. After a second, she fell on her back
and reached both arms over her, like she was trying to snatch the stars from
the sky. He grew
instantly defensive. “Okay? What, you’re letting me? You make it sound like
this choice affects you.” She dropped
her arms and turned her head to him. When he looked, he bristled at the fire in
her eyes. “Who’s the one who threw rocks at my window?” Both of her eyebrows
rose. “Hm? Who? You did that, mister, so if you’re going to get all angry with
me, I’ll just go home.” With this, she sat up and moved as if she meant to
actually leave him here with his spite. “Jupiter,
don’t, please.” Noah caught her elbow and sighed heavily. “I’m sorry. I’m a
little uptight.” Her eyes swept
over him, like she was calculating the possibility of his lying. “That’s fine.” It took a few
minutes for them to relax again. When they had, they were both on their backs,
staring up at the stars with no words on their tongues. They were content with
their shared silence. Jupiter turned
to him and looked for a long time. Noah looked in return after a minute. They
stared at each other, and then both looked at the sky with a mutual, unspoken
agreement. This was their place now. “When are you
coming back?” Noah inhaled
and let out his breath with a deep sigh. “In a week.” He glanced at her and
smiled. “You’ll still be here, won’t you?” Her nod was small and pretty. “I
want to meet your husband.” “Why?” He blinked and
frowned. The logic had made sense, until he tried to think of a way to speak
his mind. “I want to become a friend of your family. Is that okay? I want to be
in your life for a while.” When he looked at her, he saw that she was smiling
greatly. “What is it?” She simply
shrugged and continued to smile. “Nothing. Just the stars… they’re so
beautiful, don’t you think?” She lifted a hand and waved her fingers slowly
through the air, like she was trying to catch spider strings. “I love it
outside.” Noah felt a
smile form on his lips. “I love it, too.” He crossed his hands over his abdomen
and looked at the twinkling lights above. He was falling in love with Jupiter
Anne Davis, and he felt it deep inside. He needed to be a part of her life. He
needed to be loved by her. Just like
anybody needed to be loved. [/i] chapter six:
you know that i was hoping [i]Jupiter
Anne Davis had learned early in life that the things people expected to happen
rarely took place. Her grandmother anticipated Jupiter’s mother’s return;
instead, she got Lora Joan, the daughter of an unknown man, similar to her
sister. Jupiter’s childhood friend, Roger, wanted to fall in love and go into
the military. He died before he even graduated. Cause: being pushed down the
stairs leading to his basement by an infuriated girlfriend. Jupiter knew
that she was meant to be a mother. She saw children on the streets, dancing and
laughing and jumping in the puddles left by early spring rains. She smelled
their ice-cream stained faces and the sweet scent of berries in their hair. She
felt their tiny hands in hers, squeezing her fingers and saying with no words,
“It’ll all be okay.” Jupiter fell in love with the idea of making life. She
wanted to be able to look down at her stomach and run her hands over the globe
of her child, resting inside her. She wanted to kiss their brow and welcome
them into the beautiful world with rainbows and silk sheets and outrageous
fairy tales. About six
months into her marriage with her husband, she asked to see a doctor. After her
husband had left the room, she asked him, “Why can’t he give me children? We’ve
tried ever since we were married. Is there something he needs to do? Something
we haven’t tried?” “No,” he
replied, patting her shoulder after a good two hours examination. “There is
nothing wrong with what he is doing.” “Then, what is
it?” “You are
infertile, my dear. You can never have children.” Her heart
broke that day.[/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] Noah came
towards her and wrapped his arms around her waist. She fell into him, letting
go of the ladder as she did. He hugged her close and brought her back to bed
with the intention of cheering her up. The sun was rising; he could see the
small streams of it pouring in between the ivy which covered their window.
Jupiter simply couldn’t greet the day with a frown. They sat side
by side for a long moment, Jupiter breathing sharply with hot tears rolling
down her porcelain cheeks. Noah brushed them away with his coarse hand; it only
made her cry harder. “Jupiter, tell
me what’s wrong.” Worry was splashed across his face like a crimson flame. “Nothing,” she
whispered hoarsely. Noah rolled
his eyes and pulled her, struggling, into his lap. After a moment of struggle,
she gave up and collapsed into sobs, face buried in his shoulder. “Shh,” he
hushed, rubbing her back and running his fingers soothingly through her hair,
like a father might his daughter. “Shh, Jupiter, it’s all okay. I’m here now.
It’s okay.” His nonsense
burned in her throat. “No, it’s not,” she growled, jerking away from him. Anger
turned her mouth as she stood and turned her back on him, arms wrapped tightly
around her torso. He could see her fingers grappling with her ribs, like she
meant to swallow herself whole. “It’s not okay, Noah. It never was. I don’t
think it ever will be again.” “Why?” She turned to
him and stared with grief-stricken eyes. It was like her inner soul was
collapsing in a storm of sorrow. “Because you left me, Noah.” The frown on
his face illustrated the deep concern he felt. “I asked you to come with me.
You told me ‘no’. What was I supposed to do, drag you along with me?” He stood
and threw his hands to the side. “I couldn’t stay with you here, you know that.
I had to get out.” “Yes, but you
[i]left[/i] me here.” Her stare boiled. “You made me wonder day and night if
you were okay. You made me forget how to live. I forgot how to love the
sunshine, Noah, tell me that’s okay!” Sobbing helplessly, she turned from him.
“You left Lora Joan here, too.” A stricken
expression crossed his face. “Lora Joan?” He hadn’t thought of her in over a
year. “How is she? Is she still ill? Where is she? Why haven’t I seen her yet?” “Because,
Noah, she’s dead!” Jupiter flew
at him and pushed him to the bed, breathing wretchedly and pounding her tiny
fists into his hard chest. “You… left me
here… to take care of her! You weren’t… there for me! You weren’t there for me
for [i]four years[/i], Noah! Four [i]f*****g[/i] years!” Only a moment of shock
interrupted her tirade of fury and weak punches. “I didn’t know what to do with
myself! My sister, the only part of my life left, [i]died![/i] She died, and
you weren’t there to hold me! You weren’t there to pretend everything was okay!
You…” She growled in rage and moved off of him, not even noticing that he
hadn’t moved once since she had attacked him. “You left me alone…” When he turned
to her, most likely to spew some worthless words of condolence, she slapped
him. “No! Nothing
you say will help me now, Noah! The damage has been done! I’m broken inside,
and not just because of you, not just because of Lora Joan, but because… because…”
She stood before him, chin trembling, fists clenching and unclenching at her
sides, tears spilling unchecked from her eyes. The words she meant to speak
merely bubbled from her lips in a pitiful groan. Noah stood and
looked down on her, golden eyes darkened with an unreadable emotion. He
breathed in calmly. He sighed, still composed. “Jupiter,” he said softly. “What
do you want me to do? How can I fix this?” She shook her
head and looked away from him, ashamed to have made him so… scared. That was
the unreadable emotion: fear. She had no idea what he was afraid of, though. “There’s
nothing you can do to fix the hurt I feel inside. Not this time.” Trembling
with the last of her sobs, she wiped her eyes and lifted her head to him. “I
can’t live with you right now. I’m sorry.” A silence so great she felt it might
consume her filled her throat. “I’m… not in love with you anymore.” She realized
as she said this that it was true. She wasn’t in love with Noah. She needed
him, yes; she had needed him ever since the moment he had walked out the door.
She had wanted him every night, thought of him every morning. Her love for him
had declined, however, as more and more of her life disintegrated. There were
so many things that she had been through since his departure; she wasn’t sure
she’d ever be the same. She wasn’t in love with him anymore. Noah’s breath
took a moment to return. When it did, he was stone before her. Not a single
flicker of emotion escaped the cage guarding his soul. “I see.” It hurt her to
see him so hurt, but she couldn’t lie to him like she had lied to herself for
so long. “When should I leave?” She looked up
at him, startled. “Leave? But… you just came back…” The thought of him
disappearing from her life made her heart ache. “I’m not going
away like that. I’ll be at my Uncle’s. Unless he’s moved and hasn’t told me?” Jupiter shook
her head and watched him closely. “No… I saw him just last week.” Her thought
continued and a faint smile touched the corner of her lips. “He’s missed you
almost as much as I have.” “Mm.” He
inhaled and let it out softly. “I’ll see you another time, Jupiter.” A blink
covered the golden glow of his eyes, and he bent to kiss her cheek very softly.
Just that small touch sent shocks through her body. “Goodbye, Noah.”
She watched him gather his shirt and shoes. The shadow of his hair upon his tan
cheek made her wish she had never started crying in the first place. Now,
though, it was too late to take it back. And honestly, she didn’t want to take
it back at all. She had waited four years to tell him just how hurt she was
inside. “Goodbye,
Jupiter.” chapter seven:
that
i could leave this star crossed world behind [i]Lora Joan
had a secret. “You can’t
tell nobody, Jupie, or I’ll have t’ cut off your toes. Okay?” Jupiter nodded
solemnly and held tightly to the small girl’s hand. Inside she was afraid that
the fingers in her grip would simply disappear. Outside she was eager for
untold riches galore. Lora Joan’s
sapphire eyes glittered with a lust for life. Her cherry-red lips were tiny and
beautiful and someday a boy might want to kiss them. Jupiter always hoped there
would be a boy to want to kiss her Lora Joan. She wanted Lora Joan to grow up
to meet boys who wanted to share kisses. Her illness
had taken a vacation. She hadn’t coughed in over three months; her pale
complexion was finally growing into something of a sunny glow. There was hope
for her yet, everyone was convinced. Even Jupiter’s husband, who had decided
long ago that if Lora Joan died, he and his wife would move west and away from
the cold winds (which Jupiter secretly found comforting, like a nightly kiss on
the brow from a mother), was sure at this point that Lora Joan might make it to
her teens. “Are you ready
for my secret?” she asked in a hushed voice, face nearly hidden by the carpet
of clover, sprinkled with white daisies. Her wispy honey brown hair puffed like
little clouds around her face. She was currently watching a ladybug crawl
curiously across the leaf of the clover plant closest to her nose. She looked
quite silly with her eyes crossed. Jupiter had to bite her lip to keep from
giggling out loud. “I am,” she
whispered in return, tucking a strand of Lora Joan’s hair behind her ear. The girl
nodded, mission in mind, and lifted her gaze to her older sister. “There was a
boy outside last week at night,” she hissed, like it was the greatest scandal
of all and if anyone heard about it the world would most assuredly end in a
tremendous explosion. Jupiter felt
her face burning. “Really? What was he doing outside?” Now she kept her voice a
low murmur, pressing into the clover as if she could hide. Lora Joan’s
serious face erupted into the grin of a cat. “He was throwing rocks at your
window, Jupiter. I heard it and I sneaked into the hall and I heard at your
door. I think he wanted to talk to you, Jupie… did you go see him?” Her eyes
were wide and eager, hungry for the information she had wished for during the
past week. “Was he pretty? Did he kiss your hand? Does Hubbie know?” That was her
nickname for Jupiter’s husband: Hubbie. Jupiter felt her blush deepening into a
shameful scarlet. “I must have slept through it, Lora Joan. Did you go
outside?” Shock appeared
on the girl’s face. “At night? No! Mama would tap me if I did that.” Even
though it had been two weeks since their grandmother’s death, Lora Joan had
trouble believing that she was completely gone from their lives. “’Esides, he
didn’t want to see me.” A little pout showed the shine on the inside of her
bottom lip. “No prince wants to see me. I’m too sick for princes.” Now it was
Jupiter’s time to be shocked. She lifted Lora Joan’s chin and stared into her
sky blue eyes. “Honey, you deserve every prince that sets his eyes on you.
You’re such a beautiful princess, you’re perfect. Who told you that you were
too sick for princes?” The thought horrified her. The girl
dropped her eyes, looking a little ashamed. “Hubbie said there’s no such thing
as princes in America anymore because of sick people…” Gritting her
jaw, Jupiter tenderly touched Lora Joan’s cheek. When she looked back at her,
the woman smiled. “I met a prince.” A hesitant
smile touched the girl’s lips. “A real one?” She nodded and
let go of Lora Joan’s hand to rub her back. “A real one. He was very handsome.
Would you like to hear about him?” “Yes!” She
gasped and slapped a tiny hand over her mouth, realizing her error. “I mean…
yes,” she whispered, giggling like a cherub and curling up next to her sister.
“Tell me about the prince. Is he tall?” “Yes. He is
very tall. He has black hair, and eyes that are the color of stars in the
daytime.” She smiled and tapped Lora Joan’s button nose with her index finger.
“He laughs like wind chimes and he’s very warm.” “Tell me
more!” “His name is…
Peter. Do you like musical princes?” “Yes!” She was
getting bouncier by the second; this was the most exciting thing she had heard
since she learned that snow was frozen rain. Jupiter
grinned and nestled deeper into the clover. Her eyes drifted closed and she
sighed happily. “He plays the guitar. I heard him in secret. He holds his
guitar very carefully; like he’s scared it’ll break in his hands.” She stopped
and listened to the small beating of Lora Joan’s heart on her arm. It was
strong, but she knew better than to think it would last. Suddenly, the
girl grabbed her shirt and shrieked. Jupiter opened her eyes and looked at her,
fear striking her heart. “What is it? Are you okay?” But Lora Joan
wasn’t looking at her. She was sitting up as straight as a board, arm extended
and finger pointing at something in front of her. “It’s your prince!” Jupiter sat up
and lifted her head to see the silhouette of a man. The sun was to his back,
but she could see the curls of his hair. It was the man with the guitar, the
man who had thrown pebbles at her window. A smile widened on her face. “What
are you doing here?” she asked, excited and surprised. He grinned and
squatted in front of them, arms resting on his knees. “I came back from my
uncle’s yesterday. I wanted to come and see you.” Only at that moment did his
golden eyes leave Jupiter. He looked at Lora Joan and smiled softly. “And who
is this little princess?” The girl
giggled shrilly and hid her face in the clover, obviously thrilled to see a
“real” prince. Jupiter smiled
and pulled her sister into her lap, holding her close and fighting her excited
wiggles with hugs. “This is my sister, Lora Joan.” She laughed as the girl
turned and gaped up at the visitor. The man "
whose name she had forgotten again " gasped softly and clapped his hands. “What
a beautiful name! Is she a goddess?” His grin widened as the girl burst into
another fit of laughter. “Surely I am unworthy of her presence.” He bowed his
head with a hand gently touching his breast. “No,” the girl
wailed, squirming and dropping to the ground between him and her sister. “I’m
not a goddess. I’m a princess!” He smiled and
nodded seriously. “But of course. Actually… you look more like a fairy to me,
Lora Joan.” Another gasp fell from his mouth. “What if you are a [/i]fairy princess?[i]
You need a crown!” He looked around and snatched a dropped vine from the grass.
With a skilled hand, he twisted it in a circle and twined the ends together in
a braid. He inspected it with one eye, then picked a small bundle of daisies
and pushed them into place. Smiling at his masterpiece, he reached out and set
it gently upon Lora Joan’s head. The girl
leaned her head back and touched it tenderly, her mouth a little ‘o’ of
amazement. “Who are you?” she asked in wonder, her voice hushed and awed. He smiled and
sat back, crossing his legs and picking a clover from the ground. He handed it
to Lora Joan and watched as she discovered with glee that it had four leaves.
“My name is Noah. You said I was a prince?” He was visibly intrigued. Lora Joan
turned to her sister and gasped dramatically, forgetting the amazing four-leaf
clover amidst the sea of similar beauties. “Jupiter, isn’t he your prince?” Jupiter
blinked in surprise and looked from Noah to the petite girl. “Um… he… I meant…”
She could feel her blush returning with a wicked vengeance, at the worst time
conceivable. When she felt she might melt from embarrassment, the sister turned
her gorgeous eyes to the angel beside them. “I think he is my prince, Lora
Joan,” she said softly, feeling very brave and ashamed. Noah’s smile
was small, but warmed her heart. [/i] chapter eight:
but
when they cut me open Jupiter Anne
Davis felt like her heart was gushing out of her eyes. The sea
crashed and raged against the blanket of white sand. It looked peaceful and
pretty from a distance, but up close it was a ravenous beast bent on skewing
the perfect pearl beach. The clouds that were once a cream and peach color were
now dark and pregnant with rain. The winds roared like wild banshees and wailed
like children as they tore through her hair. Cape Cod was
beautiful every time she cared to look at it. The sand was always serene and
harmlessly gorgeous, the water always tinted that crystal green that Noah said
matched her eyes. The clouds, no matter how dark or heavy, always parted to let
the sun peer through onto the beach. It was a love/hate relationship, the sun
and those clouds. Even if the clouds were gone for a while, the sun accepted
them when they returned. Sighing
heavily, Jupiter untied the veil around her waist and let it fall. It twisted
like a fallen plane, flipping its lavender ends to the winds before it drifted,
like a carpet, to the ground a few feet to the side. It fluttered, but fell
silent a moment later. She watched it with sad Neptune eyes until the wind blew
sand in her face. When she looked to the horizon, she felt a swelling pressure
build in her chest and rise into her throat. The sun was a rich golden color
that struck her as very beautiful. Very familiar. Very much like Noah’s eyes. Pressing her
lips so tightly together that they each lost their rosy shade, she walked along
the beach with her head thrown back and her eyes closed. Her strong arms
covered her chest, protecting it from the brutal winds that buffeted the sand
around her. It was a menacing creature that meant to tear her to shreds for
lack of a better way to punish her for her loss and love. Hot tears
rolled down her cheeks as she walked, not bothering to even glance at the
footprints she left in the sand. They faded slowly behind her, filled by the
high tide waters. It was as if a ghost were following her exactly, mimicking
her every move, and his touch erased all evidence of her existence. She
clutched at the sleeves of her shirt, attempting to pull them down to her
elbows. When she failed, she simply dropped her arms by her sides and turned
her stare to the sky. “Why me?” she
whispered, shaking her head slowly and mouthing the words for each echo there
should have been. Her senses were being overloaded with the aura of the ocean;
the smell of salt on the wind; the taste of it on her lips, not only from the
sea but from her tears; the feeling of the wind tossing her hair as a show of
anger, of sand swirling around her legs as if to envelope her; the sound of waves
lapping at her feet and of thunder, far off and approaching; the canvas of dark
colors stretching across the sky and pouring its emotion like hail upon the
sea. The clouds had
rolled in to cover the entire beach. There was no longer a fantasy of white sand;
it was all drenched to the point of becoming black. Jupiter wondered what was
in the rain to make it so poisonous to the ground below her. So Noah had
left her. He had offered to bring her along, knowing full well her
responsibilities to her family " her [i]blood[/i] " were first on her list of
priorities. Not only had he given her such a blasphemous choice to make, but he
had left her there anyway. He didn’t care about her enough to stay and support
her and love her when no one else could do it. He had those fantasies about
travelling the world and finding new places. Perhaps, specifically, a place he
could call his own. He seemed to crave finding himself rather than his lover.
She understood the need to live his life in his own way " like she hadn’t had
that problem herself since the day Lora Joan had been brought home " but to buy
a plane and a private pilot for four years seemed a little outrageous to her.
He could have simply taken them on a road trip. She didn’t understand why he
couldn’t have just taken them to New York or some big place where they could
have fun. Jupiter had had more trouble concentrating on reading his expression
than she did watching her sister die. Jupiter
suddenly felt like screaming at the sky. She could imagine it, looking down on
her shame. She would never be what she wanted. She would never break free from
Lora Joan’s existence. Even if she was dead, she was there. But Jupiter would
never fly. That feeling
developed quickly into an urge. She wanted to scream at the sky. She no longer
felt like it, she [i]needed[/i] to. It boiled in her stomach and begged to be
released. Who was she to
deny it? Staring out at
the dark horizon, Jupiter squeezed her eyes tight as shut as she could and let
loose a cry that would put lions to shame. She screamed her rage and sorrow and
jealousy until her throat burned with the effort of letting it all out. The
tears returned, spilling over her cheeks, joining the rain that poured on her.
Just as she ran out of breath, a huge thunderbolt struck the sea and sent out a
crack of wild thunder that rumbled in her bones, as if to pick up the slack. It’s
okay to cry, the storm said, you go ahead and let it out. And oh, she
let it out. Jupiter Anne Davis felt like her soul was pouring out of her mouth. When she was
finished, she went and picked up her sandy veil and tied it around her hips.
Her short pants were soaked through, as was her shirt and soul. Sighing
shakily, she gathered herself and walked back up the beach. When she reached
the fence that was no longer white but rather a pale brown, she thought she
heard someone calling her name. She turned sharply, hair flying around her face
in a halo, but saw nothing aside from the storm, watching her back. She
sniffled and wiped her cheek with a flat hand, then continued on her way home. The walk was
uneventful, if soggy and slightly frightening. She loved storms, but being
outside during one was " she decided " horrifying. The lightning struck at the
most random moments and scared her witless each time. She had begun to believe
she could feel the electricity gathering in the air around her. Then a moan of
thunder would shake her and she would resume her quick walk down the sidewalk. When she
reached her front yard, she looked up at the dripping ivy through squinted
eyes. It covered the house on both the west and south facing walls, and it
looked like it was spreading. Shrugging, Jupiter walked up to her neighbor’s
door and knocked on the light pink wood. She expected no response, but was
surprised when " as she was about to turn and go into her own home " the door
opened and a little shadow peered out at her. “Jupiter Anne?
What in heavens are you doing outside on the porch while it’s raining cats and
dogs?” A small woman
stood there, looking up at Jupiter through dusty spectacles. Her thin lips
screwed into a scowl that could have been perceived as a frightening smile. Her
wrinkled skin looked like wet folded paper with dark freckles and pale fuzz.
The only thing about her that didn’t look old was her hair. It was long and
blonde and covered her shoulders in a flat puff of gold. Her long hands reached
out of the house and gently took Jupiter’s arm, like a gentle giant’s claw. “You’ll catch
cold, my dear. Would you come inside for some tea?” Jupiter smiled
and stepped forward. “Of course, Miss Mays. I would love some tea.” She let
herself be led through the dark hall and into a cozy little kitchen with all
the curtains drawn tightly over the windows. The refrigerator was a clean
creamy color, but the handle was a little rusted. The table had a red and white
checkerboard tablecloth on it, and upon that was a silver tea set. “Forgive me,
dear, I only poured a glass for myself. I didn’t know I would be having
visitors!” Her delight was apparent as she scurried to the counter and fetched
another silver cup for her guest. She came back to the table and sat down in
her red chair, her frail hands going to work pouring tea. “Would you like one
sugar or two?” She looked at Jupiter, and at this time she saw that the old
woman’s eyes were crystal blue, just like Lora Joan’s. The crow’s feet
decorating her pale skin actually made them look brighter. She had to
drop her gaze so as not to be rude. “I don’t like sugar in my tea, Miss. I’ll
take it plain.” She smiled in the face of Miss Mays’s astonished face. “If you say
so, Jupiter Anne. Would you like a cake?” She smiled hopefully and leaned
forward, ignoring the tendril of steam from her own cup of tea that played with
her chin. Jupiter shook
her head and smiled gently at the woman. “You don’t have to do that, Miss Mays.
I should actually be going; I think I left the back door open.” She set her tea
cup down without sipping from it and stood, but before she could move any more
Miss Mays took her wrist and looked up at her. “You cannot
leave with that look in your eye, Jupiter.” Blinking in
surprise, she gazed down at the elderly woman and frowned. “What do you mean,
‘that look’? What look? I have a look?” She lifted her free hand to her cheek
as if she would feel little footprints left by the notorious Look beast. A combination
of lightning and thunder rumbled through the house. Miss Mays let go of
Jupiter’s arm and squinted up at her for a long minute. “You have that look,
dear. I’d know it [i]anywhere.” [/i]She sighed sadly and circled her silver cup
with both of her hands. “You’ve fallen out of love, haven’t you?” Startled,
Jupiter could do nothing but sit down and stare. Miss Mays took
one look at her and raised both her eyebrows, staring down into her full cup.
“And by the looks of it, you’ve done it before. Who was it? That nice boy you
always talk about?” A small smile touched her fragile lips, as if she was
remembering something from long ago. “He came by the other day, you know. Said
he was looking for you. He’s very handsome, isn’t he?” She nodded to her own
question and sipped from her glass. “You missed him, didn’t you?” Jupiter was
fighting tears, but nodded. “I did. Quite a lot.” The hostess
put her soft, warm hand over Jupiter’s and held it tightly. “It’s your turn to
tell me a story, Jupiter Anne. I’m not the only one with a past life.” There was a
voice inside of her, saying [i]Tell her. Tell her something about your life.
Share who you were before love. [/i]She listened to it silently for a while,
then smiled. “I didn’t love my husband. “In fact, when
I married him, I didn’t even know what love was.” chapter nine:
i guess i changed my mind [i] Noah liked
the sky. It was always beautiful to him. There was never a time when he would
look up and think anything negative about what he saw. It could be the bluest
of days with pearly clouds strewn sparsely through the sunshine-littered air.
