Wide Awake

Wake up before it's too late

Last night I did something horrible. When I woke up I knew there was still hope. I should have been dead by then. Regretful of my decision, I got up from bed to tell mom I needed to go back to rehab. I was surprised I wasn't at least hung over. This was my chance to wake up.

I went in the living room where she was watching tv and confessed. She didn't take her eyes off the screen. Instead she got up and walked right past me. I followed her to my room and she stood in the doorway blocking my view. She let out the most God-awful shriek and dropped to her knees. I looked up and met eyes with myself. They were bloodshot and bulged from my skull. A trail of nosebleed leaked from my chin and dried on my chest. I freaked out and ran to the bathroom. How was I still in bed? I looked in the mirror. There was no one there.

Author's Note

Comment and give tips.

Reviews

[KanaDream]

Talk about terrifying! Seeing something like this after the fact... the hope that is completely lost... it's painful to read... Seeing someone's regret and knowing that the life is lost... it's difficult to accept... This story holds so much meaning and it's ending is incredibly surprising... I had hope at the beginning and then it disappearing.. Keep Dreaming... even in nightmares.

[Larry-Michael]

I really appreciate that. Really! I also don't mind checking out your work sometime.

[KanaDream]

Thanks ^^ I've written a few poems and a short story along with an ongoing one. Look at them any time.

[Gummybear178]

Beautiful, powerful, and terrifying all at the same time. Truly incredible. Leaves me wanting more, which is a good thing. Love your writing, keep it up!

[Danni Jeane]

Wow. That's an eye-opener. Even though it is short, it's deep.

[Annacate]

It really pulls the reader in and creates interest. Lots of potential here. My tip would be "show not tell." This is where you describe your actions instead of telling your emotion. "I freaked out" What does that look like?

[KWP]

Oh man ... Oh man - poor mama!

This is a great short piece, captures attention form the outset and holds you there. I got it the first time but had to go back and read again to make sure I was right. and damn I was .... Poor mama !!

Well done my friend X

[Larry-Michael]

Thank you. I really appreciate that.

[Stan Lee]

Loved it! This sentence was my favorite "She let out the most God-awful shriek and dropped to her knees."
Keep writing - I want to read more like this!!
Thanks for sharing
:)

[Larry-Michael]

Aye much love bro! Ima be checking out your stuff pretty soon

[Stan Lee]

Hey thanks! That would be cool! :)

[valerie7412]

The first thing I noticed-oh by the way thanks for friend request! I TOTALLY friended you! YAY~ SO anyway your story, so I first noticed a lot of green things in your writing? Don't know what those are. But umm your story, I was like so like hoping for the guy and then he's dead. I don't know if it was my air condition that is on or your story that gave me the creeps towards and I shivered...literally. Could have been both though. But I liked this a lot, I thought it was cool how she got up to go to the room, and then it just so happened it was all a coincidence because she did not even notice he was there or was it a spiritual connection? Anyway, I liked it! Creeeeepy, but Liked it, and I hate creepy. So there! Hurrah!

[Larry-Michael]

Thanks for accepting. I'll have to see wassup with that. Haha Im glad I made you feel that way... I think. That makes me feel like I've done a good job. I really appreciate that. But seriously I suggest you write more. Im curious to see your work.

[valerie7412]

Oohhhk, I umm, should I write like a journal again? Or should I have a very lame ATTEMPT at like something else? Oh and I reviewed your other piece! Thanks for the response.

[Larry-Michael]

Since it sounds like journals are your thing go for that as a start but I definitely think you should try experimenting. I recommend you turn your inner thoughts into a story filled with various characters you encounter.

[valerie7412]

Well I have written stories for online places like Literotica and Bookrix or something, umm Scribophile before, and people have not liked some of the ones I liked best. Literotica I actually got high ratings for, but one time I wrote a story about Elvis Duran from Z100 radio in NY and I really put a lot into it compared to what I normally invest in anything, and I liked it and it got one star out of five and so I quit writing stories ever since then and it was over probably a year ago. So but I guess I could try again, except I don't really know how. Just like mom today said she hates the way I put on makeup and but I like it. But she's not the only entity who said I do it wrong. So I don't know. I tried reading writing fiction story books before and never could understand them. But I guess thats what you are for and reviews hopefully down the line. I will try either now or later today when everyone is sleeping, and see what comes up. Thanks for the encouragement. I do like writing afterall.

[Larry-Michael]

Screw people. Do what makes you happy. Not everyone will like what YOU do. All that matters is whether or not YOU like what you do. Love it. You prove people's doubts by quitting. Never quit. I am 18 and I will NEVER quit. I know you wont

[valerie7412]

Thank you! Well i will be taking a brainstorm nap on what to write here next and in the meantime charging my laptop battery. Bye for now...

[Larry-Michael]

Fasho. Keep in touch

[valerie7412]

I wrote a journal fiction thing yesterday if you didn't see it yet, and then today I wrote a little something. Thanks for encouraging me to write more because it was fun!