My Moon Let Me Down

It's always the Bad Ones

The secrets you hold
You've never told
Blind rage
All these years you felt for me
Now it's my turn
My turn to warp you
To melt you and curse you
Your touch like gold upon my skin
Bringing me to a fever pitch
Making my breath harsh and cold
I watch as you sit there
A king I now see only in my dreams
My obsession baffles me
In the madness
I start to cry

Author's Note

Ally poems come from the heart.

Reviews

[JayG]

Were I the one you're railing against, I might know what you're pissed about. But I'm not. So as a reader, someone I know nothing about, is angry at someone unidentified, for things unspecified. What can I say but, "Uhh...okay." ?

Who cares that the poem "comes from the heart?" To anyone but you, lacking knowledge of your intent, and, lacking context, it's intelligible.

You have it wrong. Poetry is FOR the heart. If the reader isn't moved, emotionally, by the words they turn away.

In looking at your work, you appear to be filled with rage against someone unspecified. And what can a reader respond with but, "I hope you get well soon," if it has no impact on them.

Don't talk TO your reader. Don't explain and lecture. Break a diatribe it into short lines and it's not a poem, because poems are emotion-based and character-centric, where this is fact-based and author-centric. But that's the nonfiction writing skill we were given in school. That writing approach is focused on informing the reader. Poetry, with it's much different objective, dances to a different tune.

When you say, "All these years you felt for me," Because I know nothing about either participant, and have been given no reason to want to know, I laughed, because I pictured someone in the dark, hands extended, feeling for someone. And I KNOW that wasn't your intent.

E. L. Doctorow was talking about fiction when he said, “Good writing is supposed to evoke sensation in the reader. Not the fact that it’s raining, but the feeling of being rained upon.” But it's equally true for poetry. Make the reader feel your pain, don't tell them it's there. Focus on making them care, not know.

[Wild Willow Blue]

I completely understand, and I thank you for your knowledge and helpfulness. It is very much appreciated, and know that your words will stick with me.