A Tribute to Veterans

This one is for all who have served and continue to serve in our U.S. Military. I salute you.

America I've heard is home of the free because of the brave, but how often do we forget to thank those who truly gave? They dedicated their lives and their time, laying both things out everyday on the front lines. Here we sit wondering how it would feel to be in there, while we sit on our couches playing video games like Call of Duty and Modern Warfare. I say it's time to put down the video game controller and pick up the real deal, for this is the only way you get the true feel. By living it, by breathing it, by being in it, you wonder how everyday they manage to do it. You start to miss home then realize that for them it's been months, living lives sleeping in barracks if lucky falling asleep in bunks. Now imagine knowing next day may be your last, life suddenly seems to be moving along to fast. You feel like you never did enough and now you never will, for you lie among the dead and wounded scattered on the hill. In the distance you hear the battle cry as reinforcements hit the beach, while you lie bloody, broken, out of sight, out of reach. You realize there's no respawning and no health packs to be found, the only thing in sight are your brothers and sisters in arms strewed across the ground. You wonder why come so far only to fall and never get back up again, then you realize this is the truth with many men. No man plans to fall and never rise again, but there are men who do and they are the veterans. They have been there done that you name it, they know how it feels to be in life's pit. Suddenly you snap up and realize it was all in your mind none of it actuality, even though for a moment dreams became your complete reality. So America is home of the free because of these many certain men, so wherever and whenever you can, thank a veteran.

Reviews

[justdandy]

A great spoken -word poem. But I think some corrections might be helpful.

Corrections: (America I've heard is home of the free because of the brave, but how often do we forget to thank those who truly gave?)- I would suggest a comma or dash after America.
(Here we sit wondering how it would feel to be in there...)- "Here, we sit...."
(...by being in it, you wonder how everyday they manage to do it.) Put a period after "it". And let the word "you" start a new sentence.
(So America is home of the free because of these many certain men, so wherever and whenever you can, thank a veteran.) I would suggest to get rid of the "So", because that word is for a normal piece, but your piece is important and captivating. Drop the So, put a comma after America.

All of these are just suggestions, you don't have to make the corrections, if you don't feel the need to.

Personally, I love this piece. It is written in a free form. But the piece itself is very strong, intriguing.This piece for sure was the best one I read all month. There was no love, no intimacy, (I just feel so many writers are writing about that these days), just the truth. The truth about our country.

[Joe W]

Thanks for the feedback. I wrote this one a couple years back so I admit it could certainly use some improvement.

[justdandy]

Yeah, no problem.