Perfect Moment of Stillness

Read the Author's note and Dedication Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

Authors Note: 04/13/2016 I wrote this before I met my wife but I was already in love with her.  We had been conversing online for close to a year and talking on the phone.  I had pretty much made up my mind, but did not want to scare her off. I wrote this right before I went to Vietnam to meet her for the first time.  I have not changed anything except to correct a few typographical errors and such.  Wolf ,’’, ^@@^ ,’’,

 

 

Dedication: 2007 This is both a story and a poem.  Although I have based the characters from myself and my possible love, it is still a fictional romance story poem.  As to whether or not any feelings expressed are my own, well, let your heart decide that.  All I know is that I could love Dinh Ngoc Cat Ky, and I have written this beautiful story, inspired by her.

Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

 

Perfect moment of Stillness

 

I wait for that perfect moment of stillness

That moment when the clock ceases to tick

When softened shadows tingle with singing joy

When light falls belike as a gentle rain

Silvery footprints dancing upon sensitized skin

 

It matters not whether my eyes be open or closed

For I see everything before me, behind me, around me

All aspects of life become focused and clear

Time space, reality, imagination, longings, love,

All are one in a moment defined by the moment before

 

I Could Call to the Gods

 

Were I to wish it, I could call the attention of a God or Gods

Of and angel or demon, a sinner or saint, and they answer

Yet I am mortal and incomplete and because of this selfish

Too selfish to share with any but my soul mate unfound

I do not wish to share this moment of solitude, Yet

 

I dwell therefore in my sacred temple admiring the beauty

Beauty I thus did create within the center of my being

Yet I fear the fate of Narcissus and dwelling too long

In the perfection of my creation, may fall into it

Fall into own reflection and there by cease to exist

 

I Dwell Alone

 

Knowledge of the arts and the works of man therefore

Protects me from the folly of admiring my own creation

Yet allows me at this time to attain a state of grace

In which all the knowledge of creation is available

Yet I am not greedy and only seek my enlightenment

 

I dwell alone, neither happy nor sad nor even indifferent

Yet with a lack of expectation I allow my inner eye

To quest seeking out that which has been denied to me

Denied to me through happenstance or Circumstance

That has been beyond my meager abilities to control

 

I Give Up

 

Thus do I search out the shores of my own desires and

Matching wits with ability; I do seek before me unto exhaustion

The signature of the other soul which would compliment mine

One who would add to the beauty within me and share

Thereby making me whole for the yin and yang united

 

My search has grown ragged like a shortness of breath

The beauty surrounding me begins then to collapse

Like a house of dust held by the moonlights desire

Crumbling the foundation and disturbing my muse

Despairing at last of losing the beauty within me; I give up

 

Lost the Sensation

 

I had to give up before the damage became permanent

Thus I quit my efforts to seek out those perfect moments

I released the rush brought by clarity and understanding

I looked away from the tainted mirror back to the world

Of the mundane, lacking perfection, mocking beauty

 

Lost to me the sensation of dancing upon gilded lilies

Beneath the scented winds of the ethereal starlight

As the tilted muzzles of Wolves howl a mournful dirge

And the trees whisper the secrets of all who passed

To the fairies of legend, the sultry moon reveals

 

I Am Mundane Now

 

Lost is the tug of birth beneath three moons

Wherein all my houses are derived of Libra

The balance frozen the clock tolls on oblivious

With the poor reflections we refer to as reality

Being the only comfort to my myriad knowledge

 

I am only mundane now; the fire is suppressed

Showing only this; what normal mortals show

Lost amidst the turbulence of common life and living

I found my deepest loss to be my easy laughter

My friends tell me I have become much too serious

 

I Rarely Now Share Moments

 

Yet I did not lose all for still I had my earthly life

My gains and losses, friends and family and still others

Though all made note of the burning embers loss

My eye twinkling with a lesser light until I stood

Naked before them, only mortal; with my charisma dimmed

 

Like most normal mortals I rarely now share my moments of Joy

Withholding from them whom most I love, pervaded was I

With a sense of sadness which seemed to age me

Where before my childish beauty which had attracted

Now did repel those unworthy for lacking it themselves

 

Only Those True of Heart

 

This beauty inside I had worn on my cuff for all to share

The pain of all those who suppressed me I could not abide

The agony of suppressing the beauty inside of me though

Could not have borne another such attack upon it forming

Therefore, would I lose it forever and be unable to share

 

Only those true of heart and true in their feeling about me

Sought to learn of my distance when before had I

Led all around me to seek inner light and grow and

Now I was the one whom had ceased to live and grow

Most of them deserted me like as to a sinking ship

 

I Am Not a Total Loss

 

Lost were my songs to yellow moons and dripping reds at harvest

Lost were the dulcet tones of Sirens songs caught on the winds

Sung from craggy rocks to lull the sailors thus confounded

Lost was the prose to the Goddess Earth sung by Brother Wolf

Full of lonely tones to serenade his beloved Sister Moon.

 

Yet earthly fates aside I have not yet become a total loss

For even though the twinkle is gone does there still reside

Behind iris brown a hidden twinkle that sparkles forth

At the strangest moments when my guard does thus slip

Letting my true self peek out from this self imposed confinement

 

Bring the Twinkle Back

 

A child's laugh, a woman's scent, a puppy’s breath so sweet

The feel of grass beneath my toes the whisper of winds

The first star of night, heralding the falling stars unbeknownst

The morning bright to soon be followed by the velvet night

Salt upon the winds of Sea, all these things do call to me

 

All of these or any one briefly brings the twinkle back

Softening the bars of my exile, a hastened breath of air

Pure and holy thus brushing my soul with fingers of sky

Allowing light and a moment of true expression

Then I look away and hide again for I cannot take the risk

 

So Why do I Hide?

