Prolouge

  The Plains Elf crouches just low enough behind the small hedge of plagueberry bushes to avoid being spotted by the magnificent elder Stagg. 

Orion has been in the Bottomless timberlands for sixteen weeks. This elusive animal has given him the slip at every turn. Not willing to be bested by this creature, Orion has stayed in this wilderness, scouting, tracking and hunting this beast from the time he opens his eyes, until he can no longer fight exhaustion.

The elf can barely believe his luck on this day. The Stagg is mere yards from him, foraging the underbrush of this ancient forest, never knowing that its end is so very close.

Patiently, Orion deftly slides an arrow from his quiver and readies himself by slowing his breath and calming the nerves that currently cyclone just under his skin. Gently, he pulls the bowstring back until his draw maxes out. Slowly, he starts to rise up over the bushes, praying that the chase will end here in one final stroke.

Orion releases the string and the shaft launches through the air to become a blur on its way toward the unaware animal. Just as the bowstring snaps closed, it catches upon a low hanging branch of a nearby Stormwind tree, snapping it off with a loud crack.

The Stagg bolts upright just as the arrow finds its target. The shaft sinks deep, just behind the shoulder of the now frightend animal. The Stagg screams and begins to speed away from the hunter at the unimaginable speed Orion has witnessed several times over the course of this long hunt.

“ Not even…” The elf mutters under his breath as he takes off after his prey.

The giant trunks of the Stormwind trees seem to flash in and out of existence as Orion races past them with his remarkable elven speed. The elf hurdles over smaller fallen trees and blasts through the brush that frequently attempts to impede him, almost as though the forest were trying to aid the Elder Stagg in its escape.

No matter, Orion thinks to himself. The gap is closing and this is about to come to an end.

Almost as if the beast  could hear Orions thoughts, the Stagg suddenly veers off in a new direction. Puzzled, the elf turns to follow the creature. Suddenly, Orion understands the new course his prey has chosen. The new path leads the animal directly out of the forest, to the west, which ends with the three hundred foot drop of the Mirror Bottom Cliffs.

The crazed animal races on, becoming weaker with every stride, but still unwilling to give in to the hunter, it runs headlong to the only escape it can think of.

HELL NO! Orion thinks as he pulls another shaft from his quiver, still in a dead run. The arrow comes around and finds the bowstring with ease. Orion can see the edge of the cliff coming up rather quickly and he levels the bow sending the missile screaming at the Stagg. The shaft slices through the wind that comes up over the crest of the ridgeline, causing a slight whistle as it shreds the air. The shaft courses on its way, almost as if it is craving the opportunity to drain the life from its target. The arrow lands with a thwok, as it enters the base of the animals neck, severing the spinal cord. The Stagg pitches sideways and slams into the unforgiving ground just before it disappears  over the edge of the cliff.

“ THAT’S MINE DAMNIT!!!” Orion yells, as he too sails over the ridgeline. Determined to claim his long, sought after prize.

                                                                                                000

                Two miles south of Orions hunting ground, stands a giant of a man just outside his tavern in the small trading town of Brule. The man towers almost seven feet off the ground and has the mass of one of the draft horses that frequent this community. His chest resembles  the bow of a great sailing ship more than it does a chest that you would find on a man. Some in town say that it would take less time to cut down a Starburned tree than it would to try and cut through one of this mans’ arms.

                Gazing out over the towns’ layout, the man asks himself if it has really been twenty years since arriving here to start a normal life. A life without orders. Without battle. A life devoid of constant bloodshed.

                Just over two decades ago, the warrior was in the services of an emperor  that was given the task by his subjects to watch and defend the Eighth Realm Empire.

                The warriors’ father was the right hand of the emperor for almost fourteen years, until his father was ordered to advance on a village that was said to have given aid to an enemy force at that time.

                Refusing to slay the women and children of the defenseless  village, the warriors father was put to the sword and the warriors entire family was cast into exile under pain of death if they were to ever be seen in the Eighth Realm again.

                Eythan Merrell, a war general in the empire, that had always been close to the warrior and his family, caught wind of what had been done. Broke from his command and returned to the empire to help the warrior vanish from the ever seeking eyes of their current ruler.

                After getting the warrior to a safe place, Eythan returned to find the pitiful emperor in the Hall of the War Council, while it was in session behind a firmly bolted door, and used an axe to cut through it just to challenge the emperor for lordship over the empire.

                In mere moments, Eythan had cut his lord down and stood there, motionless, for the two whole days it took for the former emperor to die.

