Love On Thin Ice

My heart is a morbid universe which is obscured in his eyes...

Your red roses obscures in the cold

His touch of purity is growing old

Your cliché delusion deceives my brain

The lie on his lips drives me insane

 

Your body reflects in black and white

His arms are stranded in a height

Words of love turn into stone

His universal smile is forever blown

 

His heart is as empty as a page

Feet sliding on frozen rage

A broken cloud singing our blues

Your eyes are closed; neglecting the clues

Author's Note

Thanks for the positive reviews, I extremely appreciate it :D
And for the negative reviewers, always remember this: "Critics are like eunuchs in a harem: they know how it's done, they've seen it done every day, but they're unable to do it themselves." - Brendan Francis Behan
I'll continue to write even when you bring me down!!

Reviews

[torments_scribe]

very impressive! I love your rhyme scheme and you employ it extremely well. (I'm not very partial to free verse) It's amazing sometimes how it can fell like those that are supposed to be closest to have no idea how you feel or what you're going through. Even when you're screaming at the top of your lungs they don't even have the decency to pay attention. Great work, can't wait to read more :)

[Sweet & Tender Hooligan]

A interesting piece. I'm not really a fan of rhyme but it works here in a lyrical way. The last stanza is my favourite part a powerful and lovely piece of writing.

[Dushyant Thadani]

Seriously awesome... Just love the way you've written this... You've shown quite a mature emotion in this poem so beautifully... Great job and it was a treat to read this...

[~Death The Kid~ ☜..]

I love this poem :) i like your writing ^^

[light and ashes]

This is a great poem :] beautifully written. Very nice work

[Julz]

I love this. It's an awesome read :)

[London]

i love this, especially the part

His heart is as empty as a page

Feet sliding on frozen rage

A broken cloud singing our blues

Your eyes are closed; neglecting the clues


excellent write

[RedInk524]

I love it. It reminds me of what happened to a close friend of mine... Very strong lines, i like how you avoided cliche sayings and created your own. Good imagery and diction. A well written poem.

[Ruth]

I like the almost staccato type quality this has :)
The fact that you turn it round to "you" at the end also is intriguing :)
Another blast of despair love
xx