Deja Vu

Déjà vu

Roomie: And so it goes, of course, on the one damn day I am running behind schedule, I cannot find my keys!! Mary, MARRRYYYY!!!! HAVE YOU SEEN MY KEYS!!??!!?!?! Please help me, I am so late!!

Mary: (half awake and stammering) Wha- wha- wait…. Wha?

Roomie: My keys, my keys, please help me find them. (exits left to her bedroom)

Mary: Yeah, uh huh, yeah I will check right here in this spot, cause of spatial configuring and… relativity of the universe… and stuff (dozes slightly off again)

Roomie: Could you stop being stupid and help me find them.

Mary: Well actually what I said sounded intelligent. It wasn’t actually intelligent but it SOUNDED intelligent so… ya know… f**k you.

Roomie: (reenters) Ok we could just trade insults all morning but as they say, an eye for an eye leaves a world full of blind people and since you are not blind could you please just help me look for my keys?

Mary: Yes, yes of course… although just so you know the saying is an eye for an eye makes the whole world blind… so one more time……. F**k you.

Roomie: GODDAMNIT MARY!!! I really need your help (pleading and exasperated)(goes back to bedroom)

Mary: Im sorry, okay, looking for realsies on the reals. (shuffles slowly about in a circle)

Roomie: YES!! FOUND THEM!!!!

Mary: Goodie goodie (trailing off) yyyyaaayyyyyyyyyy……..

Roomie: They were in my sock drawer of all places! What a crazy spot!!

Mary: Yeah so crazy and stuff. Oh my god… aahhhhh…. The crazy…….

Roomie: Ok well bye Mary!! Thanks for the help!!! (exits)

Mary: Yep, no prooobblaym… (slowly falls asleep in chair)

(Fade to black)

(Lights up. Sitting in the chair across from Mary is an unknown woman)

De: Hello

Mary: (surprised but not startled)(looks around confused) Hello?

De: Hello

Mary: Yes, hello… Who are you?

De: Oh yes I forgot, this is the first time you have seen me. Hi my name is De, Déjà vu.

Mary: Déjà vu? Like actual déjà vu?

De: That’s right and don’t you forget it!..... (pauses for joke to sink.) huh…huuuhhhh!!!!

Mary: Oh yes, ah ha…ah hahaha… I get … it…. This is very weird. Is this a dream?

De: Yes and no. Yes you are dreaming but what you are seeing in this dream is very real.

Mary: So déjà vu is an actual, like, entity type… thing.

De: Yep, and that thing is me.

Mary: Alright, ok… so… this is kinda cool!!! So what brings you by my dreams De?

De: Well to be honest I haven’t really talked to anyone in a while and I was getting a little sad. I only get to visit people in

their dreams. You were nearby so I figured, hey, what the hell why not!!

Mary: Wow! Sweet, ok, well what would you like to do De?

De: I don’t know, let’s talk. I haven’t chatted in a while. Ask me anything.

Mary: Alright… Do you have any cool powers!?

De: Yes. Let me show you. (they stand, hold hands and spin.) (they return back to their original positions)

Mary: Alright… Do you have any… cool….. powers?.....

De: (stares at Mary)

Mary: Holy WHAT?!?! Did we just like time travel or did you like bend my mind or…. WOW!!!!!

De: Yeah, it’s pretty bad a*s I gotta say but… that’s pretty much all I can do.

Mary: Oh….

De: Yeah….. Well..

Mary: So……… tell me about yourself De?

De: Ok, Well there are three very important things you should know about me. One, I ONLY drink my coffee from a mug

that says grandpa. SECOND, I always drink my coffee with a little umbrella because it makes me feel fancy. AND THREEEEEE…. I like to mess with people’s stuff but only in a way where it will inconvenience their entire day.

Mary: Ok well I guess I can see the merit in the first two but… why do you mess with people stuff?

De: Mostly entertainment and by mostly I mean strictly for my own entertainment. Like your roommate this morning, that was all me. I put the keys in her sock drawer.

Mary: Haha… yeeahhhh… that was pretty funny but I got to be honest, this entire meeting just doesn’t make any sense.

De: Of course it doesn’t make sense Mary, I mean come on you are talking to a figment of EVERYONE’S imagination. But that is why I can only appear in people dreams because dreams just don’t make sense. For instance, take this yield sign, why the HELL would this used for ANY reason other than traffic control. Why would this be a requirement for anything else….. (turns to audience, points at booth) WWHHYYYY?????

Mary: Ok, well since this is a dream…. could we do anything? Go anywhere?

De: Yes!! That is another reason I love to visit people’s dreams. You can do anything when there is a will. I want to be in it, I want to be in the dream of someone who has a great and amazing imagination!!! Can you be that person Mary? Can you cure my sadness and boredom?

Mary: Well that is kind of a big order but I will see what I can do. Ok so I just think of something and it will happen. Ok that seems easy enough… here it goes (screws up face in concentration)

(Lights black out)

De:… uhh….. Mary?

Mary: Yeah?

De:….. you drew a complete blank didn’t you?

Mary:…. Yyyeeeeeahhhhh.

De: Well, that’s alright. I didn’t really have high hopes for you anyway.

Mary: Hey what do you mean by th-

De: Alright Mary, it seems you put us in a bit of a tricky spot, I mean we don’t want to be cast off into oblivion right? Into some terrifying never ending abyss that only ends when your mind breaks from the strain of trying to stay sane…..

Mary: I really don’t like this anymore.

De: It’s going to be fine, do not worry. Alright, I need you to think of anything. We need to get some light in here

Mary: Ok… just…… one…..sec (small candle turns on in her hand)

De: Yes! Good! Ok now see if you can’t give me a bit of light……….. perfect!!! (larger candle turns on) now just a bit more….. (lights up) YES!!!

Mary: Wow that took a lot more out of me than I thought… im getting a bit sleeping.

De: Awwww that means you are ready to wake up! Sad face, oh well looks like I will be seeing you.

Mary: Wait Wait… I feel like we were building friendship. When WILL I see you again?

De: Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow but someday and for the rest of your life….

Mary: (nodding) you…. Cryptic b***h……….

De: (creepy comical ghost voice and wavy hands) gggoooooddddbbbyyyeeeeeeee Mmmmaaaaarrrryyyyyyyy……..

(Black out)

Roomie: And so it goes, of course, on the one damn day I am running behind schedule, I cannot find my keys!! Mary, MARRRYYYY!!!! HAVE YOU SEEN MY KEYS!!??!!?!?! Please help me, I am so late!!

Mary: (half awake and stammering) Wha- wha- wait…. Wha?

End