One More Time

I've been sitting here for hours

Watching this blank screen

Thoughts of you 

Constantly on my mind

I've been trying to think

Of all the ways 

To describe you 

I wish it was easy

To tell you how I feel

There are times

I just hold my breath

Biting my bottom lip

To keep back the flow of emotions

I want this so much

But at the same time

A part of me is afraid

I don't know how to feel anymore

Fears of messing up 

Constantly play in my mind

Doubt constantly knocks at the door

It's so confusing

Part of me feels so in love

The other half just feels crazy

What is it I should think?

I don't know what to expect

In my mind it's engraved

That no matter who comes along

I will end up hurt

I'm tired of the same endings

Longing to break free

For me love has been a curse

In the past 

It has killed a part of me

So now I go in the motions

I paint on my smile

Try to act pleasant and cheerful

There are somethings

I wish no one could see

To be honest I hate myself really

The flaws are my constant cracks

My head constantly bowed in shame

I want someone there

But it's my fault 

In the end

My biggest challenge

Is letting you in

Do you know the person

That I hide behind the mask?

I'm so afraid to show you

I don't want you to run

But in the end

Isn't that the way it goes?

It's all a part of my curse

One that can't be removed

I take a deep breath

And gather 

The pieces of my heart

Laying all over the floor

I put it back together

Then I hand it to you

I only ask

Please don't break it

It was ripped out of my chest

Long ago

Shattered and broke

So many people

Have toyed with my heart

Only to crush it in their hands

Yet I put it back together

And hope for a different end

I hold my breath

Telling myself

Just one more time

Lets try this again

Reviews

[Derek Smith]

I like this it seems very relatable and sadly now a days more people have trust issues than those that don't. something most can relate to and know how it feels to now want to let your guard down or to wear a mask. I really like how it talks about trying again though. one can never be afraid to fail or lose. that's how we get results and figure out what it is that either that individual needs to work on or yourself. very good write

[FlatLineBeauty]

thanks bud :)

[Derek Smith]

Of course you're welcome

[Dye]

I really like the flow to this. I completely felt like I was in your head when I read it. I have had so any conversations/thoughts like this where my inner monologue just takes off. Like I could hear the tempo pick up while reading it. Hard to describe, but I liked it.

[FlatLineBeauty]

Thank you Dye. I'm happy you liked it. :)

[KeeD]

I love the way this poem plays on your mind specially the part, "I hold my breath Telling myself Just one more time Lets try this again" hits me like an arrow piercing my heart filling me with emotion. I loved this read I love the deviant art picture too I used the same picture five minutes ago for a piece I wrote and then I came to read you and I saw it on your profile and I was like I have to read this piece. Excellent writing and I enjoy sharing in your vulnerability. You know sometimes you don't feel the poke of a needle but you know it must have hurt when you see the wound bleed, this poem reminds me of such a feeling of understanding emotion. Sometimes we just live life feeling and not understanding.

[FlatLineBeauty]

Awe thanks babe :)

[MBUYISA]

wow
sweet poem

keep good work coming

[FlatLineBeauty]

thank you so much

[Antoñyo]

Such a powerful "you" and it so accurately pins to the flow the chaos and confusion of that old newness.
As always, senses restored.

Thanks for this share

[Cleide Tatyana Almeida]

wow....this resonated with me...it was profoundly saddening but oh so relatable.....I love the word choice and how you've used short lines to draw out a powerful effect and I love the last two lines...ultimately, hope pushes through the pain

[FlatLineBeauty]

Thank you! I'm glad you liked it :)

[PANTHER811]

One theme, one thought, one desire, the essence being " To be honest I hate myself really". All else is of no importance. It is a marvelous write on the human condition Amanda. Keep writing and as you read, what it is you have written... Tom

[FlatLineBeauty]

Thank you!

[PANTHER811]

you are welcome.

[zainul]

Splendid write.
Enjoyed reading.
Love these lines:
"So many people
Have toyed with my heart
Only to crush it in their hands"

[FlatLineBeauty]

Thank you!

[zainul]

You are most welcome.:)