We are all a little weird

Claire, self-proclaimed anthropologist and number one nobody, meets Andrew, a boy with a crush on the school's prettiest girl.

“We are all a little weird

and life’s a little weird,

and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours,

we join up with them

and fall in mutual weirdness

and call it love.”

~Dr. Suess

“Ehhm, K-Kylie? It’s just…um…would you go out with me?!”
What in the-
“Oh, sorry. I already have a boyfriend.”
“I-I see. That’s totally fine! I understand.”
The boy looked down, clearly disappointed. I almost felt bad for him.
I watched as Kylie sauntered away, leaving yet another boy in the dust. Wait, did you think it was me being confessed to? Haha, that’s some thinking you’ve got there. I’m Claire, anthropologist, journalist, and Haydale Academy’s number one nobody. Just thought you should know.
“H-how long were you there?!”
I looked up into a pair of fragile green eyes, suddenly aware I was in a bush behind the trash cans of the academy.
“Uh, not long.”
“Did you overhear what happened?”
“…A bit.”
I bit my lip as a worried expression crossed the boy’s face.
“It’s okay. I won’t say anything.” I waved the issue away, flashing him a bright smile. He shifted uncomfortably, obviously not satisfied with my reply.
“Do…Do you think you can help me with Kylie?”
“What?”
I closed my mouth, noticing it was hanging open. Did he just say what I thought he did?
“I-I need your help… I don’t want to give up, but I know I can’t get her attention by myself.”
“But…you don’t even know me.”
“I do. You’re Claire, right? You’re in my biology class.”
I blinked. Huh. Maybe I’m not as invisible as I thought.
“But do you really think I’ll be of use? Kylie and I barely come in contact with each other.”
“You do know a lot about her. I saw you writing about her in that notebook.”
Busted. The truth was I write about everyone in my notebook, it’s part of being an anthropologist. Apparently I’m not the only active observer, though.
“Alright you caught me. I’ll help you if you keep my notebook a secret.”
I stood up, dusting off my knees. I grinned at him and held out my hand.
“Do we have a deal?”
“Deal.”
And we shook on it.

“To start off, you’re not really the type of guy Kylie’s into.”
“I’m not?”
I sighed, watching him drip ice cream all over his uniform. This kid seemed more like a grade schooler than someone my age.
“Yeah, she’s into more…uh, I guess manly guys.”
Kylie was by far the prettiest girl in school, and she had always gotten the guy she wanted. So far all of them were buff and good-looking, a common preference.
“I’m not manly?”
“..Yeah, I mean, look at you.”
I grabbed a few napkins and cleaned up the mess on his shirt, wiping his face while I was at it. He grinned at me sheepishly.
“I-I can be manly. Just look.”
He puffed out his chest and huffed, looking more like a chipmunk than anything.
“Um, maybe not,” I said, holding back my laughter. He shrugged and sat back down.
“First of all, we need to improve your posture.”
I gently propped back his shoulders, straightening his back.
“Okay, chin up. Keep your back straight, and walk.”
I watched as he waddled around the park, as stiff as a robot. I rubbed my temples. This would NOT be easy.
“Relax your shoulders!” I yelled from across the fountain. He took a deep breath, following my instructions.
“Try to walk in a straight line! Don’t look down! Keep your head steady!” I watched in utter disappointment as he continued to march. After a few minutes he walked back toward me, frustration on his face.
“This is hard.”
“It’s okay, you’ll get the hang of it. Follow me.”
I stood up tall, carefully taking his hand. We made a few laps around the park, slowly progressing.
“That’s it. Walk like you own the place!”
I cheered as he strutted, clearly enjoying it. I never knew someone could be so happy about something as simple as walking properly.
“Well, is it good enough?”
“Uhm….Hook your thumbs in your pockets and tilt your head slightly. Okay, smile.”
I laughed as his face twisted into an awkward half smirk.
“Not exactly what I was going for. But you got posture down.”
“Really?!”
“Don’t get too excited. You still have a long way to go, mister.”
He grinned adorably, making me freeze.
“That’s it! That’s your smile!”
“What?”
I started tugging at his face, trying to form that million dollar smile. He laughed, pulling my hands away.
“Okay, okay. Like this?”
He flashed me another smile, and I felt my knees go weak.
“That’s it!”
“Yeah! I got it!” He pumped his fists in the air, laughing.
Behind us the bell tower started ringing, signaling five o’clock. He stiffened in response, checking his watch.
“Oh, shoot! I gotta go! See you tomorrow!”
“Wait! You haven’t told me your name yet!”
“Andrew!”
I watched as he turned and waved before continuing to speed off. I waved back, feeling a small knot in my stomach. This kid was too cute, he would never be able to become the man of Kylie’s liking.. I shrugged, trying to clear my head. Whatever, maybe her taste will change.


