Imposter

   My brain is rotten, and filled with disease. Under the flesh of my head, my brain is rotting, and dying.It doesn’t affect my learning.It just affects every other aspect of my life.I can’t eat at the correct time, and my brain makes me think I don’t deserve to eat at all. My brain won’t let me leave my bed.Here in my bed I lay, my body rotting along with my mind. I don’t get up, I don’t move.Here I lay, until I feel like a ball fat, tied together by dry skin.Even then, the farthest I’ll go from my bed is the bathroom.I say things I don’t mean.Rude, awful, and ingenuine things. Sometimes I’m nice, but even that’s fake. I don’t feel like myself, but who am I? I’m scared to use medicine.I’m scared to change me as a person.What if I’m not who I am anymore? I have to try, I have to be better for the people around me. I can’t put them through what I’m going through. Using medicine is going to change me. Everything it should, but also anything that was good about me. Once I’m used to it, I’ll be a human robot. I won’t feel the pain I need to. The smiles I give won’t be true. I won’t be able to process anything. Anyone around me who loves me, won’t love the same person I am. They won’t love the changed me. Will I even be me? I wonder if I’ll notice the change. Will I be different, or will I be an imposter in my own skin? When I look into the mirror I’ll see me, but will it be me, or will it be the person I morphed into? Even though I am the diseased, and ill one, will she be a split version of me? Will everyone I love even like her? What if I’m trapped? Will I have the control to stop? Will I even want to?

Reviews

[Beren]

Hey I think this is perfectly written! It doesn't have to speak to anyone but the author and yet it does. Thank you for writing about things I've felt but could never explain (even though that wasn't your intention) I definitely think you wrote it with beautiful description, the words were well chosen and well connected. and it really flowed.I even read it a few times because I was a little shocked by the reality of the story. It must be amazing to be able to impress people with the stories you write! Congratulations!

I really liked this and it's in my favorites. I need to read it sometime. Welcome here!

[JayG]

• My brain is rotten, and filled with disease.

Ah well, no sense in reading further. You've defined the problem.

In any case, all your writing is you talking about you as if people want to know why someone they have no reason to care about is unhappy. So unless you make your complaints entertaining to read, who cares—as demonstrated by the lack of response to your posts.

If you truly want to communicate, spend a bit of time learning the basics of the profession. if nothing else, it will take your mind from your problems for a time, and, give you some useful skills

[Wise Man]

Hello, sir. I think my opening sentence makes the story seem interesting, that is why I chose it. I do not write to get people to listen to my problems, I write to help alleviate my problems. Nevertheless, thank you for the feedback! I appreciate it :)

[JayG]

• I think my opening sentence makes the story seem interesting,

What you think is irrelevant. You're not there when it's read. And while you have intent and knowledge of what drove you to write it, the reader has only what the words suggest to THEM, based on THEIR life experience.

Getting down is a valid reason to do it, and a way to clarify it in your mind. the reader doesn't know your age, background, experiences, hopes and desires. They don't know the problem or, the attempted solution. So, if they know you and your situation, personally, they might react emotionally. But they don't. And when you say, "Even then, the farthest I’ll go from my bed is the bathroom," given that you apparently make it to the computer, even if it's a laptop, the "Pitty poor me, I'm stuck in bed," fails.