                Taking control of the Eighth Realm, Eythan, announced that the warrior was to be reinstated as a High Lord, at the left hand of his new emperor. However, the warrior refused, asking that he be allowed to live a simple life without battle being the major part of his waking hours.

                Eythan then offered the warrior a castle and lordship in one of the Eighth Realm districts, but the warrior again refused, saying all he wanted was to settle down in a small community and get on with life and its normal routines. Thinking hard, suddenly the ruler told the warrior that a new town on the western coast was in the beginning stages of being built and that it would be an ideal place to begin living out the dream the warrior had in mind.

                After the warrior accepted, Eythan announced that the town would be named; Brule. Named after the warrior whose family had shown the empire nothing but honor for three generations.  Shaking his head, Brule accepted the gift and travelled to the port town he would now call home for the rest of his life, gods willing.

                So, the town began to prosper at a steady rate and Brule the warrior, soon became; Brule the bar master. The people around him soon became fast friends and after two years he met a wonderful woman named; Lisaul. They had a child, but after a plague washed through the town they lost her. The news shortly after was that Lisaul was to have a second child.

                Three years after leaving the honor of the empire, Kiesha, Brules second daughter, was born. Worried that she too would at some point fall victim to someone or something, Brule raised her to be a fighter. Teaching her all that he was taught while he served his realm. Kiesha took to the training more eager than he had expected. And she had trained harder than any man he had ever known.

                Three years later, Lisaul surprised her husband and daughter with yet another daughter which she promptly named; Teauh. Lisaul had seen what had become of Kiesha under Brules guidance and took ahold of Teauh and told Brule to keep his skillet sized hands away from this child. She had just merely wanted to have a sweet little daughter this time around. Brule, the killer of thousands, wanted nothing to do in a war with his beloved. There was a look she got from time to time that straight up terrified him. At that moment she was wearing a face that made that other face look like fun.

                Six years in to raising Teauh, Lisaul contracted the flu and died over the course of 5 horrible days of a downpour that nearly drown the citizens by just walking through it.

                In anguish, Brule closed himself off from those around him and created a hole within himself to crawl away to and die in. Brule stayed in this aware coma state for nearly two years, until one early and close to frozen morning came a rap on the tavern door, well before the place was supposed to open. Brule called out but no one answered so he strode to the door, not having time for these games, and swung it inward violently expecting to see someone there, but he was disappointed.

                Then surprised!

                Looking down he noticed a bread basket covered in cloth and leather.  This is not what surprised him. It was the coo of a newborn baby that came from within. There was a strange need to care for this child that suddenly enveloped him.

                Bringing the basket inside, he set it upon the bar counter and slowly pulled back the coverings to reveal its contents. Brule was once again rocked when he realized that he was now greeting the face of an elf. Not just any elf. A Storm Elf. A very rare breed of elf that comes from the far northern reaches of Oryalon.

                Over the span of the next six years, Ayla, the adopted daughter of Brules family, was able to open Brules heart back up and reunite him with his own family again. Kiesha got back to her combat studies, not having to raise Teauh in her fathers’ absence. Teauh, thinking that there should have been some way to cure her mother, decided to turn to the arts of magic. And from what her instructors had said, she excelled in her learning better than what they had yet seen. Brule had witnessed the very same thing with Kiesha, so he knew what they meant when they said that. It meant that magic now took up most of her life. She would cut out friends and hobbies just to expand her knowledge in the magical field. It depressed him to know that his girls were like that but he was proud of and loved them all the same.

                Ayla was unlike any he had ever seen, met, or known. She never said a word the whole time they had cared for her. She carried a stick around with her so she could write or draw what she wanted to tell someone. Brule had been around a vast array of elven types and had got to see and experience their skills, but Ayla? She was quiet. Silence was a scream when compared to Ayla. You had to learn to be cautious around her. More times than not, she was right there suddenly right at the very moment that you were not ready. You learned to keep your eyes open around her and keep them moving in all directions to make sure you catch everything. Everything meaning; there were a couple of times that some strange things had happened around her. Although it didn’t seem to bother her, what was happening, everyone around her was either frightened or struck down by a mighty blow of awe.

                But happy is what Ayla was. She loved the town. She loved the tavern. Most of all, she loved those who showed her love back.

                “ Daddy, daddy! “ Brule hears Teauh calling to him from a ways off down the street toward the marketplace and the warf.

                Snapping out of his memories, he turns to face his beautiful, golden haired, fourteen year old daughter. “ Aye? “ he calls back to her, smiling broadly as he notices her mother in her movements and expressions.

                “ Oh daddy! Guess what? “

                “ I’m guessing that if I don’t answer, I won’t have to guess at all. “ He states playfully.

