Draining

Draining, slowly draining

from each pore

flows what this should have been

filling buckets with pain

silent ripples in galvanized containers

spilling, quickly spilling

staining sidewalks

on dead end streets

where children play

and people laugh out loud

calling, endless calling

to empty skies

with blank stares

and dark clouds

evaporating the future that is now

draining, slowly draining

 

 

 

Reviews

[just Penny]

You use some great images, particularly "filling buckets with pain". You write with depth and feeling that really hooked me in. Nice work here :) Penny

[willweb]

Thank you Penny so much for your comments today. I am excited you enjoyed this poem.

[lissalovesyou]

Love the how the first and last lines are the same.
Also, the lines at the beginning of each "stanza"
"draining, slowly draining...
spilling, quickly spilling...
calling, endless calling...
draining, slowly draining..."
It makes the poem sound dreary and bleak.
Excellent!
lissalovesyou:)

[willweb]

Thank you so very much for your comments today. I am more than happy you enjoyed this poem.

[Frontier]

I loved this, so hopeless, filled with despair. Great poem :)

[willweb]

Thank you very much Frontier for your comments. I am happy you enjoyed this poem.

[MAD ENGLISHMAN]

Yes I like this poem BUT I find it hard to read. My personal choice would be to use much more punctuation. I was reading it like a long list. I had to search for the inflections and breathing moments.
I think you have conveyed well the feelings we all get from time to time.
Well done.

[willweb]

Thank you for your comments. I will consider that in the fture.

[Purbleazaleya]

Really well written and it conveys easily that feeling you feel when life is just too much and everything is not working. You see others happy and you wonder if you will ever be happy, if it will ever end and this burden you feel will be off.

[willweb]

Thank you for your comments and understanding my words Purbleazaleya. Yes those feelings are a weight we bear at times.

[NoelHC]

A very well written piece, expressing those feelings of exhaustion, despair, and helplessness of depression. It is hard to understand if one hasn't experienced it themselves, but you have captured that here.

[willweb]

Thank you NoelHC for your comments on my poem this morning. I am excited you enjoyed this.

[Madalyn Beck]

Great write!! It's how life feels sometimes - draining. When reading it, I felt a sort of exhaustion taking over, as if you were so worn down - drained.

I have to say, thank you to my little sis for recommending this to me! I love the visuals but also the multiple meanings you can find in this. :)

[willweb]

Thank you Madalyn for your wonderful comments today. I also need to thank Noodlehead. I just met her and she is trying to help me out.

[Madalyn Beck]

She's my little sis on this site and is FANTASTIC!!! I'm happy she sent me your way. :)

[Inda]

Fantastic! Love the visuals and this idea of draining is quite errie and also makes a lot of sense.

[willweb]

Thank you Inda for your comments this morning. I am happy you enjoyed this.

[MagicAl]

Great work.. thought provoking, highly descriptive, well written, deep and full of emotion.. thanks for sending the request noodle!! :)

[willweb]

Thank you for commenting on my poem.

[Einstein Noodle]

man! i think this is fantastic (thank you Noodle for recommending it) i love the form and the story is powerfully put .. well done and thanks for sharing it
E.

[willweb]

Thank you Einstein Noodle for taking the time to read and comment on my poem.