She's not perfect, nor is she worth it.

Maybe he's right. He's right with everything else. Maybe I'm just like all of the other girls. Everyone thought I was different. That I would be different. I thought I was different, but maybe I'm just like all the rest. Maybe I'm just a naive little girl in her feelings over everything. Who talks s**t, but is on the verge of tears when confronted. Just a wannabe bad b***h with a delicate heart. Who cries and lays on her bathroom floor, sobbing, shaking from panic attacks, unable to breathe, retching as she struggles to breathe. Maybe she just wanted to have a perfect life, and be happy, find her own cure to her depression, the only medication being love. Constant love and affection and with a lack of it, begins to doubt herself, and her worth, and becomes alone, sad, and quiet. She constantly struggles between talking and not. She either talks too much or doesn't talk at all. She fears loneliness. She feels as if she's not needed. As if its so simple to let her go, to leave her out of their lives. They all say they love her. That they need her, but when she needs them, they're no where to be found. The most saddening feeling is when you watch someone so sad, that they play their favorite song, and don't sing along. She feels like that, every song she hears, that at one point in time, she adored. She doesn't talk to anyone for fear of annoyance, or worst, pity. Mean words harm her, especially from ones she holds above all else. She tried to put everyone before herself, but ends up selfish, and narcissistic. She's alone, because she's not needed anywhere. She cries, and she wallows in self pity, and blames everyone for her mistakes rather than owning up to them. Everyone tires of her eventually. Everyone leaves her eventually. Who would ever want to stay with a lonely little girl, a clingy child. Who would ever want to stay with someone who hangs off their every word, who talks like an adult, but understands as much as a child. Young and lost. More trouble than she's worth. Who hates every inch of her self harmed body, who can never be cured. Snow. Snow is pretty on the first day, hated on the next. Shes is Winter. Pretty on the first day, Hated on the second. She wishes she could change. Change who she is, change herself, change everything. Be likable, wanted, smart, intelligent, pretty, cured, loving, caring, independent. She wishes she could be Barbie. Be the favorite child. Sing the loudest and the prettiest. Be a princess. Perfect. Flawless. Its too late. Its been too late to change, and now she is stuck with herself. There is no changing. There is no forgiveness. Whats done is done. Game. Over.

"I'm using white lighters to see, what's in front of me. R.I.P to my youth." 

"And you could call this the funeral

I'm just telling the truth, yeah

You can play this at my funeral

Tell my sister don't cry and don't be sad

I'm in paradise with Dad

Close my eyes and then cross my arms

Put me in the dirt, let me dream with the stars

Throw me in a box with the oxygen off

You gave me the key and you locked every lock

When I can't breathe, I won't ask you to stop

When I can't breathe, don't call for a cop

I was naive and hopeful and lost

Now I'm aware and driving my thoughts."

"Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady

A little unsteady

Hold, hold on, hold onto me

'Cause I'm a little unsteady

A little unsteady

Mama, come here

Approach, appear

Daddy, I'm alone

'Cause this house don't feel like home

If you love me, don't let go."

"I know my actions, they may get confusing

But my unstable ways is my solution to even space

That's why you wanna come out and play with me, yeah

Stooped down and out

You got me beggin for thread

To sew this hole up that you ripped in my head

Stupidly think you had it under control

Strapped down to something that you don't understand

Don't know what you were getting yourself into

You should have known

Secretly, I think you knew."

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

You are amazing. A complete tale in so few words.
"She wishes she could change. Change who she is, change herself, change everything. Be likable, wanted, smart, intelligent, pretty, cured, loving, caring, independent. She wishes she could be Barbie. Be the favorite child. Sing the loudest and the prettiest. Be a princess. Perfect. Flawless. Its too late. Its been too late to change, and now she is stuck with herself. There is no changing. There is no forgiveness. Whats done is done. Game. Over."
The above lines left the reader with many things to ponder. I like the journey and the poem at the end. Complete story brought reader in and kept their attention. Thank you for sharing the excellent tale.
Coyote