Futile Running

I had to really think if there is anything that scares me. To ask myself, what am I truly afraid of? And then I found it.

It's not a singular thing,

that races a million miles our hearts, 

It's a combination of everything, 

under that one little title, 

I'm not afraid of living or loving, 

I'm not afraid of falling or maybe dying, 

But I am deathly afraid of everything, 

that results in failure, the failure of me, 

Not heights nor arachnids, 

Not dogs, tiny spaces or even people, 

My downfall is failure, every time, 

Anything and everything failed, 

Maybe it's saying the wrong thing, fail.

Wearing the wrong thing, fail. 

Doing the wrong thing in a situation, fail. 

Not being likeable to my peers, fail. 

Am I too kind? A worn doormat? Fail. 

Am I too sarcastic and insulting? Fail.

Why can't I ever just say the right thing? Fail. 

Please, I just want to succeed. Fail.

Getting sick and needing assistance, fail.

Lifelong chronic pain disorder,

A mental illness disabling me at every turn, 

Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. Fail. I have failed.

Curling into tiny balls, crying out for air, 

Refusing the offers of help continued, 

I can do this, I must do this, I must succeed, 

I cannot fail and I do not need help,

Stone cold heart, fingers crushed, 

Commitment issues ad friendless days, 

Wandering the streets struggling, 

Just another failure to go under the belt, 

Sorry I failed you yet again, 

Sorry I failed at this thing called life, 

I'm not needing help, but I'm dying, 

I must do this by myself but I can't breathe, 

This fear of failure leaves me to fail, 

Time and again, falling into the dust, 

Pulling myself up only to fall again, 

Stuck, failing, falling, living, dying, fearing.

Reviews

[Coyote Poetry]

Easy to fall into a bad pace.
"This fear of failure leaves me to fail,
Time and again, falling into the dust,
Pulling myself up only to fall again,
Stuck, failing, falling, living, dying, fearing"
Hard to see the hopeful road when we forget how. Thank you my friend for sharing the amazing poetry.
Coyote

[Shasha]

Oh, fear of failure brings the downfall. This is nicely written, especially the word "fail" at the end of the most of the lines is making it more expressive! Nice work! Greatly written! Keep it up!

[WillaDanvers]

Thank you!

[Shasha]

You're welcome!