Grandma's Death

This is exactly what happened when my grandma died. This is me, when my grandmother died at 10:00 am, December 30th, 2012, at Swedish Medical center, Morison Colorado.

Little white flakes floated to the ground from above, frosting the surrounding land, slowly turning it white. 

And here I was, stuck inside this death trap, my eyes filled with tears, knowing that just a few minutes ago, my grandmother had taken her last fighting breath. The line on the monitor went straight, creating one long continuous beep, the breathing machine forcing air into a lifeless corpse. 

And here I was, unable to look at that lifeless corpse, unable to summon the courage to take one step past that sliding glass door into that tiny room where that lifeless corpse lay, waiting for me. I stood there, unable to say goodbye to the one person who truly understood me, who showed me how much they loved me. 

For the past month, it was as if my subconscious knew she was going to die, knew that my life was going to come to an abrupt stop soon. The signs were almost obvious. Almost, but not quite. She was getting weaker, her body growing tired as it began to slowly shut down, her mind slowly drifting away, coming closer to doom each and every single day. 

There was an emptiness in my heart, a feeling stronger than I've ever felt before, only because it had finally struck me that I could no longer see the one person I cared about more than anything, mixed with guilt for letting her die thinking I hated her and found her annoying, died crying over me, wondering where she went wrong, when she never did. It was me who went wrong. I was in a state of shock, not realizing that 24 hours ago was the last time I saw her alive, when she was being taken by ambulance to the hospital. Now there was just a 64 year old corpse in a tiny room with faded brown hair, hazel eyes, a new pair of red rimmed glasses sitting atop the bridge of her nose, and friends and family grieving over the loss of a beautiful, kind woman. 

My younger cousin sat in the reclining chair, looking at the corner, trying to hold back his tears, a bag of unopened Cheetos in his hand. My younger brother sat bawling in the couch next to the window, next to me, his head hung in his hands, his shoulders rising and falling with each noisy, annoying sob. For once, I didn't mind sitting next to him in that silent waiting room, quietly telling him that Grandma won't be hurting anymore, that she was up in Heaven, standing next to God, looking down on us and telling us she was alright. 

Author's Note

This is something that actually happened to me, and I need to finish writing it, but I don't want to cry so I'm holding back for a while. Just so you know, my younger brother is pretty rude, disgusting, sexist, and racist. He had multiple problems/ diseases, such as d'george syndrome, anger management, allergies, etc. Also, I was wondering if I should make this the start of a new story.

Reviews

[Patrick Henry]

I'm with Abbey. It's hard NOT to.... You make me miss my whole family who have died over the years and some of those were shamefully forgotten. You have written this in such great respect to how it is presented, understood, and if it were a story of fiction, we would all beg for chapter 2!! In the future when you call upon something written in your youth, look at what you have written, and HOW you have written about her. Put a flower in your hair or dab your neck one day with her favorite perfume and celebrate her life on the day she died!! My heart goes out to you... Thank You for sharing this. These kinds of stories/poems are not the easiest to share, ever. xoxo -Your Mark

[Silent Wolf]

Thanks man. But, I am actually just kind of putting a whole bunch of events together for a "chapter 2". This is going to be made into the book called "Pretending." I'm going to finish this before I start writing "chapter 2"

[Patrick Henry]

Oh!! This didn't really happen?! My heart still goes out to you. You are a beautiful writer. It feels unfair to not be able to find words, especially from someone "ME" who has too many all the time. lol xoxo -Mark

[Silent Wolf]

This did happen. ^_^ Lol. It's okay.

[Silent Wolf]

No, what I meant was that I'm living my life and writing the little things down so I can create a "chapter 2."

[Patrick Henry]

That's awesome... It's cool the very process that you recognize that will surely turn that mind and heart of yours into a writer we will someday read. Who knows... maybe, someday you will remember me from this site, and a coffee won't feel like one between "internet strangers". : )) xoxo -Mark

[Silent Wolf]

Lol cool man. ^_^

[Patrick Henry]

HOT coffee. Cool coffee is good for spilling in a pool to scare the crap out of swimmers!! lol Whoops. You mean... "That's cool!", huh? lol It would be cool. I'm shutting up while you are still on my friend list. BTW, the line where you write all these beautiful things about her in the story, but then write "corpse"?..... tough words!! lol It really grans at ya.... xoxo -Mark

[Silent Wolf]

Lol. Yeah, I mean that's cool. Lol. You're funny. Don't worry, I've tried that before. ^_^ Lol. Yeah, I try to use a lot of word choice, not just the same word over and over again...

[Patrick Henry]

Maybe, on a different story, Bone cage is one I like to use. I have written in some of my "mature" writes.... My bruised and battered bone cage. It wouldn't fit in something as dear and personal as what you have written here, but in the future, maybe check this link out.
http://www.bored.com/deathslang/

xoxo -Your Mark

[Silent Wolf]

Cool. Maybe in the near future. ^_^

[Dark Rider]

I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandmother. :( I came close to losing mine as well a few years ago, but thankfully, she survived and is still with us today. But I love how you portrayed your emotions and what was going on it made the scene better. And I think it would make an interesting start to a new story. :) Great job.

