'Gabriel'

Gabriel has one last quest he must complete the most important of all

Gabriel

A short story by Will Neill

A blaring car horn from a disgruntled driver jolted Gabriel from his intense thoughts as he ambled across a busy road. Wrapped up in subconscious world he had paid no heed to any traffic signs to which had now lead him to this some what dangerous occurrence. From over his shoulder he could hear the obscenities raining from the open cars window trail off as the driver swerved and headed onwards.

Gabriel neither quickened nor altered his pace choosing to merely continue as he had set out that morning, slow and steady. He would leave his destiny in the hand of god.

His own predetermined road was foremost in his mind and more important than his own well being, he must strive on irrespective of the consequences.

At the top of what seemed an endless hill he caught sight of the six story hospital building, its façade was pebble dashed with cheap grey stone. White wooden windows sat side by side the length of the structure encased in in dirt and grime. It looked old a weary, much like himself.

For the first time he had never felt so cold, the wind that carried the dying autumn leaves to the ground cut through his long woollen grey coat and gripped at his ageing bones, he felt the dull ache of time in his tired muscles.

While he had stopped to familiarise himself with this unknown territory the afternoon clouds that had hung low began to loose their watery pay load, droplets accelerated by gravity bounced of the concrete pavement, rivers formed in the gullies carrying golden foliage ships swirling to an unknown port.

Gabriel’s long white hair and water logged beard fell lank as the rain penetrated onto his leather brown face-and seeped into his clothes-cold and wet he reached the entrance.

Before him a tarnished steel revolving door was the gate way to this house of healing and misery, with an unsteady step he was sucked in leaving behind the drone of traffic. Once inside above a semi circular desk that sat centre of the lobby he could see a sign that read ‘Reception’ , it swung precariously from thin cat gut line attached to the smoke stained suspended ceiling. Behind it a young lady dressed in blue attire looked up from her phone with discord as Gabriel approached.

‘Can I help you?’  'She asked.

In a soft unassuming voice he replied. ‘Yes, I’m looking for Katy, Katy White’

The lady in blue tapped out the name on her keyboard then squinted at the computers display screen.

‘Are you family?’ She inquired.

Gabriel paused for a moment at this question, ‘In a way I suppose I am’ he responded with a smile.

‘Ward C’ she pointed ‘third door on the right’

Gabriel thanked her for her help and headed for the access, as he walked nurses and doctors in white coats flitted by deep in conversation wrapped up in their daily routine-no one seemed to query this strange looking old man, no one offered assistance. At last Gabriel found the door, from behind the small square glass window he could see Katy, gently he entered the room. Taking time not to waken her he quietly sat down beside her bed.

His instinct was to take her hand and for a moment he let his hover, she must not wake, not yet.

As he looked upon her now wrinkled face his memory took him back in time for he has known her all her life. From baby girl he had watched her grow and kept her safe at night.

He remembered the time when she was eight and had let go of her mothers hand, he was there to pull her back before the car could strike. As the years went by he was always around to listen about a boy or a jealous friend. Once she fell into despair shortly after her mother’s death, he had sat with her on those lonely nights an ally in her grief.

They had laughed and danced through the happy times, the loves both lost and won, the tearful day, the sunshine and the rain. He had one last job to do he was there to ease her pain.

For you see Guardian Angels only get one chance upon this mortal world, one single day in gods great plan they are human for a time. He lets you look upon the face that helped along the way. That final glimpse is them you’ll you see before he takes you home.

He took her hand and watched her eyes; a smile grew on her face, a fleeting look a whispered word ‘Gabriel?’

His answer-‘Yes’

Will Neill 2013

Author's Note

This is an early short story of mine, I found it again lately, I'm still not sure about it but here it is.
Will

Reviews

[David Scott]

I enjoyed the path we walked together in this story. It is fun to imagine the world of angels. I'm not sure about some of the theological points here like predestined path" or the allowance of a single day in human form, but a nice blend of fiction mixed with theology. Of course, many theologies are simply fiction, so I guess it is a fair place to write from.
I found this section worded oddly and it almost seemed as if you got frantic in your writing to end the story and forgot to be sure you wrote with the same clarity you did in all of the previous sentences. Either way, I found myself stumbling in this part of your story and it is the part I should be flying...
"He had one last job to do he was there to ease her pain."
This was a run on sentence. Try something like. *He had one last job to do. Today, he was there to ease her pain.*
The next part gets sticky as well.
"For you see Guardian Angels only get one chance upon this mortal world, one single day in gods great plan they are human for a time. He lets you look upon the face that helped along the way. That final glimpse is them you’ll you see before he takes you home."

Consider a rewording here to be very clear with you meaning. Something like, *A Guardian Angels only gets one chance upon this mortal world to actually be human. One single day in God's great plan.
God allows these guardians to look upon the face of the person they helped along the way. The final glimpse will be the face of your Guardian Angle before he takes you home.*

I hope you find this helpful and well intentioned.
Be well this day my friend.
David Scott.

[Will Neill]

David, without constructive critque we would not aspire to get better-like I said this was an early work and I wasnt sure if it worked right. I will give an edit and hopefuly improve it by using your help.
Much obliged david.
Will

[David Scott]

My pleasure Will. I did enjoy the write.

[Angel]

I absolutely love it!! This is a beautiful story, full of love and full of hope.
The imagery is wonderful. The story line is brilliant. The character development is fantastic.
The only problem I see is structure...mostly punctuation.
I enjoyed this tale very much!

[Will Neill]

once again I appricate your veiw Angel, I will hop over and have a look at some of yours-asap.
Will

[Rogue]

Will,
I really enjoyed this journey of words. You touched on something I myself like to ponder and experiment with, these classic figures and their roles in out modern world. The last two paragraphs of this along with the final sentence is very moving and is so easy to get caught up in the wonderful emotion and descriptiveness of it.

A pleasure to read this. :)

[Will Neill]

Thank you Rogue for your kind review.
Will

[Rogue]

You are welcome. Thank you for sharing it. :)

[Shane Mohamed]

Well, These fellas are making my job easier. You are very talented. That's for sure. You have an immense imagination, but as Roarke said, you held it very well and steady in the beginning, throughout the middle; but it appears as if you sort of hurried toward the end. My main advice to you, however, would be, always proofread for spelling and grammar flaws. It is much like writing a resume: you can have an excellent employment history and assets, but if you have any grammatical or spelling errors, it usually won't get a thorough observation. I apologize if I was harsh. I try to advise as if advising myself. You're very talented. I wish you the best.

[Will Neill]

Thank you again Shane for the constructive words, I do not think you were harsh, I would rather I was told that the story was rubbish than live in an illusional bubble. Thanks for the read I will return the favour and read your work.
Your Friend
Will

[roarke]

this piece has a steady, sure progression. Gabriel as a title might give it away a bit, maybe something like "By the Hand"... etc. Also, believe it or not, I don't think you need to mention "guardian angels" outright. The detail and emotion of your writing conveys that on it's own. A somber hospital scene, a hesitation just before the final transition in life, leading by the hand, an omnipresent friend. You did it well without the hints.

[Will Neill]

Rourke, thanks for the reveiw, you are probably right about not mentioning the Gaurdian Angel and I did think about an alternative name, but decided in the end just to let it be. I did trim it back a bit. maybe I'll take another look at it. Thanks for your constructive input I found it very helpfull.
Will

[Marie]

I like the story; I like its premise. Your gift of description is good; i wish I had it.

I wrote a story about a Guardian Angel once myself...on a more lighthearted note...