Silence

Stop.

Look around.

What do you see?

The world. 

Reality.

What is Reality?

Sight. Sounds. Smells. Perception.

And no two people perceive the same thing.

Whose reality is this then?

If you perceive it, then it must be yours.

It’s dark.

Is it?

And cold.

Is it?

Why am I alone?

Listen. Look.

I don’t hear anything. What am I looking at?

Then listen harder. Just look. 

What do you hear? What do you see?

The wind is blowing. I see trees.

How does it feel?

The breeze is kind of nice. I used to love climbing trees.

Can you climb this one?

I don’t know. Those days seem so far away.

But does that matter?

I guess not.

Then climb.

Ok.

Let me know when you reach the top.

This is as far as I can go.

What do you see?

The sky. The sun. Trees. Hills. The city.

What colors are there?

Blue. Green. Yellow. Red. Purple. White.

Is it still dark to you?

No.

Is it still cold?

No.

Is it better now?

A little.

What do you feel?

Right now it’s like I feel everything and nothing at the same time.

Good. Now jump.

I can’t. It’s too high.

JUMP!

But-

JUMP!

Did he do it?

Yes. 

Is he ok?

Are you?

Yes.

Then yes.

Should we wake him?

It’s not necessary. 

How do you know?

Because you know. Now hide.

Where am I?

You tell me.

I’m on the ground. What happened?

You jumped. What do you feel?

LIke there’s something else I’m supposed to do.

You’ll get there. Now look. What is there now?

There’s people passing by. Some of them look familiar but none of them recognize me.

Keep watching. What do you see?

I see families. Friends. Lovers. People with places to be. 

What do you think?

I wonder where mine are. I wonder why none of them understand. 

You think any of them know?

That old guy. His eyes looked like they understood. But he can’t do anything, can he?

He can’t. It’s too late for him. 

Why do they look at me like that?

Like what?

LIke I bother them. Like I don’t belong. 

Do you belong?

No. Not anymore. I did once. 

Before the world moved on.

Nobody told me. 

If they did, would you listen?

I don’t know. 

Let’s walk. What do you remember?

I remember the water. It’s up ahead isn’t it?

It is. Do you remember what happened there?

Not really. It’s like it wasn’t even me. 

But it was. You have to remember. 

Can I swim?

Do you remember how?

Not really.

Then float. 

Will you help me if I can’t?

I already did. That’s why you can.

Ok. I think I’m ready. 

Then jump in.

He sure didn’t hesitate this time.

Progress is being made. 

Will he remember?

Yes. In time. The hole is deep.

Maybe she can fill it?

No. It’ll take much more than that. Hide.

I was under a long time. I had to remember how to float. 

But now you can. Come out and tell me what you remember now.

It’s nice in here. Can’t I stay?

No. There will be no progress if you’re comfortable. 

Ok. Who were they?

You already know that. 

I guess I do. But why did I leave them?

You know that too.

The others. They’re really dead aren’t they?

They are. Do you remember?

I remember not being able to do anything. I couldn’t stop them. I couldn’t stop myself.

You weren’t supposed to.

But I’m still here. And nobody knows. 

People see what’s in front of them. You were far away then.

Can I go back?

Did you ever really leave?

I guess not. It’s like I’m still at the island with Ed.

Ed isn’t there anymore.

He’s not? What happened?

You were there. You found his body. Remember?

His cabin. It was so dark there.

But not too dark for you to see.

I told him that it didn’t have to happen! Ed would of helped us.

But he didn’t listen.

We were stranded. He was desperate. 

And when you saw what he did to Ed?

I did the same thing to him.

And the others?

They never asked. They knew that I was the only one who would make it back.

Then what?

Things went back to normal.

What was normal?

Yelling. Fighting. Blood. Pain. Death.

Why was it any different with Ed?

Because he was my friend. And it all had nothing to do with him.

And now?

Now it’s quiet. But it still hurts. I just want it to go away.

But you know that it won’t. The hole is too big.

Can’t I fill it?

Temporarily, yes. But it will always come back.

How do I fix it?

You can’t. You have to accept it.

How?

Jump in.

You really made progress with him. How long will he be under this time?

Not long. But it will seem like it to him.

And this time you won’t be here?

No but don’t tell him why. Make him tell you.

