DYING

I had a nightmare the other night and this is what came out of it!

 

 

I could see it comming but never moved

that truck was looming down upon me.

 

 

I knew it would kill me, that I would be dead

all I could think of was peace at last.

 

 

I told them not to worry, it was over now,

remember I loved them and don't forget me.

 

 

Show the baby pictures of him and me,

the smiling happy ones he would need.

 

 

Go on with your lives better than before,

do if for me, it's what I want for you all.

 

 

My dear lover, be happy and carefree

find new love, treasure it as you did me.

 

 

No more pain, no more tears just me as I

used to be. Whole and happy once again.

 

 

At home in a most wonderful place

where I will be waiting.

 

 

9/3/08 Windy

 

DYING

Author's Note

Nightmares can be really strange sometimes! As always feel free to comment. ;)

Reviews

[Wolfwind Words]

Ouch! I could almost feel the fear and then the calm serinity of the scene. Hope fully it wasn't a thump under that tire! :)

This seems to be the type of dream that makes you wonder about the future, the time that happens after you pass on. makes me wonder if the truck was green! I hope not!

Thanks for sharing!
Aaron

[Meredith Leigh]

My dear lover, be happy and carefree

find new love, treasure it as you did me.





No more pain, no more tears just me as I

used to be. Whole and happy once again.





At home in a most wonderful place

where I will be waiting.


- This was so beautiful, I cried. It just had that raw, pure emotion that I love. It was so incredibly heartfelt, but also so heartWRENCHING. It was just a wonderful write, thank you!!

- Kriss

[Legion]

:( Yes, they can. Oh, "comming" only has one "m".

[angelinmypocket]

Windy...sometimes in dreams we find a reality that is exactly oppisite of what "real reality" is. An old superstion holds that if you dream of a death, there's going to be a wedding and vice-versa. Dreams really are strange. This one was rather dramatic. You covered it quite well in your write.
Love/Liz/angelinmypocket

[Blue Sky]

So often we find ourselves walking along these paths
it allows one to have a glimpse of the other side of the flowing rivers
this is a really great piece, instills one with your feelings as you felt this

[These Haunted Hallways]

Aww, man :( Very sad poem :( I hate dreams like these. it makes ya sad all week hehe. I truly felt this so much, and had a tear as well. Very sad, yet very beautiful poem. Wonderful job with it!

B.A.

[Angel's Lady]

Bummer. I'd stop eating watermelon before bed if I was you.

[Anima Inspired]

Very sad... Incidentally, I found myself watching an episode of the television show "House" the other night (guess it was the season finale), and this woman dies in the arms of her lover. He asks her why she isn't angry and she said that wasn't the last feeling that she wanted to feel on this Earth...that just broke my heart...seriously, I was disturbed the entire night and the next day by it...LOL (I'm a little odd that way) Still, this poem disturbed me in that way, or rather touched me, I guess you could say.

I wonder if I would be able to tell my beloved to be "happy and find another to love"? It's a tough thing, but when faced with our own mortality, we can do and say some really amazing things. I think we almost have built in buffers against the pain and fear in the final seconds...I don't know...

As for the writing...I think it could be tightened slightly, simply by omitting small words and making the images cleaner:

I knew it would kill me, that I would be dead (take out "that")
all I could think of was peace at last. (maybe "my only thought, peace at last"?)

Also, the remaineder of the poem from that point is more of an "I said" or "I told", as though you're narrating, and I think it could be really powerful if you changed things up and wrote it more as though you were talking...

I told them not to worry, it was over now,
remember I loved them and don't forget me.

----to-----

Do not worry, it's over now,
remeber I love you and don't forget me.

Just a thought...I'm just playing with ideas and words here. Anyway...a touching write to say the least!

[bluessadmood]

dreams could come in any shape ,but this is so sad ,you know of looming death,and truck running over you ,yet all you say its ok i am fine its over now,and all you think of is peace , at last its there,it seems you are happy and content,no but you go further and tell them what to do,lover be happy ,find a new love and cherish it like you did me,and no more tears ,no more pain and at home wait for me where i will be waiting,its somewhat puzzling but thats the way with dreams ,the good thing here dear ,you were not afraid to die,this is peaceful soul,they are so friendly and happy ,they are at piece in either sides in either lives,just wonderful so thoughtful ,this dream tells a lot about you and i think you should be happy,it shows how good you are my friend...

[Bear]

That is some NIGHTMARE!! And wow, you put the dream into words so well!! Such a big and loving heart you have... able to take the love with you while hoping those left behind living will find love once again with your blessing. ;~) Nightmares can be strange indeed!! Some that I remember, thankfully have become less scary over time but, I sometimes wonder why I had those dreams and why I had one in particular over and over at the ages 4, 12, 18, 24, and 30. Seems like every time some big change happened in my life, usually after a move from one living space to another or leaving someone I loved in the past that one dream would come again taking me through a scary time and to a happy, loving ending. ;~)
Thanks for posting!! I'm glad it was a nightmare, not truth. Sallie Bear

[Adela Muresan]

Gee, I don't know what to say�
The emotions you penne are very noble, because you think of others in your last moments instead of losing yourself in fear of what lies ahead and.
I think you should change the font size and color dough�maybe some plain black and average 14 size?

Wonderful work :).

A.M.