 

So why do I hide?  How many times the question asked?

How obvious the answer that once given cannot be taken back

Perhaps ruining your own perception and making less of your life

Which wherefore did you toil along being unaware; of the beauty

That one such as I carry in the center of his being and shares

 

I wish I could share that beauty unrestrained without forethought

Yet to do so is to diminish it for the cruelty of the words thoughts

And with no one to share it with to buffer that cruelty to admire

Soon I would lose all that beauty and nothing could call it forth

Then would it be lost to the world forever and never be shared

 

Beauty is defenseless

 

The nature of true beauty is it is frequently defenseless

The girl who laughs at the boy’s unformed poetry has

Perhaps done damage to his soul; and surely to her own

The boy who told everyone you were copying another

Because he was jealous of your ability damaged it too

 

The teacher who yelled at you for daydreaming and

Disparaged your work to the class was the worst of all

Perhaps for you it was sculpture, writing, or another art

Or was it an Aunt, an Uncle, or was it a coach or parent

Yet it is all the same side of the coin to the Gods present

 

So I wait patiently

 

The ultimate tragedy when possessed of such Beauty

Is to give your heart to another; and have it thus be torn

Until your heart hardens and you wash your hands of them

Thus creating bad karma and taking from what you possess

A measure of your innocence which can never be returned

 

So I wait patiently and search for her in unearthly ways

For the ways of Earth do not work for such as I

And I cannot afford to be wrong in my choosing again

Therefore, does my search take place on other plains

As I search for her whom I would call my wife

 

My Love (Possibly) Dinh Cat Ky Ngoc?

 

A Place is nothing, not even space, unless at its heart a figure stands

I look for that figure to admire the space that I have created

To share both my weal and woe for there is beauty in both

Then will I again be able to share with the mundane world

The beauty that does reside within the center of my soul

 

I think I may have found that figure in my love Dinh Cat Ky

Now I prepare to meet her in the mundane world again

For I met her first in my mind and then in my heart

A heart that beats quickly but gently with my thoughts of her

Thoughts that flow now unbidden to thus grace my hand

 

Together we Rock you with Song

 

In a month’s time which has now become an eternity

I will sally forth on metal bird to the land of Vietnam

To maybe ask her hand in marriage with a ring of Gold

Yet the true treasure will be her acceptance of my question

And together we will rock this world with our Song

 

For if she is the soul mate I have searched for all my life

She is the key to both our salvations for we lift each other up

She brings to me her love and perhaps, some day, children

Something I never thought in my life to be able to cherish

I bring to her that which she has lacked; I bring to her my love

 

Then once we have Passed

 

I give to her my words and I shall fill her with such beauty

That among the only mortal she shall be lifted to Goddess

All who look upon her shall see the twinkle in her eyes

They shall be attracted to her beauty for now shall it shine

And everywhere she passes she shall leave love in her wake

 

Then once we have passed this world to go unto the next

People will for centuries read and write of our true love

They will say I would have been nothing if not for her

But shall they realize also that the opposite of this is true

That I am hers just as much as my Goddess will be mine?

 

Our Sons and Daughters Shall Carry On

 

And our Sons and Daughters shall carry our love to the World after

For they shall grow bathed in our love and they shall love

And we shall teach them to build that beautiful place of rest

In the center of their souls where the starlight shall reside

And their words too shall rock this World with their beauty

 

They too will seek in other Worlds to find a match

A person with as much beauty in their souls as they possess

And if they find them before the World can bear them down

They shall carry on the legacy borne of the poet’s writ

Yes, then, It will by Our Sons and Daughters

Who create the words to make you laugh and cry

 

Created By: Anthony Hotopp

All Rights Reserved: Copyright by ACH Inc.: Unpublished Works 2007

[email protected] [email protected]

Also the following subsidiaries: knight_in_shining_karmaa enterprises ltd.:

Hidie Pipes: Make Ready's Inc.: Hidd-In Concepts: All divisions of: Ach Inc.

and introducing:

,'', ^@@^ ,'',Wolf Productions Inc.: a new subsidiary of ACH Inc.

 

Written by Anthony Hotopp

[email protected]

Revised Edition Edited 2016

All Rights Reserved: ACH INK

 

Reviews

[Shabeeh Haider]

It is a very long story/poem. It seems you are talking to yourself. Saying all that you feel. It is a nice collection of thoughts and you have a way with words.
I feel that if you want more people to read and review your work you should cut it down to the essence of what you are trying to say.
You have got it in you to express your self very well.

[Wolf_Lord]

Yes I do tend to be a little long winded... Kind of like verbal diarrhea, lol. The thing is though: This is a tribute to my loving wife... and I would not change a word.

[Davidgeo]

Long and sappy.... I had to skim the last half.

There is such a thing as too much....

edit this down and I will read it again.

[Wolf_Lord]

We-ell... The thing is... I wrote this to the woman whom is now my wife... I hear what you say... but I would not change a line... Thank you though for struggling though it.
Wolf_Lord ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[Davidgeo]

I feel you man... I'll read it in pieces. It's not horrible, it's not bad at all... it's just so f*****g long and about mostly the same thing. That has no real bearing on the absolute quality though... like I said, I skimmed half... I can't say what it is or is not with any intelligence.

You should make a sequel... but not really a sequel. Like Sam Rami did with Evil Dead 2... it was mostly Evil Dead 1 but, you know, campy in a more digestible way. It did lead to a sequel of grand acclaim (army of darkness)/.