A Cage of Dreams

A Journey from ant to goddess

A Cage of Dreams
by Anthony Hotopp

I was an ant.
It was not much of a life. I did the normal ant things. About as boring a life as there comes. Yet even as a lowly ant, I dreamed of being more. I don't remember exactly what happened. There was this big foot, and then I think I died.

This was a little more interesting.
I could remember being an ant and being very bored. Now I was something else. I could undulate now and I had many more feet then before. I still did not really have consciousness, yet neither did I really miss it.

It seemed I was a ‘Caterpillar’.
As a caterpillar I did the caterpillar things. I crawled and I ate leafy things. I was aware of fear
though, for I was slow and lumbering. There were things that would kill me and not much I could do. I was neither happy nor unhappy yet I dreamed of being more. Then one day a peculiar feeling overcame me. It was a feeling that I could be more. With this in mind I begin to spin my dream and weave it about me.

I was trapped.
I knew I had to get out or I would die. I fought and twisted until I was free.
I spread my wings to dry and fanned them. As my wings dried I became aware of more things. They were colors and I was attracted to them. The colors called to me that I should eat and each color was a different flavor.

I was a butterfly now.
It was nice to fly instead of lumbering along. Yet still I was not happy, nor yet sad, nor did I have
emotions. It just seemed so repetitive to fly from color to color-seeking sustenance. Then I became aware of a female of my species. That was a little more interesting then a flower and I woo-ed her.  Yet still I dreamed of being more. While I was dreaming of this I forgot to pay attention.

A bird snatched me from the air.
Now I became aware of my first emotion. My first emotion was of course fear. My second emotion was helplessness. As I died I thought to myself, 'it would be nice to be a bird.’ This time there was not a total emptiness. A light opened up before me and I entered the light.

Again I was trapped.
This time it was worse for I seemed to be running out of air. The world around me was a white shell and it was the enemy. Desperate and scared I attacked it and slowly it gave before my might. When it was defeated, I became aware of a part of the world around me.

The world around me was a nest in a tree.
It was occupied by vague others and most importantly, my mom and dad. Mom and Dad would take turns staying to guard us. While the one guarded us the other would go to get us food. I was
conscious only of my hunger and that which was contained within the nest. There were others there, yet mom and dad treated us equally. Then one day my perceptions saw that there were things outside the nest.

There were leaves and branches and moss and vines.
There was the ground below and air and above us; there was the sky and the sun. I became
dissatisfied with the nest and I dreamed of there being more. I dreamed of leaving that nest and
going out into the beautiful wide world. Then one day with no warning, my mom pushed me out of the nest. In terror I spread my wings to keep from slamming into the ground. Now at last, with my spreading grasping wings, I realized that I was a real bird.

It still was not much of a life.
It seemed that I was always hungry and could never get enough to eat. I was startled by everything and noise was the thing I feared most. Anything loud would make my heart beat out of control. I was afraid of everything, which was kind of unpleasant. Then I saw a male of my species and that was a little more interesting. For, whereas I was kind of drab, he was a riot of color.

He woo-ed me and we built a nest.
Then the eggs hatched and I had a family of my own. It was nice having a family and gave me a
sense of fulfillment. Like my own father and mother we took turns guarding and feeding. Yet still I was unsatisfied for it seemed there could be more to Life. I found myself dreaming at the oddest times that it was true. That there was more to life then just what I had so far.

While I was dreaming I forgot to be scared by a noise and a cat killed me. As I died I thought, ‘It would be nice to be a cat.’


Chapter II Awareness


I had to get out.
I clawed and I squirmed yet my claws were weak and could not tear. I writhed and twisted and pushed and pulled; suddenly I was falling. I did not fall far, just far enough to give me a good bump and scare me. However there was something even scarier than that. I could not see the world I was thrust into.

There was a sudden pain near my tummy that quickly went away.
Now I was in distress for I could not breathe. I felt something warm/soft/wet/rough, about my face. I found air in my lungs and cried out in protest at the unfairness of it all. I cried out my hunger and confusion for the entire world to hear.