Awesome. My turn.

Who are you?

You know who I am. Are you crying?

There’s just so much.

And crying helps how?

It doesn’t. 

THen maybe it’s time you man up and face the facts.

The facts?

Yeah, you know. Deal with the situation at hand.

But everything hurts so much.

When your parents first abandoned you, did that hurt? When they came back and gave you family only to destroy it, did that hurt? When your first love left you, did that hurt? When you first realized how truly alone you are, did that hurt?

Yes.

And what did you do?

I moved on.

You kept moving forward. What’s so different now?

All of this is so much bigger than any of that.

Is it? Or are you just being small?

But I can’t forget. The dreams. Everytime I close my eyes.

Good. Don’t forget. So you saw and did some horrible things and now you have bad dreams. So what?

I was nineteen. Nineteen people died. Nineteen families who lost someone important to them. Children without fathers. Siblings without brothers. Lovers with their love ripped away. The blood was on my hands. Some of it even literally. And I can’t wash it off.

We both know only some of them were directly by your hands. But even if it was all your fault, so what? You did what you had to. You survived. They didn’t. Now you’re going to spend the rest of your life miserable, alone and drunk because of it?

They say one life is worth a thousand. I can never make up for it all.

You’re not supposed to! It’s life! Bad s**t happens. You can either suck it up and do something with your miserable life or continue being a pathetic piece of s**t!

Where’s the other guy? He was nicer.

It doesn’t matter. You don’t need nice. Let’s take a trip down memory lane. When was the first time you felt truly great?

The summer I turned eighteen. I told my Dad that I wanted to fly. He said I couldn’t. 

So what did you do?

I found an airport that would give flight instructions in exchange for work and I flew. 

And the time after that?

The first time I went skydiving. When I got my own place. Any of the times I travelled. When I got to the top of any of the mountains I’ve climbed.

Ok ok ok so you get the point. You felt great when you did great things! And now you’ve done horrible things so you feel horrible. Make the change!

I don’t know how.

Let go!

I can’t.

You can!

I don’t know how!

God damn it just let go!

He’s gone again?

For now. He’ll be back soon.

What if this is too hard on him?

It’s what he needs. You can worry about him when it’s your turn. Balls still in my court. 

Who were you talking to?

It doesn’t matter yet. How do you feel?

Like I’ve lost everything. Like I’m standing in an endless abyss of nothingness.

Good. 

Why are you smiling?

Because my job is done. Now you’re at the bottom. Now you can move on. It’s euphoric isn’t it? The feeling of true nothing on the border of opportunity to do anything. Are you ready?

Yes.

Close your eyes. Embrace everything you feel. When you open your eyes I’ll be gone and she’ll be here.

You. I know you.

Yes you do. But do you remember me?

No. But I remember those eyes.

You’ve been through a lot. Are you ready for it to be over?

Yes. No. What happens when it’s over?

You can only know when you get there.

But if I go, can I come back? I’m starting to like it here.

No. You can never go back.

And if I choose to stay?

I can’t say. I’m here to help you down whatever path you choose.

I want to stay.

Then open your eyes.

My eyes are open.

But do you see?

Yes.

Then listen. Everything you see, hear and feel is a result of your subconscious mind compiling everything it thinks it knows in order to create the images that your limited consciousness can comprehend. Your walls are stopping you from seeing all that you can. Do you understand?

I think so.

Take your mental image and deconstruct it. Imagine the great stone walls in your mind. Take them down brick by brick. Destroy your barriers. Free yourself from the prison in your mind.

It’s done.

What do you see?

I’m standing at the edge of a cliff. I can’t see the bottom.

Are you ready to move on?

Yes. 

Once you have, what will you do?

I want to help people. I want to dedicate my life to making other people’s lives better. 

You seek redemption knowing that it cannot be achieved?

I don’t know that it can’t be achieved. I just know that I have to try. Even if there is no redemption then at least I’ll know that I made it better for someone else. 

Good. How will you do it?

I don’t know yet. I’ll find out when I get there.

Good. Find me when you do.

How do I go?

Step up to the edge. Think about what you want. Imagine who you’ll be.

Now look up.

Feel your heartbeat.

Find the drive within yourself.

Conjure every ounce of passion that you have.

Now jump.