Raven

I don't even know how to describe this one...

Sometimes, I wonder how people like you can live with yourselves. You see it, and you know that it's happening, but you ignore it.

Her name was Raven, Rae for short, and she was the prettiest girl at our school. She had long black hair that reached just past her shoulders and cobalt blue eyes, her pale skin only adding to her beauty. Her curves made her prettier than the anorexic popular girls at school.

And her voice, oh her voice. She's the one the choir teachers chose for solos and the girl the principle choose to sing the national anthem at every school assembly.

But she was so shy and scared. She was the quiet girl in the back of the class, the one nobody paid any attention to. The one nobody noticed but me. You know the type. You've probably seen girls like her in your classrooms.

But her inability to see her true potential is what ruined her. And the reason she couldn't see her potential is the girls around her, feeding her constant lies because they were just jealous that she was prettier than them.

They tore her apart, made her feel self conscious without a care in the world. When she turned to her friends, they just walked away from her.

And then, there was you, the worst of them all. You saw it happening, and you just let it go on, let her suffer. How could you be so cruel?

Well, I hope you feel better now that she's buried six feet under, her precious body murdered by the same blade she used to torture herself every night.

Tell me, do you feel better? Or do you still not care about little old Raven?

Reviews

[Lord of mad men]

That is sad. I going to go with the writer is asking him self that and the reader. Bc he knew and seen it happen so he is to be asking him self that some question. And I do care bc I feel in love with a girl like that. I tell her I love every chance I get. But she does not think very highly of her self but you is the prettiest girl I have ever seen. But a last she will never truely believe she is loved full no matter what. But I will love her till the end. To all the girls like raven or my girl you are perfect and there is always some who thinks that.

[Emma Anderson]

That sounds a lot like me when I was in school, except for the singing. I can't sing unfortunatly. I love your story and find it relatable.

[Beccy]

There is a nasty streak in mankind's makeup and here, you bring it sharply into focus.

This is easy to relate to; no-one ever truly escapes unscathed; and for some the cut is so very deep.

Beccy.

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Holy fish and chips didn't see that one coming. Well that's a bit of a lie I've realized what it is when you directly spoke to the reader. I see the point and the overall message but eh it just doesn't make the same impact as it would if the story was longer and had us spend more time with Raven. Now i get that it's mostly directed towards people who partake in deeds described in this short lil' story but I think,considering I read a fair amount of your writing,that you could rewrite this in a longer format in a way that would make even Mother Teresa feel guilty.

[Silent Wolf]

XD Yeah, I actually started a book based off this, though it's not up at the moment. It spends a lot more time with "Raven" (or whatever I named her in the book), and it goes a lot more in detail and leaves out the readers for the most part. :3

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Well I guess I should try using my prophetic skills more often. And note me once is up tho I probably won't read it that fast cause I'm lazy.

[Silent Wolf]

XD Alright, can do! ^-^ It may be a while, as I'm struggling with the opening (As with most of my books...).

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

Ugh openings are the worst i wish we could start in medias res and never go back to the beginning of the story.

[Silent Wolf]

XD I like beginnings, as long as I get them started. I like the idea of building up to the action, or a little backstory to the action in the first chapter. :3

[Cody Jeremy Thompson]

I like it too but I just can't figure out a way to start stuff.

[Silent Wolf]

Yeah, agreed.

[KittyKatgirl]

This has a powerful message. Even the pretty girls have a tough life. I used to think that the one's who are pretty have it easy when it comes to bullying. But I realise I am wrong, you for example are beautiful but still experienced bullying and I hope that this will get through some people's thick head that it needs to stop. Great job Alexys you never cease to amaze me.

[Silent Wolf]

Thank you. Though it is true (studies have shown) that pretty girls do have it a little easier, they don't get out of everything either. This story (like many of my pieces) was meant to be an eye opener, to help people see the little things wrong with this world.

[Philip Muls]

You build it up well but the end is a bit confusing. I would have expected her to hurt herself, being an introvert who gets bullied. But murdered ? Intriguing though.

[Silent Wolf]

Suicide. That's what I was talking about. She hurt herself, then commuted suicide.

[Philip Muls]

Ok thanks, I guess I was confused by the word murdered

[HippieSoulPunx]

A very serious and powerful message. People do things and think it's just a game, that nothing bad will come of it, but you often don't know how fragile someone is, or how close to the edge they are. Everything has consequences. Some people are cruel.

[Silent Wolf]

Agreed. I just hope this puts some light into their eyes.

[Taylor]

You have packed a punch in a very poignant story. The anger, the judgement, the pathos all together. You leave the reader asking, "Have I done that?" A wonderful anti-bullying piece which I would love to see in publication since the message is so powerful and so much needed.

[Silent Wolf]

Thank you. :) I'm hoping to get it published in my school literary magazine. :)

[Taylor]

I'm really glad to hear that. Congratulations.

[WriterGirl101]

Wow.............
Just wow. I have no words. This is well written, and I actually felt the pain of it.... I know how the girl feels in the story too, sometimes, as me being different.
And it's true that some people just sit back and watch, or even worse, join in on the bullying... It hurts, and I have to admit, I am guilty of this a few times, and reading this now makes me feel terrible...
Great writing though...

[Silent Wolf]

Personally, I think it's worse to just stand there and watch it happen. I'd like to know that at least somebody would stick up for me if it were me getting bullied, not that everybody will stand by and watch...

But thank you. It was meant to be emotional, so good job me!

[WriterGirl101]

Absolutely. I just read your "Never Coming Home" as well. I think you are determined to make people cry.... :'(
:p Lol

[Silent Wolf]

No, it's not to make people cry - I like tugging on the heart strings. I like to expose things and put my own twist on a topic. :3

[Silent Wolf]

I like to help people understand, and I liked to understand myself.

[WriterGirl101]

I liked it very much though. You're a wonderful writer. Better than me, I think!!!

[Silent Wolf]

I don't like to say I'm better than any writers... But thanks for the compliments!

[WriterGirl101]

Welcomz.......

[KittyKatgirl]

Naww that is heartwrenching :(