Clean up on aisle -

Why do I love grocery shopping?

 

Kids throwing tantrums for candy they’ll never get

“Little brats”

Mom ignoring them looks angry,

oh two boxes of tampons on the conveyor belt,

that explains it

 

Shopping carts filled like the Wednesday before Thanksgiving

Bigger, better, new and improved, 25% more, less sugar, zero carbs

What the hell is a trans fat, sounds like something on a muscle car  

 

Free samples around every corner

“Would you like to try some squid flavored hummus?

It’s on special today?” Sure, what aisle has pepto?

 

Milk, always at the farthest point from the doors

1%, 2%, whole, skim, chocolate, almond �" almond?

How do you milk an almond?

 

Babies crying, babies are always crying

(In a few years it’ll be wanting that candy too)

Riding in one of those plastic race car looking things

 

It’s nice they give jobs to the elderly

But, the express lane �" really

That’s right gramdma, it’s an avocado, not a grape

 

I move, one full cart space up, maybe two

Great, price check �" price check?

How many times have you wrung up the same thing?

 

Finally made it to the gossip rags:

 

Hilary’s having an affair with Barrack and she has his blue dress to prove it

 

Kirstie Alley is fat again, no she’s thin, no she’s fat, oh crap, she’s John Travolta

 

“Hi, how you doing? Great, nice to see you again”  (Who the hell was that?)

 

Why do I love grocery shopping?

It sure as hell beats being alone

 

Reviews

[Vidya Bacchus]

Lol....you made me laugh Will.-A very entertaining piece for sure.Does anyone like going to the grocery?

[willweb]

I can't see why! Thank you Vidya, thank you so much.

[Vidya Bacchus]

You are welcome Will :)

[Rita L. Sev]

This is a funny, and accurate, slice of life, Will. I always feel like we are seeing people at their worst in the grocery store... they can't hide their junk-food addictions or get away from the kids, their stresses are right there for all to see... and yet, there is something unifying in the experience. A well-crafted and thoughtful piece.

[willweb]

Happy you liked this one Rita. Thank you so much for your nice review.

[s y e]

Oh man I hate grocery shopping... it royally sucks for me, I'm afraid but this gave me a right good giggle so thank you very much for that my friend, you're so funny.

[willweb]

Thank you so much Noodlehead. Happy this made you laugh.

[Ghost of Jupiter]

Hahahahahaha.... Just funny.... Needed the laugh, thanks Will. Good write!

[willweb]

Happy this one made you smile Kalypso. Thank you so much for your nice comments

[s y e]

Look who came back to say hi, Will. Sorry, had to barge in here.

[willweb]

No worries, the more the merrier

[Ghost of Jupiter]

Hehehehe, I am just popping on now and then sweeties lol... I obviously can not leave poetry....what is my deal? I think I have an addiction to words...such a geeky monkey on my back eh? Loves you two! Xo

[Lyn Anderson]

The end! Yes! and the middle -- great observational poetry.

[willweb]

Thank you so much KLGoode for your comments on my poetry

[just Penny]

This is my ultimate loathing, well, that and the Mall on a Saturday. Shopping really doesn't do it for me at all. You describe the horror in perfect detail and with a sarcasm I can but admire from afar. Had to laugh at the final lines and the injestion of mindless trivia to complete the experience! Nicely done. Penny

[willweb]

Thanks so much Penny. I am happy you had some fun with this one. I just let my pen ramble a bit.

[Pryde Foltz]

Loved this, will web. Highly relatable and incredibly funny.

[willweb]

Thank you Pryde. I am happy you liked this one.

[Cory Barrett]

Oh my god this was a wonderful riot! Not only did you tell a hell of a story, but you did it in such a fantastic way. There was a tone of smiling disdain through out the entire piece. Really great write!

[willweb]

Happy you liked this one Streamline. Thank you so much.

[Matching Socks]

Lolololo!
This is sooooo funny!

Well except the tampons thing... :)
Ok, that too.

[willweb]

It is what it is Ance. Thank you so much for always leaving such nice comments for me.

[jacob erin-cilberto]

i wanted to put all of these words in my shopping cart and buy them...no matter how long the line.

[willweb]

You can get them cheaper if you have a coupon Jacob. Thank you so much for your nice comments.