It could be dismally grey and cold. It could be windy and the clouds could pass
with the swiftness of a speeding train. He liked it. The only thing
that bothered him was that he had only ever seen the sky of Massachusetts. He
wanted to see the sky in Texas, California, Hawaii. Hell, he wanted to see it
in France. More than anything, he wanted to leave Cape Cod and experience something
familiar in different places. He wanted a new life. He wanted to find adventure
anywhere he could get it. There was something missing in where he was at the
moment, and he was always aggravated to find that he had no idea what it was. He was on his
way to Jupiter’s house. He hadn’t seen her since he had met her little sister,
Lora Joan (who was a jewel). Something he had realized in the three days
between then and now: he missed her a lot more than he thought he would. As he
walked, he fiddled thoughtlessly with the soft piece of sea glass he kept in
his pocket. When he saw
the ivy-covered wall, he bit back his smile. It was a downy blanket of ebony
green that hid nearly all of the windows. It had been hard for him to figure
out which was the bedroom. He walked onto
the porch and knocked gently on the rustic front door. The thought of seeing
Jupiter again made his face flush with pleasure. When it opened, he was
greeted, not by a beautiful girl with a smile that lit up his heart, but
instead a thin man who looked like he might be rotting inside. His coal-black
eyes were dull and missing the shine they should have had. His thin lips pulled
into a grimace that spoke of heartache. His pale brown hair flopped listlessly
around his pale, blotchy face. Noah’s breath
caught. He knew, without even thinking, that this man was Jupiter’s husband. “Hi, I’m
Noah,” he said instantly, sticking his hand out. He didn’t realize it, but his
eyes were wide and the rosy blush on his fair cheeks had all but disappeared.
He was trembling slightly. “How is your afternoon, sir?” The man’s eyes
focused on Noah’s face, then drifted slowly down his body and back up to meet
his eyes. The frown on his mouth deepened by a degree. “My afternoon is very
poor. How about yours, Noah?” Noah swallowed
thickly and pushed his hand through his hair, pretending this was what he had
meant to do in the first place as he stared up at the thin man. “Certainly
better than most, but not the best I’ve had. I’m a tad hungry and a bit more than
a little anxious. Is Lora Joan home?” His shaking had taken over his knees and
was spreading, like a virus, to his hands. He almost swore he could hear his
bones rattling. “She’s
asleep,” said the man, suspiciously narrowing his dark eyes. “Why do you want
to see her?” “I, ah, have…
this for her!” He shoved a hand into his pocket and pulled out the shard of
aquamarine glass. “You see, she seems like the kind of girl who would want
something from the beach, since she’s pale and doesn’t look like she gets out
much, so I ",” “Please,” the
man whispered while rubbing the bridge of his nose with his thumb and
forefinger. His eyes were closed, as if he were suffering from a headache.
“She’s upstairs in her room. Second door on the left.” Noah felt his
face redden as Jupiter’s husband turned and went back into the house. He felt
an instinct to turn and run, not only for fear of the unnamed man, but for fear
of being here without Jupiter. He felt naked and bare, and continued to try to
persuade himself to leave while he still could. When he
stepped through the doorway, he felt a surge of happiness. At first he didn’t
realize why, looking around the sun-faded walls and dull rugs that covered the
ground. He looked up and saw the stairs leading to the second story, saw
dancing shadows along the railway. He figured it out when he took a deep
breath; it smelled overwhelmingly of Jupiter. Her scent had gone unnoticed by
him before, but now that he knew where it came from he knew that he would never
forget. Lavender never smelled so sweet. “Upstairs,
second door on the left,” said a voice from the next room. It made Noah jump
slightly, but he quickly recovered when he turned to see the man of the house
sitting on a deep red chair, facing an ember-filled fireplace. He looked very
lonely, staring into that black hole in the wall. Noah felt sadness, looking at
him. Before he
could let it hinder him, Noah went up the stairs and counted the doors. There
were four, and a door on the ceiling at the end of the hall. He assumed this
lead to an attic of some sort. [/i]What a large house,[i] he mused, strolling
along and admiring the wallpaper paving his way with dandelions and
dragonflies. When he reached the second door on the left, he stopped. Silence
consumed him and stuffed itself in his ears, making him squirm. The house of a
child should never be that quiet. His hand touched the golden handle and
turned, then pushed gently until a sliver of grey light fell on his arm.
Peering in, he hoped that he would see a little girl sitting on the floor,
dress spread like a flower around her, dolls crowding her lap and ribbons
spilling from her hair. That was the vibrant girl he expected to observe, the
lover of life he had met days before. Lora Joan was
tucked into a lacy white bed with a deep blue canopy. There were stuffed bears
and horses surrounding her, nuzzling her with their furry noses and warming her
as she lay. Her honey brown hair was limp against her cheeks. A pang of hurt
stabbed Noah’s heart. Why was Lora Joan in bed? Why wasn’t she outside, playing
in the grass, climbing trees and seeing shapes in the clouds? He opened the
door wider, fondling the piece of glass like it was a lifeline to his sanity.
His eyes stayed on the small girl whose body’s tiny silhouette was displayed by
the sheets pushed in all around her. When he stepped in all the way, he saw a
dark shape sitting in the other corner. He turned his eyes in that direction
and saw a full-body mirror against the wall, and next to it, a stool with a
beautiful woman sitting on it. “Jupiter,” he
whispered, suddenly lost in her eyes as he strode towards her. She stood to
meet him, and they embraced so tightly that neither of them could breathe. After the
longest moment, Noah let go of her and turned to look at Lora Joan. The eerie
silence settled in around them, like dust left after a broom. He felt a small
hand tuck into his own and press to the piece of glass, questioning but
comforting. “She’s ill again…” Noah blinked
hard and pulled his hand from Jupiter’s. He clutched the piece of sea glass and
moved to the side of the bed so that he might look down on the doll-child’s
sleeping face. The color had gone from her cheeks, and he couldn’t see the
vivid blue of her huge girl eyes. “She looks so small,” he murmured, kneeling
next to her and crossing his arms over the side of the bed. A large breath
heaved his chest and left through his nose, the classical thoughtful sigh which
had plagued him since he could breathe. He couldn’t imagine what could make
someone so beautiful inside look so tiny and fragile. As if to
answer, Jupiter sat on the end of the bed and ran a hand through her dark mane.
“We think she has a disease,” she whispered, staring into her lap. “The doctor
says it’s not getting much better.” Noah grunted
in reply and looked at the piece of glass resting in the palm of his hand. It
matched Jupiter’s eyes in color. Smiling slightly, he reached out (noticing the
intense heat of her body under his hand, he realized she had a fever) and set
it on the flat of Lora Joan’s tiny stomach. He watched for a minute as it rose
and fell with her breathing. “But she’ll get better.” He turned to
see Jupiter slowly shaking her head. A frown turned his lips down before he
went to stand in front of her. She looked up at him, tears brimming in her
stormy sea eyes. She continued to shake her head, lips trembling. Frustrated, he
took her shoulders and shook her gently. “She will.” The fear in Jupiter’s eyes
broke his heart. “She will get better. I’ll be here to make her better. I
swear.” A very small
smile touched her lips. “You will?” It only took a
moment for him to think about it. “Yes. I will.” After he
walked out of the bedroom to go home, Lora Joan opened her eyes and sat up.
Jupiter came back in to see her playing idly with the piece of glass. The girl
looked up at her and smiled widely. Sweat drenched her nightgown and made her
hair stick to her face in dark curls. Her fever had broken. “Look at what my
prince left me, isn’t it beautiful?” She held up the green shard of glass and
waved it from side to side, like it was a flag displaying how much she wanted
to live. Jupiter felt
her heart swell with happiness. She immediately went to her sister’s side and
rained kisses all over her sticky little face, each smack accompanied by a
statement of how much she loved her. [/i] chapter ten:
and you know i might have [i]Getting off
of the airplane felt to Noah like being led to the gallows. Madeline had him by
the hand and was pulling him past the crates and hanging hammocks filled with
luggage and random traveling accessories. The woman’s long red hair flew in his
face and splashed him with the smell of strawberries and sex. Her green eyes
were fierce and fiery, as well as her blood red lips. Her smile was
tingle-inspiring. All through
the trip, the many stops and refueling stations, Noah had forced himself to pay
no attention to his surroundings. He had asked to stay in the airplane as long
as possible, so that he might soak up the smell and feel that was left of Cape
Cod. There was a certain warm chill that he only felt when he was at home with
Jupiter. He had wanted to be able to experience the new places in full, without
distractions, without any trace of what he had left behind. He wanted each
place to have as big an impact on him as was possible. Nothing he didn’t want
to see would stay in his memory. When he
stepped out of the plane and opened his eyes, he found that California was much
different than he had ever imagined. The sun was actually hot! There was a huge
wind that carried his breath away and threatened to topple him head over heels
down the sandy slope upon which he stood. It was warm and bright; it was
perfect. The next few
hours were spent cleaning the plane. They had passed through a snowstorm over
the Rocky Mountains, and ice was still stuck to the tail. Watching it melt in
the blazing heat was exhilarating to Noah. All his life, if there was ever
frost on something you boiled water and poured it over the inflicted area and
hoped it was hot enough to melt it instead of adding to it. Watching this ice
just… melt away like that, fascinated him. When they were
finally done, Noah leaned his shoulder on a rather large rock buried immovably
in the golden sand at his feet. Its side was smooth and covered in a peculiar
green fuzz that seemed to give off its heat. This he pressed his cheek to, with
sunny eyes closed, and relaxed his body. The air smelled of salt and something
almost too sweet. When he glanced around to look for the source, he saw in the
distance a large, white tree with billowing tendrils of blooming flowers. A
faint smile touched his lips like a kiss. “We are done
now, Noah,” said a smooth voice from behind him. He hardly had to move to see
that Madeline stood behind him, her brown leather jacket halfway undone. Her
tight khaki pants were tucked into a rather tall pair of black boots, and her
hands were clothed in bright red gloves. She looked like she meant to eat him.
“Will you like me to show you where we shall stay?” Her smile was too big; it was
like she was trying to show him every single white tooth in her mouth. Maybe it
was to frighten him into her bidding. Noah chuckled
at his thought and ignored Madeline’s questioning glance. “Show me the way,
Madeline,” he said grandly, sweeping his hand, palm up, in front of him. She
grinned in response and took his hand tightly in hers. The cloth on her digits
was cold and hard, not warm nor soft like when Jupiter stuck her mitten-covered
hands in Noah’s shirt during a cold night. He felt a small wave of
homesickness, but pushed it away rather earnestly as he followed Madeline. They would be
staying in a small, new hotel near the beach. The manager bragged about the
fact that they could hear the waves from their bedroom window. Noah was tired
almost immediately with it, and left the moment Madeline let him out of her
sight. He stepped
outside and lifted his face to the sun’s embrace, listening to the screaming
seagulls and imagining it was just a hot day in the Cape. Dissatisfaction
filled the pit of his stomach, and so he dismissed the feeling and began to
walk down the crude sidewalk of dry dirt. Before long, he was simply on a long
stretch of beach with no buildings or roads. It was nice to see the plain parts
of California, rather than the big-time beach houses and wave parties that he
was sure would keep him up at night. The raw beauty of the country was what had
always allured Noah to places differing from his hometown. The sand here
was much hotter than that in Massachusetts. It didn’t hold water unless you
were right next to the shore. It pushed back on his boots, as if in protest of
his marring its perfection. Smiling to himself, he took a moment to sit on the
beach and pull off his boots. He decided that he would get a small tattoo to
remember the heat when he traveled to hotter places. After a second thought, he
tugged off his socks and shoved them in his shoes. He rolled the legs of his
pants past his knees and leaned back on his hands to look around him. There
were no signs of anyone else, which he found slightly odd. He stood again
and buried his toes in the warm sand, grinning down at his feet like he had
just found them after a decade. A thought occurred to him: he would like
spending a month here. After he had
wandered at least a mile down the beach, he came upon a small building, half
buried in the sand. The burnt orange walls were peeling, looking as if someone
had dragged a rake across the concrete. There was a small door-less opening
facing the shore, and from it drifted a soft tune. Curiosity tugged at Noah’s
heart as he walked closer, listening intently to the music growing in volume. There
was someone playing a smooth bass guitar, and a soft tap-tap of drums kept
time. He stopped at the corner of the building and stopped, just listening to
whoever was playing inside. After a few minutes of the same pretty rhythm, a
new instrument joined. Noah felt his skin crawling at the heavy sound of a
saxophone, starting quietly and blending in quite well with the drums and
guitar. When the music
stopped, he had to fight the urge to start clapping ridiculously loud. Instead
he stepped into the open door and struggled to let his eyes adjust to the
darkness. “Hey, looks
like we’ve got a visitor,” a man said, his voice followed by a clanging of drumsticks
on a cymbal. Noah stepped in further and smiled at the sight before him. There was a
small, dark boy sitting on the ground with a golden saxophone cradled in his
lap. Beside him was an older man standing from behind a rather old looking kit
of drums. He smiled brightly at the newcomer and outstretched a hand. His shake
was strong and firm; Noah admired that. “Wow. That was
beautiful. What are you doing out here on the beach?” Noah asked, looking up
and down at the dingy clothes clinging to the thin man before him. His dirty
blonde hair hung low in his eyes. “Oh, nothing,”
he chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest. There was a small tattoo on his
forearm; it looked like a sparrow with a ribbon flying from its beak. “Just
having some fun. What about you?” The
curly-haired man raised his eyebrows and looked around, as if the explanation
would be written on one of the walls. He caught sight of another person
standing in the corner, and realized that it was the bass guitarist. She was
tall and strong-looking, with shoulder-length orange hair. Her clothes were
dark and her hand remained on the neck of her guitar like she was afraid it
would try to get away from her. She looked up and caught him gazing at her blue
orbs. Noah averted
his eyes. “Uh, I was just… wandering around. I heard you from a little ways
that way.” He gestured with his hand. “You have wonderful sound,” he said,
looking with a smile at the boy. “Where did you learn to play the sax so well?” The boy’s grin
showed a very white row of small teeth. “My friend was giving it away and he
taught me how to do it. Do you play, too?” His eager eyes were dark, his hair
cut very short on his head. He shook his
head and glanced uneasily at the blonde. This kid was looking at him like he
was a steak. “No… I play the guitar. But you three have that taken care of, I
guess.” He smiled and met eyes with the man before him. “My name is Noah. I’m
just visiting California for a little while, then my pilot and I are flying
overseas.” Surprise
touched the drummer’s brow. “Oh, how long? We’ve been looking for a lead
guitarist for a few weeks. Perhaps you could show us what you’ve got, and
maybe…?” Noah looked at
him and blinked several times. “What, you mean join you? No, I couldn’t. I
wouldn’t want to intrude…” To spite his statement, his eyes turned and gazed
longingly at the guitar being clutched by the giantess. “Well, if
you’re interested, I’m Garth Edwards.” Garth pointed to the boy, who was now
crouching and rubbing at a spot on his saxophone. “That’s Damon Fischer, and
the bass is Marina Sozan. We formed this little band together. We’re The
Leveled Hills.” Each member straightened slightly, obviously proud of becoming
an organized group. “That’s
amazing. I’d love to try, but right now I should really be getting back to
Madeline. She’s my pilot. She’s kind of…” He pointed at his temple and turned
his finger in circles. “Very possessive. Where can I look for you, say in two
days?” Garth looked
at Marina and shrugged. “My house is a couple miles that way.” He pointed to
the back wall and then looked back at Noah. “Just ask around for me, people
know me around here.” Noah nodded
and shook his hand again. “It’s been such a pleasure. I’ll definitely come see
you.” He walked out
the door and stopped, about to go back to ask if he should bring anything to
drink, when he heard a small voice whisper “He is so beautiful. Is he Greek?”
At first he thought it was Marina, but then he heard a low laughter that was
definitely a boy’s. A hot blush coursed over his face. Damon thought he was
beautiful. Shaking his head hard, Noah turned on his heel and started walking
quickly back the way he had come. Once he had
forgotten the anomaly of a boy commenting on his looks, he felt a surge of
happiness overcoming him. He had always wanted to play in a band. He would sit
for hours in his bedroom, strumming away and composing anything that
came into his head. He would play for Jupiter and Lora Joan, especially when
the latter was sick and stuck in bed all day. Homesick and
happy, Noah realized that his life was only just beginning. [/i] chapter
eleven: just
flown too far from the floor this time The storm was
over. The clouds had subsided to a thin white haze, and the air was crisp. The
sound of dripping water here and there reminded whoever listened that gravity
still worked. Jupiter knew
that it was during this time that breathing was beautifully easy, and her mind,
clear. It was when the thick smell of clean air filled her lungs and clarified
everything she had been puzzling over. She remembered when she was younger, and
she had gone out only after storms, so that her memory of the world was only one
of that perfect smell. She also knew
that the moon had magical qualities. After she had
cleared her meager dinner for one, Jupiter went upstairs into Lora Joan’s empty
room. The lacy curtain was billowing around in an elegant ballet with the air
that floated in through the window. She went to close it, but paused and smiled
at the lingering smell of cold air, even as it melted to warmth. When she went
downstairs, she lay down on the sofa and stared at the ceiling. The thoughts in
her head didn’t quite fit together, as if she were thinking twenty things at
once, none of which related to another. She lay for at least an hour, until the
moonlight spilled like liquid silver at a downward angle into the living room. After a short
time she grew bored. Not the type of bored a child got if he were playing
alone, but the type where she would do anything that anyone told her to do,
just so that she had something[i] to[/i] do. It had been
raining for over a day. The ground was mushy and crystal clean, and the air had
a sharp taste that cleared her thoughts. At night, days
following this particular type of weather, Jupiter drove her small car to the
Lake. The Lake had become something of a sacred area to her, and to Noah. She
would only go there at this specific time, because otherwise it would lose its
magic. When she and Noah had still been getting to know each other, he had
brought her there and declared that it was their new secret place. And although
Jupiter claimed to have never cheated on her husband, there had been more than
a few nights at the Lake where the line between right and wrong blurred. She hadn’t
gone there since the night of Lora Joan’s funeral. She had convinced herself
that the magic was gone from her, now that she had no one to call her own. You
see, the mystical feeling which filled her heart when she had known Noah had
been beaten down to a tiny shimmer in the pit of her stomach. Lora Joan’s death
had been the breath that snuffed the flame. Noah came back
and the fire started again, albeit hesitantly. It was during her nights, lying
restlessly and alone, that she realized she needed to fan the flame back to
life. And to do that, she desperately needed to find the will to smile again,
about anything. She forced a
hum to resonate on her tongue as she drove. The air was silent, without the
sound of the decrepit radio or of any other vehicles. She didn’t consciously
remember the way, but her hands seemed to recall just fine. Her eyes moved
hungrily over the world outside of her moving haven. There was a large path
leading into the woods, a few good miles out of the way of any named road. She
followed it until her car could no longer go without a struggle (the underbrush
had grown quite a bit in so much time), then parked and sat back with a tight
sigh. So, she was
there. Well, almost there. She looked out the passenger window and saw
something small and colored dangling from a low branch. Unable to repress the
smile forming on her chapped lips, she quickly opened her door and got out. Her
bare feet didn’t mind the carpet of soft dead pine needles. When she came to
the branch, she lifted her hand and gingerly touched the colored object, a
hopelessly eager grin struggling to escape her mouth, and tugged it down. It was a
ripped piece of cloth, and although it had obviously been faded by years of sun
and rain, she knew it had once been a vibrant red. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i]”This storm
has ended, let us go in peace.” Noah’s face
was completely serene, his lips puckered in imitation of the town Father. Jupiter
giggled at the ridiculous expression on his face. She swatted his arm like he
was an insect and turned to flip the light switch. “Shall we go out and smell
the fresh air?” she inquired, curtsying deeply to him. His mocking
face dissolved into a mischievous grin as he stalked closer to her. His hands
seized her waist and pulled her to him. “I have a better idea,” he murmured in
her ear, making a shiver crawl under her skin. Lora Joan was incapacitated,
ill yet again, only this time it was much less severe than her episodes of
bedridden disease. Noah had stayed with her for an entire day, playing his
guitar and making hand puppets out of her old socks. Jupiter’s husband had gone
on a business trip not too far away, and had respectably left Noah in charge of
his family. Not that Noah minded; it was just another excuse to stay there. “What’s your
idea?” Jupiter asked coyly, twisting gracefully out of his grip. He smiled sincerely
at her. “We should go to my secret lake tonight, while the air’s still clean,
and no one can find us. Would you like to? It’s really very beautiful.” She got a
flash image of moonlit water and oak trees that danced with the wind. A smile
of pleasure widened on her face as she nodded to him. “I’d love to. Let’s
pretend we’re going on an adventure!” Noah chuckled
and ruffled her hair with one hand as if she were a little girl. “Alright.
Let’s go before you change your mind.” When they
arrived, Noah pulled an old red rag from nowhere and tied it around Jupiter’s
head. She whined to see, but he hushed her by planting a kiss on her temple.
Her body melted in his hands, and with a grin, he pulled her along. “You can’t
know where we’re going until we get there,” he said excitedly, keeping her
close behind him. Smiling
despite her blindness, Jupiter followed with a light step. She felt leaves
whispering past her, touching her face in wonder; who was this new one? The
wind rose around them and pulled at her hair, as if asking to play. All the
while she held his hand tightly and imagined he were kidnapping her from her
life and bringing her to a new, wonderful place. In this place she wouldn’t be
afraid to lose the people she loved. She wouldn’t despise herself and wish she
could do better to the world. She wouldn’t have to hide her dancing, or pretend
she had no interest in happiness. She would dance to Noah’s guitar and the
music of the forest, and never have to go back. She bumped lightly
into Noah’s back as he stopped. She felt him turn, letting go of her hand in
the process. For a moment she felt lost, dizzy as she tried to find something
to hold. She took a shaky step to the side and felt a gentle touch on the palm
of her outstretched hand. Smiling, she took hold of it and found that it was
Noah’s shoulder. She pulled him closer to the point where she could feel his
breath on her face. In her mind, she saw his features. The high curve of his
cheekbone which flowed into his jaw… the small dimple in his cheek that
appeared only when he smirked… and the dark corkscrews of his hair that drooped
down in an effort to hide his golden eyes. A smile
touched on Jupiter’s lips as she moved her fingertips over his skin. She
reached his lips and felt him smile, and then her hands were pulled away. He
kissed her forehead and let go of her, and after a moment she felt his touch at
the back of her head, undoing the knot of her blindfold. When she opened her
eyes and lifted her face, she found herself looking directly into his stare.
The breath in her body left her in a short gasp. He was more beautiful than he
had been in her mind. With a crooked
smile on his pale lips, Noah reached up and tied the red cloth in a tight knot
around a low hanging branch. His eyes never left hers. He checked the knot,
found it fine, and then took Jupiter’s hand and led her further into the trees,
until the moon spilled out from above. [/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] With a
reminiscent smile on her mouth, Jupiter reached up to stroke the gnarled knot
and its faded tails. After a few moments of staring, she turned her attention
to the path ahead. She didn’t notice the thin tears collecting in the outer
corners of her ocean-y eyes. Her fingers reached out, gently pushing aside the
arms of the trees around her, and she stepped forward. The light around her was
a few shades lighter, a little bit brighter, which meant she was about to
arrive. [i]“No one can
find us.” [/i]Shivers raced across her skin as she crept closer. Her eyes
stayed fixed ahead of her. She crouched slightly as she went. The trees were
pressing down on her and making it so she would never make it unless she
desired entry with all her heart. That only made it more mind-blowing. When she broke
through, the tears burst from her eyes and spilled like tiny hot rivers over
her sunken-in cheeks. The Lake was spread out before her like a melted pool of
mercury. There was a ring of trees encircling the Lake, making it feel safe,
and above them hung the moon. It was large and silver, dripping tears of light
on the flooded clearing. The ground went a few feet in front of the tree line
and slid under the surface of the water like they were two sheets of silk, laid
one on top of the other. The only ripple on the Lake was the one created by a
small, weak breeze which carried the smell of pine trees from the west. The greatest
smile she had felt in years widened on her face. Her teeth were cold to the wind,
as well as her moist cheeks, but she didn’t care. This was a place she could to
go and never want to be found. The water was
so beautiful, so clear, that Jupiter didn’t hesitate to undress, not for a
moment. The air greedily touched each part of her body as it was exposed,
feeling, prodding, and making her shiver from head to toe. She ran all ten
fingers through her hair and shook it out like a lioness’ mane. The soft wave
fell down her back, tickling along the arch of her spine. Though her nudity
made it cold, she felt warm inside. Her Neptune
eyes opened as she eased her foot slowly into the pool of light, afraid to
complete her exposure with the freezing contact. Immediately, chills rose on
her arms. A small gasp pushed her mouth open just before she plunged into the
water. Darkness
enveloped her, invaded every space around her, forcing itself into her head and
cleaning her aching thoughts away like a foul taste in her soul. As soon as she
grew accustomed to the bitter water, she burst through the surface. Her lungs
drank in the sweet air and let it free as a hot sigh. The cold droplets
showered down on her head as she breathed in again. This time,
when she exhaled, every muscle in her body let go of its hurt. A deep tingle
bloomed in her belly and spread aggressively until it reached her fingertips.
