I Remember

Just how it was...

I Remember

My Mom and Dad, sisters and brothers, one big family all together.  Dad ruled the roost, Mom raised us kids, that is just the way life is. (Or so I believed)

 

I Remember

I wanted all that, those were my dreams, my goals in life there was no need for college.  I jumped at my chance.  A ready made family with more to come.  I thought, this is it, this is what I want. Married with children, my life complete and years went by.

 

I Remember

A partnership is what I had, or so I thought, it ended up a prison with no love lost.  It wasn't how I had imagined.  Arguments and problems constant and at times severe had my children and I sad, unhappy and usually in tears.  My main concern, my children so young not understanding why Mommy and Daddy couldn't get along.

 

I Remember

Always wondering if there was more.  If my hopes and dreams had been confused, If I'd made a mistake, if I was being used.  If living that life was best for my kids, if leaving their dad they would ever forgive. My life in turmoil, things changing all around.  Lost in confusion, no answers to be found.

 

I Remember

I tried to change, I tried to honor, I tried to believe it would be better tomorrow.  I worried and fretted, I cried and I pleaded yet nothing seemed to matter.  I tried to  imagine to no avail what life would be like out of this hell.  I had finally lost all that was me, I was now just a shell.

 

I Remember

The day I deceided this all must end.  I felt relieved yet  really scared.  I didn't know what the future held.  I only knew it would not be here in this jail.  The judge ruled DIVORCE DECREED, an ugly word, an ugly need.

 

I Remember

Standing alone, newly single and scared.  Wondering what now?  What was going to happen? What of my children, would they ever be happy?  I knew in my heart I did the right thing, but it wouldn't be easy. Only time would tell.

 

I Remember

 

5/328/08  Windy

Author's Note

Please excuse punctuation etc. This may be the first in a series of three (?) not sure yet, hasn't come to me.

Reviews

[Bear]

"I Remember" ~~ what a fine write!! Seems to be the way of the American life these years; marriage, children, divorce when the team-work isn't happening at all anymore~~ some are "lucky" to find their "soul-mate" and realize from the start that a team effort is the only way to make the marriage last a lifetime. Some of us are blessed with parents that have stayed together their team strong from the giving of one to the other equally. I have yet to cross paths with someone who wanted to take the time to make the team complete so, I continue on as one but, hum... I ain't "heart ache lonely" so, I'll just keep on moving right along with an with my heart and soul open to a change if the right soul crosses my path.
Thanks for sharing this write!! Good stuff! Sallie Bear

[Samuel Dickens]

I've been there too, Windy. In fact, bad relationships and divorce have plagued my family and I for most of my life. How sad and hurtful it all is. I hope things are good for you now. Sam

[Legion]

A masterpiece in the telling of what is wanted only to fall apart. Dreams don't always come true, but they can change. Can't wait for the next ones.

[[untitled]]

This is a wonderful, heartfelt write. You've done well in both your "summerizing" of each phase, as well as the transition from one phase to another. Things always seem different in hindsight; I have yet to learn whether it's us who change or the world around us. I'm sure it took a lot of courage on your part to go through the details of that ugly need.

[Carole]

It had to be a very difficult decision, Cari. I admire you for weathering the storm. I love the repetition and your using "I remember" throughout your piece. Tied each thought together. It's amazing how we can have our mindsets of how we "think" things will be. Life often does not pan out as we intend it. Some how through the twists and turns that life hands us, we make it. This is a heart felt piece that gives the reader insight into who you are. Thank you for sharing...carole