The warm/soft/wet/rough soothed me though, and purred reassuringly.
She prodded me in the right direction and I found food that I sucked eagerly. It dried up quickly yet as I pawed and prodded it, it produced more food. This was great yet someone kept kicking me in the head so I kicked back. I soon became proficient at pawing and prodding for the source of food.

Also I gained proficiency at kicking and squirming at my unseen tormentors.
Then one day my eyes opened and I saw the world about me. Mom was the source of the food and my brothers and sisters were the source of the torment.

Now it seemed that I was a cat.

Very little scared me except when I was young, and the world was endlessly fascinating.
Things that moved were the most fascinating for they were sometimes good for food.
Even if they were not food moving objects became happily things to play with.

My tormentors, I mean my brothers and sisters became more interesting as well. They were fun to play and fight with. Each of them thought they should be boss, but it did not take me long to set them straight. I was the boss and anybody who did not think so would get a good clawing.
Of course mom was the over-boss and nobody would dare to cross her. She taught us how to be cats and proper grooming and all of that. Then suddenly it all changed when my siblings started
disappearing.

There was a person who took care of feeding us when mom did not want to anymore.
Then another person grabbed me one day and took me away. At first I hated them for it, then I got to know them better and they were not so bad. They fed me interesting things and liked to tickle my tummy; I decided to keep them. There were tickles and pets, and my person liked to talk to me and tell me how pretty I was. I knew that but it was nice of him to notice.

There were two different worlds for me to play in as well also.
There was the inside world with my person and ready food. He had birds in cages that I now despised and wanted to eat. However, there were also rules like not eating the caged birds and he would punish me if I broke the rules. Most humiliating though was I had to do my thing in a box and sometimes it was dirty. Inside was nice, but it was not enough.

Outside was in most ways better.
There were endless things to eat and play with. I was not punished for eating the birds outside. Yet outside there was loneliness. There were no pets nor was there treats.
Somehow having my own person gave me a feeling of security. I went outside a lot, yet I would
always find myself returning to inside. Yet, I dreamed of more.

I was not my person’s only owner.
There was also the dog. The dog in a lot of ways owned him better. He would get pets outside and would play with his person. He would make him hunt with him and it made me jealous. I was disdainful of the dog, yet deep down I really envied him. Since we both owned the same person we tolerated each other. I lived out the rest of my cat life though and was happy. I met many females of my kind and serviced them all.

It was not a bad life. Yet I dreamed of more. While I was dreaming of more I guess I died of old age.

No need to bore you with all the details of being born again.
After all this was my second time and I was starting to get used to it. Being a puppy was a lot
different then being a kitten. I did not have such a wonder of life as when a cat.
There was just as much playing, yet I kind of missed my claws. These claws were not efficient and I would never be able to climb a tree as I had before.

I had thought being a dog would be better then being a cat.
Yet, it was neither better nor worse. Matter of fact I found I preferred the company of cats to the
company of dogs even though I was one. My person was not a male of the species and was neither a hunter nor a gatherer. Except for certain times, I was confined to the inside or to a small outside with a wall around it. The only time I really seemed to feel joy was when my person was there with me, or when I was doing my job.

The only thing that was kind of interesting and different was being trained.
I learned that I could feel joy with any people, but only if my people liked them. Other people taught me how to protect my people. If you were my person or a friend or family of my person, I would love and protect you. I would yell 'stranger,' if a person came that I did not know.

I learned that a stranger across the way was not the same as one near my wall.
If a person touched my wall or came over it and I did not know them, then it was ok to eat them.
Well, maybe not eat them, but chew them up pretty good. This was called, "Guard!" I also learned
"Sit!" "Lay down!" "Roll over!" "Shake,"(that was one of my favorites)

However, those were not as fun as the words of power.
"Watch 'Em!" was the most fun. I would stare at the stranger person and growl and tell them what I thought of them. "Get 'Em!" was better, that meant full out war. I pity the person who had to face my jaws for I was a bruiser.

