Back When I FeltA Poem by Wild Willow BlueA long time of pain let out..What am I listening to? I hear my own heart beat for you, my dearest lover I think I need you I think you’re not real You are everything You mean everything Your eyes stare at me from your picture they scare me into submission I feel what I should not feel and am frightened by it I take a knife to my wrist even that will not terminate this pain What do I believe? I believe you do not know me I believe you do not love me like I loved you once It only takes one to love yet, it takes another to break a heart and that’s what you did to me, dearest lover You broke my soul and walked away when you could not fix it You did not even try coward You were scared as was I Why was I so stupid? I thought love was all we needed I did not understand but now I understand that love was not all we needed Lies you promised me lies You killed me in my sleep You were there in all my dreams for as long as I could remember I cannot live this down I cannot outrun you this time not this time We hold something that doesn’t mean anything to me anymore It doesn’t mean anything but it will always be there I hear my own heart beat for you, my dearest lover I turn my eyes away in shame for myself With these scars on my wrist and these tears in my eyes I laugh for you, dearest lover You never did value me but your eyes knew too much and your voice my favorite sound on the phone late at night when my mom didn’t know She never did like you that much too much You left me scarred and broken, dearest lover You talked so sweet to me you made me love you You made me cry I cried for so long as I remembered your face Valentine’s Day may be the worst holiday but the day before holds many regrets Regrets that should never have been started or brought to mind We talked about it on the phone in the dark we kissed in your car for the first time you and I and you’re not that great, dearest lover sorry I believe you do not know me I believe you do not love me Do I believe you were meant for me? No Did I believe that once? Yes regrettably in another lifetime, it seems another world I used to think about you but now I try not to I’m getting pretty good at it, dearest lover I threw away your picture tore it up into many little pieces like you did my heart What am I listening to? Alicia Keys: As I Am and not thinking of you or our time together though brief I’m actually glad of it though it hurt me in my heart It was a lesson I needed to take to see you for what you really are not what I thought you were I thought you were a person I could trust You thought I was a person you could trust and than I told something Something you kept very dear to your cold heart I told her and you never forgave me save for that ominous day before Valentine’s Day but that doesn’t matter now I have moved on I just wrote this because I wanted you to know © 2012 Wild Willow BlueAuthor's Note
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StatsAuthorWild Willow BlueOHAboutI am 33. I am gay/non-binary. I started writing in 8th grade. The person whom I started writing because of, I never got a chance to thank. We were never good friends, but we knew each other. I owe her.. more..Writing
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