Blue Soap

When sometimes we don't know, it's best to just let go

How do I talk to you
How do I say all the things
In my head
To you
As the lights turn off I climb into bed
Saving the things in my head
For when I can stand
In front of you
Instead I'll write them down
Maybe in a letter for you
But maybe not
I loved the way we laughed
But you don't deserve my tears anymore
You don't deserve this mended
Heart
Or these glorious
Beautiful
Things in my head

Author's Note

All my poetry comes from the heart

Reviews

[JayG]

• All my poetry comes from the heart.

But that's a problem, because everything that might give the piece meaning for a reader is still in your heart, and never made it to the page.

You've written a letter to someone unknown, concerned with a relationship to someone we know nothing about, one that lasted an unknown amount of time. Why it may have ended? No way to know,

What can a reader say but, "Uhh...okay, Good luck in the future." But is that really what you wanted?

The thing about poetry is that the reader isn't seeking data. That would be a report. A reader seeks emotional content. They want to be made to feel and care. If a loved one has died, telling them you cried at a funeral is data. Instead, make the reader weep.

First, always read back your own work from the seat of a reader, reacting as they must, based on both the words and the context you provide.

Doing that:

• How do I talk to you

What? Who are you, and why are you asking how to talk to me?

See the problem? As they read it, you're talking about the reader, not this never identified person. Sure, they'll figure out that it's not them. But because it's the most obvious meaning, and confusion can't retroactively be removed... Remember, there is no second-first impression, so always provide or evoke context to make each line meaningful as-it's-read.

Not good news, I know, but the piece will always work for you, who have context and intent for everything you write. And since we can't fix the problem we don't see as being one, I thought you might want to know,

Jay Greenstein
https://jaygreenstein.wordpress.com/category/the-craft-of-writing/the-grumpy-old-writing-coach/

[Wild Willow Blue]

Thank you. Not good news? I consider this very good news, and very helpful information. I welcome comments like yours, they help me grow in my writing. So thank you Jay. Very much.

[Carlos Lorenzo Estrada]

You put a lot of emotion into this poem and it reflects a lot of what you feel truthfully. Good art usually does that. It makes the reader feel or empathize with your emotions. Thank you for sharing your poem with us.

[Wild Willow Blue]

Thank you very much for your comment. I am so glad you enjoyed this piece.