                “ One of the Seven is coming here! To this town! Oh daddy pleeeeeeasssssse let me aid under them if they’ll have me! “  She cries to him as she clasps his hand tightly but with absolute affection.

                “ See? Knew I wouldn’t have to guess. “

                “ I’m serious ya moose! “ she says. Hitting him on his great stump of an arm.

                “ Which element will be here? “

                “ The HighPriest of Spirit. “

                “ Sounds reasonable to me. When is the advocate supposed to show themself? “

                “ Tonight papa…. So I can go then? “

                “ Yes, but I want you to go find your sisters for me. More than likely your elder has taken your younger into the woods so she can watch Kiesha insult that poor boy, who seems to love her, with a sword. “

                Teauhs head snaps up like a door being slammed. “ Heror is with her? “

                The flash of stars in her eyes. The ridged intake and release of breath. Brule knew the signs. Teauh had a crush, and it was well on its way to becoming love. But the boy loved Keisha. This was an all bad scenario and there was going to be no way to avoid it down the line when the girls got older.

                “ Teauh, honey. There won’t be much left of him in a couple years once Kiesha gets done using him for a practice dummy. “

                A flash of despise nearly cripples her face for an instant just before she explodes. “ YOU KNOW SHE BEATS HIM CUZ  SHE GETS THRILLS FROM IT!!!! Cuz YOU trained her to be mean as hell, daddy! “ She states defiantly before turning on toe and running off to find her kin.

                “ Won’t argue there. “ He chuckles to himself as he turns to open his tavern for the day.

                             000                                       

                The boy is just barely standing at this point. He’s hunched over and his knees feel like if they were an inch closer, they would simply cave in. The tip of his wooden sword is buried harshly into the ground directly in front of him, and he can’t seem to understand where all of this damn sweat is coming from. The amount of water he has lost in the last hour should have left him looking like a ghoul by now.

                The girl across from him on the other hand, is just downright tireless. She comes in again, swinging down on him from above. With an explosion of effort, he attempts to bring his sword to bear, but fails to withstand the power of the blow and their weapons              ring off each other just before her wooden blade destroys his weak defense  and ricochets off of his helmet just above the brow. The attack sends him to the blackness so fast that he thinks she may have been using a real sword, and he is actually, currently dying.

                “ Mother of the gods, Heror! “ The young woman states pathetically while looking down on him in shame as he slowly spins outward from his blackout. “ You’re a boy, are you not? Shouldn’t you be strong or something? “

                “ I am trying to keep up with you but it seems to be impossible. “ The boy complains. Looking as though no one would ever be proud of him again.

                “ OH! Get up! “ She yells out at him, reaching out to help him up.

                “ Ya know, “ Heror states, “ it’s good to know that your dad kicks your butt when you two practice.

                “ Really? “She says to him with a coy little grin on her lips. “ Wanna know the difference between his and my sessions and yours and my sessions?

                “ Actually, I would love to know. “ He says sarcastically, picking himself up off the earthern floor at last.

                “ I take it easy on you. I don’t get that from my father. “ She states plainly.

                Kiesha stops Heror before he can reply and listens carefully. She could have sworn that she had just heard a snap of a twig not far off in the tree line. Looking around in a sudden panic, Kiesha scans the area for her silent little sister, Ayla.

                About thirty feet away sits the little elven girl drawing symbols in the dirt patch she always draws in when she comes down here with her oldest sister to watch her practice.

                “ Ayla, come here sister. “ Kiesha calls out to her sibling.

                Ayla looks up curious, but gets up anyway, and comes over to her sister without wasting any time.

                Another snap of a much larger twig this time. No, actually, more like a branch. Kiesha thinks. Kiesha slowly pushes Ayla behind her and rests her hand on the elven blade that her father had given to her this year for her seventeenth birthday.

                Ayla looks up at Kiesha with deep pools of worry behind her majestic eyes. Then looking back toward the area that the sound came from, she grabs Kieshas cloak and pulls herself in tight to the back of her sister.

                “Something comes. “ Kiesha says to the other two kids, and slides her elven blade out of its sheath.

                                                                                000

 

                “Brule!” a man named, Ameroche yells out as he runs up to the mighty barkeep,  nearly breathless in his haste.

                “Brule, the Empire is on the move.” He gasps, as he points with an old battleworn finger over his shoulder to the southeast.

                “They are always on the move my friend.” He smiles. Giving his friend very little heed over his words.

                “No, M’lord. It’s the Iron Horse Legion flagship with dragon support. And with their current heading, they can only be coming here.”

