Silence

It's how getting abandoned feels

I stumble around
In a hope to fall
The deafening silence
Is A desperate call

Desperate to be heard
And to be answered
Forgetful that deafening it maybe
But to none it mattered

The darkness is blinding
So bright and binding
In this world of pain
The light that's hiding

Where the tunnel ends
I see the light
But I see no strength
No will to fight

Take my hand
Pull me through
To a different land
Wherever you lead to

Reviews

[Anindita Janhabee]

An amazing read with much depth of words... Each striking to new emotions... may be intentional or unknown... I don't know .... But honestly, I found something really special in this piece... I could relate to much of it.... Nicely penned along with the beautiful alliteration of words....
Anindita : )

[Aash]

Thank you Anindita for your review.
The whole point was so that someone could relate to it as I did. A writer is the sum of his life experiences. It was one of my experiences.
Glad you liked it

[Anindita Janhabee]

Of course I did... most welcome.. : )

[The Girl on Fire]

True words. Well expressed.
"Take my hand
Pull me through
To a different land
Wherever you lead to."
These lines are so short, yet so convincing and beautiful!

The poem as a whole is very good too.
As you mentioned, it's right that the 2nd para is a bit different from the others, but nevertheless, it catches the attention very well.
Oh and if the poem's been written by you due to a real incident or something, do remember that there must be hundreds of people out there who want to hear You and pull you through, because it requires a lot of skill to write and you have that skill!


Oh I'm lacking words. So all I can say is..beautiful poem :)

[Aash]

Oh Thank you so much.
These are real life experiences actually. I can only write what I feel. If I don't feel then I fail to express.
And just so you know that this poem is dedicated 😅

[The Girl on Fire]

Oh so....well, again all I can say is that you're welcome, and just don't bother about such things for long. Life is full of good and helpful people, if you set out to explore :)

[Schatzi]

Hello Aash,

This is a very good poem. I particularly liked the verse:

The darkness is blinding
So bright and binding
In this world of pain
The light that's hiding

This verse is so amazing! It flows so well. That isn't to say I did not find the other verses good because I did. If I had one criticism it would be the final line. I, personally, feel it is a bit weak for such a strongly worded poem with an equally powerful meaning. It's just such a great poem to end it with a whimper. BUT . . . then I reread it with fresh eyes and I can now see that I misinterpreted the power which was meant to be vulnerability, desperation and throwing yourself into the wind in hopes of finding yourself or reinventing yourself.

Great job! Keep up the great writing.

Thank you for sharing!

Kind regards,

Schatzi

[Aash]

Thank you Schatzi
Your review reassures me that I captured all that I wanted to. The idea was absolute desperation, vulnerability and longing. And despite all of it an uncanny power too.
I feel I achieved that.

[Jennie Lynn]

I have to admit I don't write poetry so I don't know how good I'll be reviewing it.

Each stanza has a good rhythm. The second stanza is actually my favorite but has a very different rhythm to the earlier one and the ones following but that may be intentional. I'm assuming maybe is supposed to be may be. I actually prefer the rhythm in that stanza. I like the combination of the shorter sentence with the one longer sentence. The change in syllables in the one line make the stanza more interesting to read for me anyway.

I like the imagery of the darkness being binding.

The line "But I see no strength" is powerful in your word choice. Seeing rather than feeling implies an almost out of body experience. The speaker isn't actually experiencing his emotions but rather seeing them from outside himself. I really like your using that particular word. Of course you might not have intended that at all :)

I can definitely feel the desperation in the last stanza. Someone, anyone, take me somewhere, anywhere.

I hope I did ok. Like I said I'm not a reader or writer of poetry, though I can appreciate it. Hope this helped!

[Aash]

Thank you. I agree especially about the second stanza. It's my favorite too and the reason it may seem a bit out of rhythm is that its for those four lines that I wrote the whole poem. And yes the expression in the third stanza was intentional. And after you mentioned I find the combination of one long line with three short ones quite interesting myself although it was just reflex then. Thank you for your review. It means a lot. Will try to improve.