AREA 51 AND WHAT THE CONSPIRACY THEORISTS GOT WRONG:

AREA 51 AND WHAT THE CONSPIRACY THEORISTS GOT WRONG:

I’m not chastising you conspiracy theorist in you quest for what you perceive to be the truth, and certainly not labeling you conspiracy nuts , but virtually every conception of what you think Area 51 was about is wrong, the exception being Top Secret experiments were being conducted there. I say ‘were’ because there is no proof those Top Secret experiments are still being conducted there and  there were no experiments on an alien or US military or government Top Secret experiments conducted there.

Before you call bull s**t hear me out first. And I’m not saying any of the thousands of you conspiracy theorists are lazy or incompetent but I wonder why you make you quest so difficult on yourselves. All I had to do was file a Freedom Of Information Act lawsuit and the government, likely to avoid public scrutiny, complied and declassified all the information I requested.

What did I discover? Sorry, you conspiracy types, but Area 51 was funded by our government at the request of powerful private companies who wanted to conduct Top Secret research and experiments for their own companies! Surprised? Why should you be when it’s highly plausible these powerful companies wanted complete privacy to develop and protect their trade secrets.

Though there were other companies, I’m just going to mention powerful companies like Heinz, Baskin-Robbins, WD-40, A1 Steak Sauce, Jack Daniels, Coco Chanel, Alberto and Colonel Sanders: all looking for and working to produce a brand name, a catch phrase, that would attract public attention and give their brand named product customer appeal. 

Some companies, like the makers of the famous steak sauce, were lucky cost wise, because they believed their first formula, A1, was the best they would likely come up with. Others. like Heinz and Baskin-Robbins, spent years developing a full product line to appeal to the mass public and, of course, both Baskin-Robbins 31 Flavors and Heinz 57 became household brand names. With Jack Daniels, where the researchers spent many a morning with hangovers, finally gave up and settled for the brand name ‘Jack Daniel’s Old No. 10. Like A1, Coco Chanel also caught a break because she settled on Chanel No. 5 soon enough to save her company a lot of research money. And WD-40? Those researchers got so bored with their job that they just tossed folded up papers with the numbers 1 through 50 on separate papers into a bowl and a blind-folded researcher pulled out number 40 and they went with it, lying to the owners of the company that it was their best formula. 

Alberto VO5? Who knows why those lazy researchers chose that brand name. But the most fascinating company that rented facility space in Area 51, at least to me, was Colonel Sanders' because the Colonel personally kept his secret receipt away from the prying eyes of even our federal government and the nosey press.

So now you conspiracy buffs know the whole story, the real story, about the true purpose of Area 51. And you guys don’t have to be embarrassed for thanking me for the enlightenment.