"Find 'Em/It" was fun too.
It was like a game where my person gave me a scent. I would have to follow it/them to where it/they were hidden/hiding. My person unfortunately did not seem to like that game much, or forgot how to play it.

Soon I was really bored. All this training and here I was home in our hovel alone.
There were no strangers trying to get in or on the property. My person was gone a lot and I was
lonely. The worst times though were when I was ready for a male of my species and there were none around. At least there were none that could get to neither me, nor I to them.

Finally my person let me have a male.
It was wonderful even though he did not stick around for seconds or thirds. I had a family and then they grew up and were taken away. That made me sad. I dreamed of having more. I dreamed of being a person and having a family and being able to keep them.
I dreamed, I lived, I grew old, and I died while I was dreaming in the sun.

I was born in Egypt.
I was a pretty girl who was born to be a priestess. I did not remember being a dog, a cat, a butterfly, a caterpillar or an ant. Sometimes though, I had disturbing dreams that hinted at these things. I would tell the priest of these dreams and he would tell me what they meant. He was well meaning yet never right.

He would tell me I had these dreams because I hated someone.
Or that I felt bad about doing this or that and brought the dream on myself. He told me I had these dreams because I hated my mom and my dad abused me. None of these things were true but telling him that would just make things worse. Some of the priestesses understood however for they shared similar dreams. We knew that they were past life experiences. So I quit telling the priest and just giggled about them with the other Priestesses.

Egypt was the heart of the civilized world.
However, priestesses were sacrosanct and avowed virgins for life. My dream of having a family and happiness could not be realized. Priestesses are held in a kind of awe, yet try telling that to the high priestess. She treated us like crap and cruelly beat us and yelled at us at her leisure. It was not the life that I wanted yet I had little choice.

We were also at the mercy of the Pharaoh.
He treated us like his personal harem. Sometimes the other girls would get pregnant and the child
would be indoctrinated as a priestess if a girl. If a boy and not have royal birth they would be dashed against the rocks. Sometimes they were of royal blood yet would be killed for the father would not acknowledge them. If a boy and have the royal blood they would be permitted among our ranks only until the age of five. Then they would go to the temple of the
brotherhood to be trained or given into the care of the father.

I hated it, and I hated my life.
I began to dream of what it would be like to be a male and be in charge of my life. There was no
equality for women and there never would be. While I was dreaming there was a war. Fanatics
overran the temple of the virgins. One of them raped and killed me.

As I died I dreamed of revenge.
I dreamed of being a warrior and on the side of right. I dreamed of being a lawgiver and punishing people like this who raped and pillaged. As I dreamed I died.

I did not remember being raped and dying.
I did not remember being a dog, a cat, or a bug. However something in the core of me must have
known; just as I was known by the name of 'The Gentle Warrior. I have come to believe that even if you do not remember your past lives, still you are influenced by those lives.

I was a huge man.
Standing almost seven feet tall and weighing about three-fifty or better, I easily towered over most people. I was born in china. I was what came to be known as an arbitrator. An arbitrator is a law unto himself. They travel from town to village, to province, etc. and their word is law.

I was a monk, a warrior, and a lawgiver.
I tried to temper my justice with mercy, yet it was not always possible. For the most part my duties were simple ones and the cases I tried were simple in nature. If his neighbor who was a goat herder wronged a farmer I would arbitrate the conflict. If for instance the herder allowed the goats to destroy his neighbors crop and would not pay for it. In such a case I would figure the amount of  damage to the amount of wealth of the herder. Then instruct the herder to
give up so many goats or to pay the amount of damage to the farmer.

Yet the truth was not always easy to get to.
If the farmer suffered other damage, for instance to his life or family, it could be worse.
This is assuming that the herder was at fault for negligence and the farmer was blameless. That was not always the case, for instance if the farmer wished to hurt the herder and enticed the sheep to his property. I always found out the truth and sometimes the methods I had to use were unpleasant to say the least.

Harder to judge were the cases of crimes like murder, rape, and theft.
Each had to be judged on its own merits. Witnesses had to be brought in. Then the witnesses had to be judged as well as to the validity of their witness. Bearing false witness against your neighbor was a crime punishable by death if it could be proved. Therefore a woman saying she had been raped had better have been raped or it could go very bad for her.

