Digital love and my cat

When I was falling in love with my wife to be (now ex sadly) who lived across the pond in Scotland (now I've lived here for 17 years!) there were many sleepless nights.

with a start i wake 

sit up in bed 

feel the cat's sleeping shape 

slides down my chest 

lands in my lap 

the cat grumbles 

lays down next to me 

and goes back to sleep 

not i though 

my digital clock flashes 

3:12 

3:12 

3:13 

AM 

my eyes won't close 

and i am far too warm 

toss the covers from my body 

stumble across the dark floor 

thud 

something that i should have put in it's proper place 

has caused my toe exquisite pain 

cursing and meandering 

into the bathroom 

cruel cruel light 

always seems so unexpected 

even when it is my hand 

flicking the switch 

remarkable person in the mirror 

who closely resembles me 

tired eyes with tired expression 

stare back at me 

unshaven stubble 

misshapen hair 

i look more like a convict 

rather less like a poet 

ugh 

turn back out the light 

turn on the sink 

let the cold water run over my hands 

splash some onto my face 

don't think it really helps 

but far too many men in this same situation 

have done this before 

in good movies 

so it seems reasonable 

that i should attempt something 

as equally miserable 

down the hall i go 

passing by my cat 

who in his good graces 

decided to be up with me 

he's a good little fellow i think 

should give him a pet 

bend down reach out my hand 

kitty runs into the kitchen 

stands by his food bowl 

looking hopeful 

bugger off kitty 

and i wander into my office 

the computer monitor is glowing 

my hand finds the mouse 

wiggle wiggle 

screen saver goes away 

i look at my desktop 

search for an email from you 

no 

no email 

i think i tried to call 

twice at least i think 

i think i left a message 

twice at least i think 

kitty comes back into the room 

rubs my legs 

friendly kitty 

oh friendly friendly kitty 

too friendly friendly kitty 

bugger off kitty 

and i send him scuttling with my foot 

look back at my desktop 

no 

email yet 

poor tired mind 

exhausted at this ungodly hour 

3:11 am says my system clock 

paranoid wicked delusions 

begin to fill my voidful mind 

is she angry and my calls ignored 

is she hurt and some hospitals charge 

is she with another man 

is she forgetting about me 

kitty jumps into my lap 

purring 

purring 

purring 

he brings me back into a sense 

of what reality must be 

at this time in the morning 

maybe 

after a hard day at work 

she just fell asleep 

maybe 

after a hard day at work 

she still loves me 

maybe i should go just go back to bed 

back to bed 

back 

to 

bed 

come on kitty

--william paris