The dawn is more than what it seems

Come take my hand, I’ll lead the way

through oatmeal frosted cookie fields

The two of us will run and play

enjoying all this morning yields

 

Down candy-coated pebble lanes

all lined with chocolate butter creams

And fences made of sugar canes

out here among our sunrise dreams

 

Now taste this love I have for you

as we stroll through this paradise

Of whipped cream sea foam morning dew,

sweet maple glazed, a perfect slice

 

Then hold me close as now we lay

beneath blueberry pudding skies

And kiss me once more on this day

as I gaze deeply in your eyes

 

For meadowlarks in flight they sing,

these melodies we love to hear

That lemon drop horizons bring

so all we see is crystal clear

 

With marshmallows and jelly beans

and peppermints from up above

The dawn is more than what it seems

when it is shared with one you love

Author's Note

Thanks to Betty and Richard for suggestions to make this poem better.

Reviews

[Richard🖌]

MMmmm!

Well, Dear Will, the one thing I can earnestly say about this elaborately blended confection … your creative imagination and poetic skills are second to none, and I can say the latter part of this on quite a number of your pieces I've read.
Fraught with brilliant metaphor and the rhythmic beat of syntactic flow, every line and verse overflows with the tasty flavor and sheer delight of spot-on rhyming pleasures I wish I'd possessed the artistry to compose.
Critique: I read no loss of count in V1, though, the penultimate line is off a count from the rest, yet, with no loss of flow.
Thinking out loud here on the ending lines:
Dawn is much more than what it seems
when its shared with the one you love
("shared with one you love" felt slightly stilted when compared with the whole)
(or)
when it is shared with you my love
Nice touch with the Papyrus font, too.

Reading this wonderfully rendered verse of sheer whimsy and happiness made my day worth waking to. 🌤️
Thank you, Syr Poet ⁓ Richard

[willweb]

Thanks Richard, I had edited V1 yesterday but forgot to remove the author's notes and now looking at the final verse. I see what you mean. But it is actually the dawn line that threw it off, by adding the word "The" to the beginning of the line, I think it improves the rhythm. Thanks for the suggestions and the wonderful comment.

[Richard🖌]

You're most welcome, Will.
"The, and, do, did, that," etc; are always handy, quick fix, words, but to me they are most often meaningless filler words, used where much more meaningful, defining poetical words would actually add to one's skills and poems' values, as a whole … just more out loud thinking. 🤔

Reading you is always entertaining, pleasurable, and rewarding. RJ

[Mike]

Wow! Great job on your poem! The language you used was vivid and expressive, and the overall flow was engaging. Keep up the good work

[willweb]

Thanks so very much Mike.

[AYVID N]

There's such love in everything you visualize and write. Now you whip up this delicious offering of words wrapped in simply beautiful romance.

"Of whipped cream sea foam morning dew,
sweet maple glazed, a perfect slice"

~ my favorite lines there....


Indeed, dawn is so much more special when shared with someone so sweetly. Kudos, my friend.

[willweb]

Thank you so very much my friend. I appreciate your visit.

[AYVID N]

A sheer pleasure it was. You're most welcome, dear Willweb!

[FGFRANKLIN]

You are such an incurable romantic. But that's like being an "incurable" optimist. It's not something you hope they find a cure for. Quite the contrary, reading these sweet songs of romance and love make one believe in the miracle of Spring in the heart; all things born again and new, bright as a fresh and dew sparkled morning. This is beautiful. Will.

[willweb]

Thanks again for stopping by. I am thrilled you enjoyed this little slice of sweet love poetry. It has zero calories. : )

[FGFRANKLIN]

Wonderful, I'm fat enough. ;)

[Soren]

Full of sweets, this poem made my mouth water and raised my blood sugar. But in all seriousness Will, when one is in love it is sweeter than any of those things and preferable as well. Unfortunately aduldts, like children in a candy store, loose their reason when faced with love and often make bad choices. Loved the poem, it was light and very upbeat.

[willweb]

Yep. you are right and not to mention the cavities you end up having to deal with as well. Thanks my friend.

[Betty Hermelee]

It's the meat of the poem that matters to me, not the count,etc.. and this is stunning.... I get hungry with each line.. it's so mouth watering! very soft and clever metaphors of delicious treats of love and romance
all thrown together to produce a perfect jelly bean cake with rose frosting!!!
Love it!
Best, B

[willweb]

Betty, my friend. Thank you so much for your kind words about my (low calorie) morning poem. And FYI - because of your comment about not worrying about the count, I went back and re-read this and changed a few lines and now the count is correct and I feel much better, even if it doesn't count. I am so happy you enjoyed this. I was hoping someone would smile because of it. Thank you again.

[willweb]

P.S. I really like "It's the meat of the poem that matters" on my poem of sweet things. : )

[Betty Hermelee]

I should have said substance instead of meat or in your case the whipped cream" of the poem...

[Re-Pete]

damn that's deep. the only thing missing is willie with a wonka bar. seriously man, this makes you just want to squeeze your woman and walk hand in hand into eternity. top notch stuff. now why can't every morning be like that ... :)

[willweb]

Thank you sir. Happy you enjoyed my poetic morning stroll.