Corrupted

A boy growing up in a strict and utopian society finally makes the change that needs to be done.

His screams fill the dark hallways. They create nightmares in the heads of the sleeping people. It was his fault. He talked. You never talk. You never talk unless spoken to by an official. There are exceptions for children under five and in your sleep and for the morning pledge but this was during the day and in the square. He got the same punishment as anyone else would have. His tongue is being cut out, He will no longer be able to talk. Everyone has grown up knowing that law. Along with the others. I try to sleep, but I am awakened by ear popping screams. I finally draw to the conclusion that there is no sleep tonight. I sit up in bed and look at all the still faces around me. It’s funny how people look calm in their slumber. You would think life was great, but it will never be here. Our dream are our way out. Our escape to a land that is perfect. We are slaves here in the real world. We are trapped under an unbreakable spell. We can not leave nor change. This is life. You just get used to it.

I don’t know exactly how long it took me to fall asleep, but when I open my eyes the room is filled with light and people. The breakfast line is endless and so I decide to wait for breakfast. As I stand for the morning pledge everyone is facing me. I don’t understand what is going on, but I can not ask why everyone is staring at me. So I turn to see what has everyone’s attention. The door to the sleeping quarters open and in walks the man with the screams. Blood covers his shirt and face. He is pale like a ghost and he is dragging his feet as he walks. He falls onto his cot and doesn’t move. No one goes to his aid. If we were, you would be convicted for helping a rebellion. After a while he sat up and placed his head in his hands. His shoulders shook with sobs. I went back to facing our flag and waited for The Master to walk in for the morning pledge. At his usual time The Master walks in across the stage and takes his place behind the podium. He cleared his throat to get our attention.

“Good morning to all of you. Let us start our pledge.” He said. As soon as he finishes all voices are chimed together.

“We will follow all rules. We will recite all rules. Rule one, do not talk unless spoken to by an official. Rule two, do not listen to music for it will create corruption in our minds. Rule three, never go anywhere alone. We will listen to our Master. Our Master is our leader. Our Master is our voice. Our Master is our mind.” Everyone spoke in unison and finished together. The hall falls silent once again. The Master bows and makes his way back to his office.

After breakfast I went for my morning walk. Of course I can’t go anywhere by myself, so I went with the one person I go everywhere with. We can’t go anywhere by ourselves. We can’t even go to the bathroom by ourselves. That is why I found another boy to always have with me. You could say we were friends but we don’t know each others names, we don’t know each others voice, and we don’t know him as a person. I don’t mind going everywhere with him. He is silent like everyone else, but I trust him. Its a silent understanding I guess you could say. I just call him Friend. We went for a normal morning walk. We listen to the birds and the water from the fountain. We point out all of the new cameras we find every day. The technology we have is not safe. It is the surveillance for the government and it watches our every move. They are in trees, on buildings, in street lights. They are everywhere. Robots roam the streets and watch our behavior. if they have any suspicion of a revolution or rebellion, you are taken to The Master. We decided to walk a little longer today and go through the abandoned side of town. We walked the empty streets and looked in shop windows. We have never been down here before, but we do know there are no cameras or robots. The signal sent out to the technology does not reach this far. I thought about these things over and over. Then I did the unthinkable. I spoke.

“H...Hey….” I said. I was skittish at first, but no alarms went off and no robot came to capture me.  I smiled. “You try it.” I said, but Friend just looked at me fear and disbelief clouded his eyes. He shook his head. I was shocked and ashamed. Of course he wouldn’t go against the laws. I shouldn’t have.

“I’m sorry. Please forgive my foolishness?” I looked at him pleadingly. He lifted his eyes to mine and nodded. I bowed in thanks.

It didn’t take us long to get back, but to me it felt like weeks. I was so stupid for disobeying the laws. I know better. I was raised differently, but it felt good….it felt right. I quickly pushed those thoughts aside. I’m seventeen years old, if I try to go against the system then I will be killed. They won’t hesitate. I walk along with Friend to our lunch station. We always have the same thing. Lukewarm broth and stale bread. Our society hasn’t completely bounced back from the revolution. We live like this because the government kept secrets from us and when we tried to confront them, they hit back with force. A full out war against each other broke out like a disease on our land. I’m not exactly sure what side I’m on, but it doesn’t matter government won. I think of the idea of war as I grab my small bowl of broth and my slice of stale bread and make my way to my table. Not long after I sit down next to Friend does he finish and begins to move again. Friend always has been a fast eater. I try to keep up but it seems impossible. I stand with him and we put our empty bowls in the dirty dish box. This time of day we always go to the church just to sit in a holy place of worship. As we walk to the church, Friend keeps a few feet in front of me. I watch the ground when I walk, but today I look up when I hear a scrape. Friend has fallen and at the top of his lungs he yells.

“Ouch!” My heart drops in fear. The nearest official makes his way towards him. I run as fast as I can. My feet feel like they aren’t touching the ground. I push the officer out of the way and block Friend with my own body. The officer regains his footing and turns his icy look on me.

“Stop it!” I yell. Everyone in the square looks at me in shock. “Everyone needs to look at what they are doing to us. We can not speak our opinions, we can not listen or create music, we can’t even do our own business in the bathroom without taking someone along with us. This is not fair.” The officer started to walk towards me again. I was waiting for a blow when he stopped. His look softened and his eyes show respect.

“Everyone, please listen.” He yelled. “He is right. We do not have names. We do not get to tell our significant others how much we love them or even our families. We can’t say good morning or good night. Not only can we not speak, but we can not listen to music. Music is sound. Sound that can be made by just about anything. We should be able to sing, to play guitar, or to play any instrument for that matter. This is our life and we have our opinions. We should stand for what is right.” He held everyone's attention. “Everyone willing to give their life for their rights please say I.” I took me a minute to realize what he had said. He was asking everyone to go against the law at this very moment. At first no one spoke. The square was like a cemetery then a chorus of I’s arose from the crowd. This was it. This is our time. We will be free.

Reviews

[Meeks]

I give critique, meant to help you. If you feel offended by this, PM me and I'll take I down.

It's a bit shallow, a bit close minded. I understand the message, I get what happened, it's just that your message is overused. But I guess americans were liberty-hyper ever since the Enlightenment, so it might still work.

The plot needs reworking. Usually, once a society falls it's technology and wealth don't increase, but you could technically explain that. Why is it a human officer the one to punish the friend if 'robots watch their behavior'? Couldn't a robot do it? Why are there humans at all, can't the robots do everything? Wait, what do these guys actually do for the master to keep them?

It takes too long to start. About half of the story is worldbuilding, and some of it is bound to be useless. Like the whole surveilance thing, you could just mention the cameras and that would give a rough idea to the reader, instead of going on for a paragraph.

Overall, interesting. But I've read several dozen actually published distopian books on freedom, and they were all seamless. It will be hard for you to make a dent in this genre, but I appreciate you trying. It can only get better the more you write.
Good luck, over and out.

[fierceauthor]

NICE and talent is present..keep up the dynamic work