Chapter Two
“Are you sure about this?”
“Of course!”
“I don’t know, I mean-”
“Just go!”
I gave Andrew’s hair a final ruffling before shoving him out into Kylie’s path. He stumbled a bit, almost knocking her over.
“Oh, I’m sorry,” Kylie said, steadying herself.
“No, it was my fault.” His mouth twisted into a pitiful excuse for a smile. I rolled my eyes.
We still have a long way to go with that.
“...Have we met before?” She said after giving him a once-over, taking in his new apparel.
“Uh, actually...” He glanced my way, and I crossed my arms in a frantic x, signalling him to say no.
“No, we haven’t met. I’m Andrew.” He ran his hand through his hair, just like how we rehearsed.
“Nice to meet you, Andrew, I’m Kylie.” she gave him her pearly white smile, causing him to blush.
Fashion is key to catch attention, I hurriedly scrawled in my notebook as they continued to converse. In high school, appearance is a major factor. Hey, I might as well take notes, this kind of situation is perfect for these things.
“What are you writing?”
I flinched, startled to see Andrew’s face looming over me.
“Nothing. More importantly, how did it go?” I tugged the sleeves of his very stylish, but at the same time cheap (thank you for showing me how to bargain-hunt, mom!) jacket, anxious to know how my little experiment went.
“I think it went well. She called me cute,” he gave me an embarrassed smile, making my heart skip a beat. Because you are.
“That’s great! But... doesn’t she prefer tough guys?”
“I don’t know. Maybe you were mistaken.”
I chewed the end of my pencil, letting the thought wash over me. So Kylie’s taste DID change...
“Anyway, I think my work is done here. You caught her attention, and that was all I was needed for, right?”
“No! You can’t leave! I still have a lot to learn!” He said, his eyes growing wide with worry.
“But... what else do you need me for?”
“Uh, I want you to be there when I redo my confession,” he twiddled his thumbs nervously, “I want to make her seriously consider going out with me.”
“I don’t know, Andrew,..” I sighed. I knew what would happen if Kylie really did go out with him, and it wouldn’t be good. I only helped him so I could observe her reaction to his makeover.
“Please, Claire? C’mon, I’ll help you if you like someone.”
I snorted. Me? Like someone? I wouldn’t even stand a chance.
“Fine. Only until then, though.”
“Thank you! You’re the best!” he gave me a large hug, unaware of what awaited him. I scowled, already seeing what was about to happen.
Heartbreak.