                Brules brows crumple as he searches for possible answers to why the Emperor would be coming to see him after so long. Is he here for a friendly visit? To offer me another seat in his council? Has the Ninth Realm encroached on the Eighth Realm too far and now there will be war?

                Suddenly the thought of war floods his mind with his children and their safety!

                “Watch the tavern, Ame!” Brule shouts as he runs off toward the forest.

                “Wait! What?.....Why?”  Ameroche stammers.

                “The girls!” Brule shouts with the sound of concern and panic in his great, deep voice.

 

                                                                                000

 

                Kiesha widens her stance and brings the elven sword to bear in front of her, just as her father had taught her over the years.

                As the wind whistles through the trees, it carries the sound of something moving just within the tree line. By the amount of sound coming from the forest, the creature must be around human size and slightly clumsy if it were to be stalking prey. Out of the woods spills their golden haired sister, Teauh.

                “Mother of the GODS!” Keisha yells. “I was ready to kill whatever came out of the woods. Next time stay on the damn path little sister.” She states more calmly while sheathing her sword.

                Ayla peeks around from behind the oldest sister to wave at Teauh with a deviously playful smile. Ayla then lets go of Kieshas cloak and walks over to Teauh to give her a hug.

                “Sissy, daddy wants you to come home.” Teauh says to her elder sibling, then, quickly adds; “And he said to stop beating up Heror.”

                Kiesha smiles coyly and says to Teauh while looking at Heror, “That’s a lie.”

                Heror shakes his head, knowing the beatings from Kiesha will never stop, nor did he wish them to.

                “Well, stop anyhow!” Teauh huffs.

                “Ok, we’ll go home after we go cool down in Mirror Bottom Cove.” Kiesha says to her sister as she picks up her belongings and calls Ayla to follow her down the path that leads to the cove. Heror and Teauh look at each other with slight grins and follow the other two girls down the walkway.

 

                                                                                000

 

                Orion heaves on the last rope that now holds the great beast off the ground between two posts that he had spent an hour putting in the ground just for this purpose. The elf ties off the rope and stands back admiring the stagg. He pulls his dagger to begin emptying the body of the deer when he hears voices coming from up the path that leads off into the tree line.

                Orion quickly utters the magical elven word for “unseen” and the stagg and its supports slowly start becoming ethereal. He then crouches and quietly moves over to a fallen log that has washed up on the beach, big enough for him to hide behind.

                Four kids poor out on to the beach line from the forest path, a boy and three girls. The oldest two kids make a direct path for the waters’ edge. Both seem to be sweating and slightly exhausted. The other two girls begin drawing in the sand with sticks. The older of the two seems to be showing the younger how to draw something.

                Relaxing, Orion settles in to wait for the kids to leave before continuing with his chore of gutting, sectioning, and packing away the meat from his kill.

                Through all the commotion on the beach, Orion begins to hear great pounding foot falls, coming from up the path from where the kids came. Casually peeking up over the log to see what newcomer was arriving, Orion spots a man that is so big, the elf swears that he must have giants blood in him. Or at the very least, be a descendant of one of the NorthReach Clans.

                “Everyone home!” The great man yells out to the kids. “Make haste!”

                “Daddy, what is wrong?” The oldest girl asks, flooded with obvious concern.

                “I have been told that……” The man begins to say, but is cut off by a blood freezing scream that is known to belong to only one creature on the entire planet of Oryalon.

                The mindless, hate-filled, flesh-eating creature known and feared by all. The RageOrc. These creatures are born of the HighMount Orc Clans, whose skin color is green. Every year, in this clan, an orc child is born who bears the “Cursed Skin”. Red skin.

                The infant orc is taken deep within the woodlands and left alone to die with its curse. Most perish in the wild. Those that do not, have to fend for themselves to survive. The creatures  teach themselves that all living things are actually food. And experience hunting shows them that their food will fight back. This causes them to become mindless of dangers and nearly unstoppable when they are hungry. These creatures have been known to singlehandedly attack a dragon thinking that it could kill and eat it just as easily as any other prey.

                Without realizing it, Orions bow is in his hand and he reaches for his bag of StarShot.

                He watches the oldest draw her sword and stand in front of the youngest girl just as the monster erupts from the woodlands, drooling with bloodshot hate-filled eyes.

                No! you gotta run girl! Orion thinks to himself in panic, knowing the danger she now faces.

                However, the girl widens her stance and levels her blade at the creature. Seeing this, the RageOrc accepts the girls challenge. After another frightening and bone chilling scream the monster advances with a speed that even surprises the Plains Elf.