In china at this time justice was impartial.
It was the accuser as well as the accused that were put on trial. It sometimes took a long time to sort out the truth from the lies. I was however one of the best. I had a good life and few regrets. Yet, sometimes I would dream. I would dream of being better then I was. I would dream of actually making the laws instead of just enforcing them. Sometimes the laws were unfair. Though I did not agree with them, it was my job to enforce them.

I was on my long lonely road when I came upon a great injustice.
Hill bandits had waylaid a caravan on its way to the capital. Most of the men were already dead or dying. Parts of the caravan were on fire other parts were lying in the road. There were dead women and children. The women and children left alive were being raped or sodomized.

I was like the wrath of God when I came upon them.
I killed upwards of fifty men before I was brought down. I laid my brow upon the cold earth and I dreamed. I dreamed of being a God. I dreamed of bringing order so that travesties such as this
could not happen. Then I died while dreaming.

I was not born again; I existed.
The Alantians called me Persephone. My people were beautiful. It was a nation of scholars and
statesman. A more perfect nation could not be imagined. It was a nation based on law. There was no theft, no rape, and no murder. The people of my nation were perfect; they worshiped the ground I trod upon. They respected the environment, they respected each other and; and I could not stand it.

It was a nation of sheep.
For every step forward in technology there was a step backwards in willingness to step forward, until they wanted for nothing and became decadent and slothful. My perfect people were now petty and bickering about inconsequentialities.

What had I done?
I had killed the human spirit. They had made golems to serve their every needs of the physical. They had made cornucopias that supplied them with endless fruits of their desires. They made replicated meats that never had to be slain for they were created whole. They became decadent and fat. They even quit procreating because they lost the will to get out of their floating chairs.

Then they quit worshipping me.
Not only that, all they did was sit on their fat behinds, eat and be served. I implored them to shuck off their slothfulness and embrace life again.

THEY LAUGHED AT ME.
THEY LAUGHED AT ME...AT ME...THE GODDESS WHO MADE ALL THIS POSSIBLE!!!
In my wrath I destroyed them all. I razed Atlantis from the face of the earth and I sunk it below the seas. I destroyed everything my people had built....

Now I am alone...
A cage of dreams surrounds me
Each bar of my prison is one of those dreams.
Every once in a while I grab a bar and shake it.
Then I see the reality of each, one by one.
I pace back and forth in my dreams, lost.
Perhaps I will find one day a single bar...
One bar that gives before me and lets me escape.
I have nothing to do but ponder them.
Until, someday a new dream occurs to me for...
Where could I possibly go from here?
I dreamed I was a God and became one.
Now my people are dead and I?
I think I was happier as a bug.



All Rights Reserved By
ACH Ink
ACH Unpublished Works 2005

Created By: Anthony Hotopp

All Rights Reserved: Copyright by ACH Ink.: Unpublished Works 2009 [email protected] [email protected] Also the following subsidiaries : knight_in_shining_karmaa enterprises ltd.: Hidie Pipes: Make Ready’s Inc.: Hidd-In Concepts: All divisions of: Ach Inc. and introducing:

,’’, ^@@^ ,’’,Wolf Productions Inc.: a new subsidiary of ACH Ink.

Reviews

[Pink Pastel]

wow! your grammar is awsome.Love the Ant

[Wolf_Lord]

Thank you so much...

[alanwgraham]

I enjoyed this very much - I agree that the language is best kept simple and accessible. It works on different levels - kids would enjoy the progression of the first part (reminds me of a kids poem we used to sing - 'there was an old lady that swallowed a fly ( and works through to a horse!). Well done - it is a great work of imagination well executed! Perhaps you would have time to have a look at a creation myth I wrote inspired by a trip to Sri lanka called 'Gaia -the great earth spirit' '

[Wolf_Lord]

I would love too, and will asap... right now there are constraints on my time, however, I plan on reviewing any and everyone kind enough to review me. Thank you for the kind comments. Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[Marvin Thomas Cox-Flynn..]