P.S. My brother is rude, disgusting, and sexist as well, so you're not alone on that boat. XD

[Silent Wolf]

Alright!

[Dark Rider]

:)

[Silent Wolf]

You're so nice. :)

[Dark Rider]

You are too. And it's kind of hard to say anything mean about a writing that's so good. :)

[umeus]

oh my dear one,

you have already stated a rich and deep plot line if you care to develop -

you said - unable to say goodbye to the one person who truly understood me, who showed me how much they loved me.

now you have the chance to say goodbye like you want to and need to
tell the whole story of her and her love and understanding - let us know her and you

this is my last post on wc - moving on

bless you nina

[Silent Wolf]

Thank you. So very much.

[Samuel Dickens]

This is heart-wrenching, and having had similar experiences, I feel your pain. Death is such a sad part of life, and familiarity never makes it welcome. As I have children and grandchildren, I can tell you this--your grandmother loved and accepted you, no matter how contrary you might have been. That's just how it is, you see, because we were once young and contrary, too.

[Silent Wolf]

Yeah, she did love me, but I have said things that I regret and have heard people tell me that she wondered if I hated her, but I couldn't bring up anything to tell her how I really felt. I absolutely adored her. She was the one person, after all.

[NotNobody]

This is well written. I guess there's this kind of stigma with young writers and I admit, I did not expect your age when I was reading this. You have a talent and I say keep going with it. My Grandma died back in 2009. She lived a few states away and while my mom and brother drove out there to see her just before she passed I did not go. To be completely honest I haven't even cried yet. Just kind of shut down when it came to her. I don't worry though, I know she knew I loved her and that's good enough for me. I definitely recommend writing the story. This could make a great one someday.

[Silent Wolf]

Thanks. What do you mean when you didn't expect my age? Did you expect me to be older or younger?

[NotNobody]

I expected you to be older. You have very descriptive writing and I know I didn't learn the importance of that until after high school and so I didn't expect someone so young to have already learned that lesson. I'm definitely impressed. My little sister is 15 and I don't think she knows how important your description of things can be.

[Silent Wolf]

Yeah. It's really important to be descriptive, but not too descriptive. ^_^ learned that the hard way.

[Silent Wolf]

I was just trying to make it seem realistic this piece, so people know how I felt, because I can't seem to just tell people how I felt, so I feel like trying to paint a picture with words will help explain what it was like to people. ^_^

[NotNobody]

You're absolutely right. You want to describe to the reader whats happening but you want their imagination to do most of the work and I think thats what you've done here.

[Silent Wolf]

^_^

[Coyote Poetry]

A very sad story. Hardest part of life is to understand death. I sat with many of my elders and watched them leave my world. Still is very hard to understand. All we can do is remember the good people and hope one day to be able to be with them once again. Thank you for sharing the story.
Coyote

[umeus]

snow was falling when my grandma died too. big sparkling flakes like kindergarten cut outs. I was angry at the snow for being so beautiful. I was touched by your story. now I realize that the sky was crying for loss of our grandmas. winter tears.

[Silent Wolf]

Wow, I would never have thought of it that way. Thank you for sharing your opinion. When I write the rest of it, I will be sure to include that part. :)

[umeus]

good
will want to read your piece as it develops

I wound also love to have you share
some things about her - favorite memories - sayings - etc.
and how your grandma lives on in you

a great tribute to herr

[Silent Wolf]

thanks. I was wondering if I should possibly make this the beginning of a story. :)
btw, I'm only 14.

[Silent Wolf]

Trying to get multiple answers before trying to.

[umeus]

btw, i'm only 60
no matter age
we are all students and we are all teachers

[Silent Wolf]

lol cool. ^_^

[Felicity's Eve]

I'm so sorry for your loss. :( My grandma gives me the support my dad doesn't and I couldn't bear to lose her. I feel really connected with this story, having lost loved ones myself, and I feel that you really are talented at making emotions and thoughts come to life on paper, making them seem almost tangible. Wonderfully written and I wish you all the best :)

[Silent Wolf]

It's been about six months. Her death was just sudden, shocking everybody. It was during winter break of school, which made it worse, and 5 days after Christmas. It still gets to everybody, which hurts the most. I can't stand to see adults cry, so that was hardest for me. I still feel sad about loosing her, but I have moved on sort of and have friends to help support me and pick me up when I fall. :)

[Silent Wolf]

But thanks. I wrote this during one of my moments when I really missed her, a couple of weeks back, and decided to see what people thought of it.

[Silent Wolf]

Haven't changed it at all yet.

[Felicity's Eve]

:)

[Silent Wolf]

Yeah, this was natural. It's so realistic because it's real. Most realistic things that are first version are actual experiences.

[Silent Wolf]

Or at least, they are for me. :)

[Silent Wolf]

Do you think I should make this a story?

[Felicity's Eve]

I think I'd make a great story :)

[Felicity's Eve]

* it'd

[Silent Wolf]

Thanks. I thought so too, but I needed to come up with a plot for it...

[Felicity's Eve]

Yeah :)