                The giant of a man bellows out a battlecry, and charges at the orc like a madman. The orc pays him no attention as it closes the distance to the girls. A wildness driving its hunger.

                Just as Orion gets onto his knees to take a shot at the orc, something happens that confuses him and he halts the attack in mid-pull.

                The little girl steps around from behind the older girl to stand between the orc and the girl holding the sword. The childs hair is blowing around her like she is somehow standing above some sort of wind source, her eyes course with moving veins of electric blue, and she hovers in the air a few inches off of the ground.

                She stands defiant with the palm of her left hand held out toward the beast as the creature closes the last few remaining yards between it and the girls.

                The little girl then phases out of sight and a moment later re-appears a few feet closer to the RageOrc.

                A piercing scream tears from the childs throat that nearly deafens the Plains Elf….

                …. “NO! MY KIESHA!!!”

                Suddenly, there is pure silence. Like the world had died. And the air becomes hot so fast it is almost smothering to take a breath.

                “She cannot be….” Orion manages to say before a bolt of lightning slices through the clear blue skies to connect directly with the bridge of the orcs disfigured nose.

                Chunks of flesh explode from the creatures’ body in various places and Orion can even see pieces of exposed bone melt within the hate-filled monster, as the concussive blast from the magical touchdown drives the beast to the earth with bone-shattering force.

                The pulse from the blast knocks Orion off his feet and sets him sailing through the air like a magic missile.

                Every muscle in his body hurts and feels electrified as he pulls himself out of the ditch in the sand that his projectile body had made. Looking around, Orion notices that everyone had been knocked off their feet from the blast, except the little girl and the girl with the sword.

                The creature lets out a pitifully beaten cry and tries to crawl closer to the two standing girls.

                “I said, NO!” She repremands authoritively, clapping her hands together in front of her while pointing at the ground.

                Sprouting from the earth, thick green vines reach up and entangle the still flesh hungry creature. The vines coil around the monster and begin squeezing. After several moments of hearing the creature scream as its body slowly breaks and caves in on itself, the vines pull the remains under the sand, leaving only a blood spot on the surface as a reminder of what has occurred here this day.

                “Heavens aid us….” Orion says under his breath. “……A StormBringer has awakened.”

Author's Note

Ignore grammar, punctuation and sentence structure. i would like to know how gripping the story . Thanx.
A.A.line is and if it's at the very least a good read

Reviews

[Octavious]

The prologue wasn't bad,and it was entertaining, but I wouldn't say that it was outstanding. The story outline is phenomenal, and to me THAT is what was outstanding. But how it was portrayed was the best, and I think that is because you limited yourself.

This is the prologue so don't forget that you can start ANYWHERE, the beginning was very subtle, and lacked that hook that a reader needs in order to continue on with fear and excitement. I think that there needs to be better word choice when it comes to this, because I see that their or elves and Orcs, Lords and castles yet these characters are saying things like "Hell no!" and "Cuz" and then I am seeing good line that are really intense like "Heavens aid us"

You have good description technique as well, but there are a lot of points in the story when you just gives us the conclusion and none of the action that went on with it that makes us want more. Don't be afraid of a lengthy prologue, its a fantasy book, and if people aren't patient enough to read through good writing then they don't deserve a good story.

I also think that there should be more vocab intros, like new words to really set off the mood of the type of writing, because at this point I've been getting mixed visuals of a castle and the 21st century.
I would also recommend re editing for word choice purposes, there things that could be worded a bit better in my opinion.
An example would be when you describe and action scene, instead of say
"The creature lets out a pitifully beaten cry, and tries to crawl closer to the two standing girl."
you could describe it as.
"The creature let out a yelp of pitiful cry; its yelp galvanized in pain and defeat, as it struggled to crawl closer to the two girls, mockingly standing unmoved in front of him."
That's just an example.
Again the story is great, but I guess what I am trying to say is that it isn't at that point where I can say that it is gripping.
Well done though and thank you for sharing your work. I am looking forward to the next chapter.

[Number Six]

While my review will hardly be as lengthy as Octavious's, I will tell you that the first part with Orion hunting had me hooked.
I loved the characters as well, and how they're portrayed doing different things that are suited to their personalities.

It may be because I'm pretty young, but I loved it. LOVED IT.

Please finish this book.

[ArchAngel]

your review follows the same lines that I get from family and friends. Thank you for being a booster for my writing. Octavius is correct tho. There are some changes needing to take place. and I will be getting on that soon. Just know Number 6 that I have continued on chapter one. not complete but moving. :) I loved. LOVED your review. Thanx abunch