She let it devour her as she floated on her back, the cold air on her chest and
the colder liquid dancing beneath her. She sighed the first peaceful sigh she
had breathed in years, and closed her eyes to let her soul drift away on the
rippling night water. chapter twelve:
cause theyre callin me by my name [I]It was
scandalous to love a married woman. Especially one you met at her grandmother’s
funeral. Noah knew this, and yet he let himself fall hopelessly in love. And by
hopelessly, I mean he would give every second of his life to Jupiter’s
calendar. He fell for her like a stone through a mountain river. Noah had told
himself from the start that if he wanted to get into the worst kind of trouble,
he would keep seeing Jupiter. He would invade her life and seduce her and lull
her from the grasp of her undeserving husband. He would give her everything she
had ever wanted and never received. He would present the world coated in gold
to her on a silver platter. He would give her everything she deserved. If he did
these things, he was sure that his life would become a living hell. Jupiter’s
husband would want him dead. He would have to face the reality of the horrific
drama he was creating with every step he took within her home. He knew this,
and yet he could do nothing about it. Feeling
helpless to her beauty, her grace, her absolute perfection, was what kept him
up until the sun rose for weeks until It happened. He would lie
in his hammock, staring at the water-stained ceiling of his small bedroom, and
think of the faint curve to her eyelashes. The searingly gorgeous image of her
porcelain lips, moving gracefully as she spoke to him, burned itself into his
mind. He could almost taste the sweet, summer scent that floated about her in a
gentle aura. He knew that, even if he had his eyes closed, were she to walk by,
he would know she had done so without a shadow of a doubt. Her smell was
enchanting, like a siren’s song for his senses, drawing him closer and making
his mouth water. The stale smell of his car melted away each time she slipped
into the passenger’s seat. The air came [/I]alive[I] around him, singing out in
joy as Jupiter filled it with her breath. It happened when
he came home and found a piece of paper nailed to his door; a note written in a
scrawling, messy handwriting that hooked his attention. [/I] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] The weather
had him down. Even though he greatly loved the dirty clouds that filled the sky
until they were emptied of their bowels, he felt he couldn’t bear the weather.
It was a lonely cloak that draped itself over his shoulders and weighed him
down, so that every step he took was leaden. It was dark misery that replaced
the marrow of his bones and made him heavy. Noah felt that he could hardly
force himself to move at all. So, he had to
find things with which to distract his tired soul. First he tried
to play his guitar. He sat on the crate in the corner of his room and strummed
his calloused fingers gently across the strings. A noise emerged, but it
sounded off to him, sick. He attempted
to lose himself in writing letters to Jupiter next, but the old obsession was
in hibernation, and his hand couldn’t move to write. Frustrated
with himself, Noah burst from the house and paced the shallow shore of his
uncle’s small lake. His bare feet brushed against pebbles that skipped off
toward the water. He stared down at the tiny swarms of fish that littered the
space beneath the surface. They peered up at him with tired curiosity, like
they had seen too many of the same alien. Turning away from the water, he went
where his legs took him. A few minutes
later, the hazy sight before him took the shape of his uncle’s leather steering
wheel. Without question, he took control and started to drive through the long
road that led into the autumn forest. Through the darkness, he saw a hidden
path that he didn’t quite recognize, but felt was familiar. It was like a light
stain on a newly-painted wall that reminded you of the dark mark you couldn’t
quite remember had been there before. His hands pulled him in that direction,
and before he knew it, he was there. The trees
suddenly leaned in his way, blocking the path he had been taking. He pressed
gently on the brakes and looked around as he stopped. It was dark through the
caramel leaves that surrounded him. He opened his door and stepped lightly onto
the soft carpet beneath him, his eyes lifting to the navy canopy that hung over
his forest. A tiny pair of starlit eyes winked alternately at him, a welcoming
glimmer that caught his gaze. Before he dropped his chin, searching through the
dark curls that hung low over his brow, he knew where he was. He glanced down
in front of the bumper of his truck and saw faint tire tracks leading under the
low trees that had stopped his trek. A hot blush rose on his jaw when he
realized that he was not alone with his secret Lake. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] “How could she
love you?”[I] is all that the note said. He happened to
realize that it was in an educated man’s messy cursive that it had been
written. [/I] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] It rained a
gentle shower of tiny golden teardrops that landed on the earth and created a
thin, soft blanket of nearly breathing, living beauty. The moonlight dripped
from above and tangled in his hair, shining softly on his shoulders as he
stumbled with a trance-like haze in his eyes. He could just see the sparkle of
the water in the near distance, twinkling like liquid silver through the deep
silhouettes of each dark tree. He was about
to break through the tree line, too eager to see, to talk, to explain, when his
heel smashed into a twig. The sickening roar that followed made a tremor roll
down his spine. His body snapped back from its happy journey and stood as still
as stone. His eyes lifted as his body stayed silent, and he saw. He could not
talk, he could not think of any words to even begin to explain, he could not
think of anything aside from the fact that Jupiter was at the Lake, by herself,
after a storm: the only time he brought her. His heart beat
too loudly as he waited for her to look at him. His foot crushing that stick
had been enough of a ruckus to wake the dead from an everlasting slumber. Birds
had fled in terror, even though it was fall. Hell, God had looked in his
direction. But Jupiter
still lay afloat upon the mercury surface of gravity, her Neptune eyes closed
under a dark, starry space. He leaned
slowly to the side until his shoulder met a small tree, and then lifted his
foot to step off of the trodden path. The silence screamed in his ears as he
reached the shadows and knelt to watch. Her breasts
were just above the water, barely a ripple until she breathed. The long curve
of her nose melted into her brow and the hair that he knew floated around her.
He could see her hands rising and swaying, creating rings in the water and
sending the moonlight shuddering away from her body. Diverting his
attention for a single, crucial second, Noah caught sight of the small pile of
her clothes. How often had she gone skinny-dipping since he was gone? His
curiosity swelled into a faintly red jealousy of her time. Jupiter’s sudden dip
under the water caught his solar eyes and pulled his thought toward her with a
tight pinch. She was running her hands through her hair, stretching and falling
under the water again. He could almost hear her shiver, feel the flesh crawling
up her arms and along her spine. How many times had she trembled at nobody’s
touch since he had been away? Worry creased his brow while he brushed away the
tangles of his hair. The dark stains on his skin caught his eye, but when he
looked down he saw a small wildflower at his side. His fingers pulled it up
into his sight, where he stared and longed to push it behind Jupiter’s ear,
like he had so many times before. He looked out to her and wondered how many
flowers she had questioned before he had come home. The only way
to erase those mile-high waves of loneliness that he knew of was to give all of
his time to her. He wanted to be there for her always, hold her hand and wipe
away her tears and tell her that it was okay, he was here now, he was sorry he
had left her. But she wanted him nowhere near her. She had made that apparent
with her sheltered presence when she was with him. He could see a flash of skin
as she raised a hand to brush his off of her body. He saw the way she had
turned her eyes from him and lain tense beside him. She wasn’t comfortable with
him anymore. He leaned too
heavily on the trunk beside him and a loud creak followed. His entire body went
rigid for a moment as he stared, seeing her rise and turn her head slightly
toward him. She was listening, perhaps eager to hear an owl cry, for the sound
she knew was there but couldn’t hear. All she had to do was turn completely and
she would see his shining eyes staring out at her from the darkness beside the
starlight. But she never
did. And his painful longing to tell her, grew. Three times
the twenty minutes it took for her smooth skin to wrinkle passed before Noah
saw her drift toward solid ground. She moved slowly, turning and standing above
the silver surface. Her skin shone in the blue light as she walked listlessly
to higher ground. He remembered the feeling of her muscles moving beneath his
touch. He wanted to feel it again, sense the heat rising from her skin, hear
her breath in his ear, his name on her tongue. The
weightlessness in her step seemed to have recently risen in vigor. He
remembered that it had left her when she had learned of his coming quest for
adventure elsewhere. He had made himself watch for a week as the happiness
steadily ran away with her tears. Jupiter’s body
moved like a floating aura as she began to dress, still damp from head to toe.
Noah felt purpose pulling him forward as his mind raced. “I missed
seeing someone with your bounce in their step,” he said softly, knowing before
it happened that she would jump like a doe caught in a clearing with her fawn.
“Not many people I’ve seen are as beautiful as you when you’re happy.” chapter thirteen:
and theyre zippin white light beams The calm
feeling in her stomach squirmed for only a moment before settling back into
place. His voice had been a trigger in her mind, startling no doubt, but
nothing big. And she didn’t have to stand there convincing herself that this
was true, either. She knew it the second after she turned to look into his
eyes. She had almost been expecting him. Somewhere inside, she had known what
her presence meant. She was made to be here at this very moment in time, and so
was he. They looked on
at each other for several minutes before Jupiter spoke. The words he had
muttered through the silence were just registering in her mind. She understood
what he had said, and smiled enough that her teeth showed. It was a foreign
easiness that lifted her eyes and made them shine in the dark moonlight. “Life’s
greatest happiness is to be convinced we are loved,” she whispered wisely,
dropping her eyes from his earnest gaze. She didn’t want to see him this way,
because she had stopped dreaming about it happening alongside this very script
they were following. “I know that I love myself, and so I am happy.” Two of her
dainty fingers lifted the sleeve of her shirt above her shoulder. Without
pause, she pulled her hair back with both hands and gently stroked it over her
chest. Her thoughts were quick, her oceanic eyes wide and bright where she
stood. What she said next were words aimed like an arrow for his heart. “So,
what are you doing here?” She could have
sworn she saw a flinch at the corner of his golden eye. She would have preached
to the choir that she had seen a wince in Noah’s graceful features. She might
have only imagined his face for years, but she knew the expression there now
better than she knew her own weary cheeks. After a stretched
silence, he spoke. “I missed it here,” is all he said, his eyes fading from her
but always returning with the swiftness of an addicted stare. “I missed you.” Jupiter’s
quaint smile hardly reached the corner of her lips. She had felt little anger toward
him for the past four empty years, but she felt a surge of spite mounting
inside her. “I missed a lot of things.” Again: the
grimace. She remembered
the silence as it filled her soul and stripped her bare. She felt naked before
him, and yet so controlled. She was a time bomb in the subtle starlight. “I’m sorry,”
he began, but Jupiter cut him off with a sharp hiss. Her narrowed eyes cut like
molten steel. “You’re
‘sorry’? For what, Noah? Be specific; there’s a lot to be sorry for. Many things
happened after you left. I went crazy. My happiness all but burst into flames. Every
waking moment was hell. Every minute I slept, I had nightmares. I couldn’t eat
any more than I needed to live. I couldn’t leave my house without feeling
exposed to the world. I’ve never felt more vulnerable in my [i]life.[/i]” She
watched him as the words dripped like venom from her lips. She could see the
hurt in his eyes. She saw it in the trembling of his lip, the slight tilt of
his head as he stared at her, horrified. Good. “But it’s okay
now,” she sighed, turning her head so that he wouldn’t notice the cold twinkle
in her eye that was growing into a hot ember. “I’m okay now. My heart is
mended. It took so long,” she reminded him. She would never let him forget.
“But I’m okay.” She looked
back at him. He was defenseless. She knew it. “But I don’t
even care about what you did to me.” He was curious now; there was a hopeful
lift in his chin. She couldn’t bear it. She stared right into his soul, ripped
him apart with the words she snarled next. “What you did to Lora Joan is
unforgivable.” [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i]Sunlight
bled through the open window but offered no sweet comfort. The air was dust and
depression. Every breath Jupiter took felt as though she were swallowing unseen
knives and cyanide. Each tear that stroked the skin of her face was like a
liquid flame. Her heart beat, her eyes blinked, and she wanted to die. Of course, she
couldn’t. What a cowardly way to go. Broken and alone, watching her younger
half waste away, deteriorate, retrogress more and more every minute. She would
despise herself in the afterlife if she knew she hadn’t been strong enough for
her Lora Joan. The girl sat
up in bed that day. Her hair was a dingy mess of fluff that hung around her
small face in a precious cloud. The perfect light shone on the eyelashes of her
partly closed eyes. Jupiter was unsure of whether the glamour there was the
spangle of wet stars or only the remnants of a tired awakening. Lora Joan’s lap
was decorated with a thick duvet, a large book, and several sheets of blank
paper. [/i]Blank [i]paper. No words. No drawings. Not an inkling of color, or
dormant creativity, an ill child’s imagination. Jupiter took a
leaf and stared at the dull white. It was stained, too faint for Lora Joan to
notice but just visible enough for Jupiter to hear it screaming, were tears.
Large, pregnant tears that had gushed angrily from her eyes the night before as
she sat huddled, just as her sister was now, over empty pages, with a full mind
and desolate tongue. Her hand took
hold of the blunt pencil Lora Joan had asked for. The beautifully untalented
artist girl had woken from a dream far greater than her waking reality. She had
been a material princess, with flowers in her hair and a tiny tiara perched
delicately upon her crown. Birds had sung to her and the sky had been clear,
clean of pain and weariness. She had even had a prince of her very own. “I want to draw,”
she had whispered in the weakness that was left of her angelic voice. And here she
sat, inspiration abandoned, longing smile faded into a frown too deep for her
beautiful little face. Jupiter waited
in anguish for a shape to enter her mind. She had never been excellent at
drawing; her family members had forever been poles with light bulbs for heads.
Sighing quietly in defeat, she closed her eyes. The memory that filled her
blind gaze (Noah gone Lora Joan dead Jupiter dying the sky’s so dark) was painful,
and when she opened her eyes again they were filled with tears. It had been
two months since Noah had gone away. The only reason Jupiter was still
breathing was Lora Joan, her gem, her precious little angel. Her faint,
beautiful frighteningly intelligent sister was also her lifeline to sanity. “Jupie,” she
said very quietly. Jupiter emerged from her sorrow immediately. Her back
straightened, her hand swiped absentmindedly across her eyes, and she smiled
for her angel. “Jupie, don’t cry.” “I’m not
crying, honey,” she muttered, ashamed to have been caught. “I was just tired.
You know when you yawn and tears come but you aren’t really crying, don’t you?”
She waited for the smile, the understanding nod… Lora Joan’s
eyes burned into hers for only a moment too long. When she looked away, Jupiter
felt like her soul had been ravaged. “Draw
something, baby,” she prompted. She slipped the pencil between her tiny fingers
and nudged the papers closer to her. “Draw me your prince. I want to see what
he looks like. I want to know who thinks he’s good enough for my Lora Joan.” The girl
seemed to resign to pleasing her sister with a little too much zeal to be
exasperated. She leaned heavily over the book, her fragile hand moving to
scribble dark lines. Jupiter sighed
in relief and turned to look away. Lora Joan disliked being watched in the art
process; she wanted privacy in her perfection. Waiting for
the masterpiece of doodle-quality to be done, she looked around the small room.
When Mama had still been alive, she had bought Lora Joan a glass doll for every
important holiday. These included Christmas, Thanksgiving, Easter, and of
course, birthdays for every year they had been alive together. Jupiter’s eyes
followed the shelf running along the opposite wall. The dolls sat upon it in
neat, tiny rows, anxiously observing their small master and friend. She looked
like a doll herself. Even more so now that her skin had drained to a pasty
white. It was like the firm innocence in her skin had simply melted right off
and left her, a sagging shell, in her own infected body. Jupiter looked at
this, saw her faint hair and milky eyes, and felt her heart breaking. The light
was gone from Lora Joan’s eyes. She wasn’t in love with her short life anymore.
This was what tore Jupiter to shreds, inside and out. “I finished
drawing,” said the girl in her tiny, paper-thin voice. She held up a crumpled
piece of art, scribbled and beautiful in its simplicity. There was a boy with a
blue cape billowing behind his narrow shoulders. The little crown on his
sandy-haired head sparkled with a big black shape, meant to represent the light
reflected on its jewels. Even a drawing as innocently wonderful as this seemed
like the Mona Lisa to Jupiter. “Oh, baby,
it’s beautiful. He’s such a wonderful prince. What’s his name?” she cooed,
admiring the work with the most warm, loving, sad expression on her face. Lora Joan’s
brow furrowed into an angry knot. “He doesn’t have a name. He’s not real. I’ll
never have him.” A pang of fear
pierced her heart, cold as mountain clouds. “W-what do you mean? Why won’t you
have him?” She had spent her life encouraging Lora Joan to believe that she
would have a prince of her very own. Someone to love her and hold her and take
care of her when she was sick was the dream Jupiter had always wanted to make
this reality, if not for herself than for the joy of her sister. Lora Joan’s
all-knowing child’s eyes turned to meet hers. A chill ran down Jupiter’s spine.
“If a prince like Noah leaves my beautiful Jupiter, why would any prince want
me?” The fear
turned into true pain in her heart. It filled her stomach like hot metal and
made her eyes prickle with tears. “No…” she muttered, bringing the small child
closer in her arms. Her skin was fevered, her body frail. “No, no, no, Lora
Joan, it’s not true.” The desperation in her whispers was thick; her throat
threatened to close completely. “He didn’t leave, he went on an adventure. He
had to go find a better place for a little while. He’ll be back. You’ll see.”
With every word that fell like fluorescent lies from her lips she sank deeper
and deeper into the lake of pain. “He’s just…lost…” “No, he’s
not.” The words, in
her quiet and haunting voice, made Jupiter’s breath leave in a short gasp. She
sobbed to herself in a frenzy of ultimate despair. How did she expect to do
this? How did she mean to survive the disappearance of yet another piece of her
heart? “Jupie?” Her petal lip
trembled pitifully as crystal tears coated her bright eyes. The wisdom which
had glowed under her skin was now gone, leaving instead a timid, frightened
little girl who was watching her big sister cry. “Oh, Lora, it’s okay,” she
whispered, holding her close and nuzzling into her hair. She smelled of soap
and sunshine. “I’m sorry. Don’t be sad. It’s okay, I’m here.” Her eyes turned
urgently over the bed, the small table beside the bed, anywhere she might find
something to fix this. Finally her gaze landed on a shard of something slightly
green, and faintly familiar. The sea-glass
lay as good as shattered, but never forgotten, alone in the corner of the room. “Look, Lora
Joan,” she whispered, turning the girl and pointing out at her discovery. “The
glass. It’s magical, remember? Your prince left it for you. It’ll make you
healthy again!” She let go of the hot creature in her embrace and went to
retrieve the glass that was a direct descendent of her marine gaze. She picked
it up carefully, only using the tips of her pale fingers, and returned to hold
it out as an offering of happiness and peace. “See? Isn’t it beautiful?” Her
hand lifted, fingers brushing at the sticky hair across Lora Joan’s brow. “It’s
beautiful, just like you, princess.” Earnestly, she placed the shard of Neptune
in the palm of her sister’s hand. “It always made you healthy,” she whispered
hopefully. Lora Joan
looked up at her once more, this time with a frightened glint to her eyes. “I
won’t get better this time.” [/i] chapter
fourteen: disregarding bombs and satellites There was a
brilliance that was slowly becoming greater in the minds of the people. It was
a wild theory, something recently proposed and not very popular. Most people
disbelieved it. It was blasphemous! It was the idea that the universe had been
created in a bright flash of exploding hot gases. There wasn’t a name for it
yet, but it was described as a silent camera flash that blinded you instantly. Jupiter’s
shining eyes were more intense than the prospect of this. He could see the
anger there. It glowed with the light of a thousand stars. Her pale, cold lips
parted and uttered the words: “You left her to die.” Noah’s brow
creased deeper. Fear sat like a frozen sun in his stomach. Fear for Jupiter and
the way she looked. Her eyes barely hid a deep and angry sorrow. She said she
was okay, even though every action she took proved that she held a grudge
against him. He didn’t understand why. Lora Joan had been a sick child living
with a needy sister. No one expected her to live half of the life she had. She
made an impact on the world she lived in. Wasn’t that enough? He felt fear for
himself. Would she ever forgive him? Could she ever take him back? Could he go
on if she didn’t? He feared being alone. He was terrified of losing Jupiter,
his world, the gravity to his steps, the breath in his body. He was afraid that
she wouldn’t give him the opportunity to cure this wound. He was scared that
there was no way to revoke the greatest mistake in his life. Beside this
fear lay a deep and aching homesickness. He had been away from his homeland "
where he was born and raised, where he went to school, where he fell in love "
for four years. He had decided at a certain point that it was time to come home
and face his fears. He had planned everything perfectly. He would arrive on
this day, do these things for her… It was perfect. He had dreamed about how it
would be. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i]He comes to
the porch, suitcase in hand, sand shimmering from his hair, dirt still under
his nails, the smell of the sun fresh on his skin. He touches the door that
used to be so familiar. Time has passed; he knows this well. The ivy that
sprouted elegantly from the outer wall has stretched toward him, dripping eager
green fingers to welcome him. It is good to
be home. He opens the
door. It creaks gently, like a small voice calling to the house, “I’m home now,
I’m home.” The silence is disturbed only by the distant sound of the radio she
always used to leave on. He knows that she does everything with that radio
turned on. He can almost see her, his radiant Jupiter. She wipes down the
dishes, she creases clothes, she dances to herself, she makes love… He can
smell her in the air. How sweet the scent. He had dreamed about it and never
quite gotten it right. Here it was again. She is in
their bedroom. She is reading a book. He cannot see the cover; he has never had
the best vision. He doesn’t even bother to squint. He knows that she is reading
a book he has left behind for her. While he stands in the doorway, taking in
the image he has created in his mind for months, she continues to not notice
him. He sets down his suitcase. She does not see. He clears his throat. Now,
she lifts her head. Her hair floats in clouds of brown sugar past her face. Her
eyes turn on like lights, like she hasn’t looked on a single thing she enjoyed
this much in years. There is a glow that instantly appears in her skin. She is
light on her feet as she comes to him. She is in his
arms, holding him, crying soft tears, kissing everywhere she can, asking how he
is, why is he back, did he miss her, what was it like, where did he go, what
are all these tattoos for? And he smiles.
“Let me tell you.” [/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] But that is
not how it was. He wasn’t welcome in his own home. The woman he loved
practically hated him, blaming him for her sister’s death. Jupiter said
in a high, cracking voice, “She was okay until you were gone.” Horror shone in
her eyes as she remembered all the things that she had wanted to say to him.
Her delicate chin trembled like an autumn leaf unwilling to fall. “She believed
that you could save her. You promised she would be okay.” Noah shook his
head slowly, not seeing her logic in this. He knew that she was highly stressed
about Lora Joan’s death. He just didn’t know how it came down to him to take
the blame. “Jupiter, I… I’m sorry, but she’s gone. There’s nothing that can be
done.” Her mental dam
exploded into words that drowned him. “What you did to me was okay. I’m still
here to forgive you. I can be fixed. I understand what’s going on; I can take
care of myself. But Lora Joan is dead and it’s not okay because she can’t
forgive you!” Her hands were clenched into fists. Water dripped coldly from her
long hair and splashed on the ground before her bare feet. The moon shone down
on her face and he saw the contortion. “You promised! “You lied to
her! “You broke her
heart! “The day you
left, she couldn’t even say my name, she was so weak! “I had to
watch for a f*****g [i]year[/i] as my entire world disintegrated around me. I
couldn’t save her! “Why did she
have to trust you? Why did she let you affect her that way? Why couldn’t she
trust [i]me?[/i] How come she chose to die the same day I realized I hated you? [i] “How could
you let this happen to my angel?”[/i] She sobbed
raggedly, then fell to her knees. Noah rushed up to help her, but she pushed
him away and moved away. He was relentless, determined to console her. She
moaned and held her arms to him, trembling with the effort of keeping him at
bay. “No…” she whimpered, shaking her head weakly and spilling shining tears.
He finally locked his arms around her and pushed her face into his neck. His
fingers pushed into her hair, gently stroking and comforting her. “Shh, it’s
okay, baby,” he murmured, pulling his fingers softly through her hair again and
again. He rested his cheek on her head as she relaxed. He smiled faintly at
memories of this being the only way he could calm her down. She seemed to turn
to putty in his arms when he touched her hair. “It’s all okay, Jupiter. I’m
here now. Lora Joan loved you. She was sick. She kept getting sicker, but
honey, she would have passed away whether or not I had stayed.” Jupiter made a
pitiful sound of disbelief. “No, it’s your fault.” “No, it’s
not,” he said reassuringly, hugging her tightly against him. The ground was
cold beneath them, but he didn’t care. “She was sick practically from birth.
