really just a sort of blog....

I didn't even know where to put this... under story or poem. Maybe this place, this website, isn't the place for this sort of thing. i guess if it isn't, someone will speak up sooner or later.....

It's so late, and my brain will not stop spinning

So much going on in my life that is up in the air

So many hurt feelings

So many loves lost

So much... stuff

Sometimes I wonder if or when anyone, including me, ever really grows up

I can't remember much of anything falling back into the past

Maybe its too far back

Maybe its too raw to remember

Maybe its lost in the fogginess of other things, other problems, all the nothingness that blends into day to day to day life

Sometimes I do not know how I drag myself out of bed each morning

Sometimes, I just don't

I wonder, most days, what it feels like to be normal

I wonder, most days, what "normal" really IS

And yet... to look at me, hey.... there's nothing REALLY wrong with me

Its just the prison of my own thoughts

The prison of my own heartaches

The prison of my own self-doubt and even, yes, even self-hatred

The prison of knowing the truth of the fact of... how can anyone ever REALLY love me, when I do not love myself?

And the prison of knowing (or at least believing that I think I know) that I will never, can never, love myself.

And all wrapped up in a pretty happy package, with at least a somewhat pretty bow......

And the world never knows.

Reviews

[Perri]

AMEN.
I hope you find your stability one day.
And trust me, everyone can love and be loved.
(If I can, anyone can, and I used to be just like this.)

[Emily B]

we've all been there, buddy

welcome to the cafe