I agree with my alter ego who has scrawled in such overly wordy fashion below ... I, too, shall share my thoughts and ideas with you via private email ... Thanks for sharing this intriguing tale of reincarnation ...

[Workvio]

Your heart has penned an interesting concept that clearly demonstrates a basic human characteristic that I believe is exhibited as a flawed attribute: A lack of thankfulness, for all that we have and all that we are, never finding peace and fulfillment with our lives or in our lives, to be driven by an insatiably ravenous appetite for more ... As though such an appetite could ever be satisfied ... Having no comprehension or concept of the defining meaning of the words ravenous and insatiable ... As I read your tale, I could not but help to believe that the ant had already once been a human in the fact that the ant was exhibiting this flawed human characteristic of having become thankless for its very existence which was never owed to it in the first place, as life is not owed to any of us, but is a gift bestowed upon us within the cycle of life and death ... Is there literal reincarnation ... Not in my personal view, but I cannot prove that there is not ... What strikes me as a very powerful message within the lines of your story is that this cycle of failing to appreciate all we are given just keeps reoccurring over and over again, seemingly endlessly as a spinning wheel that never quite gets greased with the lubrication of finding satisfaction, peace, and fulfillment in simply existing as who and what we are ... Such a message, if that was your intent and not my own misinterpretation, is powerfully philosophical ... I will share my thoughts in more detail via private message ... Thank you for allowing me to read your heart penned to page ...

[Wolf_Lord]

Indeed... Most people would miss those points entirely. My character was never satisfied, but always grasping for more... At no time was my character sated or happy with the situation even though each was progressively better than the one before. The grass was always greener on the other side. Most people do not see the dark component in this story and I salute you on your perspicacity. Kudo's Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[JCat]

As with all my reviews, I'm really sorry if I sound harsh/bossy. Take on board what's helpful and throw in the garbage what isn't (from this review).

First of all, let me say that the blurb was actually really enticing. Inspiring even. As you can probably tell from the only piece of work I've put on here, blurb's are not my strong point.

Good opening line. It's unusual I see an opening line that is as blunt a statement and that still works, but you've pulled it off (I think because of the combination with the mysterious title and blurb)

Considering your title and blurb I almost expected this to have very complex language and grammar (y'know, something literature students write). But you've used less complex language which is brilliant because it get's you a wider reader range (more people can understand it).

"there was this big foot, and then I think I died". Should there be a comma after foot? the comma does help the staggered effect though. Perhaps "and" or even "and then" could be taken out?

"This was a little more interesting." The meaning of "this" is a little unclear. Could perhaps be changed to something like "The next life.."?

"yet neither did I really miss it" doesn't seem to add anything to the paragraph, or it's unclear. How can you miss something you don't have?

Your butterfly/Caterpillar/chrysalis descriptions are very accurate and bring the reader right into the story. Well done.

Something I tend to do is use a double dash-- when separating sentences like this-- and use a single dash when joining words like make-up or off-campus. I find it makes it easier to read.

I had really hoped you'd change the genders of the animals our protagonist is reincarnating to, and you did, so yay!

The slash's in "warm/soft/wet/rough" make this piece seem too clinical and like you're trying to save time and get into a wordcount. Which you might be, but it seems very obvious when using slash's

"Also I" could be "I also" perhaps?

"She taught us how to be". I feel the first use of "and" in this sentence could be something else. A semi-colon maybe, to suggest that teaching the protagonist how to be a cat is the subject, whereas "proper grooming and disappearing" are subsections within the subject of teaching them how to be cat's.

I love how you've taken away the birthing process again, despite the fact this is repetitive, it's still really interesting.

After a little googling I haven't found anything conclusive that shows inaccuracies (I mean, to be honest, some inaccuracies are okay. I'm a fantasy writer so I do it all the time. I guess I'm (unfairly) expecting more because the other bits have been accurate).