Chapter Three
“Okay, if you’re going to confess, you’ll have to give her you’re award-winning smile,” I said, smirking at Andrew a little, “and not that petty one you did yesterday.”
“Yes, teacher.”
I looked down to see Andrew scribbling away in a notebook eerily similar to mine.
“What’s this?” I tapped it with my finger, peering over the paper.
“I’m taking notes on what you’re teaching me. I want to be like you, so I even got the same notebook.” He smiled up at me, holding it up proudly. I groaned at his easy smile.
“Why can’t you smile like that around Kylie?”
“I don’t know, I get so nervous. I’m much more comfortable smiling at you.”
“Thanks, but that doesn’t exactly help the situation here.”
I gazed up at the sky, thinking for a moment. I came out empty-handed.
“Anyway, we’ll deal with that later. Let’s rehearse you’re confession,” I pulled out my own notebook and started thumbing through the pages, “you need a convincing one if you want to stand a chance.”
I finally landed on my desired page, the reference of how every guy asked Kylie out. Yes, I even have tabs on that. Impressive, right? No? Whatever.
“So far all of the successful confessions were asked in a breezy, round-about way. Maybe that’s why she rejected you so quickly last time, since you came out a bit straightforward.”
“I see. So what exactly am I supposed to say?”
“I’m not sure. Let’s see what you’ve got, first.”
He thought for a moment before giving a pathetic pickup line. I pretended to choke on the cheesiness in response.
“That was terrible. How about something like, ‘I don’t have a date to the dance, mind coming with me?’”
“You think I should ask her to the Spring Formal?”
I rolled my eyes. This guy wasn’t very bright, was he.
“That dance is the perfect opportunity. You have to ask her to it if you want to be at least mildly successful.”
He scratched his head for a moment, eyeing me carefully.
“Are you going with someone?”
“What? Of course not.” I looked down at him, surprised. “Why do you ask?”
“I don’t know. I mean, you seem very good at these things, yet you don’t use them to be popular yourself.”
“Even if I use these tactics it wouldn’t work.”
“Why not?”
“I’m just weird, okay? People don’t find someone like me interesting, even if I act accordingly..” I gritted my jaw, a bit agitated. This was one touchy subject.
“But-”
“Anyway!” I threw my hands in the air, desperately trying to change the topic. “Practice on me. Ask me to the dance.”
“Okay.” He put down his notebook and stretched before taking up the pose I taught him.
“So, Kylie, I don’t have anyone to take to the dance, so how about coming with me?”
“Not good enough,” I said, shaking my head. “You look too desperate. Try to use a more casual tone.”
He tried it twice more, but couldn’t quite nail it. I bit my lip, wondering what else I should do.
“I don’t like this,” he said after a few more failed attempts, followed by some speaking exercises. “It just doesn’t sound like me.”
“Isn’t that what you wanted?” I eyed him cautiously, as he collapsed on a nearby bench. “If you want to catch Kylie’s eye you have to act to her preferences.”
“I know, but... It doesn’t feel right.” He started tousling his hair, frustrated. I sighed.
“Well, what do you want to do?” I sat down next to him, rubbing his shoulder in the same way I did to my younger siblings. He shook his head helplessly.
“I don’t know.”
“Andrew? Andrew!” Our heads snapped up in the direction of the voice. It couldn’t be... It was.
“Kylie! What are you doing here?” I dove behind a bush as she approached, peeking out from behind the brambles.
“Oh, you know, just taking a stroll. Anyway, I was hoping I’d see you.”
“Really? What for?”
I mentally high-fived myself for making Andrew dress up for our rehearsal in the park. He was against it at first, but I’m betting he was totally grateful.
“Actually, it was about the dance.” She batted her eyelashes, trying to hint at him.
“What about it?” Can you be anymore stupid? Kylie twirled her hair impatiently at his reply..
“Well...isn’t there something you want to ask me?”
“.Not really.”
Idiot! Ask her to the dance! I wrote on my notebook in big letters, then held it up for him to see. A look of realization passed over his face when he saw it.
“Oh, I mean, would you like to go with me? I don’t have a date yet.”
Now smile! I wrote again, and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion. But I can’t, yet, he seemed to say. I rolled my eyes and started to dance. Yes, right there in the bushes, with my god-awful dancing, but it worked. I gave him a huge thumbs up as he grinned widely in amusement.
“Oh, I’d love to go!” She clasped her hands in excitement, slightly dazzled by his smile. I knew it would work!
“Okay, so I’ll see you then?”
“Sure!” She leaned over right then and kissed him on the cheek, before strutting away. He sat there, lovestruck, with his hand held to his cheek. I burst out of the bushes and shook him, feeling the rush in my veins.
“You did it! Bravo!” I started to applaud as he smiled at me dreamily.
“I did, hunh?”
“You bet.”
And as we sat there, discussing the various ways of dancing, and specifically laughing at mine, a question wavered in the back of my mind.
Didn’t Kylie already have a boyfriend?


Chapter Four
“Hair, check. Outfit, check. Corsage, check. Okay, I think you’re ready!”
I stepped back and admired my work. Andrew was all decked out in my older brother’s suit, with a little dog tag necklace giving it the sense of causality. He grinned widely at me, although his face was slowly turning pale.
“You think this is okay?”
“Perfect.”
I had him do a final turn before leading him to the car.
“Now, I only rented this car for tonight. My brother is driving you, so you should be fine.”
“Thanks Claire, you’re the best,” he gave me another smile before asking, “aren’t you going to the dance?”
“Me? Oh, of course! Just not with someone. I’m helping with the audio systems for when the band starts playing. Just find me when something goes awry.”
“Oh, okay.” He hesitated for a moment before opening the door to the car.
“Thanks again, Claire.”
“Yeah, have fun!” I waved as the car departed, my stomach sinking as the tiny dot disappeared over the horizon.
I knew why Kylie agreed to go to the dance with Andrew.
And the truth will crush him.

