Storm clouds

"I love you, but..." Said the women, looking at the old lover. Hands settling in her lap as she calmly takes a deep breath before continuing.

"But you're not around anymore." A soft sigh passing out her dry cracked lips, left this way from weeks of neglect and just not bothering to care for her appearance.

"I love you but you clearly have no feelings for me any longer." The bitterness long gone from her voice which left only an empty hallow husk of what use to be a sing-song voice.

"You use to say the sweetest words to me, tell me how much I meant to you and how you could have seen us spending the rest of our days together." She said as a sad smile spread across her whitish pink lips. The woman, only being in her early twenties, but looking into her late forties with how her makeup had settled into the lines of her tired face. "What happened to us?" No answer came, leaving only the stillness of the air around the unanswered question.

"I love you more than anything, but you left me all alone." The woman continued on knowing her question would remain unanswered. That's just how life was for her now, unanswered and forever worsening.

"You use to say that not even heaven or hell would keep you away from having the life we planned together." A small humours laugh slipped out and she went to cover it up by coughing into her hand. The hand then went to the ground instead of her lap. "Granted, you never were a believer in a higher power that was above us. So maybe I shouldn't be surprised that heaven and hell really gave little weight to your promise."

Dull eyes that at one time had been as blue as a clear sky before storm clouds roll in to cause worry of if the rain will wash away all the warm bliss of a sunny day. Now though, the grey storm clouds had rolled into her eyes. Their rain for the moment was stopped since she doubted that she had the ability to cry around more. Staring off into the distance at a tree who's leaves were gently being shaken by the wind. Blowing a few of the early changing leaves off the branches.

"It's best if you stay here now. You'll probably be more entertained here than you were with me in the hospital." Petite hand that had contently been resting in her lap moving to lightly form to the swell of her extended abdomen. "You never liked hospitals anyhow. So this place will suit you far better than at home with me and our babies. - Oh yes, I forgot you weren't at the appointment when I found out about it being twins." Hand rubbing small circles onto her stomach. "But I know you're happy no matter how you find out. You cannot know the gender of either baby, not until your first visit with them." Still looking at the tree and letting her eyes follow how the leaves fell and were picked back up by the slight wind. "I know you're wondering, so yes there will be plenty of visits for you and the babies."

"Do understand though, I will determine when the visits take place." She told the old lover. Seeming to now gently rock herself back and forth to sooth herself. It did not feel the same without the rocking chair in her home though and it still felt like a numb kind of soothing because she did not have his arms around her. Running through her hair, rubbing her lower back when she had pains that happened more as she got later into the pregnancy, or his lips pressing against her temple, stomach on their babies, and most of all her own lips. "I want them to know who you are." Biting her lip.

"Or who you were..." Looking back to where her old lover rested.

Fingers toying with the fabric of the bright yellow sundress she wore. It might be odd to wear such a dress here, but she cared not at all for the opinions of what others had if they saw her as they past by. Doubting that anyone would really pay her any mind. Their eyes too full of tears or too occupied by the ground as they walked by to see her sitting on the ground.

"You know, I can say for sure that you will be happier here than at the hospital. Here with the trees and the changing leafs. The people who stay here as well will be good for you, you always were the more social one out of the two of us." A fondness entering her voice before trailing out again. "I wish it would have taken longer for you to meet everyone here though. But ask anyone and they'll say life doesn't allow enough time for everyone to have time with every single person you want an eternity with."

Her head tilting to the side to rest against cold hard granite. Closing her eyes for a short time, just wanting to pretend that he was sitting next to her, arm about to wrap around her as his bright smile warmed her heart. He didn't wrap his arm around her though. Instead the same cold hard feeling of granite stayed but she could care less in that moment. "Or am I being selfish wanting you here? Wishing we had more time together? At least now I can reflect on that you're no longer in pain." Picking a thread off her bright yellow dress and simply letting it fall on to the ground after it was ripped off. "Why didn't you want the chemo?... It could have given you a few more months, you would have seen our babies." She whispered, heartbreak dripping in her tone.

"I hope you can see them...no matter where you are." Closing her eyes once again to pull herself together, wiping away the self made rain that threaten to spill out from her storm cloud eyes. Clearing her throat as she now got up, awkward but carefully with her eight months swollen stomach. "Who am I kidding?" She muttered. "There is not heaven, hell, or in-between to you, right?" Picking her purse off the ground before dusting herself off. Pausing as she adjusted the tan leather jacket she wore that had once belong to him. Throat swelling before deciding maybe this could be one possession of his that she would always keep.

Taking one last glance to the granite headstone that now belong to her husband for the last month. Clouds finally opening up and letting rain fall down her cheeks before she could wipe them away. Turning to walk away from the grave of her husband and others before him.

"I love you very much...but I need to let go of you."

  

Author's Note

This is my first time writing on here so please keep an open mind. Also sorry for any mistakes, this was something written at 2 in the morning.