Still my Heart oh Sweet Desire

A short sonnet-about a lovers glance across a crowded room (or is it?)

Still my heart oh Sweet Desire

***********

Still my heart oh sweet desire

On crescent moon once passed

To hold thee tender in a moments grace

With others whom you may transpire

Concede not my wistful glance

For upon thee it choose to stay

Now in my dreams thus torment flows

Must Perpetuate my love to chance

Hath thou indulged my looks return

Or banished thoughts not gracious

Or worthy not concedes thy mind

An eternity I must endure to learn

That heavens glimpse to render seek

Momentarily lacks devoid behold

Then in a smile thy passion moves me

And courage lets my body speak

A sonnet By Will Neill-2013.

Author's Note

I wrote this because I wanted to see what it would be like to copy Shakespear.
If you like it great if not well thats ok too. I am going to make this my last post for a while so I will be calling by from time to time only to reveiw.
Will

Reviews

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

you are just another shakespeare

[The earth (Titan maphah..]

this is is super excellence

[Will Neill]

thank you
Will

[Riding the Rainbow]

This is so deep and touching that brought tears in my eyes.
Bravo.

[Will Neill]

dreamer, thank you for your kind words (sorry I made you cry) take care.
Will

[Riding the Rainbow]

Crying is something that doesn't come easily to me. Good job.

[Tiana]

Beautifully written, Will. I loved the tenderness that flowed effortlessly ...

[Will Neill]

Tiana, thank you for your kind words. please send me a Read Request for anything you wish me to review via P.M (I keep the RR one off because I was overwhelmed with RR's in the past) I prefer to only comment on stories and poems which I think are worth a review I think its better sometimes to write nothing rather than negative views, I hate hurting peoples feelings after they have worked hard on a poem or story and its not so good...so I appreciate you taking the time. Take Care. Will

[Tiana]

It was my pleasure and you are so welcome. I don't send rr's regularly. I can understand how overwhelming it can be. Please do the same with me. I respond to my emails much quicker than I do RR's.

[AprilRN1210]

this has a gentle flow that is both graceful and romantic.. it tenderly caresses with a promise of desire that is delicious and sweet. beautifully done..

few things I noticed... (mostly opinion, for what it is worth)

"To hold thee tender in a moments grace"... not sure, but think you need an apostrophe here.. "moment's grace"...

"For upon thee it choose to stay"... again, not sure, but flows better in my head as "chooses"

"An eternity I must endure to learn"... (this is all opinion, but... sharing anyway.. I would change "I must endure" to "I sacrifice" more passionate.. again in my opinion.. )

"That heavens glimpse to render seek"... not sure, but think you need an apostrophe here as well.. "heaven's glimpse"...

I really enjoyed this enchanting piece.. very refreshing to see a sonnet so well written..

[Will Neill]

April, thank you for your comments, you are right a few apostrophe's have gone missing. I shall endevor to correct them soon.
take Care
Will
Will

[Samuel Dickens]

So romantic! I didn't know you were a poet, Will. This great.

[Will Neill]

A man of many talents Sam, much like yourself.
Thanks
Will

[Tom]

A finely composed romance poem penned in traditional old world style, a particular favourite of mine!

Splendid indeed Will !

[Will Neill]

Thanks Tom, I appreciate the gesture.
Will

[Shane Mohamed]

One of the best pieces that I've read on this site. You're a puzzle that never seizes to surprise me. Bravo Will. Bravo.

[Will Neill]

Much appreciated Shane.
Will

[Ayvid N]

A Very beautifully written sonnet and so appreciated. It is my own long nursed aim to write a sonnet. This will inspire me.