Chapter VII: Seasick

A very short post-wedding chapter with Estrella and Finnegan.

Estrella had assumed she would enjoy the sea. When she had thought ahead to her journey, she had not known she would be spending half of it bent over the hull, polluting the sea with vomit. She prayed for her ship to stay on course; she couldn't take weeks more of the sea sickness, and sea sickness she knew it was, because Finnegan had not touched her. Questions were asked, of course, once Estrella's illness had sprung, and panic widened their eyes when she answered. It's not as though our lack of consummation would undo our marriage, that my virginity would by itself turn this ship around and sail me home.

She lay fully dressed atop her made bed, listening to the waves as they crashed into the frame of the ship, and watching the rhythmic swinging of the candelabra above. Light footsteps approached her door, and as soon as Estrella's eyes rested on Finnegan, she returned them to the candelabra. He sighed, just a little, and she could feel his disappointment.

"Any improvement?" he asked, softly, as he closed the door.

"This may be the longest I've had my eyes open without regurgitating since we set sail," she was fully aware that she was being disgusting and dismissive, but she didn't understand why her instinct was to disgust this boy, her husband, who was so thoroughly quiet and kind.

"Some improvement, then." He sat next to her on the mattress and pressed the back of his hand to her forehead.

There were many questions Estrella wanted to ask him, an infinite amount of words swarming in her mind and pressing on her tongue. 

Did you marry me for my dowry? (Tavaun, the crown, the treasure, the Empire?)

Or was it for the sake of your family?

Would you want to touch me if I were a man?

Instead, she settled for a simpler question, "Why are you kind to me?"

Finnegan crinkled his brow and half-laughed with bafflement. A simple answer, "Because you are my wife."

"But you don't behave as other men would," and you cannot love me; I have made sure of it.

"Does my behavior bother you?"

Estrella looked into Finnegan's eyes. It was a rarity for her, with him or anyone. There was a new kind of intimacy. Estrella replied, "No. It was unfamiliar, that is all. I doubted your sincerity."

"Do you doubt it still?"

Estrella sat up and faced him. She drank in the sight of her husband, who looked every bit a palace statue, with his boyish pink skin and curled yellow hair. She lifted a hand and grazed his jaw with her thumb. "No. I don't." Estrella wet her lips. "I think I may grow to trust you, my Finnegan Minthe. Perhaps even love you one day."

He smiled. "I look forward to that day."

She leaned forward. "You may kiss me."'

He did, and she kissed him back, each feeling the smile of the other. Estrella knew that remedies had made her tongue taste of mint and nutmeg, but Finnegan certainly seemed agreeable to it. He held her hand, still kissing her, and Estrella allowed herself to feel comfort in the warm arms of a husband.