FRANKIE'S GREATEST ACHIEVEMENT

Frankie’s Greatest Achievement:

Frankie beamed with pride as he announced to the world, the current world consisting only of his assistant Igor, that he had succeeded in being the first questionably Mad Scientist to reanimate various mismatched body parts as more than just another cliched movie plot.

Igor, fearing speaking the truth to the mad doctor would cause Frankie to get so mad to give him even more humps, an effect that would greatly diminish Igor’s chance of attracting a suitable romantic partner, still believed it was his duty as a faithful, though grossly underpaid, assistant to question the doctor’s so-called achievement by explaining to him:

“Good Sir, although it appears this lump has been brought to life it also appears he has no compassion, feels no empathy and remorse, so what exactly have you achieved in giving the world another heartless creature?”

“Ah, my less than efficiently comprehending, but still creepingly cute, assistant can you not see that I’ve created the prototype for a fully Russian and North Korean approved President?” 

“Uh, Sweet Mother Of Movie Cliches, you’ve actually done it! You’ve created a monster! And if we become famous I’ll get some of the attention that attention grabbing Hunchback Of Notre Dame gets!”

“Why worry about a fictional character like that hunchback? Besides, I wasn’t the first to create a monster,” Doctor Frankie admitted. “Collective groups for decades have empowered their own monsters by believing the lies their self-appointed saviors told them. So I wasn’t the first. But I can justly claim I gave life to a stereotypical fake savior from the discarded body parts of past pretenders. In other words, an instant phoney who will rise to power far more quickly than the false saviors of other countries.” 

When hearing himself being praised without him having to do so himself, the Monster slowly, carefully rose to a setting position on his lab slab and stared at Frankie and Igor with pure contemp in his mismatched eyes, while trying to straighten his topee.

 

“Before I accept you losers have done anything for me,” The Monster bellowed, “I need to see Green Cards, six forms of identification, birth certificates and your signed pledges that you only watch the one news network I’ve approved.” 

“Thank the Goddess Mary Shelley that you at least didn’t make this monster eloquent,” Igor told his boss. “His grade school vocabulary it makes him even more comical.”

“And enough with you using words I don’t understand, you fake mad scientists!” The Monster commanded, then demanded, “Where are your Green Cards? Wait, you fakes can show me the proof you aren’t my enemies after you’ve brought me my instant coffee, my tweeting phone and a fresh roll of toilet paper. And while you’re following my orders bring me my favorite set of golf clubs and my golf cart. ”

“What’s a golf cart?” Igor wondered aloud.

“They haven’t been invented yet, so just humor the monster for now.” Frankie cautioned his faithful assistant.

“Haven’t been invented yet? Fake news and you’re fired! Both of you!” the monster screamed at them, then went silent when Igor unplugged the machine.