Doctors thought she wouldn’t make it to four years old. It’s a miracle that she
lived for as long as she did.” “She is a
miracle! She’s the perfect child. She doesn’t deserve this.” She pressed her
face softly to his chest, unable to resist the comforting warmth. “She doesn’t
deserve any of this.” Noah nodded
and ran his hand down her back. “You’re right. You are absolutely right. She
was better than the cards fate dealt her.” He remembered times when he had been
afraid to talk to Jupiter, because she would get upset over something he had no
control over. He would go and talk to Lora Joan, and she would help him build
up the courage to talk to her. It was enchanting, her wisdom. “She was
perfect,” he whispered. There was a
soft sniffle. “She was, wasn’t she?” He felt her mood lighten immediately. “She
was so beautiful. She gave the best little hugs.” Noah smiled
and held her closer. “Yes. She hugged my leg once and I almost fell over.” She giggled
and looked up at him with wide eyes. “She loved you.” After looking
down at her for a moment, he lifted a hand and touched her nose. “She loved
you, too.” Jupiter
flushed happily and bit her lip. “You know, she said something to me that day.” “Oh?” He
raised his eyebrows with interest. She saw this as a special secret, he knew.
“What did she say to you?” Her warm hand
cupped around his ear as she leaned closer. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i]The sun was
sick, too. It was like a ballerina that had danced just a little too much. It
felt tired. The green curtains that Jupiter had put up over the window shed a
strange hue on the room. The bed was occupied by a single, tiny form. She had
been there for five weeks. Jupiter sat
next to her, weight barely creasing the sheets, and leaned to feel her
forehead. She had not gotten better at all. They were lucky if she got a day of
healthiness a week. “How you
feeling, honey?” she asked, tucking a sweaty curl behind the little girl’s ear. She lifted
heavy, dark lids and didn’t smile. She hadn’t spoken in a couple days, which
worried Jupiter. “Can you say
something for me? Does it hurt?” Lora Joan
seemed to consider this. She had started growing a few months ago and hadn’t
stopped yet. Her legs and arms constantly ached. She gave a feeble nod. “That’s okay,
that’s fine. You don’t have to say anything.” She went about checking all the
bruises that had started to appear on her arms. She pressed tenderly with her
fingers, ceasing immediately when the girl grimaced with her painted mouth.
“This looks alright,” she commented, setting the small arm back at her side. “I
bet you’ll get better very quickly.” She tested the strength of a smile that
lacked conviction. It didn’t fit. Lora Joan’s
lips turned into the first genuine smile that had been seen in this house for
months. “I’m not afraid to die,” she said in a quiet voice. Her Adam’s apple
bobbed as she swallowed thickly. “People have died before. I think about the
times I laughed lots. That makes it better…” After she let out a soft sigh, she
rested her head and eyes. [/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] “It’s okay
that she died.” She looked earnestly up at him. “It is.” “I know, I
agree,” he said with a nod. He saw that
she had finally come to understand: it wasn’t about how she died; it was about
how she had lived. Perfectly. chapter
fifteen: oh that was the turning point [i]Her eyes
were silver dollars shining in the dark. She lay silently in her room, hands
pressed against her stomach, ears listening closely to every creak and groan of
the house around her. Mama was asleep and had been for hours. Lora Joan was
having a period of fine health, which meant she was sleeping more. Jupiter was
the only living soul in this miniature mansion model home. Her heart was
pattering away like rabbit’s feet in the grass. The silence was crackling, like
radio static in her ears. She wanted to
get out. She was living
her sixteenth summer with days full of dreams about a man she had yet to meet.
If a herd of horses came rushing at her, she would get past them to her man.
She was hot and in love with this man that she knew didn’t exist. Jupiter rolled
restlessly across her small bed. She was growing and Mama hadn’t made her a
bigger nest yet. Her ankles were at the foot of the bed, and her knuckles
reached the floor. She felt like a child trying to sleep in her doll’s crib.
Her head turned so that her eyes could gaze out to the thick, silver beams of moonlight
spilling into her room, painting the floor and staining the wallpaper. It was
liquid, coloring her hot room with cool mermaid hairlight. She crept out of her
bed, wary of the weak boards below her purple rug, and took an empty jar from
atop her dresser. A few coins tinkled in the night, but that wouldn’t scare the
creature. She closed her hand over the smooth lid, eyes centered on the prize,
coming ever closer. She would catch the creature tonight. Nearly there,
she crouched to her knees, carefully leaning out of the way of the beam of
light, and produced the open, clear glass container. Her fingers held only one
side of it and the bottom, so the creature wouldn’t touch her hands when she
caught it. She watched with twinkling eyes as the rim broke the sacred veil
that protected the light. It streamed right over her hands, like iridescent
water, and filled her jar to the brim. She cried out softly, barely above a
whisper, and fell back from the wild thing. She slammed the lid on the jar,
clutching it to her small breasts as she caught her breath. After a moment
or two, she grew the courage to look down at her exotic capture. Her hands,
gently lifting it, held the prize up like gold. Her eyes widened and her smile
appeared for the first time since the last capture. Then the lid to the jar
fell and rolled noisily away. She never had the light to lose. Sighing
hopelessly, Jupiter set her jar back in its place. Maybe tomorrow night. She still
wanted to get out. Forcing
herself to yawn, the girl went to her desk and sat in the chair. Her back was
perfectly straight, a slight arch showing the healthy posture she possessed.
Her hips had done their growing two years ago. She was awkward and beautiful.
Her long, dark hair was defiance to her Mama’s sweet Catholic authority. All
her life, it had been hacked away to show her pretty face. Jupiter had cried at
each haircut her Mama administered, from three years of age to twelve. When she
turned fourteen she suddenly stamped her foot down and refused it. She loved
her hair and she wanted it all to herself. Mama smiled and put away the
scissors. Jupiter sighed
a dreamy girl breath and opened the drawer she hid from Mama. She had let Lora
Joan in a few times, but had first sworn her to sick girl secrecy. Lora Joan,
in her tiny young mind, thought it was the most fulfilling thing in the world
to have a secret with her sister. She would take it with her to Heaven, and not
even Santa Claus could get it from her. Jupiter was the ultimate beauty in her
opinion. Inside this
drawer was a small book. Under that small book (that was a diary) lay a box. It
was hard paper and covered in sparkles and old flowers. After she put aside the
journal, she lifted the box from its home. It was light and beautiful in the
blueshine. Pushing the drawer back into place, she brought her box to the bed.
She sat quietly, her bare feet on the floor, and lifted the lid as gently as
she could. From the
darkness, she lifted two shoes. They were not walking shoes. They were soft and
pink, and they had fat silk ribbons sewn to the sides. Her heart swelled with
secret happiness as she touched them; they were God. She forgot about the box
and bent a leg, her hands gently pushing one slipper into place over her heel.
She inhaled deeply at the smooth feeling of its perfection. She quickly twined
the ribbons around her calf, tying them in a tight but soft bow behind her
knee. She did the same with her other, blood rising in her cheeks as she felt
her pulse race. This was her (and Lora Joan’s) secret. Jupiter
danced. The creature
became her accent; it melted to her figure and reached around her in an
aquamarine flame. She lifted herself slowly on the tip of her wooden-toed
slipper, wavering only in the dark, and held her arms out beside her. To the
music in her head, she danced. She danced until the walls fell away and the
ground melted. Her dancing continued into the darkness, twirling on air,
reaching for the stars, circling planets and lights unknown. The creaks of the
house around her were a tune, the whisper of the wind a melody. Her fingertips
touched, her back arched, her legs alternated defying gravity and her pajamas
rustled. It was very strong tonight, the Feeling. But it ended suddenly. Her
balance left in a rush and she nearly crashed into her desk, but stepped with
her foot to stay standing. [/i](eyes are
watching)[i] She turned
abruptly and saw Mama. She had come in, bleary-eyed and old, to see what the
noise was. There she stood in the doorway, her limp night hair falling out of
its silver braid. Her eyes were on the slippers. The beautiful, shining,
elegant slippers. Then they lifted to Jupiter’s. Tears rested below her lids,
patient to fall. Her thin lips formed words but no sound emerged. The wrinkles
in her eroding face were deep with a strange expression. “Jupiter,” she
whispered, her hands grasping air. The girl stared, afraid to move, a doe
caught in a car’s bright eyes. “Jupiter,” she repeated. She came forward and
reached for one of her granddaughter’s hands. Holding it firmly between her own
soft palms, she smiled. The tears rolled like pebbles down her worn cheeks.
“You are more beautiful than your mother.” [/i] chapter
sixteen: that was one lonely night [i]The night
was as lonely as a dead girl’s teddy bear. Though every second was filled with
a sort of adrenaline-rushing excitement, there was a substantial amount of
fear. [/i](what if
were caught will anyone ask why were here this shouldnt be happening we cant do
this)[i] Jupiter kept
these thoughts in a small box in her mind. They were bothersome; she wanted
nothing to do with them. She only wanted to bathe in the moonlight with her
man. Noah was her
man. They hadn’t known each other for long, and already he was a part of the
family. He played with Lora Joan nearly every day and had begun to eat dinner
with them. Her husband hadn’t seemed to mind; he was hidden behind his dark
veil of secret depression. He had started to bring Jupiter down with him, and
it annoyed her. She wanted to be happy; didn’t she deserve to be happy? The only thing
that eased her worry was Noah. He was kind and attentive; listening to every
word she said like each one was pure, instant fact. She saw the say he looked
at her. It was a soft kind of infatuation that she realized could become dangerous.
Living in the world she did required much more of her than a pretty smile now
and then. Her husband would not take it well, of that there was no doubt. And yet the
storm had passed, and the astronaut explorers, lost in a world of aliens, were
meeting again. The Lake was
beautiful as ever, quiet as a whisper and as gorgeous as the heavens, and they
were pleased. Noah took his shirt off and dropped it to the pebble-covered
ground. Jupiter didn’t mind. He kicked off his shoes and rolled up his pants. She
watched with mild interest and weary admiration as he waded out into the
shallow water. The moon’s light rippled around him and made it seem as though
his silhouette was dancing. Her smile widened as her eyes moved over his back.
He was handsome from every angle. Her man turned
to her and smiled. His dark curls were shining like ebony sunshine around his
face. She remembered the way that they moved in the wind while they had driven
there. Her excitement had led her to lean her entire upper body out the passenger’s
window and feel the cool wetness of the stormy air on her skin. Music played in
her head and it was sweet. It was the choir singing of the coming of a glorious
night. She saw it, this nearby future, with gold sparkles and warm feelings.
The present was dull but getting brighter, but tonight was going to be
brilliant. She would wake up thinking it was a dream " oh, what a wondrous
dream " but she would know, in her heart, that it was real. And so she
daydreamed up until the moment came, and she dreamed no longer. They sat, side
by side, looking at each other on the soft sandy beach. She admired his every
feature and felt she would never forget its shape. His eyes shimmered with
light of Heaven as he looked on her. She believed he was thinking the same
thing of her. A smile pulled on her smooth lips, and a twinkle grew in her eye.
They would not speak tonight. In the air
around them, there had been a feeling. It lasted for five days. On the first
day, Jupiter believed herself to have eaten something particularly good. Every
time she caught herself looking at Noah, she found a warm, tingling sensation
in her fingers. It reached to her palm within the hour, and then faded away
once she became distracted by something else. She seemed almost in a haze
without that tingling feeling. On the second
day, she began sleeping with Lora Joan. Her husband would find her curled up
beside her sister, sometimes a protective arm draped across her. She didn’t
ever remember going there in the night, seeing as how she fell asleep beside
him, but she had suddenly been needing a different warmth in sleep. Her dreams
were restless, she knew. She was unhappy beside her husband. The third day
showed a new symptom that was less dramatic. She started to eat more chocolate.
She had it in some form or another with every meal, including breakfast.
Sometimes she sat at the table, staring at the air with a dazed look in her eye
as she ate, slowly, piece by piece, the chocolate at her fingertips. Come the
fourth day, she was shaking. Every breath of air around her made each bone
tremble. She [/i]needed[i] to be touched. Her husband’s hand was like a
sculpture of a demon’s claw. It hurt her to be under him at night. She would
not let him touch her anymore. She wanted something else. She ached for
something different. She had no idea what it was. On the fifth
day, they had crossed paths. Noah was jittery and hadn’t washed or shaven in
four days. He was paralyzed when his eye met hers. They stopped in their
journeys, having noticed the other, and smiled. A moment passed between them
and they knew something had to be done. Since then,
Noah had shaved. He smelled clean, and his hair was as soft as silk string. His
hands were warm and gentle, pulling her to him. She felt them like hot air on
her skin, so light and yet so sturdy. She melted in his arms and felt his
breath on her lip. Gasping,
Jupiter turned away. He placed a curious kiss below her ear, making her shiver
subtly. She touched his cheek and smiled at him. It was okay, her smile said.
He didn’t have to worry. He echoed her
smile and lifted her chin with the side of his palm. There was a single moment
where their lips were only a hair’s breadth apart, and they hesitated. [/i](is this
right oh i love you so please let me)[i] Then their
mouths met, and it was wonderful. He tasted like warm summer wind and sweet,
sweet love. His lips were as gentle as she had imagined, and more. Her eyes
fluttered closed, hiding her gem-studded orbs as she rose into his kiss. Both
of his arms held her strongly, his fingers gripping at the cloth of her dress
shirt. Her long, light grey shorts were his next target, his touch grinding
against her and making trembles run through her. Those shivers were material
longing. Only two words
were said in the night. “Oh,
Noah…”[/i] chapter
seventeen: the star maker says it aint so bad The sun was
just beginning to greet the day. Her golden beams stretched out in an attempt
to touch the farthest reaches of the continent and warm them until they were
tickled. The moon was departing the scene to shine down on the late-night
sleepers in other lands. This was the time when the stars began to fall asleep.
This was the time the morning glories yawned and lived again. This was the time
that Noah chose to begin his new journey. The first
thing he decided was that he had to get Jupiter back. He wasn’t quite sure how
he intended to do this, but it was going to happen, one way or another. He
would rip the sorrow from her heart and set it aflame. He would dry every tear
that had ever spilled from her beautiful eye and soiled the soft, blushing
flesh of her cheek. He was determined to become the best for her that he could
possibly be. If that wasn’t enough to win her back, then… he would just have to
try harder. Failure was not an option; he could [i]not[/i] live without her. Sitting on the
creaking chair of his uncle’s porch, Noah plotted. He schemed and he thought
and he considered and he conspired. Jupiter was his life " he knew that now "
and there was no way he was going to let that slip away. The nagging
question that had lingered in his head for the four years he was gone: why did
he love Jupiter? He knew he loved her, he knew he needed her… but why? He
remembered meeting her, speaking with her, learning more about her by the
minute. Maybe it was because she listened when he spoke. Maybe it was that he
shared secrets with her. Maybe he loved her because she was a part of him, a
vital section of his heart, without which he wouldn’t be able to breathe. He remembered
the times when he had been forced out of her life, mostly when her husband had
taken her places. He travelled quite a bit, and sometimes took it upon his
fancy to let his little wife tag along. Noah despised him. Jupiter was a
goddess, an idol, not some business man’s scarf to be worn when the weather
suited its use. She was worth more than that. He recalled
the many times he had lain awake in another world, staring at the stars they
all shared and thinking of her. Sometimes he had been playing with the beach
band, The Leveled Hills, and thoughts of her would float before his eyes like
an elusive ghost. Many times he would step forward on the small party stage and
everything would go silent, and the wail of his guitar would scream out into
the night all the sorrow and emptiness that filled him. After every show,
people would greet him with warm hugs and whispers of luck. They could all feel
his hurt, flagrant in the night air that tingled around them and sparked on
their sun-bleached hair. He also
remembered when he had suddenly returned to thoughts of her, and he would be
surprised it hadn’t been on the forefront. Noah stood and
straightened his shirt. It wasn’t too early to pay a visit to the one he loved.
Without another thought, he bid his uncle farewell and started on his way. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i]One night,
the sprinkling stars were telling tales to the moonlit waves that danced on the
sand. California was beautiful and hot, and The Leveled Hills were showing off
their new, instantly popular lead guitarist. Everyone tried not to remember
that he was only a temporary hit, for soon he would have to disappear on his
journey to himself. Garth, the sandy-haired drummer, was rock-hard stoned. The
rest of the band was some sort of intoxicated or another. Noah had been
experimenting with a strange combination that left the taste of peach seeds on
his tongue. He smacked his mouth in an attempt to isolate the flavor, and
hopefully be rid of it, but there was only the feeling that he would sooner
taste the sun’s kisses than fix this dilemma in his throat. Smiles were
contagious on the summer wind. Laughter was the same. They were delightful
viruses circulating throughout the rocking population of sun-lovers and
soul-searchers. This was the Swing beach, preserved just for those who had the
potential to be great. The king of
the beach stood. He was tall and mighty; he was a god. His eyes were like
auburn flames shining through the night. His hair, as a babe, had been a soft
brown; it was now electric sunshine. He raised his arm, high above the pack of
beauty-starved creatures. They saw it in sound, in color, in spirit, while the
rest of the world watched on in wonder as they flew. Those who ridiculed them
envied their happiness. Noah wished Jupiter could see this. The king
waited until silence befell the throng of spirit singers. The air was on fire,
electrified, tense and jittery and happy like all of their skin. The king was a
lion standing over his pride; they were all eager under his rule. He spoke. “Tonight!” A cheer roared
across the crowds, like a sweeping wave of joy to hear his voice once more. He smiled and
nodded, waiting once more for silence. “Tonight, we are going to play until the
stars rain down upon us!” Another cry of
pure delight burst from them all. No one dared touch their glowing instruments,
for it was not time. The [/i]moment[i] had not come over them. The king had not
signaled it. The secret of
this event was exciting beyond belief. No one knew it was happening; no one
would know in twenty years. Only the people here knew that it was happening. By
morning there would be no trace but for the fading sandy footsteps. Noah loved
this. He could explore the beautiful world around him without leaving his mark
on tomorrow. He only wanted to be remembered by Jupiter. An old man sat
beside him. He looked like a wrinkled piece of brown paper. His eyes were coals
buried in the folds of his skin, and his hair was long and white. When he spoke
to Noah, his voice sounded like a fierce mountain wind. Feathers hung in his
hair and he smelled strongly of ganja. “This place is
a treasure,” he whispered in his ear, so that only he might hear. “These young
people don’t know the power of their spirits, but it is strong in them. The
moon shines on their hearts.” Noah was
entranced by the beauty on his tongue. “Yeah,” he said groggily, staring out at
the twinkling lights of candles and smiling faces. Any moment now, they would
all begin playing. It was the greatest privilege to start the wild rumpus; only
the best music-maker could attempt it. No one wanted to be the one to ruin it,
and so the beginning was far from sight. The old man told him that in the past
years he had come here, the real show wouldn’t dare to begin until the sun
teased the horizon. Noah wanted
Jupiter to know about this. [/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] The front door
of their " no, it was only hers now " house was a strange rust color. It didn’t
match the shutters on the windows, which were a kind of a forest green. Noah
frowned and looked over the house as he approached it. Not much about it was
very appealing to the outside eye. He loved what he saw because he had lived
there for almost a year, and the woman he loved was inside. He also feared it
because a child had died within its silent walls. This house was
like a book on the library’s topmost shelf. No one could reach it to see all of
the history inside. It was just out of range, barely within sight just to tease
the thirsty reader. Noah sighed
and stepped up on the porch. His fist lifted and lightly rapped on the wood. He
had done this before many times. For some reason, this was the most terrifying.
There was an empty " yet heavy as hell " feeling deep in the pit of his
stomach. His spine and scalp felt like they had been subjected to ice-water
torture. He was so afraid of what the future held. He needed Jupiter, he
[i]needed[/i] her, more than a desert needed the rain. He could only hope that
she would " [i]could[/i] " forgive him. Or at the very least, tolerate him. He
could live with a woman in his life who didn’t love him. He just had to have
her there, at all costs. He was prepared to jump from the highest clouds to be
by her side. Nothing could stop him from being there. He stood silently
before the door, wary to knock, scared to intrude, unsure if he was at risk;
could he actually forsake whatever chance he had at gaining her forgiveness? At
the last possible second, when he was sure that there was no way in hell he
would muster the courage to confront her, the moment just previous his complete
giving in, the door opened and he was met with the most beautiful pair of
sea-blue eyes he had ever seen. His heart melted, as did a fraction of his
inner fear. Her gaze was tired, yet there was something deep within it that
piqued his curiosity. She seemed happy. The sleepiness was just that, a lack of
slumber. She didn’t look like her heart was hurting as much. That was a good
sign. “Oh, um... Hi,”
he said, forcing a tiny smile to form on his lips. It felt fake, but it was
necessary. He couldn’t turn away now; after all he was standing on her porch.
She didn’t look particularly pleased to see him… maybe he shouldn’t have come.
Yes, that was it, he would leave now. He took a step back, unsure of where to
go or what to do. She had disarmed him by walking in " or out " on him. Well…
he couldn’t leave. No, he couldn’t. He could only move forward. Her silence
was tense. He waited for her to tell him to leave, order him off her property,
call the sheriff, anything. She just waited. He couldn’t find the words to say;
they stuck in his throat like cotton. She watched him levelly, her devilishly
gorgeous eyes boring right into him, piercing his soul again and again. She
seemed to be calculating every flicker of his eye, every twitch in his lip. She
was observing him. He squirmed under her scrutiny. “I, uh… I
wanted to come by and see if you needed help with anything. Maybe… painting the
door? Or maybe doing some dishes… I don’t care, I’ll be your slave. I’ll even clean
out the attic like you always wanted.” He immediately retracted, thinking he
had said too much. She wouldn’t want to be reminded of the past, what had he
been thinking? He should have concentrated on the present and the future. Jupiter
surprised him by smiling. “Yes,” she said in her angel’s voice. “I would like
that.” chapter
eighteen: the dream makers gonna make you mad [i]The drums
started it. They were deep
in the horizon, like a soft thunder coming their way. Noah lifted his head in
alarm, afraid an earthquake was coming, but the old man " whose name, he had
learned, was Smiling Moon " took hold of his arm and gave him a reassuring nod.
“It’s just the drums,” he murmured, gazing out into the early sun beach. As the
sound of beating instruments rolled in on them through the sandy hills, Noah
felt the tension grow. More and more people knew it was starting, and more and
more joined. There was a young girl beside him with wild golden curls who
suddenly began slamming her open palms down on a pair of exquisite bongos that
sat nestled between her legs. The people around her jumped slightly and then
smiled, whispering about what instrument would join next. The king
raised his arms in a mighty gesture. Everyone froze except the drummers. They
continued to send their vibrating song, striking every chord of every person’s
being, thrumming in their souls and calling to their hearts. The king smiled
down upon his subjects; his face was as wide as the moon. The king signaled the
next wave of drums; his hand was a paw. The king swung his hips and thrust
casually into the air; his aura was that of a peacock, all rainbows and eyes
and beauty. Noah watched in wonder as the king’s lemonade hair flew away from
his face. Then he danced. He leapt with
the grace of an exotic creature, his arms wide like phoenix wings. Someone
caught him and they twirled, buried in each other’s smiles and then twirling in
sync. Their skin was on fire, and little wings sprouted from their sun-burned
backs. Noah’s eyes watered as he saw them rise and fly through the air
together. They were angels on the cool dusk sand. His head spun
on his shoulders. The world around him was a whorl of colors and sounds, the
beating of the drums and the sound of dancers calling out to the departing
moon. A woman ran, half-naked, past Noah and Smiling Moon. The old Indian
watched her as she streaked by, his eyebrows raised and his eyes wide. After a
moment they looked at each other, dazed and happy, and burst into giggles
together. Smiling Moon’s were more like deep, throaty chuckles. He sounded like
a can of nails being shaken vigorously. As he watched,
the native’s eyes grew. The shine popped out and floated away like a bubble
underwater, and the large black of his pupils became the air. Noah rolled on
his back and stared up at the stars. They were spinning rapidly and screaming
down to them. Every little beam was as sharp as a needle, rotating faster than
Noah could see. In their sparkling jealousy, the stars called down, “New suns
be born this night!” Everyone there heard the stars, and a huge, gay cry rose
into the night. The king crowed to the moon. The [/i]moment[i] had come. A pair
of violins screamed out and soared through the air. A child slid on the sound
waves as they travelled. The sun was coming; they needed beauty! Suddenly,
there was sound everywhere. Not a patch of air went without music, and the
dancers filled the sunrise. Noah had taken up his guitar, and he now strummed
his fingers lazily and barely heard that he was out of tune. The Indian had
taken out a small flute-like thing, and was buried in its sweet tune. Since he
was fine on his own, Noah stood and looked up at the stars. They smiled and
waved, then continued spitting and cursing at each other. Noah giggled and
started walking through the forest of writhing, dancing, music-filled faces.
