Frankie’s Greatest Achievement:

Frankie’s Greatest Achievement:

Frankie beamed with pride as he announced to the world, the current world consisting only of his assistant Igor, that he had succeeded in being the first questionably Mad Scientist to reanimate various mismatched body parts as more than just another cliched movie plot.

Igor, fearing speaking the truth to the mad doctor would cause Frankie to get so mad to give him even more humps, an effect that would greatly diminish Igor’s chance of attracting a suitable romantic partner, still believed it was his duty as a faithful, though grossly underpaid, assistant to question the doctor’s so-called achievement by explaining to him:

“Good Sir, although it appears this lump has been brought to life it also appears he has no honest compassion, feels no true empathy and ignores remorse, so what exactly have you achieved in giving the world another heartless creature?”

“Ah, my less than efficiently comprehending, but still creepingly cute, assistant can you not see that I’ve created the prototype for a fully Russian dictatorship approved overseas  leader?” 

“Uh, Sweet Mother Of Movie Cliches, you’ve actually done it! You’ve created a monster! And if we become famous I’ll get some of the attention that attention grabbing Notre Dame dude gets!”

“Why worry about a fictional character like that? Besides, I wasn’t the first to create a monster,” Doctor Frankie admitted. “Many groups, going back decades, have empowered their own monsters by believing the lies their self-appointed leaders told them was true. So I wasn’t the first. But I can justly claim I gave life to a stereotypical unjustified leader from the discarded body parts of past pretenders. In other words, an instant unjustified leader who will rise to power quicker than the unjustified leaders of other countries.” 

When hearing himself being praised without him having to do so himself, the Monster slowly, carefully rose to a setting position on his lab slab and stared at Frankie and Igor with pure contemp in his mismatched eyes, while trying to straighten his topee. 

“Before I accept you losers have done anything for me,” The Monster bellowed, “I need yous to says yous only watch the news I you to watch and believe only what I tells yous to believes.” 

“Thank the Goddess Shelley that you at least didn’t make this monster eloquent,” Igor told his boss. “His limited vocabulary it makes him even more comical.”

“And yous can’t say words I don’t understand, yous fake scientists!” The Monster commanded, then demanded, “Where are is yours proof you voted for me? Wait, you fakes can show me the proof you aren’t my enemies after you’ve brought me my junk food, my tweeting phone and a fresh roll of toilet paper. And while you’re following my orders bring me my favorite set of golf clubs and golf cart. ” 

“What’s a golf cart?” Igor wondered aloud.

“They haven’t been invented yet, so just humor the monster for now.” Frankie cautioned his faithful assistant.

“Haven’t been invented yet? Fake news and you’re fired! Both of you!” the monster screamed at them and then went silent when Igor unplugged the machine.

“Now perhaps we should now call what I just did Igor’s Greatest Contribution, ‘The Moral insanity Off Switch’ I just invented,” Igor stated with justified pride.