Wilderness Survival

I wrote this in like maaaaaaaaaaaaybe 10 or so minutes. its for my outdoor ed. class cause i missed a week being in the hospital and all that jazzy jazz.

It was night. The flowing dark clouds slowly breezed through the moonlight. He was lost in the wilderness and he had no idea where he was going. The trees rustled in the Fall darkness. He was scared and alone. Sitting under the evergreen staring off in the moons shine wondering what his mother and sisters were thinking. They were probably worried sick for him. A few yards away he could still hear his bicycle wheels spinning. He was still perplexed as to why the handle bars snapped off. But that wasn’t important because all the mattered was getting out of the woods alive. He had little hopes of getting out well; he knew that there will be obstacles and it will be difficult. But he knew, in all his hopefulness and suffering, he will survive. Walking through the woods, limping on his right leg from the bike crash, he treaded on.  This was an adventure and he wanted to make the best of it. Having no hope of survival would never help him. Passing and the trees and hearing the crickets and owls hoot. Listening to all the sounds of the forest comforted him. He loved the wilderness and he learned so much from his favorite teacher, Mr. McGowin. In Sam’s Outdoor Ed. class. The dark colours were beautiful in the moonlight. The dark greens of the trees, browns of the Earth and blues of the sky. He loved this time of night. As he was walking into nothingness he spotted a light in the distance. “Freedom!” he thought to himself. He limped as fast as he could; it was about ten meters away. Adrenalin was coursing through his body. And as he got closer he came to realize, they were just lightening bugs. Filled with disappointment he silently wept to himself. But then, alas! A trail! Without a second thought he sprinted down the path. As he was running the greens and browns of the trees meshed together with such precision and beauty that Sam couldn’t understand and he ran faster so he could see more of it. He wished to himself that he could take advantage of a flock of wild birds so that he could make his escape from these woods. But he knew he couldn’t and kept on running until he saw a real light of a nearby house. Overjoyed he slowed down because he knew he was safe. Tired and thirsty he walked up the house and he knocked on the door.  

Author's Note

I wrote this in like maaaaaaaaaaaaybe 10 or so minutes. its for my outdoor ed. class cause i missed a week being in the hospital and all that jazzy jazz.

Reviews

[Brittany]

He was lost in the wilderness and he had no idea where he was going. - Why was he riding in the woods if he didn't know where he was going? Why was he riding at night?
Don't need the word still or just.
Not a complete sentence - Sitting under the evergreen staring off in the moons shine wondering what his mother and sisters were thinking.
Run on sentence - He had little hopes of getting out well; he knew that there will be obstacles and it will be difficult.
You didn't really describe all the difficulties.
Tense change - But he knew, in all his hopefulness and suffering, he will survive.
Not a complete sentence - Passing and the trees and hearing the crickets and owls hoot.
Not a complete sentence - In Sam’s Outdoor Ed. class.
Not a complete sentence - The dark greens of the trees, browns of the Earth and blues of the sky.
How could he sprint if before he was limping?
If it was moonlight how was he seeing the colors? How could he run in the dark?

[Whales]

very blunt. i like it tell we straight what i gotta do thank you. but one or more things to point out. he could see the colours because of the moonight, just because he was limping it doesnt mean he cant sprint it just hurts him a lot and finally, he didn't know where he was going because.....dramatic pause.....IT WAS AN ADVENTURE. but any way i wrote this in like 10 minutes so grammatical errors and sentence structure errors will exist. thanks for pointing them out and i will fix them. thanks a bunch

[Whales]

also i had to keep this one page long for the assignment so i will probably edit this a buttload to make it longer and better etc.

[Brittany]

I think the story has potential or I wouldn't have bothered to review. Keep writing. If you had more than ten minutes I'm sure it would have been cleaner.

[drmatteri]

There were some nice descriptions here, but not everything worked for me. Example: "But then, alas! A trail!" The word "alas" is usually used to express sorrow or grief. Was the boy sad to see the trail? Probably not. I would also agree with eglantine that the ending was too nice. Perhaps you could spice it up with more conflict? Otherwise this is not bad for something written in ten minutes.

[Whales]

he is split between happiness and sadness he prefers sadness over happiness. his mind is not right. because he hates sadness but on the other hand wishes he will never get happy. thats what i ment when I said "alas!" im sorry if you don't understand its just the way my mind works my mind is even too trippy for me also. oh yea, i am the main character

[eglantine]

ooo well i hope you are ok and glad you're back. I guess I'm a morbid person, cause I kind of really wanted him to stay lost lol not the happy ending.

[Whales]

ahhhhh this is a fictional story but i would make this more morbid but i turned this in as an assignment for my gym class

[Emily B]

excellent descriptions

[Allycat]

great poet, and story writer..excellent job! It's different from what you usually write but I really like it!
and in this sentence:
"He wished to himself that he could take advantage of a flock of wild birds so that he could make his escaped from these woods" Do you mean escape instead of escaped?
nice job though! :D

[Alexa Tasch]

short but nice. I liked it. It felt light and almost carefree to me. The middle was kind of sad, but the end is very interesting. Great write!