The light of their smiles rose high on the wind and carried their shine for
miles. Noah could see them, like spider webs of light on the sky. He bowed his
head for a minute, watching his hand as he played, testing some of the strings
and then continuing as he went. When he was satisfied with the smooth sound his
guitar sang, he tilted his head back and closed his eyes. The music flowed
through him and sprang from his fingertips, plucking the strings in a beautiful
harmony that all turned to hear. Smiling in his heart, Noah walked. He knew
they were all watching. They always watched when he played. Nervous, he
slipped and hit a wrong note. There was a gasp around him, mingled in with the
soft sound of instruments playing outside this little bubble of Noah’s guitar.
He stopped in his place, ran his fingers experimentally over the wires, and
decided it was good. As he continued moving, taking slow steps and swaying with
the music, he played. He heard a woman call from the left, but he did not open
his eyes. There were enough suns this morning; he need not add two more. But in
his mind, the image of a beautiful woman grew. Her hair was long and dark, and
her lips smelled faintly of berries. Her eyes were the planets and the seas. His music
grew.[/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] Jupiter yawned
and watched Noah through the kitchen window. It was eighty percent covered with
the vines that grew outside, but she could still catch a glimpse or two of his
handsome face. He didn’t know she was watching, silent and invisible behind the
shining glass. He kept cutting away, the tiny scissors held in his strong hand
snipping at the stems of each ivy leaf. She tapped her chin when she saw the
determined set in his jaw. From that look, she knew that he was thinking about
something intensely. She wondered if it might be her in his head. Shaking her
tempting thoughts away, she continued to do the dishes. The large soap bubbles
crawled up her arms nearly to her elbows, threatening to get on her hips and
then down her legs. She sighed at the hassle and started drying. Once all from
the day before had been put away, she leaned over the sink to watch Noah some
more. His jaw was just a tiny bit more pronounced than she remembered. There
were a few white hairs growing by his temples. She felt something cold strike
her heart. He had gotten older. The woman
turned away before she started hyperventilating. “It’s okay, Jupiter,” she
muttered as she grabbed a rag to wipe down the low table. “Just… take it easy.”
She sighed and rubbed the back of her wrist over her forehead. A light feeling
was building up behind her eyes. She glanced over her shoulder to watch Noah
for a few seconds more, then left the kitchen and went to her bedroom to rest
her eyes. She looked over at the darkened window, thought of how the vines had
grown with her misery, and closed her eyes. A light
scratching at the window brought her back. Her green eyes burst open and she
looked around quickly, fearing some strange creature had somehow gotten up into
her room. She squinted into the light that surrounded her. Frowning and holding
up a hand as a shield, she peered through the slanted shadows her fingers cast.
There, at the window, was the sun. And bathed in its warm glow, was Noah. She
blushed and rolled out of bed. She felt antsy in there, like he had been
watching her. She remembered the times when she would wake up in the middle of
the night to find his eyes on her, just observing her slumber. It frightened
her that someone could be that interested in her sleep patterns. She trotted
bare foot into the kitchen and poured herself a glass of iced tea. As her lips
pinched the edge of the brown glass, she thought of Noah outside her window.
She sipped a little of her drink, then started up the stairs again. The room
was bright, more so than she remembered before rushing out, and the air was
alive. She lifted her eyes to the window, and raised her eyebrows in
astonishment. The vines were
like dark veins across the glass… and not a single leaf was in sight. When she
had told him, [i]“Use these scissors to cut off about… half of these ivy leaves
here,”[/i] and motioned at the vine-covered wall, she hadn’t thought he would
actually [i]do[/i] it. She had been sure he knew she was full of it. What
reason could she have for removing the leaves, and not the vines themselves? She watched
him silently, sipping her tea and listening to the faint sound of snipping. It
was like a serenade from a disturbing dream. She watched the sun sparkle on his
golden skin. There was a warm breeze out there; she could see it playing with
his shaggy locks. A smile danced on the corner of her mouth, enticing it to be
a dreamy smirk. A single,
shining droplet of sweat streaked from the groove of his temple to his jaw. It
magnified the sun as it fell, and Jupiter’s eye caught the light. She nearly
dropped her glass. Of course, he was hot; she had to bring him tea! She quickly
pulled together a cup full of ice cubes and cool, sweet tea. He didn’t like
lemon… she left that aside. Her hand
opened the front door and let in the rare, hot spring. A gust of sweet air rushed her, throwing some
of her hair back from her shoulders. She strode across the porch, down the
steps and along the side of the house. The grass was tall and lush green; it
was gentle on her naked feet. Above her lazy clouds drifted by on azure skies,
elegantly flashing their dark underbellies through the high sun’s clear light.
A strip of shadow coated this side of the house, but would soon melt away as
the eye of flame showed its face. In the near distance, a songbird called to
its lover. Jupiter came to a silent stop behind the ladder Noah stood on and
watched him work for a minute before he noticed her standing there. His hand
moved quickly, his wrist flicking to send the sharp scissors chopping a leaf
away and letting it float down to the ground. Noah turned
his head and looked down at her with a thoughtless smile. “Hi,” was all he
said, and then began trimming again. She let him
work for a little while longer, but finally she said, “Come down, I brought out
some tea for you.” His face
appeared over his shoulder once more. “Yeah?” He shooed her away with his hand,
dropped the scissors in the grass, and started to climb down the steps. Jupiter
saw the dried mud caked in the grooves on the soles of his boots. It looked
like a desert right before the flood. Once he reached the bottom of the rickety
ladder, she held out his perspiring glass. When his arm extended to take it,
the image of birds sprang from his arm. They were so beautiful that for a moment
she forgot that they were tattoos. “Where did
those come from?” she inquired, pointing at his arm as soon as he had stopped
drinking. Before he answered, she caught sight of a pair of letters scrawled
onto the knuckles of his middle and ring finger: ‘LH’. What did that stand for?
Was it [i]another[/i] woman? Her name was something like Lauren Hughes, or
maybe Linda Hamilton… Noah smiled
and traced the wings of one of them with his fingertip; a blue hummingbird.
“These are from when I was in a band.” Instantly, a
rose of pride bloomed in her heart. Of course he was in a band, he played the
guitar beautifully. She remembered when he had played for Lora Joan. “What band
was it?” “The Leveled
Hills,” he sighed, smiling up at her. “Let me tell you how they got there.” chapter
eighteen: the spaceman says everybody look down [i]The sand
was cool and golden beneath his bare feet. The symphony of magic continued
around him, as potent as a woman’s perfume. He smelled the air with a smile as
he walked, his senses open to the majesty of the ocean. The nightly lashing of
the waves had died down softly, so that the sound of music rose and drowned out
the wind. Noah’s soul
poured into every second. The wires beneath his fingers were needles of bone
echoing death’s sweet tune. They were solidified tears being torn from their
sorrow. Each pounding note silenced the pain in his heart. Who was he? Where
should he go? Finally, the
gods of music sent him a sign. A small wave
rushed over his feet, bathing them to the ankles in soft, dancing sand. He
slipped in the sinking sand and fell to his knees, nearly dropping his precious
guitar into the water. Both his arms encircled it protectively, holding it
above the splash as the water came and burst against his legs. His eyes snapped
open, and the color exploded. A single woman
sang out into the morning light; it was a scream of passion. Before him, the
dancers twirled in coal-black silhouettes and flying hair. The women wore
skirts of red and orange, like the sun that watched their dance. The king dove
and rolled, leaping to his feet and gracefully twirling on the tips of his
toes. Noah knew it was the king even though he could not see his face. There
was an aura around him that was unmistakable. There was also one around the
woman who took his hand. The
instruments hushed. This was Special. Noah watched in amazement, thrown down on
his knees before these gods, holding his music near and dear. The king took his
queen and danced slowly with her, stretching from her fingertips to point at
the stars that had all but disappeared. The dancers around them twirled slowly
and let their skirts bloom like wine-stained roses. Noah’s bronze
eyes followed the queen. Her hair was long, her legs even longer. Her skirt was
a deep shade of rouge. The king lifted her up by her waist. She was a crane
above him, arms outstretched and legs bent just so that her strange angle
looked beautiful. She must have weighed no more than a swan’s feather. A bird cried
out. Then he set her on her feet and she was dancing on her own in the circle
of her brethren. The music swelled as she moved, the violins raising their
voices with the drums’ beating. Noah remained paralyzed, though his
kaleidoscope eyes followed [/i]her.[i] She leaped
into the air, her legs spreading like a ballerina’s. Her hand lifted the
strings of everyone’s marionette spirits, and the music roared. As she hit her
peak, [/i](in slow
motion can you see her oh how she flies)[i] a small flock
of birds fluttered behind her and scattered to where her fingers pointed. Her
hair was like windy grass behind her, reaching past her waist like a falling
river. The sun flashed behind her and cast an orange glow on the dark waters
behind her. Its rays stretched behind her and blinded him. Jupiter flashed in
his mind. She was a dancer, too. When he could
see once more, the dancing had stopped, and his cheeks were wet. The queen came
up to him, blocking the bright light with her curvy body. She bent at the
waist, hands on her knees as she stared into his face. The sun peered over her
shoulder in a golden burst. ‘Hello,’ it
said.[/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] “Mm,” she
sighed with a smile. “That was a beautiful story.” She ran her fingers through
the broken stems of her ivy. Mama had planted that when Jupiter had turned
five. The seeds had been in a little purple flowering pot with a note that said
“You are the planet in my universe.” A small wave
of regret flowed through her. How could she let Noah cut this down? This was
her heart, her memory of Mama. It was as if she had told him to burn all of her
photo albums, stowed away in the attic. She looked down on him with a faint
disdain. Her attempts to keep the tiny scowl from her apple-red lips were
halfhearted. He was destroying more of her. But that was okay, because he
didn’t know it. He had never known what he was doing to her. With an inner
smile, Jupiter realized that she would show him. She couldn’t forgive him yet;
he hadn’t suffered enough. Secretly, she wanted to hate him. He had torn her
apart, shouldn’t he have to pay? Wandering in
her thoughts, she slipped a hand into her pocket and closed her fingers around
the small silver case nestled inside. The sun sparkled on the initials, ‘JAD’
engraved on the front as she opened it and tugged out a long, thin cigarette.
She closed the holder in her palm and put it back in her pocket, where it was
almost always. From her other hip she pulled out a Zippo lighter. With her lips
holding the tube and her hand cupping the tip, she lit the cigarette. Her
finger circled around and pushed the cap down, and then she dropped it in her
pocket. Her green eyes watched Noah as he knelt before her, so concentrated on
his work that he hadn’t seen her actions. With her two first fingers she held
the cigarette and inhaled deeply. She dropped it beside her hip and blew out a
steady stream of smoke. Noah’s head
lifted and his eyes landed on hers. Horror appeared in his expression like a
flash of lightning. He leapt instantly to his feet and snatched the smoking
cylinder from her lips as she raised it for another puff. Ignoring her startled
reaction, he threw it on the ground and smashed it under the heel of his boot.
Then he lifted his head. “What the [i]hell[/i] are you doing?” he hissed. She blinked
several times, unbelieving of his gall. “Um, excuse me?” There was a strange
fury in his eyes, as well as a quiet whisper of fear. How strange. “You can’t
smoke. How long have you been doing that? You have to stop, right now.” He
looked around for something, then pointed at her pocket. “Are they in there? Is
that where you got it? Give it to me.” He held out his palm, completely
serious, and seemed to be attempting to stare her down. Jupiter could
do nothing but burst out laughing. “You… have [i]got[/i] to be kidding me!”
After a moment she put her hands on her hips.
“What is your problem, Noah? You scared me!” She frowned deeply at him.
When she had seen his hand flying through the air, she had, for a moment,
believed he meant to strike her. She had no reason for this fear; it was a
completely irrational thought. His reply was
bewildered. “I don’t want you to smoke anymore.” He looked her up and down, as
if he saw how silly he was acting. “What are you
talking about? Why not?” He seemed to
deflate a little under her scrutiny. “I… I don’t want you to.” Both her
eyebrows shot up. “Oh, and I’m supposed to do everything you want, right? Why
don’t I chop off my hair and let you sleep with other women? Hey, I should even
take you back after you leave me. You want that, don’t you? Tell me if that’s
what you want.” He flinched
when she spoke. “It’s not like that. I just get a really bad feeling about
them. I wish you wouldn’t.” He looked balefully at the cigarette resting in her
fingers. For a moment, Jupiter fantasized that he was jealous of it. With a little
shake of her head, she stepped away from him. “You don’t know what you’re
talking about. You can’t control me. I won’t let you.” “But… I really
feel it’s best if you don’t.” Appalled, she
tucked a strand of hair behind her ear. “Best? Since when have you known what’s
best? Best for yourself? Best for me? Noah, you wouldn’t know what’s best if it
bit you in the behind.” She took another hit from the cigarette and blew the
smoke in his direction. “I don’t need you anymore.” With that, she
turned and strutted back to the house, leaving Noah standing in the
sun-drenched grass. She couldn’t believe him! Asking her to stop smoking was
like asking her to take down the American flag Mama always hung beside the
front door of the house. He just couldn’t do it. And who was he to claim he
knew what was best for her? He left her alone for years, and then expected her
to accept him as soon as he returned. Boiling
inside, she locked the front door and trudged up the stairs. She turned away
from her bedroom and went straight down the hall to the attic stairs. When she
reached the top she found a long, white candle to light. She ruffled through
the boxes, searching for the one in particular that held what she searched for.
A small one in the corner sat lifeless, as it had for quite a few months. She
hadn’t opened it since she had stopped needing Noah. What she found inside,
under a small storm of sprinkling dust, was a pair of small journals. She
pulled out the one with the red ribbon tucked into the pages. The candle flame
flickered around her as she sat back, pulled up the attic door, and flipped
through the journal to find the first empty page. Her scribbled handwriting was
elegant and sloppy, and her words stank of emotion. She had
decided that she could no longer keep it in. She hadn’t wanted to write about
Noah’s return in a negative way because she was sure things would fix
themselves immediately. Now she saw that in order to correct the mistakes made
by both of them, she had to take it step by step. The first was
to write about it in the little journals she saved just for him. chapter
twenty: its all in your mind [i]Noah came
back. I can’t
believe the b*****d. I just… I have no idea what to say to him! I’m trying to
understand why he believes that I could " or would " take him back the moment
he returned. He has to earn me. I deserve to be earned by him. He can’t have me
yet. It’s enraging.
I don’t know what to do with him. Do I tell him to piss off? Do I try to coax
him into being better? I don’t even know why he came back. What happened, did
Madeline dump him overseas? And what’s with all the tattoos? I don’t understand
what he was thinking when he did that to his body. They’re beautiful, sure… and
I want to know the stories they all have… but it was still stupid of him. I’m beginning
to wonder if I should have had an affair. Wait, no… not an affair. Noah and I
were [/i]not[i] together. We aren’t anymore. He’s not my lover, he was never my
husband, and… and… that’s that. If I had accepted any of the offers for
relationships, I would have something on him. The baker gave me many bouquets
of flowers. Why didn’t I do anything? I could have been pleasing myself all
this time. But no, I had to stay true to Noah. I had to remain his and only
his. I [/i]had[i] to. That’s… just how it works. I’m a little
disappointed he didn’t do the same. Who am I
kidding? It really upsets me. I feel like I’m less to him now. Like… he can
have other women. He doesn’t need me. That’s what his actions say. He’s over
me, he doesn’t want me anymore, I shouldn’t hold him to anything. But that so
wrong! He’s
despicable. I missed him so much.[/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] Jupiter sighed
and closed the journal between her hands. Her heart was racing quietly in the
cave of her chest. This was going to be interesting. After a moment
of nothing, she peered back into the pages. Here was her first entry, when she
had first realized he was worthy of documenting. Every moment with him she had
wanted to preserve and protect. She was attached to the seconds of her life
where he held her hand and whispered her name. Even in the scandal of leaving
her husband, he had stayed by her side. He had been loyal and perfect. What had
happened? She ran her
fingerprints gingerly over the pages. They smelled of old tears and smeared
pencil markings. Her handwriting was neat and beautiful when she was calm. When
she became upset as she had just now, her writing blurred together and slanted
heavily. There were moments of deep emotion in this journal. Many memories of
Lora Joan and Noah and her husband were in there, all the people who had been
with her in those four years of loneliness.
She would never forget., especially those first few weeks, when she had
fallen in love for the first time in her life. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i]Dear
reader. I have fallen in love, and it isn’t with my husband. Things to
remember: he has golden eyes. His hair is black and very curly. His hands are
soft. There is a scar on his left palm in the shape of a crescent moon. He
doesn’t like chocolate. How strange. He doesn’t wear a hat outside like my
husband does. I want to lick his cheek. He doesn’t have much facial hair… I
don’t know if he shaves it or if he just doesn’t have it. His eyebrows are
long. They’re fun to draw on. He is pretty, and anyone who knows him will agree. This is all I
have learned so far. He makes me
feel whole. My heart is just… so happy with him. My husband could never make me
feel this good. I was beginning to feel like an empty old hag with him. Every
morning I would wake up wondering what I was missing and how I could find it. When I met the
man I’m in love with, everything fit together. The puzzle pieces in my head
make perfect sense now. He is right. He seems
perfect. How? Well… he listens when I speak. He doesn’t dismiss me as a “silly
woman.” It feels wonderful, being paid attention to. It’s important to feel
like the person I’m with cares. And… he touches me sometimes. They’re just
little touches… one on the shoulder when I say a sweet thing, a kiss on the
cheek when he brings me home. I feel like a precious doll, wrapped up in his
arms. I saw him for
the first time and already I knew that I wanted to know him. I didn’t care what
kind of a person he was, if he was crazy or depressed. I didn’t know anything,
but I wanted to know all. I would have left everything behind if he would just
tell me his name. And his guitar, it’s so beautiful! He’s played a couple songs
that he wrote, and I can’t wait to hear more. I love a man who plays an
instrument. And he is so sweet to Lora Joan. I can’t believe it; he treats her
like a real princess. She talks about him all the time, like he’s some
superhero come to take her away. Lora Joan
hasn’t been very sick since I met him. She comes outside almost every day.
She’s been drawing a lot more, as well. It’s so good to see her happy and
healthy. I wish it could last forever. In the future,
I want to remember how a single moment can change a life forever. [/i] chapter
twenty-one: well now im back at home and She sat with
her head bowed over the treasure of her past, oblivious to the world around her
but for this piece of her life. She flipped quietly through the pages, her
fingers gently handling the paper, and she beamed. In the early days, she had
been so in love with Noah. Over time, however… the person she had fallen for
was gone, changed. He was something else now, someone alien. She didn’t
understand him anymore. Sighing to
herself, Jupiter looked. Below her,
Noah was searching for redemption. He had found the hidden key (which oddly
hadn’t moved from its place beneath a loose board on the porch) and come in a
little while after she had stormed off, sensitive to her anger but eager to fix
things. He fidgeted through the kitchen, toying with cups that had been there
for as long as he remembered. One or two of them had thin cracks in their
porcelain. Every few minutes he lifted his head, thinking that one sound or
another was Jupiter coming to talk to him. He didn’t think she would forget
about him. Finally he
could bear it no longer. He felt useless, sitting down here when she was
somewhere in the house. He had to find her. The search
began in the living room and reached all the way to Lora Joan’s empty room, and
Jupiter was nowhere to be found. He turned and started to walk back toward the
room that he used to share with her. Gazing on the empty bed, he heard a noise
behind him. He turned and laid his eyes on the attic ladder, pulled down and
resting at the end of the hall. How he couldn’t have seen it, he had no idea.
Quickly, he started to walk toward it, but slowed just before he stepped onto
the first rung. He had to be patient. Maybe she didn’t want to be interrupted
in whatever she was doing up there. Careful and slow, he climbed to the top and
peered into the darkness. He saw her
kneeling beside a small candle, her head bent over something in her lap. He bit
his lip and watched the candlelight flicker on her skin. What was she doing?
Was she looking at picture? He lifted his head slightly in an attempt to see,
but only succeeded in making the stairs creak. Instantly, he ducked, clinging
to the ladder in the hopes that she wouldn’t choose to investigate the strange
noise. After a minute of nothing, he peeked again. She seemed undisturbed. Noah wondered
why she had been so upset. He had witnessed a horrible nightmare involving
cigarettes " it only made sense that they were bad! He didn’t understand how
she couldn’t respect his wants. At least she could [i]not[/i] smoke in his
presence. He sighed a
bit and looked to her face. Her hand moved in her lap; she had turned the page
in a sort of book. Why was she reading? Curiosity growing, he stepped a little
higher on the ladder. It stayed mercifully silent under his weight. Breathing
shortly, he slowly climbed all the way into the attic. She continued to read,
peaceful in her candlelight, unaware of anything. Something
creaked, this time much louder than the ladder. Jupiter’s head lifted and
turned to him. Their eyes met, and he knew he had made a mistake. “What the hell
are you doing!” she barked, jumping to her feet and staring down at him. The
book " he could see now that it was a journal " was clutched to her chest by a
protective arm. “This is private. How did you get in?” She gasped. “Did you
break a window? Oh Noah, tell me you didn’t.” He frowned and
crossed both arms over his chest, not moving. “You never got rid of the hidden
spare,” he said, looking up at her and then away. “Um… what were you doing?” She scoffed.
“As if I would tell you. Go away.” “Jupiter,
please.” He lifted his eyes pleadingly to hers. She was like a sea goddess, and
he the lowly sun. She could put him out in a second. Her oceanic
eyes narrowed at him. “Fine. You can stay. But go sit over there.” She waved
her hand haphazardly in the direction of the tiny attic window, as if it were a
deserted corner in her mansion of memories and that was where he belonged. Happy with
this, he moved. He sat silently in the dust, watching her as she resumed her
position, only facing him. She wanted to be able to see him if he was in the
room. He felt a stab of hurt in his heart: she didn’t trust him anymore. Jupiter
continued reading through her journals. She scanned each and every page,
tasting the emotions she had felt for the first time in years. It was sweet and
raw, unlike her current bitter state. She couldn’t wait to be happy again. Suddenly, she
didn’t recognize the handwriting. She blinked a few times in confusion, turning
back a page and reading. [i]Noah has
been good to us.[/i] That was the
last entry she recognized. She smoothed out the next page, marveling at the
large, messy letters. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i]Dear
Joopie, Noah came to
my house! He loves me and I love him. He gived me a pretty leaf today from the
garden outside because I can’t go out. I miss the outside. Is it still pretty?
I wanna see again. PS, thanks for
teaching me even because I am sick. I love you, sissy.[/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] Jupiter wiped
at the tears gathering in her eyes. She glanced up at Noah to see him watching
her. She put on a flustered air and started fussing with the pages, tossing
them about like they might be on fire but she wasn’t quite sure yet if they
were. He chuckled a little and began crawling closer to her. “Jupiter?” he
asked softly, now only a few feet between them. She sniffled
and opened the book to Lora Joan’s previously-unseen journal entry. She must
have wanted to be like her big sister. Jupiter sobbed quietly and squeezed the
journal in her hands. Noah crept nearer. She shoved the book in his direction,
not looking at him, and waited until he took it gently in his hands. He
respectfully stayed on the designated page, leaning closer to read in the dull
light. After a moment, he looked up at her. “Oh, Jupiter.”
