Water

I like playing with imagry, trying to evoke not just feeling in my readers but also a sense of time and space, feeling like you're there in the poem itself.

I sink to my knees in this sea of dust,

While swirling eddies around me flow

bits of time and thought which rust -

Then fall apart and sink very slow.

 

I struggle to breathe and even to think,

Held fast by my own hot pain,

A sea of sand I cannot drink -

Teased by every individual grain.

 

Hot tears whisked away by wind

Before they even fall,

Put out like sparks my mind now thinned,

Tossed about like a China-made doll.

 

I struggle to move but bend at the knees,

My palms burning hot with desire -

No one around to hear my pleas

And turn me ‘round into a liar.

 

I gasp and cough in this arid life,

Held fast in shifting form,

All fight gone, no longer strife

As I inevitably accept the norm.

 

Freed now at last by my admission

I wander equally lost,

Sad it is that never to fruition

Will my dreams be realized, despite the cost.

 

Reviews

[Charles D. Moorer]

I think that you have succeeded on multiple fronts: the imagery, the rhyme, the sense of space and time. The last last stanza of the poem brings it home: dreams and their cost!

[Hannah Monttkomepy]

I like it. My friend writes lots of poems so I'm sorta familiar with them and as far as i can tell, this ones really good. The meaning of the poem takes a little searching but not too much that you can't enjoy it.

[DC Gentleman]

Thats excellent.. the word use.. the flow of the rhyme and the imagery..

*take a bow.. :)

[f**k you]

This completely made me feel as if I were there!! Fantasticaly great write, I'd love to hear more.