Uneducated Fantasy

One of the ill effects of cruelty is that it makes the bystanders cruel

Bells ring violently in the air

Punches burning the bodies that care

School walls bleeding out words of pain

Fear flows rapidly thorough your veins

 

Teachers watch, as the students turn grey

Innocent hearts screaming for a way

Lockers glaring with rage

While identities are trapped in a cage

 

Black tears cutting down the cheek

Doors closing for the freak

Scars of bullying never hide

It jumps off the skin; committing suicide

Author's Note

I hope this is decent.. :S

Reviews

[torments_scribe]

Oh, I HATE bullying. And it happens to both of my older girls. I've had to contact counselors and principals. And they're not freakish or anything, kids just seem to have gotten overly mean these days. It's horrible!!

The poem was really meaningful, and if you couldn't tell, I identified with it right away :) It is frustrating that even when there's supposedly zero tolerance policies other students, and sometime even teachers just look away because they can't be bothered. And it saddens me even more that those who are doing the bullying and having their "fun" don't realize how much damage they're really doing. Great write!!

[Kiri Nells]

The poetry you submit is always more than decent. :) I've noticed that you seem rather comfortable with the AABB rhyme format. I don't know why, but somehow you can pull it off. You are one of two people that I've reviewed that can do this. Most poets using this scheme tend to make it seem very cliche and frankly, annoying. You don't have to prove to me or anybody else here any more that you are a fantastic artist of words. You should take your emotionally provoking writes with pride. :)

[brenda]

this is amzing!! it is decent !! i love it !!:)

[.......]

Wow I enjoyed your second stanza so much.
You are a very talented writer.
You ought to publsih your stuff.

[*[[ Cadence ]]*]

decent doesnt begin to describe it. this is excellent!

[SoulCrusader (Yas)]

It is more than descent, the complexity of word play is amazing here, the imagery jumps out of my laptop!

[NeonWolves]

Very..raw I must say. It conveys alot of pain and just the s**t we get from school. I like it because it's not the happy go lucky school story. It burries into the mind of every kid who has ever gotten shoved in the hall and called a freak. Very nice work. I look forward to mroe of your writing. Well done. ^.^

[Coffee Vampier]

wow.... very descriptive and touching, exultant write. AWESOME JOB :D

[♫Your♪Rainb..]

I like how you described everything; Great write! :3

[Dream Weaver]

This could make a great movie, but for now
a very good imaginative write ...

[Max]

Bullying is quite a problem for everyone. I find it interesting that no one, not even the bullies, is exempt from bullying. It's almost a rite of passage in our culture.

I mentioned this to a friend earlier - rhyming works better when there's some sort of meter present in the lines. Otherwise it seems a bit messy. That might be what you were going for, I don't know, but my suggestion would be to tighten up the meter. Hope that helps!