He sighed and set the book aside, moving beside her and touching her arm. “She
only wants you to be happy.” Jupiter looked
at him with watery eyes. “I know that. You think I don’t know my sister?” She
dropped her head, letting her vision become crystallized. She whispered softly,
“She was my baby.” Noah pulled
her into his arms and held her close. It was okay, he wanted her to know. He
was here now, and he would fix everything. “Shh, now,” he soothed, stroking her
hair. “Here. I have a story for you.” He pulled Jupiter up by her chin, rubbing
his thumb over her remaining tears. “Smile for me, baby.” Her lips pulled into
a pitiful little smirk. He frowned at her and brushed a strand of her hair out
of her face. “Do you want to hear my story?” The thick film
of water in her eyes all but disappeared when she blinked her big, black
eyelashes. “Who’s it about?” He smiled and
tapped the journal. “Your baby, of course.” chapter
twenty-two: im looking forward to this life i live [i]A soft
knock on wood woke him from his afternoon dream. Blinking his golden eyes wide
open, Noah became aware that there was a person on his porch. He yawned quietly
as he got to his feet, the heel of his hand rubbing along his scratchy jaw. He
hadn’t shaved in a little while. A sleep-weary hand took hold of the doorknob
and pulled, revealing a glimmering fountain of light from the angel that stood
there. A pair of bright, aquamarine eyes stared at him, framed with a halo of
dark hair. “Hello,
Jupiter,” he said quietly, letting his eyes adjust to the outside light. He
quickly saw that there was a small girl leaning her head in the groove of her
waist. She had sleepy blue eyes. A smile grew on his face as he moved down onto
one knee. “Hey, Lora Joan,” he said in a hushed voice, smiling happily and
reaching out to stroke her cheek. A little smile picked at her lips, letting
free a tiny giggle as she pressed her face into Jupiter’s hip. “I would never
come to you unless I absolutely had to. I just get so worried about Lora Joan
that I can’t concentrate on doing anything. Could you please watch her for the
afternoon? Bring her home at eight, if you could. Thanks a lot; you are helping
me so much.” Noah presented
his hand to the little girl. “Would you like to come inside?” He chuckled at
the sight of her bouncy locks of hair moving as she nodded and skipped merrily
past him. He watched her flit around the living room like a curious butterfly
before he stood and smiled at the woman standing before him. “I’d be more than
happy to look after her. Eight, you said?” Jupiter
nodded, a smile on her ruby lips. “This means the world to me.” She lowered her
eyes, perhaps in an attempt to hide her growing blush. Meanwhile,
Lora Joan was playing as a kitten in a whole new world. There was the
sofa-mountain, black and glorious beside the table-beast’s castle. Oh no! Watch
out for the newspaper dragon! She squealed excitedly and jumped on the
cushions, burrowing through the pillows to find her treasure. It was here
somewhere, she just [/i]knew[i] it! She peered over the arm of the chair and
stepped off, her long blue skirt shivering around her tiny legs. Her shoes had
already been removed. The adventure girl got down on her hands and knees,
willing to travel through the darkest rivers and deepest oceans to find the
right kind of pearl. Aha! She leapt
to her feet, staring wide-eyed at the green monster sitting on the little
table. It was bathed in the soft glow of the lamp that sat silently above it,
ever shining and every shiny. She seized the knob in her hand and started
turning it furiously, listening with a keen ear to the voices of the radio.
When she had found something she could tolerate, she began to dance. Noah
interrupted her. “Hey, squirt.
You want something to eat?” She grinned
and hopped up. “Yeah!” “All right,”
he burst, stomping into the kitchen to retrieve her feast. Lora Joan wandered
around the small coffee table, investigating the shelves beneath it for papers
to tear. Here was a nice magazine… she started bending the corners of every
page like a dog’s ear. By the time Noah returned, she had created a miniature
sculpture of ads and pictures. He chuckled and admired her masterpiece, setting
a large plate before her. “It’s your dinnertime, right?” Lora Joan
nodded and took hold of the fork. “Whoa! Cake!?” She immediately dove into it,
devouring the pink and white pastry like she had never had sweets before in her
life. Her lips littered with colored crumbs, she giggled. “Thish ish the hest
eher!” He laughed and
tucked a piece of her hair behind her little pink ear. Her nose was the same
rosy color. “Are you sick again, honey?” he asked curiously, sitting back to
watch her eat. She gained the
aura of someone who didn’t want to tell their spouse they had been fired.
“Well… I’ve had this cough, you see. And my throat hurts when I swallow.” She
demonstrated by gulping down a large bite of cake and lightly touching her
collar. She winced a tiny bit and then looked around with a purpose in her eye.
“Do you have any water?” “Oh, right.”
He got to his feet and went back into the kitchen. As he filled a cup with
water, his eyes fixed on the counter. She was sick. He had her for at least
four hours. He should do something for her. Grinning in
satisfaction, he grabbed his keys and brought the water to his visitor. He sat
down beside her and waited until she was done to speak again. “I have you
until eight o’ clock.” She nodded. “That’s a long
time.” Her eyes
turned to him. She knew this. A smile began
to live in his mouth. “Do you want to go on an adventure?” Her eyes
glittered like eager stars. They said, without so much as the sound of her
sweet angelic voice, “Why yes, yes I do.”[/i] chapter twenty-three: you know its gonna haunt me [i]A sliver of
sunlight peeked in under the hat to warm her eyelids. Her giggles vibrated with
the rough road they drove on. She didn’t know where this adventure was, but it
was going to be great. Any time she donated to Noah’s watch always turned out
to be more fun than her wildest dreams and drawings. She had learned early on
in her life around him that he was much more interesting than her sister’s
husband. Heck, he gave her cake for dinner! If that wasn’t good, she had no
idea what was. Not to mention he looked like a [/i]king![i] Jupiter had been talking
about a prince, but he was, beyond a shadow of a doubt, much more than a
prince. In her dreams, Noah married Jupiter and they became king and queen, and
Lora Joan would be a real princess. When they
rolled to a stop, she tried to push up the huge brim of the hat on her head. It
was bigger than her whole body! Noah was crazy giving this to her. She pushed
it off and turned her head to find that he was at her door, preparing to open
it and free her from her restricting seatbelt. “Where are
we?” she asked as she hopped out of his truck. She saw the yellow and green
grass beneath her shoes and her jaw dropped. “It’s half dead!” Noah chuckled
and took her tiny hand in his. His knuckles were awkward in his youth. She
liked the way they felt on her fingers. It was like she was touching a tree
without its clothes on. She sighed happily and looked up in wonder as they
neared a large and very colorful tent. People were coming in from the rest of
the world, it seemed, just so they could come to this show. The strips of the
tent were bright red and yellow, alternating in a dizzy pattern to excite its
visitors. They
approached the big, open flaps. She giggled and hugged Noah’s hand. Was that a
[/i]pony!?[i] She squealed excitedly and darted through the people to see the
pretty animal. When she was standing before it, she stopped. She didn’t want to
look like a snake to the poor thing. She reached a hand up and let it sniff
her, making a giggle erupt from her dry lips. The young man
standing beside the tiny horse tightened his grip on its reins. Lora Joan
wished he would set it free. Then she could ride it to a land very far away
where she could live forever and be a princess. Noah took her
hand and led her inside where all the other people went. For a few minutes, he
held her on his hip as he searched for a seat or two. He might have to sit her
on his lap so she could see. Once the show
began, the chatter around them grew hushed. In the center of this enormous
audience was a ring around what looked to be a stage. There, a ballerina
tigress danced and twirled, her red stripes blending into her hair and making
her fierce. Lora Joan’s eyes followed her every movement in wonder, and soon
she was in a daze. The ballerina’s droopy pink tutu looked like a wilting
tulip. Her eyelids
fell, and her head landed on Noah’s shoulder. When she
opened her beautiful blue eyes again, she was met with billions of stares. Her
hands tightened instinctively on Noah’s shirt when she realized she was in the
center ring. She looked around, frightened, and called for her sister. A
booming laughter burst from the man standing beside them. He looked like
someone from her nightmares. Cowering into Noah’s embrace, she stared as the
man came closer and glared at her face. Was she ugly to him? She felt a
comforting hand in her hair, but she was still afraid. “Little girl,”
the man whispered. “Are you… sick?” She glanced
around the crowded tent and gave a weak nod. “OH NO!” he
wailed, and all the clowns that had been hiding in the shadows burst forth and
started screaming all at once, “Germs! Germs!” over and over as they scrambled
from the ring. Lora Joan
cried out and buried her face into Noah’s neck. Big, fat tears collected in her
eyes and spilled down her tiny, blushing cheeks. She heard her king saying
something to the other man in her defense, and then she was being whisked away
from this awful place. Noah opened
the back of his truck and made a comfortable lap for her to curl up in. He
stroked her hair and asked what was wrong. The girl’s
pouting lip protruded and showed its hidden pink flesh. “I hate being sick.” “Oh honey. Why
do you hate it?” He held her close and rubbed his thumb along the curve of her
small arm. “I’m scared of
dying. I don’t want to leave.” Her angel-like voice was heavy with sadness. Sighing, he
touched her chin. She looked up at him with large eyes. “Lora Joan, dying is
part of life. If you don’t die someday, then you were never alive.” A frown pulled
her lips down. “Jupiter told me that you said you would stay and make me
better.” Her fingers were playing with each other like sleepy puppies. “Will
you?” “I can’t stay
forever.” She lifted her gaze to him again, and he smiled. “I’m going to die
someday, too.” His fingers brushed aside a strand of her curly hair. “I promise
you’ll understand.” She shook her
head in defiance. “I don’t want to. I hate dying. It’s not fair.” “I’m going to
die, and so is Jupiter.” A gasp escaped
her. “Nuh uh! You’re lying!” He shook his
head solemnly. “But I promise that she’ll always love you.” She leaned her
head on his shoulder, thinking silently to herself. “Are you afraid she’ll
die?” Noah turned
his eyes to her and saw that she her chin was tucked, her eyes hidden by a wave
of her hair. She was fidgeting over her stomach, like a squirrel trying to warm
its paws in the winter. He smiled and pulled her hair behind her ear. “I have
no reason to be afraid.” “Why?” “Because,” he
said, pulling her closer to his chest, “the people you love are always in your
heart. Even if you can’t make memories with them anymore, they are with you in
spirit.” Her tiny brow
furrowed and she looked at him. “What’s a spirit?” “Spirits are
what make us human.” He drew a flower on her knee. “It’s your feelings that
stay behind when you’re gone. The people who miss you are made happy,
remembering you.” She took this
in, biting at her bottom lip as she looked out to the darkness that was the
woods. The sun must have fallen asleep while they were inside that stupid tent.
She yawned a little and closed her eyes. A minute later, Noah nudged her. She
lifted her head again and looked, and her breath was gone. Little glowing
lights were floating around them. The fireflies drifted lazily through the air,
diving at the grass and picking at the leaves. “I don’t want
to die,” she said quietly. Noah wrapped
both his arms around her and kissed her temple. “It’s okay to love life. Life
is great, and it shouldn’t be taken for granted.” She nodded
knowingly and leaned forward, her hand outstretched to touch a burning bug that
came close. “Jupiter doesn’t want me to die, either.” The image of
this little girl’s sister, teary-eyed and desperate, flashed into his mind. He
took Lora Joan’s hand and held it tightly to her heart, looking deep into her
eyes. “I don’t want you to die.” Her chin
wrinkled and droplets glazed her eyes, growing on her eyelashes. He smiled and
touched her cheek. “Nobody wants you to die, Lora Joan.”[/i] chapter
twenty-four: so hesitation to this life i give All he wanted
was for Jupiter to understand. “Lora Joan
knew what it meant to die,” he said softly in her ear. “She also knew what it
meant to live.” A hopeful smile lifted his expression. “She’s happy with what
she got to do. I promise you.” Her eyes
lifted to his, and she understood. Maybe now it was time to forgive. Could she
do that, after all the pain he had caused her? After all the promises he hadn’t
kept? But… what about all the ones he had? She was afraid to let herself be vulnerable
to him again, after the last time he had cut her so deep. Her lips fell apart,
as if unable to hold back the words behind them any longer. “I was lost without
you,” she whispered. Her mouth trembled as her eyes filled to the brim with
tears. “I didn’t know where to go. I didn’t know what to say to people.” Giving
in to her need, she buried her face in his chest and sobbed. It was good to
feel his warm arms holding her after all the loneliness she had felt. His cheek
rested on her head as he told her a secret. “I was lost without you, too.” When
she looked up at him, he kissed her cheek softly. Feeling her melt against him
was like a material answer to all of the prayers he had come to have. He hadn’t
realized in time " he left before the fact had graced his mind " but Jupiter
was the world he had been searching for. He had left everything behind because
he hadn’t known where [i]he[/i] stood in the world. His belief was, plain and
simple, that if he searched far enough he would something to replace the
absence he had felt in his heart. In truth, he had had it in the palm of his
hand, right before him. He had held it, and then dropped it because he hadn’t
seen it there. Jupiter was
his world, and he should have never left her. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i] “I want
you to know something, Jupiter Anne,” Miss Mays’ old voice whispered huskily.
Jupiter was entranced by the familiar lines " like those of her Mama " she saw
etched into the woman’s sagging skin. They had met
the day before at their joint mailbox, and the elderly woman had instantly
attached to her. “Oh, I just moved here!” she had informed her with a cheery
smile, and then insisted she come try her Secret Tea. The name had mystified
Jupiter’s mind, and now here she sat, sipping a cup of something sweet and
delicious that left a very warm feeling running down her throat. It felt like
she was swallowing cooled lava. Miss Mays was
telling a story. She went about it magically, her slightly dirty glasses
perched precariously on the end of her spotted nose. Her golden hair was held
back in a thick braid that draped across her hunched shoulder. Her long fingers
trembled gently as she scooped sugar into her small china glass. Its intricate
designs were painted on in pale magenta. “I had just left my husband,” she
said, stirring her tiny spoon through the dark liquid. A soft clinking sound
was a timer as she spoke. “My [/i]third[i] husband,” she pointed out with a
chuckle. Jupiter smiled
a little and thought of her first, as well as the one she had never married.
Her eyes moved to her empty ring finger as Miss Mays continued. “I had just
left him, and now I was travelling the world. I wanted to find myself. I didn’t
know where I was going, all I knew was I wanted to [/i]get[i] there.” Her hands
flowed through the air, painting a vivid picture for Jupiter with her words.
“The ocean was so huge. I couldn’t see the end of it! In the mornings, I went
out on the deck of the ship just so I could watch the sun rise. It was so
beautiful. Every gemstone imaginable was scattered on the surface of the
water.” She would see
it in her mind, sparkling brilliantly in a myriad of bright colors. If she
closed her eyes, she could imagine the feeling of sea mist giving her face tiny
fairy kisses. “At night, I
swear, I could see all the stars in the sky. Every one was like a big, fat
diamond winking at me.” Miss Mays’ old eyes twinkled with the fond memory. “My
young lover was braiding my hair.” Her hands floated over the blonde braid on
her shoulder. “He was good to me…” Jupiter said,
in the tiniest voice possible: “Noah made me feel like a princess.” She was
leaning over her cup of tea, staring into the rising steam with moisture
clouding her eyes. “My darling,”
the hostess said in a gentle sigh, a genuine smile on her wrinkled mouth. She
moved her hand on top of Jupiter’s and squeezed a little. Her skin felt glossy.
“The ones you love are greater in your mind than the sun. Have you ever noticed
that you feel cloudy without him?” With widened
eyes, she nodded. She most certainly had. She had been a hurricane without his
loving sunshine. “I’ve been in
love many times, dear. Every time I meet a new man, it’s a perfect fairytale
all over again. I can see the happy ending, I can hold it in my hand… but he
doesn’t see it with the same eyes. The men I’ve had didn’t seem to understand
how wonderful it could be.” She sighed in defeat. “But that’s how it goes.” A
smile warmed her lips as she turned her head to Jupiter. Her hand pressed down
again. “You can fall in love with anyone, you know.” “I don’t know
about that…” The young woman cast her eyes downward and screwed her lips in an
awkward frown. Miss Mays was so warm that it was hard to remain cold inside.
Which made her wonder… why was she reluctant to let the icicles in her melt? “Believe me,
honey. It’ll happen.” The old queen yawned and reached her arms out. Jupiter
could almost hear the creaking in her bones. “Someday you’ll fall in love with
someone that deserves you.” [/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] “I want to
show you something!” she exclaimed, dragging him by his hand. Noah tried hard
to keep up with her; where had she gotten those legs!? It was a day
after they had reconnected. Jupiter had let him sleep on the couch. What a huge
step that was in his mind. He was so close, now! He could almost feel her body
on his for the first time in four years. He felt that he had earned her love,
after all the hell he had gone through to get her back. But it was worth it.
Oh, it was so worth it. “Hurry up.
You’re so slow!” They reached the ladder leading to the attic. Neither of them
had bothered to replace it the night before; they had been too wrapped up in
not being enemies. Noah laughed
and nudged her out of the way so he could get up before her. Her hand clamped
down on the back of his ankle, pulling him down again. They were laughing
together now, until they both somehow made it past the pull of gravity. They
drifted through the sterile dust of the attic until they reached a small box
that Jupiter pulled out of a shadow. It was sacred; she handled it like a
treasure chest. As she opened it, the excitement in her eyes grew, until she
was almost crying with happiness. “Here, here!” she said, shoving a
leather-bound journal into his hands. In response to his curious look, she
opened it and flipped to the first page for him. His eyes fell
to the scripture resting like a calm beast in his palms. It was written on, in her
elegant handwriting. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i]Today, my
mother came to visit. She was everything I’ve ever imagined. Her hair is golden
and long. It curls in all these weird places, but it works perfectly. She’s so
very thin. I’m taller than her by an inch. I have her eyes. She is very
beautiful. She is very calm. She wanted to know where my sister was. I had to lie,
at first. [/i] chapter
twenty-five: you think you might cross over [i]It was a
dull, grey day. The sky looked like a dirty ocean. Jupiter’s
house stood cast in a shadow of rain and absent sunshine. The sweet sound of a
child’s laughter had long evaporated from the walls of every room. Jupiter lay
in bed, as she did most days. The blankets were a silent tomb across her body,
weighing down on her soul and trapping her in this lonely feeling. This was the
day that there was a knock on her door. Her socks
caught on the wooden floors as she dragged herself downstairs. She felt like a
cat left out in the rain, even though she was drier than who would be at her
door. The makeup she wore had begun to stain her face, so now she just didn’t
wear any at all. Her eyelashes always stuck together with the sticky residue of
half-dried tears. Her hair laid mangled, left stranded on her skinny shoulders.
The deep blue-green of her aquamarine eyes looked leaden. Her chipped
fingernails scratched against the doorknob before she managed to turn it. She
only let the wood come near her a few inches, enough so that she could peer out
into the drizzling world. Before her
stood a doll-like woman. Her golden hair was fluffed and curled to revolve
around her face like caramel cotton candy. Her eyes were piercing green, her
lips a fierce shade of pink. Above her head was a pink parasol sewn with white
lace. Jupiter looked over her strangely middle-aged features and quite womanly
attire. “Can I help
you?” she whispered, barely audible above the soft ticking of the rain. She was
sheltered behind the door like a frightened mouse. The woman’s
grin revealed sparkling white teeth. “Darling? Is that you, Jupiter Anne?” Jupiter
frowned and closed the door a little. “What do you want?” “Why, honey,
I’ve come to see you! What, you mean to tell me you don’t recognize your own
mother?” Her name was
Marla Jay. She was a glamorous actress who was taking a break from the “hard
life.” Jupiter had no idea what it was like, let Marla tell her. “I’ve never
had more fun doing anything else. What about you? What are you doing for fun in
this weird town? Didn’t you have a sister?” She looked around the house,
touching the handle of her parasol between gloved digits. “Why is it so cold in
here?” Jupiter
stirred her tea with marionette fingers, her wrist jerking with an invisible
string. “Lora Joan is gone.” Marla pouted
her apple lips and furrowed her brow. “Where to, a vacation destination?” Her
eyes twinkled with delight. Her daughter
scowled and continued to circle her spoon. “Something like that.” “Oh, well I
hope she’s having fun. Who is her father figure? Were you raising her
yourself?” “No,” she
sighed, finally taking a drink of her refreshment. It soothed the discomfort
that ruffled her feathers. “Mama and I raised her until five years ago.” “What happened
then?” Jupiter
shrugged and looked up to meet her eyes. “Mama died.” Marla only
raised her eyebrows. “Really. Well, I feel sorry for her. She was always giving
to others, and never to herself.” She raised her small glass and sipped at the
edge. ‘Are you
insane?’ Jupiter wanted to scream in her face. Mama had been the angel on her
Christmas tree, the sparkle in her eyes, the inspiration to be the best person
she could be. This woman at her table now was Mama’s very own daughter, and she
didn’t even care that she was dead! Disgust swelled in her throat and she had
to leave the table. She couldn’t deal with this alien woman in her home. Her
hands grabbed whatever was on the counter and shoved them in the sink full of
soapy water. The bubbles popped and sizzled on her fingers as she scrubbed,
trying to work out the anger boiling inside her. “Do you still
dance?” Her eyes
closed, and she sighed. “No.” “Oh, why not?”
Marla came to her side and peeled the gloves from her hands like an
exoskeleton. “I started to paint, did you know that?” She ignored Jupiter’s
tiny head-shake and continued. “Yes. I was walking through the store and there
was some spilled paint on the floor. Well, I stepped in it and slipped. It was
bright red, and I was wearing a blue dress, but it turned out quite
interesting. I started painting the walls in my house in the same random
fashion… throwing the colors on them and such.” She suddenly dipped her hands
into the water beside Jupiter’s and started washing the dishes with her. “Well, that’s
nice,” Jupiter muttered under her breath, subtly stepping away from her mother.
She wasn’t familiar or comfortable next to her. “Lora Joan did some drawings in
her time.” Marla’s eyes
lit up. “She did? Can I see them?” Her hand slipped out of the water and
grabbed a towel to dry. “Where’s her room? I want to see her things.” Slightly
confused, Jupiter dried her hands as well. “It’s upstairs. Follow me.” “Oh… it’s
pretty in here.” Her large, green eyes surveyed the room like a curious tree
frog. Jupiter followed her closely as she moved, frightened she might touch
something and knock it into oblivion. She hadn’t come to this room in a long
time, and for a good reason. The place had become foreign without Lora Joan. “Don’t touch
that,” she gasped, reaching out to gently slap Marla’s hand away from the sea
glass that rested on the perfectly fluffed pillow. The woman
ignored her and plucked it between her fingers. “Where did this come from?” she
asked, peering through the thick green shard. Jupiter took
her wrist and closed her hand over the precious glass piece. “My Noah gave it
to her when she was sick.” “Your Noah?”
Marla’s grin widened again to reveal her spotless teeth. “Is he your husband?” With a shake
of her head, she said, “No. I never married him.” “Good.
Marriage is bad news.” Her mother sat on the edge of Lora Joan’s empty bed and
crossed her long legs. Jupiter saw her shiny black boots as they emerged from
her skirts. The toes were pointed. “No… he didn’t
want to marry me.” A faint smile touched her lips. “He didn’t want me to hurt
him if I left.” Marla frowned
deeply. “Well, you’re still here. Where is he?” Jupiter
laughed out loud. “He left me!” “What an
insensitive a*s!” Shocked, she
looked back to her mother. “What do you mean?” Her green eyes
rolled. “He’s a hypocrite. You don’t need someone like that breaking your flow.
You can do just fine without a [/i]man[i] on your arm, dragging you down.” She
sighed softly and ran her hand in a large circle on the bedspread, her eyes
following the wrinkles as they appeared between her fingers. “Did you ever have
any children, Jupiter?” “I can’t.” “What? Why
not?” She patted her hand on the bed beside her and lifted her chin to look at
her daughter, saying with her eyes, ‘Come sit.’ “I’m
infertile. The doctors told me so.” Her eyes were downcast, staring at her
intertwined hands. Marla’s hand
moved over hers, protecting them from her sad stare. Jupiter lifted her eyes.
“Honey, I’m sorry.” She could feel
her bottom lip moving to form a pout. She bit it back into its place. “Do you
like being a mother?” she whispered. The woman’s
hand squeezed hers. “I wasn’t a mother to you. I wish I had been… but I just
wasn’t cut out to raise another human.” A smile warmed her flawless appearance.
“And look at you. You’ve raised yourself to be a wonderful young woman. I think
you have the whole world at your feet.” “I don’t
know…” Jupiter sighed, dropping her face. Her mother’s
hand cupped her chin and brought her eyes upward. “Baby, if you’re anything
like me, you can get past everything life has to toss in your way.” Her smile let
free a tiny sigh. “Marla… Mom…” She corrected herself with only a trace of
hesitation. “Lora Joan died a year ago.” [/i] chapter
twenty-six: you’re caught between the devil [i]It was
impossible to tell if this was a dream or a nightmare. Madeline lay between his
legs, her crazy eyes alight on his face and her sharp teeth brandished. Her
fingers were as long as spider legs, picking at the button of his jeans. Noah
scurried away from her in horror, but she was attached. She kept trying to get
inside the protective layer of his clothes, and that was the [/i]last[i] place
he wanted her to be. He pushed her away and tried to wiggle free, unwanting of
her strange affection. With an abrupt
yelp, he woke up. A woman was in the bunk beside him, sound asleep with the
moonlight on her skin. For a moment he thought that her hair was dark.
[/i]Jupiter,[i] he thought in tired elation. She stirred in her sleep, turning
to show him a mane of fiery red hair. His heart sank. He fell back
on his pillow with a dejected sigh. His golden eyes stared up through the
darkness at the open window on the opposite wall. Through its dusty glass, he
could see a dark and starry sky. He wanted to go for a walk. He had wanted to
look at the South American streets they were visiting since they had arrived
earlier that day. Madeline had kept him busy unpacking and cleaning her
pathetic plane until he felt his fingers would begin to bleed. His travelling
boots were on his feet, now. The laces were a bother, so he just tucked them
inside. His hand snatched the jacket that rested at the foot of his bed and he
spread his wings to don its embrace. The entrance, opened by his hand, released
a burst of moist air. With a grin, he let himself out into the world. This place
looked like a deserted fairground. Through the heavy foliage that had grown
over everything, he could see rusty metal with faded paint and peeling coats.