“Hello, Claire.”
I pulled off the headphones and turned to see Alexander, Kylie’s (ex?) boyfriend standing behind me. I waved at him reluctantly.
“What is it? Is there something wrong with the speakers.?”
“Oh, no, there’s nothing wrong,” he said, taking a step closer to me, “and I just wanted to tell you what a fantastic job you’re doing.”
“That’s...nice. Thanks...”
“Yeah, and, do you think you could come out and dance with me? For just one song?”
I eyed him suspiciously. This was weird. Nobodys like me don’t suddenly get asked to dance by the most popular boy in the auditorium. That’s when I saw it, out of the corner of my eye, Kylie staring at us, her mouth agape. Beside her Andrew was attempting to get her attention when he turned and saw what she was looking at. He stared at me as he slowly realized what was going on.
“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” I finally said to Alexander, pushing past him to talk to Andrew. He grabbed my arm before I could escape and looked at me, puzzled.
“You don’t want to? You’re refusing to dance with me?” Oh, shoot.. In turning down his offer I have succeeded to dent the king’s ego. Nice, Claire.
“No, I mean, uh-”
“Alex!”
We both turned to see Kylie marching up to us, tears welling up in her eyes.
“Are, are you...?”
She threw his arms around his neck, snuggling into his shirt. I started to inch away as heads started to turn.
“Oh, baby, I would never abandon you,” Alexander was saying, kissing the top of her head. “I thought you were getting rid of me with that other kid, so I just got a bit upset, that’s all.”
“M-me too. When we broke up I was devastated. I was just using Adrian to make you jealous.”
I looked over at Andrew to see him fly through the exit doors. At that moment I did the most dangerous thing someone could do. I walked up to Kylie, and slapped her. Hard.
“It’s Andrew, you idiot,” I said as she stared at me.
“Excuse me. Please continue.”
I marched out of the auditorium aware of the five hundred or so eyes staring at my back. Goodbye, I thought, and at LEAST learn their name next time.

“Andrew?” I called into the night “Andrew!” I tried again, and was answered with a feeble sob.
“Oh, there you are,” I sighed, staring up into a large maple tree. I climbed to sit down next to him, which was a bit hard to do in ballet flats.
“She didn’t even like me,” Andrew choked out, as he started to sob into my shoulder. I stroked his hair gently, nodding.
“I know, I know.”
“She was using me. She never even thought about going out with me.” He cried loudly as I started humming, trying to calm him down
“She never liked me and never will! This was all so stupid!” He angrily ripped the dog tag off his neck and threw it, watching it disappear into a tiny dot. We continued to sit there in silence as my heart leaped in a sudden thought.
Why was I sitting here? Why was I comforting a kid I’ve only known for a week? Why was I going so far for someone?
The answer was so simple, yet it hurt to admit it.
I was in love with Andrew.

Chapter Five
“I’m sorry, Claire,” Andrew said the next morning.
“For what?” I asked him, taking his plate to the sink. He shook his head sadly.
“For...everything. For making you take me to your house since I was too upset to go back to mine. For making you do this whole thing with me. For...not being a good enough friend.” He slouched in his seat, tears rimming his eyes. I ruffled his hair playfully, giving him a bittersweet smile.
“You’re a great friend, Andrew, and friends stick with each other, no matter how stupid,” I elbowed him, “the other one is.” He smiled weakly, but he still looked miserable, broken.
“I know,” I said, taking his face in my hands, “let’s use today to cheer you up. We’ll do everything you want to do, no questions asked. We can even slouch the whole day!” He chuckled softly, sitting up a bit straighter.
“Well? Do you want to?”
“...Yeah, I kind of do.”

