Life's Song

Literally my life in one poem.

By the time I finish this, I will be in tears. 

I don't know why I've decided to write,

I don't know why I'm sharing. This.

I should've done this earlier...

Let me just warn you that this is going to be long.

'Cause this is gonna be my life's song.

From the time I was seven,

I've had this hole in my soul.

I've always been a sad kid.

Daddy was an alcoholic.

Momma was an abuser.

I was always alone.

I was afraid to talk to them two.

So I just kept it all inside.

By the time I was nine,

I had all these issues.

There was no way I could trust anyone.

I wasn't beautiful.

Everyone stayed away.

My sadness was a disease.

I got picked on.

I started eating.

Gained all this weight.

People stayed away more.

By the time I was nine,

I already had tons of secrets.

Got molested at age eight by my own uncle.

Dad and mom fought all the time.

By nine,

I already had the desire to die.

Age ten.

I got told I had depression.

"Clinically ill" I thought.

This is the source of my tension.

My mind was just playing tricks on me.

Nothing was real.

But days went on.

Mom and dad still fought.

I still got picked on.

Fast forward to age eleven.

More depressed than ever.

Finally got "friends".

But they gave me pills.

Pills turned into weed.

Weed turned into acid.

Acid turned into crack.

Crack into heroine.

Even did PCP once.

Came home late at night.

Parent's never asked.

I just assumed they didn't care.

Drugs messed with my head.

Messed me up.

Drugs were my life.

Age twelve.

Daddy stopped drinking.

Mommy lit up.

Hope was in me.

Faith was in my heart.

Felt free.

Felt happy.

I finally had a "family".

Got new friends.

Depression left me alone for a while.

If only the drugs would've gone...

Life would've been better.

Age fourteen.

Depression hit.

I stayed away from everyone.

Distanced myself from loved ones.

Age fifteen.

Momma tricked me before 'cause she started hitting me.

Depression was worse.

Sixteen.

Had a rough start.

Momma still hated me.

Didn't really get to see daddy.

Depression drowned me.

I had no idea where to turn.

But coming close to seventeen,

I stopped the drugs.

Felt a bit better.

Stopped cutting.

My friends were proud of me.

Now I'm seventeen.

Mom wants back into my life.

I don't trust her.

Daddy broke my heart.

He's a b*****d.

Got molested again.

The temptation of drugs never stops.

I started cutting again.

Feel lonelier than ever.

At this point,

I'm sure I'll die alone.

Weight is out of control.

Ha ha. Emotions too.

And all I want to know is,

How much more can I take?

How much more until I commit suicide?

'Cause depression's being a b***h.

And I and hope are basically enemies.

Reviews

[Pixieblue]

Haha i used to have a severe ketamine addiction and i ended up in hospital twice.
In those moments of everything slowly going away i realized as s**t as my life has been, and how fucked up it was, that i didn't want it to end.
Because i was the only person who could change it.
yeah i could sit there and complain while i had another line, or i could shut the hell up and turn it around.

[Ilerah]

Nice poem, deep and rather dark though. However I like it, a very good poem. Glad you posted it.

[Anahat]

Gosh! Hats off Jess...you're actually a strong girl!
There's a reason u've made it up till now...just go on being strong...n make your life worth living?
Believe god..there's a reason he does everything..mayb we cnt figure it out ryt now but we eventually will'
So stop these drugs thing..it'll mk thngs wrse fr u!
Cheers my lovely girl! Start living like you're a newly born!
Was just flown by emotions that cudnt concentrate on the writinf stuff...nothing above feelings..
Well written! :)
And always welcome to message me when you need a friend! Ill be there :)

[Simran Kewlani]

Jess, you were so strong. If I were in your place I wouldn't even be alive right now. You've got so much strength that you pulled through all the mess. Yes, you made some bad decisions but you stopped them eventually and they were helping you forget your heartache. I love you for being so freakin' strong. You are now the person I will look upto because you have been strong in so much mess. I can't do this.
It's a 100. Just to let you know. :)
Keep you chin up, girly. Wouldn't want the crown that is going to be placed there tumble down, would we?

[Magnus]

My depression fan writer.....what can I say about this? Well first I thought the need for order would have worked aged 9 then 8 then 9 again (basically the years) the other stuff was spot on! The feeling and emotion in the writting was something I could feel...in short I felt the soul in the piece making it amazingly beautiful.

[Mayank]

Girl, I am 25... I have done drugs, I can only tell you one thing - stay away from it.

[Emily]

Love it!! Well done Jessica!!