They were like toys lost in a child’s backyard, where nobody cared to look into
the soft shadows. He walked
through the tall grass with his eyes wide open. The air was tingling around
him, lighting on his skin like the fireflies from home. [i]Home,[/i] his mind
whispered to him. He wouldn’t listen to it. Stubbornly, he pushed through the
overgrown weeds toward the large shadow that was the carnival’s only twisted
oak tree. His eyes
lifted to the clear blue sky that was beginning to lighten. There were a few
stars visible on the horizon, but they were being shy behind the branches of
the tree before him. He could almost see their sparkle, but then they would
wink out of sight and forbid his gaze each time he nearly caught one. A frown
etched itself on his mouth as he looked beside the tree. A little
house, with fiery-painted walls and white windows, was protected beneath the
oak’s shade. There was a black picket fence that circled the front porch, where
the grass was deep green and alive. Noah, being
who he was, simply couldn’t leave a curious little home unexplored. Maybe he
would find something that might help him in his quest. The trail had been
running cold; he was becoming less and less interested in the situations he
found himself living. Madeline was getting more frustrated with him every day,
it seemed. Soon she would refuse to be his lover any longer… which he didn’t
mind. It was the fact that she was his ticket around the world. She was the
only pilot he had been able to find at the time, and he was a little afraid to
look again. He had to please her while she would still let him, or he might be
stranded out here in a foreign world. He pushed the
gate aside with his hand, eyes staying on the house. Who lived there? As he
came closer, a soft breeze began to tug on his shirt and hair. The soft sound
of wind-chimes filled his head and made him sigh with peacefulness. A twinkle
caught his eye, and he saw the metal singers dangling at the corner of the
porch, each separate chime hung beside another, so that they made a long row.
They were all different colors, no two quite alike. Noah smiled and came
closer, like a child caught by the loveliness of an angel. He stopped once he
reached the wooden railing, his eyes peering up at the instruments in wonder.
He could see now that some of them had colored pieces of glass hanging amidst
them. “You like my
music?” a soft voice asked from the shadows. Noah jumped back, trying to search
out the speaker. He saw a faint silhouette sitting on the porch. A quiet
chuckle floated through the air and landed gently on Noah’s ears. There was a
scratching sound, and then a small flame burst to life. He watched in wonder as
a candle was lit, and he could see the man sitting there. His skin was
like melted dark chocolate, with a golden shine made by the warm firelight. He
wore a deep purple vest, trimmed with gold, that didn’t quite hide the tattoos
on his chest. An emerald pendant hung from his strong neck on a thin, golden
chain. “What, you
have never seen a man-gypsy?” The man’s grin was wide and white; Noah could see
a tiny gap between his front teeth. “Come onto my porch, man.” Cautiously, he
walked toward the steps. “What is a man-gypsy?” he asked, his eyes watching
where he stepped. He didn’t want to stand on anybody’s voodoo doll and possibly
crush them. A jolly laugh
burst through the air, startling the visitor. “A man just like any other, but
one who is a little more prone to connect to another’s soul.” His eyes, as
black and slick as a panther’s fur, locked on Noah’s. “Would you like to come
inside for a drink?” He was tugged
back and forth in his mind. Should he go in and be with this stranger, who was
looking at him like a lion? Or should he turn and run now, while he still
could? He shrugged off the latter idea, because what harm could this young man
be? With a budding smile on his lips, he nodded. “Excellent,
excellent. Come with me, now.” The gypsy stood and started toward the door.
Noah watched him disappear into the darkness, and he paused at the doorstep.
Would he dare enter? “Are you coming, friend?” The decision was made for him;
he went inside. After a
moment, his golden eyes became accustomed to the dim light. He could now see
the deep crimson rugs that shielded the stained-wood floors. As time
progressed, patterns on the cloth popped up all over. It felt like he was
walking on ancient runes in the soft carpet. The walls were decorated with
hanging blankets of different styles. One was very pale blue mixed with white,
like oil and water that couldn’t blend. There were Asian coy fish swirling
through the currents of the tie-dye, like birds soaring through translucent
clouds. “This way.” He turned to
his right and found a large dining room. There was a small bar built against
the far wall. He was mystified by all the interacting patterns and pictures,
overlapping in his mind and nearly making him dizzy. The gypsy led him to one
of the stools, then started busying himself with many intricate and colored
bottles. Noah breathed
in deeply, having found his ground, and was surprised by the heady scent that
burst in his body. “Mm! What incense are you using?” he burst out. The gypsy
turned to him with a funny look. Noah bit his lip and looked down. Maybe some
things were private. The gypsy
smiled widely. “It is Nag Champa. From India. You like?” He chuckled at the
other man’s enthusiastic nodding. “You may have some when you leave.” “Wow, really?” The black
man’s laugh was hearty and gorgeous. “Of course, friend! You are here for me as
much as I am here for you.” Noah paused.
“What does that mean?” The twinkle in the gypsy’s eye was unnerving. “Oh, you
didn’t know?” He grinned in a way that made Noah feel like a child being
schooled. “Well, I’ll tell you, friend. Have a drink.” A glass
appeared in Noah’s hand. He peered down into it, afraid of its contents, but
noted that it smelled incredibly delicious. It was like honey and cinnamon.
With a reassuring nod from the gypsy, he lifted it to his lips and drank. It
slid down his throat like a cool snake, leaving a strange tingling feeling that
spread to his fingers and toes. “What is this?” he asked as he drank again. “It is a
secret.” His gaze
flashed forward. “Secret? Like what?” He eyed the glass suspiciously, as if it
were laced with poison. The gypsy’s
smile was still large and comforting. He took Noah’s hand and patted it gently.
“I am going to help you.” In response to his confusion, the gypsy lifted a hand
and touched Noah’s brow. Oddly, he didn’t shift away. “You are almost ready. Do
you feel well?” Noah was
gnawing his lip worriedly, looking all around the room in a panic. What was
going to happen to him? “I… do…” He felt like his face was getting warmer, and
the sensations in his limbs had yet to calm. “Do you know
what I am going to do?” Noah shook his
head like a sorry child. “Oh, well,”
the gypsy chuckled and sat back on his stool. “I am going to perform a type of
hypnosis on you. It is commonly used for self-realization. You, my friend,
seemed quite lost to me.” “Oh…” “Now. I will
ask you a question, and you will answer me what is in your heart. Do you
understand?” Noah nodded and
watched the gypsy’s skin glitter. His tattoos were of suns and galaxies. The gypsy’s
dark eyes moved over the man before him, measuring where his thoughts would be.
“What are you afraid of?” After a
moment: “Being alone.” Instant
progress. The gypsy took a sip of his whiskey. “What are you looking for?” “Whatever
there is for me to find.” Noah looked in
a daze. His dark curls were shimmering in the colored light of the gypsy’s many
candles. “So you don’t know what you are searching for?” He shook his
head solemnly as his eyes began to close. The gypsy
snapped his fingers and brought the man back to attention. “You have lost
yourself, astronaut,” he said grandly. Noah bowed his
head respectfully. “I have, star maker.” “How long have
you been away?” A wrinkle
appeared between his eyebrows. “Four years in a month.” “When will you
return home, alien?” “Once I find
out why it is there.” “Where is
there, exactly?” “With
Jupiter.” A gasp burst from his lips as he looked up at the gypsy. Realization
shone in his eyes. “With Jupiter,” he repeated, and a smile grew on his
face.[/i] chapter
twenty-seven: and the deep blue sea [i]Her world
was alive. The hardwood floors were actually snow-covered lawns, and those
pieces of paper obviously represented a home for each of her hand-sewn dolls.
Mama was an excellent Maker. Jupiter helped her come up with pretty clothing
ideas, most of them flowing ball gowns. Their ribbons were like curling locks
of fruit skin, dangling past their slim hips to their tiny dancing feet. There were
three hurried knocks on the front door. Jupiter lifted her young eyes to stare
at the large piece of wood. It stretched high above her tiny frame; it was even
taller than Mama, who appeared presently. Jupiter didn’t know why they had a
monster door on their pretty house. “Oh, what is
this now?” Mama bent at the waist, reaching for something that was hidden by
her skirt. Jupiter crept up to her hip and peered around her at the bundle on
the porch. “What’s that,
Mama?” she asked, looking up at her as she held the thing in her arms. “Can I
see?” She stood on the tips of her toes in an attempt to see over the blankets.
What was inside? The
middle-aged woman began folding back the layers of her find. “I don’t know,
pumpkin. Let’s find out.” Her dark blue eyes were wide and curious as she
revealed a small, round face. Jupiter hopped
up, having seen the stunned expression on her Mama’s face, and grabbed the side
of the blanket. That disturbed the creature inside, and it let out a terrified
wail. The little girl scuttled away, surprised and staring. Mama started to
hush the small thing, rocking it in her arms and walking into the kitchen.
Jupiter followed, but not too closely. She didn’t know what it was yet. “Jupiter Anne,
go fetch me a rag from the cupboard.” She waved a hand in the correct
direction, then began busying herself with some strange things. Shrugging her
shoulders, the dark-haired girl skipped through the house. The halls were long,
and the doors tall, but she knew where she was going. She had lived here her
whole life! She came upon the wooden structure that stood across from the
washroom. Mama used to lock the doors, when she was little, but now they had
disappeared. Jupiter was free to enter whenever she wanted. It was a wonderful
privilege; she had found many beautiful soap shapes and seashells inside. There
was even a small box of bottles that smelled good inside. Mama called them
perfume, but Jupiter preferred foo foo juice. It was much more fantastic. She reached
inside and closed her hand around the soft, fuzzy folds of a bathing rag. When
she pulled it out, it spilled into her open arms and flooded her with a sweet,
clean scent. She buried her face in it and breathed deeply, turning to stumble
blindly back to the kitchen. With a great
sigh, she offered it to Mama. The lady took it, and Jupiter saw a small, pudgy
arm waving behind her. Her aquamarine eyes widened to the size of small
saucers. “What is [i]that?”[/i] she whispered, cautiously moving closer. Mama
picked her up and set her on the counter beside a little bed of blanket she had
created. “It’s a little person!” she gasped. The baby’s
skin was the color of buttermilk. There was a tiny puff of golden hair atop her
round head; her eyes were fat and alert. They swiveled toward Jupiter’s face,
and never left. A little smile appeared on her pink, plump lips. Her curled
fists opened and reached toward the girl like tiny starfish as she let out
bubbles of laughter. Jupiter
giggled and moved a hand out for her to hold. She was surprised at the strong
feeling of the baby’s firm grip. “Where did she come from?” she asked, looking
up at Mama. Her faintly
wrinkled smile was kind and warm as she placed a hand on the infant’s belly.
“Your mother, same place as you.” “Ooh.” She
pursed her lips and moved her arm from side to side. “What’s her name?” “Well, I don’t
know. How about you give her one?” The girl’s
grin was wide and instant. “Okay!” This was the opportunity of a lifetime! She
would govern this little girl’s identity. Jupiter Anne was in charge of her
little sister’s destiny! “How about… Josie?” What better to share than the
first letter of her name? But… it didn’t ring right. “Hm… or maybe… Harriet?” That
seemed fit for a small dog with lots of hair. It occurred to her, then. “We’ll
call her Lora Joan.” The baby’s
gibberish was contagious, and soon Jupiter was giggling up a storm. Mama smiled
and put her hand on her granddaughter’s back. “You can give her a bath if you
want.” She pointed to the sink that was filled with a shallow pool of softly
steaming water, then took the rag in her hand. She dipped it into the water and
showed Jupiter how to gently clean Lora Joan’s fragile skin. Once she saw that
the process was taken to heart, Mama backed away. “Okay. You stay with her
while I go finish washing the clothes.” Jupiter nodded
and waited as Mama brought her a chair to stand on. She pushed it up all the
way to the counter, then busied herself with the affectionate chore of bathing
Lora Joan. “You’re going
to like Mama,” she said, dabbing at her skin with the moist cloth. “She makes
very good desserts.” She pondered this for a moment as she rubbed the rolls of
baby fat on her legs. “I guess you don’t
have any teeth, do you?” Jupiter has lost some of her baby teeth already,
enough to get a whole dollar from the tooth troll. “Do you like
spring or fall?” she asked, tickling Lora Joan’s tiny toes. The baby giggled
and squirmed happily. Jupiter watched with a grin as her toes curled and
wiggled. “I think you like spring. What do you like better: boys or girls?” She
suddenly laughed and kissed the babe’s brow. “I bet you haven’t even seen any
boys yet.” Lora Joan’s pink gums were displayed like a grin of fleshy teeth,
making Jupiter giggle joyfully. “You are so cute, baby Lora Joan.” Their blue
eyes met, and they smiled. [/i] chapter
twenty-eight: you better look it over [i]Noah had to
talk to Lora Joan. He couldn’t find Jupiter anywhere. He had looked in all the
places he had ever seen her; where else could she be? He went to the
girl’s room with a peace offering of cookies he had attempted to make. They
looked more like they had been fashioned from some abstract, water-soaked form
of sand and chocolate chips. He knocked softly with the backs of his knuckles,
peering around the frame with wide eyes. He didn’t know if she was sick or not.
“Noah?” her
voice jingled. He smiled and stepped in to meet her tiny bear hug that gripped
his waist. “I missed you!” she yelped up at him, burying her face in the folds
of his shirt. He chuckled
and stroked her fair hair. “Here, have a cookie.” He lowered the plate to her,
and laughed when her eyes grew to three times their original size. He could see
a glisten of eager child saliva on her pink lip. Her little fingers grabbed the
cookie, holding it as tenderly as if it were a diamond, and gently took a bite.
“Wow, this is
so good!” she piped, chomping again and again. He smiled
happily and offered her the rest, which she gladly accepted. After a minute of
watching her devour the sweet treats, he fell back on the bed and sighed. “Do
you know where Jupiter is?” There was a
soft sound as the plate was set on the small table he couldn’t see, and then
Lora Joan flopped down next to him. She heaved a tiny girl sigh and turned her
head to him. Their eyes met, and she shrugged. “It’s a secret,” she said
sullenly. “Oh, is it
now?” He felt an excited flutter in his chest. The girl
nodded, her hand sliding to push a few troublesome strands from her eyes. “I
can’t tell any of Jupiter’s secrets. It’s a rule.” She smiled innocently, her
teeth displaying the small spaces between them. Her cheeks were alive with a
healthy blush. “Well, little
Lora Joan,” he sighed and brushed his thumb across her cheekbone, “I have a
secret, as well.” Her bright
eyes locked on his. “You do? What is it?” He smiled
deviously. “I can’t tell any secrets. It’s a rule.” He winked and waited; it wasn’t
long. “Oh, I’ll tell
you if you tell me first!” She climbed all over him, giggling ferociously and
squirming in his arms. He bellowed
joyously and cradled her to his chest as he sat up. “Okay, little Lora Joan.
I’ll tell you my secret, if you promise to tell me yours.” She grinned
and nodded. “I promise!” “Then it’s a
deal.” He locked his smallest finger with hers, and the swear was made. “My
secret is… I love your sister with all my heart.” He whispered the words in her
ear, his hand cupped to protect the words from floating away. She giggled
and patted his hand. “I already knew that, Noah. You have to tell me something
I [/i]don’t[i] know.” “Hm. Alright.”
He squared his jaw and fell into thought. Perhaps he could tell her of all the
times he had waited for his father to come home. Maybe his secret was that he
had never added words to a song that he wrote; they only weighed down the tune,
as far as he was concerned. The guitar was like his soul: an un-tame eagle that
wanted to soar. If anything weighed on him, he would most definitely fall. “I
guess… my secret would be that I don’t know how to make cookies.” Lora Joan
laughed and looked to her plate. “But they’re so tasty! You’re silly.” She
sighed softly and leaned her forehead on his chest. “Jupiter’s in the dancing
room.” His chin
dropped so he could look at her. “The dancing room?” Her head
nodded, and her eyes lifted to his. “Jupie’s a ballerina.” [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] Their laughter
echoed through the graveyard. It was a strange place to meet for dance
practice, but it was also secret. The group of young ladies was too busy being
normal on a day-to-day basis to indulge in their fantasies about dancing for
audiences of thousands. Jupiter’s eyes
were wider than a cat’s as she looked around at the moonlight-stained
tombstones. They glittered with the faint dew that was collecting there, as did
the grass. It was nearly midnight, and the next day was her sixteenth birthday.
Mama was no doubt planning a great gathering of friends and family to celebrate
the occasion. At the same time, she was caring for Lora Joan, who had taken to
a high fever a few days before. Jupiter helped during the day, but once
everyone else was asleep, she spread her wings and flew. “Alice, watch
me,” she whispered before bounding through the aisles of dormant souls. A soft
mist gathered around her waist, twirling as she twisted on her toes. Claire
clapped her hands and laughed. Her freckles were like dark paint splashed on
her face. There were
five girls, all about the same age. They came from various backgrounds and
situations, with similar ambitions and ideals. Jupiter had met these kindred
creatures at the last baking sale that her church held (one of the
stained-glass windows had been shattered by a rather nasty storm nearly three
months before). They had been sneaking to hidden meeting places every other
night, where they would choreograph their own fantastic dances and perform for
each other’s pleasure. It was their
great escape. [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] The wall of
this secret room was built from three large mirrors, fitted together so that
every inch of the place was visible to whoever was inside. Jupiter stood in the
center, her ankles crossed and her toes pointing in two different directions.
Her hands cupped a pocket of air in front of her center, and her eyes were closed.
She could hear the soft sound of birds singing outside. Spring was calling. The
smallest twitch of a smile tugged on the corner of her mouth. Her chest rose
as she inhaled, and she imagined that her bones were filled with air. Her
surreptitious talent was like a shadow under a large house; nobody saw it,
nobody thought about it, but it was there. The flame in
her heart grew brighter as she bent her knees, sweeping her arm through the air
in a wide arc. Her eyes opened wide to watch the ground fly past her as she
twirled. The long strands of her hair whipped about, brushing along her
shoulders and down her bare back. Her leotard was deep violet, like the
bracelets she wore around her wrist. Her skin glowed faintly in the sunlight
that dripped in through the room’s only window. Eyes watched
her from a partially open doorway. She didn’t feel them at first, but once she
did, her throat constricted. “Who’s there?” she called, her eyes on the shadow
she saw under the door. It was too large to be Lora Joan. The white wood
moved aside, and in stepped a man with dark hair. He was staring at her,
obviously amazed. “Just me,” he said softly, his eyes leaving hers only to move
down her body. She attempted
to cover herself, as if she were naked, and frowned deeply at him. “Noah, what
are you doing in here?” His smile was
bright. “Lora Joan told me I could find you here. You’re so beautiful, I didn’t
know you danced.” Surprise
flickered across her face like a half-living flame, and then it was gone. “Why
are you looking for me?” She didn’t
move away as he came in front of her. “I only wanted to tell you something.” “Oh?” A small
sparkle had appeared in her brilliant eyes. “What’s this?” He took her
hands in his and moved closer to her. “I love you, Jupiter. I want to be with
you.” She gasped and
tore her hands from his. “I’m married, Noah!” she cried in horror, turning away
from him. Tears welled in her eyes as her fists clenched. How could he do this
to her? She wanted to be with him too, it was true, but she couldn’t just leave
her husband. She glared down at the ring on her finger. She couldn’t just
leave… could she? “What do you want me to tell you?” She heard him
sigh, and then his arms were around her. She couldn’t help herself; she melted
like butter in the sun. “I want you to tell me what’s in your heart,” he
whispered as he kissed her neck. “I…” She
shivered and pulled away from him again, but not out of reach. “I love you
too,” she murmured.[/i] chapter
twenty-nine: before you make that leap [i]A man sat
at Jupiter’s table. He had become unfamiliar since the last time she set eyes
on him; his black hair had formed a small moustache, and his hairline was
receding. His grey eyes were cold and lonely. Across his knee, he rested clasped,
thin hands. She couldn’t look away from them, for some reason. “You are still
beautiful, Jupiter,” he said pleasantly, without looking at her. His gaze
wandered over the china set upon the table, the small kitchen that had, for a
time, been his. “How is your fellow? What was his name…? Judas?” He chuckled
dryly and brushed a small cluster of crumbs from beside his hand. “His name is
Noah,” she said in a somber tone, “And he is travelling.” “Oh?” His
spiteful curiosity brought him forward. “Where is he? Someplace lovely, I
hope.” Jupiter sighed
and turned her head from him. “I don’t know.” She didn’t want to deal with him.
He would only rub in the fact that Noah had left her for the world. He would
grind it into her wounds until she bled black. “Excuse me,” she muttered,
standing from the table. She didn’t glance at him as she left the kitchen. Her bedroom
welcomed her with warm, sunny arms. She fell on her bed with a large sigh and
wrapped herself up in the sheets. It was silent and soft here, and she wanted
to stay forever. Footsteps came
to her door. She forced herself to look, and there he stood. “What are you
doing?” he asked, raising an eyebrow at her. His fingers were tucked into the
shallow pockets of his work pants. It looked as if he had just dropped by on
his way home. “I’m enjoying
my bed,” she replied, though she cut her enjoyment short by moving away from
its comfort. She moved to the dresser against the wall and quietly sifted
through the jewelry she kept upon it. There was the necklace Mama had given her
when she turned sixteen. Beside it lay a tiny ring of dried grass that Lora
Joan had made her. She smiled and touched it gently, then moved to the small
black bag she never opened. Its cloth was velvet and soft in her palm as she
opened it and pulled out a diamond ring. She turned to him and held it out.
“This is yours, I believe.” He came
forward and looked down at the old thing. It had been several years since he
had given it to her, the ring his mother had used to marry his father. It was
precious to him. He held it tightly. “Thank you,” he said softly, his eyes
moving to her face. She was cold to him, as he assumed she was to the world.
She was obviously very troubled. Jupiter moved
to her bed and sat in the tangled blankets. She stared at the floor, her eyes
faintly glazed over by tears she wouldn’t cry. “Jupiter.” He
sat beside her, though he made sure not to touch her. He felt her gaze on his
face, piercing and questioning. “You can tell me anything, you know.” He turned
to her and smiled a little. “I may not be your husband anymore… but I could
still be your friend.” Her eyes
filled with tears. “But I hurt you so much…” A smile pulled
at the corner of his mouth. “Oh, Jupiter.” He lifted a hand and wiped away the
moisture spilling over her cheeks. “Everyone gets hurt sometimes. It was my
time… and now it’s yours.” He took her hand in his and held it tightly. “It
will get better someday,” he promised. [/i] [img]http://i50.tinypic.com/2zpnpjn.jpg[/img] [i]Noah could
count the stars that sparkled in her eyes. Each constellation danced and
twirled in the vibrant color, and the moon glowed on her skin. They sat, side
by side, in the patch of strawberries Jupiter had planted with Lora Joan. She
was smiling at him. “I… wanted to
tell you something,” he said softly, lowering his eyes. Her confusion was
evident as she waited for him to continue. He couldn’t meet her eyes again; he
knew she wouldn’t like what he had to say. “I’ve been thinking a lot.” Her expression
changed. She was no longer happy and eager to talk and just be with him. He
could see fear’s claws sinking into her. “What…” she swallowed with difficulty.
“What have you been thinking about?” She was
already hurt and he hadn’t even said anything. He bit down on his tongue. Maybe
he could just say “Never mind,” and everything could go back to normal, to the
way it had been a single moment before. He wanted to go back, but he knew that
he couldn’t. The gaping hole in chest shivered and reminded him of his decision.
He gritted his jaw and lifted his eyes to hers. Her anxiety shot through his
head and filled his blood with ice, but he said, “I want to " no… I have to find
myself.” “Find
yourself?” she spouted. “Why don’t you know where you are? You’re right here,
with me.” He closed his
eyes. “Please, Jupiter.” He could feel her trembling beside him. “I want to
know… if I had to …leave, would you ever come with me?” They looked at
each other, and he knew she never could. “I’m sorry, I
just… I have to get out of here. I have to be glad to be in my head again.” His
golden gaze pleaded with her, desperately needing acceptance. “You understand
that, don’t you?” Her brow
wrinkled and her lip curled. “No, I don’t understand that.” She moved away from
him, shrinking in on herself. “Have I done something wrong?” Her eyes sparked.