(three-fifty...pounds? Sorry, we use both pounds and kilo's here. Remember to specify so international readers can google)

____________

It's really hard for me to review this because I really, really, really liked it. It was just so fun to read, your description was interesting, your use of sentence structure was effective almost all of the way through and despite the fact you could have gone crazy and used ridiculously complex language and grammar throughout-- you didn't, and it's readable by a really wide range. One thing to perhaps watch is that your use of language in the beginning hints at an innocence which is what I think you want, but at the beginning I would have let a kid read this. However, by the end of this, I totally wouldn't have let a kid read this. But that's only something to watch if you're putting it out into the world in a bigger fashion.

I was scared I was going to find this repetitive but it worked. It was repetitive, but it worked. I was always curious to see the next reincarnation. Your descriptions of the people are more complex, and a little harder to get a handle on.

And your ending is brilliant, sad and if I wasn't expecting it, dissatisfying, but you've displayed something wonderful about desire and the fact perfection isn't perfection. One slight niggle, is that by the end you're almost implying a world without serious crimes (rape, murder, ect) is awful and everyone is a sheep in a world without those crimes. Is that what you meant to do or..?

One last final point would be that the time in history can be very unclear in beginning. Mainly the cat and dog bit's though. I spent most of them thinking that they were modern-day cat's and dogs in a western society. But considering the next reincarnation is in Ancient Egypt, I'd doubt that was the case..? If that could be made slightly clearer-- perhaps adding in cultural clue's and/or location clue's in those two sections would make the time clearer (perhaps for the bird and butterfly as well (like the butterfly flew and saw caveman and the bird flew and saw primitive houses/tribes...? Something like that?), before that it doesn't really matter)

But it was mysterious, interesting, descriptive, powerful, addictive and just plain fun to read. Personally, I loved this and want it as a full length book. You've done a service to us all by writing it.

[Wolf_Lord]

Wow.. I am overwhelmed.. and greatly appreciative. This is a wonderful review and no apology necessary. The funny thing is, like you I trend to be a thorough reviewer.. but when it comes to my own stuff, I suck.. Lol. As for the language, I can get technical but try not to. I do believe in keeping it simple. To me, it is just more understandable to the average reader that way. Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[Wolf_Lord]

As for the warm/soft/wet/rough. There is a reason for that. I am writing this from a first person perspective while having multiple characters. In addition, I am writing the perspective of the character from birth to adulthood. Therefore, warm/soft/wet/rough was a tactile sensation experienced by a juvenile mind which at this juncture could only express juvenile thought possesses. You might notice that additionally, this is off the norm because it is being compiled by the Goddess as a memoir of all the lives leading up to her situation. As each life is presented however is is done from the perspective and feelings of the present character involved, or her memories of the life of the character which are age orientated. Therefore the first impressions of the character are weak and unsure, gaining confidence as each life progresses. At least that was my intention. Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',

[JCat]

No problem at all! and yeah, I'm god awful at reviewing my own stuff. Especially straight away. That's why editing is super hard for me. But I am so glad you liked my review and as I said this piece was brilliant.

Keeping the language simple is really useful as well, especially with simpler characters near the start. The only thing that worried me slightly was that it was easy enough for a kid to read despite the fact it really isn't a piece for children. However it would surprise me greatly if there were any eight year olds on here, so you're fine.

I know see what you were trying to do with the warm/soft/wet/rough thing. It makes a lot of sense and it was a very minor flaw to begin with since the story was very good. But now I can see how it pulls us into the mind of a newborn and that is fantastic.

[Linda Marie Van Tassell]

This is absolutely brilliant! It is replete with one journey after another, from the most inconsequential to the greatest; yet, total happiness never comes to fruition. Sadly, the soul never reaches perfection, even when divine. It seems like man's ego will ever keep him unenlightened. The body is a prison and the soul its prisoner. Perhaps we will one day fling the door open wide and find freedom at last, from self. Until then, we have but to dream.

I like the consistency of your voice throughout. That is what really makes this a stellar write.

[Wolf_Lord]

Thank you so much... I really appreciate your comments. That and the fact that you really seem to have caught the crux of it. Wolf ,'', ^@@^ ,'',