“How much can you eat?!” I stared at Andrew as he started his second ice cream cone after a box of donuts, cream puffs, gummy bears, crumpets, and a large milkshake. He laughed, shaking his head.
“No one knows where this black hole will end!” he patted his stomach proudly. I smiled back at him.
“You sure love sugar, don’t you.”
“Yeah, I do. Not very manly, hunh,” he looked down, alerting me he was thinking about THAT.
“Yeah, but that’s you. I think you’re perfect as you are.”
He looked up at me, as if seeing me for the first time.
“You think so?”
I gave him an incredulous look, throwing up my hands in mock defense.
“You think I’m lying? That hurts, Andrew, that hurts a lot.”
He smiled at me, leaning back in his seat.
“Thanks. That’s the first time someone said that to me.”
“So I should say it more often?”
“...Yeah, you should.” I poked him in the side, and he continued to laugh.
“Anyway,” he said as he caught his breath, “Do you have anyone you like?”
“No,” I said after a moment, “I don’t. Why?”
“Well, it’s only fair for me to help you since you helped me.”
I smiled at him. “That’s sweet, but you don’t have to do anything in return.”
“Oh, come on. I’m indebted to you, oh wise one.” He bowed in fake reverence, and I slapped him on the head.
“Well...There is this one guy,” I started, making Andrew’s ears perk up intently.
“Yeah? Who?”
“Oh, he’s a real idiot. He’s stupid, clueless, he really can’t do anything by himself,” I tapped my chin thoughtfully, “But he’s really sweet. He’d do anything for me, if I only asked. He’s my best friend.”
“What’s his name?”
I smiled mischievously.
“Can’t tell. Its a secret.”
Andrew smacked his forehead and groaned dramatically.
“Great, just great.”
I laughed, cautiously. Did he know I was talking about him?
“So this guy sounds like a real dunce,” apparently not, “But he’s sure lucky to have someone like you.”
“Thanks, Andrew.”
“Anyway, I should start heading back.” He yawned and stretched casually, checking his watch.
“I’ll see you tomorrow.”
“Yeah, sure.”
And then he walked away, just like that, my heart sinking with every step he took. Because at that moment I knew there would be no tomorrow with him. I’ve already helped him with Kylie, and now there was no point in staying together. I was just a nobody, right?
Right?


Chapter Six
“Claire? I need to speak with you.”
Oh no. I smiled politely at Kylie and followed her to the back of the school. Did she need to speak to me about that particular something?
“You little brat!” She yelled once we were out of earshot. Apparently so.
“Um-” I started, and was answered with a slap. I held my cheek as it began to sting. I looked at her helplessly.
“I’ve been watching you, Claire,” she sneered, “And I’ve noticed that pathetic little crush you have. Well let me tell you, it’s not going to happen.” She pushed me against the wall as tears came dangerously close to spilling out of my eyes.
“I know that already,” I muttered. “I know.”
“Don’t speak back to me!” She grabbed a nearby bucket and prepared to throw it at me, suspicious liquid and all.
“Stop it!”
I slowly opened my eyes to see Andrew standing between us, sopping wet. The bucket clattered loudly to the ground.
“Are you okay, Claire?” he asked, looking at me carefully. I nodded slowly.
“Uh...you-You weirdos!” Kylie screeched, pointing at us.
“If you say anything you’ll regret it!”
We watched her scamper away, and I let out a soft giggle. Andrew joined in and it slowly grew louder, our laughter blowing breezily in the wind. I collapsed on the ground and sighed.
“I’m sorry, Andrew,” I said as he sat down next to me, and we looked up at the Spring sky, “for not being able to make Kylie fall for you.”
“It wasn’t worth it,” he said, looking at me intently.
“Really? I mean I totally ruined your chance, she even called you a weirdo.”
“Well, I am,” he leaned back onto his elbows, “and so are you.”
“Gee, thanks,” I punched him playfully on the arm. A few moments passed between us before we spoke up again.
“You know, Claire, I need to tell you something-”
“Me, too,” I interrupted. I took a deep breath before continuing. “I know you probably don’t want to hang out with me anymore, and I understand, so I’ll just say it before we part ways,” I looked over at him to make sure he was listening. “Andrew, I-I like you. I know I’m no Kylie and I never will be, but-”
I stopped mid sentence as his lips met mine in what felt like the best first kiss of all eternity.
“So, I guess we both are weirdos,” he said once he pulled away, turning a bright shade of red, “but at least we share a mutual weirdness.”
“What, called love?” I said, remembering my favorite quote by Dr. Suess.
“Yeah, called love.”

THE END

Author's Note

Critiques and comments appreciated!

Willing to take suggestions for next story.