“Tell me what I did wrong, and I’ll fix it. I’ll do better!” He watched the
tears collect and begin to spill. “You did nothing wrong,” he said, tenderly
reaching out to cup her cheek. He felt her blushing skin on his palm and wished
he could do this without hurting her. “This is nothing you did. I just… it’s
me.” Her visible disbelief made him frown deeply and take her hands, earnestly
explaining to her, “I know there is something that will make me complete.
There’s something wrong inside me, that doesn’t fit together right.” “I’m not
enough to complete you?” His heart
sobbed inside his chest. “Oh darling, you are everything that I could ever want
or need in a woman.” He squeezed her fingers in his, not letting her cave in on
herself. “Listen to me. You are perfect. You are so amazing… you make me
happier than I have ever been in my life.” He smiled faintly, but it faded in
the face of her blank stare. He couldn’t give up yet; she had to understand.
“It’s not your fault that I’m doing this. It’s because I need…” His mind cast
out a line for the next words, something that could explain his actions, but he
came up empty-handed. He growled in frustration and looked to her again.
“Jupiter, please. Trust me, and trust what I say to you. I know this hurts you,
and I wish it didn’t. I wish that I could go and you wouldn’t miss me, that I
could soothe the pain. I wish with all of my heart that this didn’t hurt you.” “Yes, well,”
she snapped, “it does.” He bowed his
head in shame. “I know…” “Then why are
you doing this?” She looked at him, broken and enraged. “How could you do this
to me, especially if you know how much it hurts? What is making you do this? If
it’s not me, then what is the reason? I’m trying to understand this for you,
Noah.” “I… have to
take care of myself.” It seemed to overtake him, the need to explain. “If I
don’t take care of myself, then how can I expect to take care of you? There are
some things I need… I’m not sure what they all are yet, but I’m going to find
out. That’s the entire point in life, to find what pieces fit together to make
you.” He smiled a little and almost touched her heart, but he was too afraid
she would reject his loving reassurance. “I don’t expect you to understand. I
don’t expect you to forgive me. I don’t expect anything from you. The only
thing I want is for you to know that I love you, and I will come back when I
know what comes next.” “What makes
you think that I’ll wait for you?” she whispered. Her voice was hoarse, and her
cheeks were drenched with boiling tears. “What gives you the right to do this
to me?” “My right to
live,” he murmured. “My right to pursue what finishes the puzzle of my being.”
A soft sigh fell from his lips, and he tried to tell himself that this was
right. This was what he needed, and there was no way that he could deny himself
a sane existence. “I love you, Jupiter. I will see you when I am complete.”[/i] chapter
thirty: well you know I’m fine Jupiter’s
words drifted through his brain as they approached the white door at the end of
the path. “I want you to meet someone,” she had told him. Noah " still
astonished that she was even blessing him with her voice " agreed instantly.
His eyes were on her face " or some part of her body, perhaps the small spatter
of freckles he had spotted on her collarbone that hadn’t been there before " at
all times. He orbited her every word, every motion, a happy satellite by her
side. So, when they
stopped on the porch and Jupiter knocked on the door, he seemed not to notice
it opening. A soft glow of light bathed Jupiter’s hair, and Noah found himself
entranced. The small burst of cool air reminded him that she smelled like sun
and flowers. “Oh, Jupiter!”
a voice cried in joy. “Feels like it’s been ages.” Noah turned
his eyes to see a little old woman whom he had met once before. He smiled
widely and extended his arms to her. She shuffled
into his embrace, a dusty giggle exiting her lips. “I see you found what you
were looking for,” she said, burying her face in his chest. He held her
close, breathing in her old people smell. She was like a mother. “Hi, Miss
Mays. I wanted to thank you for your help.” He smiled to Jupiter, then saw her
astonished expression. “Oh,” he explained, “I met her when I asked if you still
lived next door.” The elderly
woman clucked her tongue and took Jupiter’s hand, giving it several soft pats.
“I told you about that, dear, don’t you remember?” “Oh… well
that’s swell. Do you mind if we come in for tea?” Her turquoise eyes sparkled
as she betrayed herself, confessing: “I’d love it if we could all talk.” It was
unanimously decided that they move into the backyard, where Miss Mays often sat
and listened to the trees. She owned nearly ten chairs, “reserved for visitors”
that she never actually had. The ground was lush and bright green, littered
with little yellow dandelions. Noah spotted a few white ones, round and leaning
to the wind. Miss Mays went
back inside to get the tea, insisting she do it herself in response to the
couple’s offers of help. When they were alone, they sat together in silence,
each thinking on the other. Were they together again? Would everything go back
to normal, or would they have to start all over? Noah gazed at
the empty chairs surrounding them. Before he left, he could have easily sat
here with all the people in his life, and everyone have a seat. Since his
return, that number had multiplied substantially. He liked it that way. Jupiter
watched the clouds roll by, twisting and spinning above. She remembered all the
times it had rained in the past four years. When the sky had finally let go of
its hurt for the death of the sun, it rained for a week straight. Miss Mays
returned with a tray of cups, sugars, creams and spices. She liked to
experiment with flavors, now that her teeth were too weakened to enjoy the
texture of food. The soft tinkling of china accompanied her sweet voice. “What
are you two staring at like that? Looks like ghosts have your attention,” she
huffed teasingly. When they both turned and began to apologize, she stopped
them short. “It’s alright. Now, how sweet would you like your tea?” Most of the
beginning conversation came from Miss Mays’ mouth. She was filling the silence
that stood between her two beloved guests with stories and encouragements to jump
in anytime. Noah contributed snippets here and there, mostly asking questions
to keep her talking. His uncle had a smooth and rustic voice, and hearing Miss
Mays talk reminded him of how he had learned to keep the enjoyable sound of
someone’s voice going. “So, do you
believe in God?” Religion was powerful enough to turn someone over in their
grave. Taking her cue
with a twinkle in her eye, the old woman began. “I do believe in a God, but
it’s certainly not a He. God doesn’t have a gender, because sex changes things.
It always does, whether you’re a deity or a mortal. Men got strength, women got intelligence. Men
look to the future while women linger in the past. Meanwhile, the present is
all forgotten. God doesn’t have a gender. God exists in the present, and it’s
the one in charge!” She let out a burst of laughter, then sipped her nearly
black tea with subdued chuckles. “That says something right there. Why do you
think everyone down here is so miserable? Nobody lives in the present. We’re
all in control of our own lives, and we waste them wanting a time we don’t
have.” Her faintly yellow teeth flashed in a smile. “I’m happy. Have you
noticed?” Jupiter felt
like her heart had been grabbed and held tightly in someone’s hand. [i]I want
to be happy,[/i] a voice cried from within her. She leaned forward in her
chair. “How do you do that?” She didn’t notice her eagerness, but decided to
clarify. “I mean… forget the past?” Her eyes flitted toward Noah, and then
returned to Miss Mays, who smiled. “Jupiter, dear…”
She took Jupiter’s hand in both of hers. “It’s not that hard to be happy. You
just haven’t wanted to let go yet.” “Oh…” Jupiter
ran the words over and over in her mind, like listening to a record as it
skipped. She didn’t feel Noah’s eyes on her, and she didn’t hear his silent
wondering. “What about
when you die?” Noah asked, shifting his gaze from the woman he loved. “What do
you think will happen?” “You go
first,” she quipped. “I just told you all that, now you share some.” A songbird
flew past their area, music fading through the tree leaves and sunshine. Noah
leaned back in his seat, lowering his eyes to the grass. The leaves shivered in
the wind. “I don’t know,” he muttered. “Oh, come on.
If you had to guess, what would you believe?” “Well…” He
sighed and looked up at a solitary cloud drifting above them. “If I had to
guess, I would say… nothing happens. Life just ends. That’s what I would
believe.” Silence descended on them, smothering their internal voices as the
breeze tickled their skin. Jupiter was
the one to speak first. “I don’t think that’s right,” she said quietly. “Just
because someone dies doesn’t mean they’re not there anymore.” Turning her
aquamarine eyes to Noah, she felt the setting sun gently touch her hair. “Lora
Joan is still alive, in my head.” The defiant crinkle between her eyebrows made
Miss Mays giggle. “You are
living in the past,” she told her with a smile. “Let go, Jupiter. You have to
let go to move forward.” When they had
finished their tea, hugs were exchanged. As the couple was exiting the front
door, Miss Mays took Noah’s elbow and whispered to his ear: “Jupiter is
different now. Don’t love who she used to be. Fall in love with who she is
today.” He took the words and tucked them into a pocket on the inside of his
skull, giving her a reassuring nod before he followed Jupiter down the path. The
wordlessness stretched between them until they reached her kitchen. It was dark
now. Their minds were working slowly, turning and processing what it meant to
be alone together with these thoughts in their heads. Awkwardly,
Noah searched for a conversation. “Miss Mays is nice,” he offered. “You’re
right,” was Jupiter’s reply. He was
determined to make it last longer. “How often do you talk to her?” “About once a
week. Why did you hug her?” Her eyes weren’t looking at him, but he could see
the fire in them as she spoke. “You only met her once before.” Noah frowned
and thought of how to sooth her hackles. “She feels like a mother to me,” he
said in his defense. “There aren’t many old ladies in my life, so I’m very glad
she’s here.” He had laid it all out: his feelings, his intimate reasons, and
his determination to take no bullshit from her, just as she wouldn’t stand it
from him. Jupiter pursed
her lips, slightly annoyed by his behavior. What was he trying to prove? He was
very passive aggressive about getting a point across. She remembered that about
him, among other things. She, however, liked to go straight through the bush.
“So what’s all that ‘nothing happens when we die’ bologna?” “I don’t
believe that, necessarily. It was a what-if. Like, what if today was
yesterday?” He paused. “Well, it’s not. Yesterday is gone.” He averted his
golden eyes, hiding behind the curling ends of his dark hair. “Miss Mays is
right, Jupiter.” She completely
ignored everything he said, still intent on her own goal. “No, answer my
question. You said that if you believed anything, it would be that nothing
happens after we die. Why would you believe that?” “Why are you
so mad? It’s just what I [i]would[/i] believe. All the other explanations for
the afterlife seem too unlikely. Nothing about them says to me: I’m more than a
fairy tale.” He shrugged and fidgeted with the pocket of his pants. “This is
America. I have rights.” She let out a
frustrated sigh. “Noah, do you really believe that Lora Joan is completely
gone? That she’s not in a better place, somewhere?” A little light shone in her
eyes. “What if she’s part of a rainbow?” she whispered. Noah tried not
to roll his eyes. Her hopes were simply too much to ask of the universe. “I do
believe she’s in a better place,” he said, drawing her attention. “She’s in our
memories.” Her nose
crinkled as she turned away. She had already learned this lesson; she wanted
nothing more to do with it. “Jupiter?” Her eyes
shifted to him. “Yes, Noah?” “Do… you think
you could love me again?” The only real question in his mind, finally presented
in his golden eyes. She was almost
too stunned to speak. “That all depends. Will you abandon me again?” she flung
in his face. He didn’t
lower his gaze, though he desperately wanted to. Now was the time to be strong.
“I don’t know,” he answered truthfully. “Well there’s
your answer!” She threw her hands up like he was a lost cause. “How can you be
so uncertain? Why can’t you know anything for sure? Do you even know if you
ever really loved me?” He leaned
forward, his stare becoming intense. “I love y- er…” he faltered as he
remembered what Miss Mays had said. [i]Don’t love who she used to be.[/i] “See!?”
Jupiter cried, rising from her chair in a flurry. “You don’t even know that.
You’re clueless!” He stood as
well, coming a step toward her. “Come on, Jupiter. It’s been four years. We’re
completely different people from what we remember of each other. I mean, I’m
coated in tattoos, you smoke cigarettes. I want the old you back, but that’s
not you anymore. So I don’t know if I love you. I don’t know you anymore.” His
earnestness subsided suddenly, as did her anger. They stood like two trees in
an empty field, so motionless that time did not affect them. Jupiter moved
first, walking slowly past him. The space between them became smaller and
thinner, until finally it didn’t exist anymore. When her shoulder touched his;
when her elbow brushed against his; when their fingers touched, time began
again. “Jupiter,” he
said, giving in to her gentle contact. She turned to
him, staring into his face. “Yes?” She was struggling to let go, twisting to
keep her balance on the top of the fence. In his face she saw her younger
lover, less tan and gentler with his guitar and her heart. “Jupiter, look
at me.” “I am,” she
said with a frown. Noah shook his
head and shaggy locks. “You’re looking right through me.” Her brow
furrowed as she blinked repeatedly. She lifted a hand to rub at her eyes, then
looked up at him. His curling hair draped down over his ears and forehead,
teasingly reaching to his eyebrows. It was nearly black. She glanced down to
his exposed arms, where tattoos smiled and waved at her. “Are there any in
other places?” she said, looking to his eyes that seemed as though they were
forged from the sun’s rays. A faint smile
tweaked his lips. “Yes. Would you like to see?” She felt the
danger creeping up in her throat and loved the flavor. “Yes.” His smile grew
wider, his fingers lifting to pluck his shirt’s buttons apart. He paused when
he reached the last one, looking to her face. She gestured
for him to continue as she pulled his shirt apart, her eyes feasting on the ink
vine that snaked across his collar and down his chest. She stepped around him,
pulling the shirt off his shoulders and helping it slide down his arms. As the
cloth revealed skin, she documented each tensing muscle. There was a small
yellow bird taking flight over the mountain of his shoulder. At the top of his
spine, there was a small sun with wavering rays. Her fingers crept under his
hair, lifting to reveal a line written along his hairline. [i]’Je suis juste
là.’[/i] “What does it say?” she asked, her finger tracing the curling words. “I’m right
here,” he muttered, his head tilted forward. Jupiter looked
down and noticed what seemed to be a kiss staining his skin. She lowered her
head and pressed her mouth to the lip-shaped tattoo, finding with pleasure that
a shudder rippled through his body. “What’s this one for?” she asked, tracing
her finger up his spine. He shifted a
little uncomfortably, looking over his shoulder at her. “You already know,” he
replied, barely above a whisper. She touched his back in a way she never had
before, like she wanted to crawl right inside his skin and breathe with his
lungs, and it pulled shivers from the depths of his body. He felt her
fingertips going over the design that lay in the small of his back. Each
individual petal of the water lily that she traced was visible in his mind’s
eye. “Why did you
get this one?” she wondered out loud, her hand sliding up toward his shoulder. He turned to
her and pulled her hand to his heart, where a small solar system peeked between
her knuckles. “I don’t remember.” Her
disappointment lasted only long enough for her to decide she didn’t like the
taste, and let the emotion go. “When’s the last time you kissed someone?” she
questioned, looking to his luscious lips with a touch of innocent envy. There was no
shame or embarrassment in his words. “About seven months ago.” His eyes
followed hers, almost wary to hope. “You?” She smiled,
but there was no malice in her gaze. “Four years.” She pulled him closer,
tasting the breath that left his lips. “Do you love me?” Their eyes
met, only inches apart. “I don’t know,” he replied without hesitance, though he
trailed off in confusion. “Do you want
me?” “Yes,” he said
immediately, and watched a pleased smile cross her features. He returned, “Do
you want me?” During the
second it took her to answer, Noah counted the pores that sparkled on her
cheek. The darkness of night was close around them, thick like a blanket. The
small rays of moonlight that lit their faces seemed to be the only light in the
world, illuminating each in the other’s eyes. “I do want
you,” she said. “And… I think I can let go.” chapter
thirty-one: but i hear those voices at night sometimes [i]Under the
pale summer sun, among the clovers where she met her sister's prince (who had
since abandoned his throne by Jupiter's side), Lora Joan found a secret
something she suspected might be love. It was in the face of a boy, blue-eyed
and too timid to say hello. She decided to help him escape the silence that
swamped every one of the ten feet between them. "I'm Lora
Joan," she offered hopefully, pushing her curls away from her eyes with
the heel of her hand. "I like your hair." She could see
the embarrassment as it crept into his cheeks, a sneaky red demon embedded in
his skin. The mop on his skull looked more like the backside of a porcupine
than something that would grow out of a human head. It wasn't parted to the
side, it wasn't combed back; it was a wild mess, and Lora Joan loved it. "Thanks,"
he muttered toward his lap. "I like yours, too." She smiled and
looked with crossed eyes at a curly strand that rested on her nose, shining
like spun gold. "My sister washes it for me every other day." She
stroked her hair softly as she eyed him. "Why don't you come over
here?" He seemed to
consider this for a very long time. Just as she was growing impatient with him,
he put his hands to the ground and stood. The tall grass bent and swayed as he
came through it, and then plopped down in front of her. Now that he was closer,
she could count the freckles like constellations on his skin. "Do you
want some of my chocolate?" she asked. The glint in his eye was all the
answer she needed. She reached into her dress pocket and pulled t the little
wrapper Jupiter had presented to her earlier that week. Lora Joan had been
treasuring the sweet brown block inside, knowing all too well that once it was
gone, it would stay that way. She broke off a chunk as wide as her thumb and
held it out to him. Watching him take pleasure in the cocoa goodness made her
mouth turn into a toothy grin. "So what's your name?" "Jason,"
he said, the first hint of a smile showing on his plump, chocolately lips. "My sister's
name is Jupiter. She's over there." Her arm lifted, her hand lazily
indicating the house across the street. He looked
intently at the ivy-colored walls, as if he were staring straight through them.
"Are your parents there?" Silence
overcame her. She felt the sweet jubilance drain from her expression.
"Jupiter is my parent," she explained. He considered
this for a moment. "Well... don't you have a mother?" She shook her
head and shrugged her tiny shoulders. "I guess not. Jupie never told me about
her." Lora Joan was
pleased to find that he was willing to let it drop like the lifeless, dead
flower it was. The topic wasn't worth her interest. She watched him finish the
piece of chocolate, disappearing into the eager cave of his mouth, and then
gave him another. As she nibbled on her own bit of sugary heaven, he spoke
again. "My Da
built a tree house in our yard," he said, glancing at her to catch any
trace of precious fascination in her eyes. "Jupiter
said I can't leave here." Her voice was dead, her bright eyes glazed with
thought. "Oh."
Jason frowned, his dirty fingers fidgeting with a flower by his knee.
"Why?" "Because." "Because
why?" Their eyes
met, and she felt tears beginning to surge. She quickly blinked them away and
turned from him, unwilling to let go of her hurt. "Because I'm sick. I
have to stay here." "Oh." The hot
bubbles threatened to burst all over her cheeks, but she couldn't cry. "Are you
going to get better?" She looked at
him and saw two huge blue eyes asking for a way in. The frown on her mouth only
deepened. "Maybe," she whispered, dropping her ees to the clover. She
picked at the rounded little leaves, letting them fly in the breeze that
accompanie them. "Probably not, though." "Are you
going to die?" The tears
could hide no longer. They exploded from her eyes, tearing a single sob from
her lips. As soon as it had happened, she slapped both hands over her face and
held her breath. [/i]Don't cry, don't cry. [i]She slowly convinced it all to go
away, but she still felt it lurking behind her teeth, hiding in her head, ready
to pounce the moment weakness broke her down again. Something
rested in her lap and reached around her middle. She parted her hands, letting
the sunlight kiss her drying tears, and looked down to find Jason curled up
around her, head placed gently in her lap. "You can
be sad," he said to her dress skirt. "I cried when my mother
died." She placed her
palm on the nape of his neck. "I'm sorry, Jason." "I'm
not." The boy sighed and moved to sit beside her. "It made my Da come
home again." Considering
this, Lora Joan picked at a dandelion by her knee. "What's
your name?" "Oh...
it's Lora Joan." Her eyes
widened slightly as she felt his fingers holding hers. "I'll remember you,
Lora Joan." She looked at him and felt her cheeks begin to burn.
"When you die, I mean." Embarrassed, he let go of her hand and lay
flat on his back. "Because you'll be an angel, like my mother." He
pointed up to the sky, a distant smile touching his lips. Her eyes
lifted to the clouds, twisting and dancing with the sunlight. She lay next to
him and reached up toward the heavens with both hands. "I'll remember you,
too." [/i] chapter
thirty-two: they justify my claim The glittering
sparks of fire leapt toward the night sky within his cupped hand. His palm was
bathed in warm golden light, and it flickered among the curves and shadows of
his face. He looked toward Jupiter, carefully keeping his mouth from frowning
as he offered the flame to the tip of the cigarette pursed between her lips.
They looked much softer than the day he had first come home; they seemed
moisturized and happy as a small smile tweaked them. “Thank you,”
she said before kissing the tube and inhaling. She moved it from her mouth a
moment later and parted her lips, letting the heavy cloud of smoke drift above
her face. Watching it fade into the shape of stars, Jupiter drew breath again. They stood
beside his truck, parked near her house. The night before, they had talked extensively
about their thoughts and had managed to come to the conclusion that a visit to
the Lake was in order. The storm that had stood between them was, without a
doubt, calmed. Noah lit the
flame once every second, staring silently into the blue dome of light. After a
minute, he felt Jupiter’s eyes on him. They were slightly inquisitive, but not
criticizing as they had been before. He smiled, feeling safe with her again. “Let’s
go for a drive,” he said. Jupiter took pleasure in the cool burst of air
that raced in through the open window of Noah’s truck. A smile glowed in her
features, and she felt her heart rising higher than it had in her entire life.
She turned her head to look at Noah and melted from the inside out. The moon
lay behind him, bathing his silhouette in soft silver. The breeze tousled his
hair, and his eyes sparkled toward the dark road. She licked her lips and
sucked them between her teeth, biting down on them as her cheeks warmed. Her
lips parted, letting out a soft sigh of happiness. He glanced
toward her, a smile twitching on his lips when he saw her looking. “Hey, beautiful,”
he said above the wind. He was caught for a moment by the deep green of her
eyes, the blue that deepened into her pupil and dragged him in. With a bit of
work, he turned back to the road. “I forgot what your eyes looked like while I
was gone… I could only remember that I loved them.” He was thankful for the dim
starlight that hid his blush. “Mm,” she
sighed, turning to look out the window. She heard leaves rustling nearby as
they followed the slightly curving road. When she lifted her eyes, she saw the
glittering stars stretched across the sky. She lifted her hand to tuck the flying
strands of her hair behind her ear. “Why did you leave?” A still
silence fell over them. Jupiter imagined Noah’s brow creasing together as he
thought. “I left because… I felt like there was something I hadn’t found yet.” “Did you find
it out there?” He shrugged
and shifted his hands on the steering wheel. “No.” Quieted,
Jupiter peered further out the window. He seemed content with the fact that he
hadn’t found what he was looking for, even though he had left in such a hurry
at the beginning of that four-year absence. She didn’t understand how he could
be at peace with himself if his goal hadn’t been reached. Her body turned so
that she could see his face and watch him drive. His mouth showed no trace of a
frown; his eyes shone in the white light. Her gentle
stare drew his attention. “Jupiter… I have something to tell you.” He placed
his hand over hers on her lap, smiling at the feeling of her fingers squeezing
his for a moment. “The best thing I could do with my life is be with you… and I
should have never forgotten that.” She felt her
heart warming and melting into every corner of her skin. “I love you, Noah.” “I love you,
Jupiter.” Splitting the
gentle waves of the breeze hitting their faces was the sound of rubber ripping
at the street. Two pairs of eyes turned to the road ahead, into the darkness
that swallowed everything but them and their love. The screeching sound lifted
again, piercing Jupiter’s ears, and she gripped Noah’s hand tighter. “We should
pull over,” she said, looking to him. “We can walk the rest of the way.” He wasn’t
looking at her. He shook his head a little, frowning over the steering wheel.
“No… it’s okay.” His eyes squinted slightly, and then he leaned back in his
seat. “See? Everything’s fine.” Her mouth
pulled down at the corners as she stared into the blackness. She saw a flash of
white, metal reflecting their own lights, and then the world exploded. chapter
thirty-three: on a lonely night Lora
Joan stared through the glossy surface of the bath water. Tiny air bubbles
clung to the line of peach fuzz dividing her abdomen. She watched as, one by
one, they wriggled upward to meet the air above the softly steaming water. She
filled her lungs with a hot breath and held it, feeling her torso rise and
break the surface. Then she exhaled and dropped like a slow-motion feather
through space. chapter
thirty-four: it’s all in my mind The
distant emptiness in her glacial eyes made his insides squirm. It hurt him to
think that she would only know him as a stranger, possibly a visitor to the ill
woman in the next bed. There wasn’t so much as a glimmer of vague recognition.
She really had no memory of him. Before this moment, he had never realized just
how powerful his need for her was. © 2012 Mika BellandAuthor's Note
|
Stats
241 Views
Added on May 1, 2012 Last Updated on May 1, 2012 Tags: Astronaut, 1940s, romance, historical romance AuthorMika BellandCentennial, COAboutI live in Colorado, near the mountains. I listen to the Smiths, Moby, Dave Matthew Band, Pink Floyd, and many others. My mom is an artist, my dad is a writer, and I plan to someday be like Stephen Kin.. more..Writing
|