Twice

"This is what happens when the flowers wake up one morning and decide to smell human: it confuses us, makes us reach backwards into places that are sharp, feel around for things we've dropped."

I’ve heard it said

That you never love the same way

twice

And I never understood

Until after you were long gone

Into the future

That wasn’t really a future

Chasing the same dreams you had been since you were 7

And I was left to brave a world I hadn’t planned

Alone

And it bothers me

To know that I will never love someone else

The same way I loved you

I spent a long time searching for a hand to hold

But I was searching for one that felt like yours

Molded for circuit boards

And video game controllers

I thought I was just searching for someone to hold me

But I was searching for you

I miss you I miss the love we had I want it back

But our love was born of simplicity and innocence

And we both gave those things away

Long ago

To each other

You were my first

My first everything

My first kiss

My first love

You were the first boy I ever let touch me

You were the first boy I ever imagined still being there

Years after that first phone call

But now you’re gone

You’re gone and I’m better for it

But it still bothers me

That I will never love anyone as optimistically

As I did you

I will never love with my eyes closed again

From you until infinity

I know how this thing works

But somehow I still miss that past when I didn’t

I will never give my heart away on a whim again

Never again will I say I love you before I mean it

Then work to make it true

Those 3 little words mean so much more now

Because they have been betrayed

now

They have been taken away from me

Just when I was starting to count on them

And that changes a person

It makes them guard their secrets a little more closely

It makes them retreat into themselves

Into places that are sharp with the shards of every other broken promise

It changes love

So though I will always search for the fire of your kisses

And the curve of your torso

I will never love

Anyone

The way I once loved you.

Author's Note

I know this needs some work, so I would love to hear your thoughts! I think I have some good lines and imagery in here, but I also think some of it is too much explanation. And suggestions on how to make it more image-centric and less explanation oriented? Thanks!

Reviews

[jacob erin-cilberto]

perhaps make it more metaphorical...it is a bit hard for me to really critique this poem because you really wrote me...after my first divorce it took 20 years to trust love again---it can really cripple our psyche on love when the hurt is insane.

sometimes poems don't have to be complicated...it is a matter of purging feelings, cleansing our soul.

j.

[White Raven]

I'm so glad you were able to connect to it! A lot of times I feel like I make my poems too specific to my life. That's why I've been trying to play around with just adding key details here and there. Also, thanks for your suggestion. I'll look into it. I've played around with metaphor/extended metaphor before, and I can see some ways of how it might work here.