If life were a biscuit

~

If life were a biscuit. then mine would be stale,

crusty, at every touch

Not worth the purchase, not even on sale,

even for free is too much

Sad this existence that hides in the way,

watching the world go around

Not for the weary and no place to stay,

nothing but darkness is found

No use in weeping, my tears are all gone,

used long before this did start

Tossing the crumbs as I wait on the dawn,

another new day falls apart

If life were a biscuit, then mine would be stale,

left there to rot on the shelf

Alone once again, watching every dream fail,

with no one to blame but myself

~

Author's Note

Trying this again

Reviews

[Soren]

A common feeling that many of us have, especially poets. There is a bit of sour dough in mine. Nicely written Will

[Ken Simm.]

Unfortunately my friend I tend to wholeheartedly agree. If one could be wholehearted about a stale biscuit. However well written.

[Lisasview]

Me again... I am posting a poem that you reviewed a year ago The Stare... I posted it and then immediately took it off and only recently rewrote its it...so I think you might enjoy the new version?
Lisa

[Lisasview]

Hi Will,,
I have been away for avery long time...not reading reviweing or writing.
I see you are on so I thought since i know you that i would check out your newest posted pet.. I really lke it..
Although so very sad... I get it...great use of metaphor's and I always love metaphor's.
I actually have posted a few ne new poems this week...
Lisasview

[Archishman Rick]

This metaphor of the biscuit has been crafted and inked down very deftly. Indeed a life that is going downhill can be pictured akin to a biscuit that is crumbling apart. The write itself is well structured and flows smoothly, quite the contrary to something that would "fall apart". XD
Kind regards.

[Arundass TP]

Attractive title and theme. Nicely written poem

[schlanks]

The rhythm and flow are flawless. I love the setup with the imagery of the crumbs leading into the line "another new day falls apart". Very deft writing.

[D. Mansfield]

Will. It sounds like you need to dust off the biscuit and rise. .above the crusty surface and start enjoying again

[Betty Hermelee]

dear Will
love the metaphor in this piece...this existence is so real and so dreadful...it is many times without hope...
it can be a state of mind or just pure circumstances... in any case, it is dark and one needs to move out and on, if possible; a very clever way to portray this situation Will
warmly, B

[jacob erin-cilberto]

"even for free is too much" I feel that line.
And this poem...we have to fight to keep ourselves from getting stale and crusty...
Maybe if we reheat ourselves...that might work.
Nice metaphor sustained here, will.
j.