This Was Love Undesired

The way I felt with him wasn’t something I wanted to remember, it’s the thing I wanted to forget the most. How my heart felt warm and at home with a man who saw me as just another strange person walking on this planet. My weird fascination and love for him was so lonely in my messed up mind. I looked at him with eyes of love and longing, but I was just sadly mistaken, always sadly mistaken. I was a stupid woman, a stupid minded, useless person in the face of him. I forgot my morals, my rights, my composure, and even forgot myself. When I fell asleep I wanted him to be the last thing with me and without him it was so hard to even close my eyes because all they did was weep. No matter how hard I tried, when his eyes turned to me, while I sat there in his gaze like a doe in front of headlights, his eyes never wanted me there, they didn’t need me to stay in their sight. How could this all happen? How could I be so wrong? I read everything like how I wanted, but I wasn’t in any reality with him. I was such a fool, a courageous crazy fool, who’d knock down his door and he’d look at me like I’m a stranger.