Dying Screams

The beginning.

     A still darkness overswept the land, a void which couldn't be broken. The clouds turned a sorrowful, black tone as thunder rang out in a volumous vibration. A dark wolf, an angel of darkness, descended from the sky, with pitch-black fur and cold, grey eyes. Its feathered wings spread, releasing a stream of smoke which trailed behind the creature. Its muscular limbs stretched outward, claws threatening. His fur flowed gracefully as it reflected the lightning strikes, streaks of pure white dancing in the sky. The world was overtaken by a dusk, a darkness overspread like a permanent plague. I watched as the being snarled, a thunderous, raspy sound. The air reeked of smoke and of ash, suffocating me. My deep blue fur stood on end, and my paws tensed, ready to spring. I was Aoimaru, son of Yashamaru and of Aka. I collapsed my feathered wings and leaped into the smoke and ash. The air tasted moist and bitter, I didn't dare inhale it. I sped along the grass and shrubs, snapping twigs and smashing dried up, withered leaves. The other wolves cowered in their tracks, looking at me with desperate eyes as the cubs choked and were dying from this monstrosity. That pushed me further, my spider-veined paws ripped at the ground, propelling me towards the thing.

     Then, above the thick, menacing clouds descended an angel. A simple figure with a warm, orange-colored appearance that was hazy in the distance. Its wings were outstretched, allowing it to soar downward in a triumphant manner. As it drew nearer, I could make out shapes, its legs, her legs, every individual strand of fur, and her cool, blue eyes. There was a streak of light behind her, tearing at the darkness, destroying the eternal storm. A mist of rain shattered down, the fresh scent healing the suffocated, the moisture replenishing the springs, the sound calming the mind. She howled, a beautiful, melodic sound, which rang out amongst the heavens. Through the coolness of her rain, a warmth overtook me.

Author's Note

Please excuse typos, I try to avoid them! Also please excuse the Japanese names! Also, the chapter is not finished, I do little tid-bits at a time, so please be patient!

Reviews

[Chris Harris]

For your age this is very well written, but you could use a broader range of imagery to get a hold on a person so they continue to read.

[Sydelle Houston]

Great visual start, I'd like to read more.

Remember to make certain that when describing your scenes that they see, hear, feel, smell and if necessary, taste everything!