Shame

she used to f**k men for money and fame

she used to f**k men for money and fame

she used to f**k men for money and fame

until she hung herself because of the shame

Reviews

[Arsh]

Yeah, you're absolutely right. 'Shame' could be replace with 'Blame'. However, whatever you've already pen`d is very deep so, I ain't think, there's any need to replace it, but... you can add one more line .. which's end with the word 'blame'. You're damn breathtaking & as creative as a muse of a thin one so..
... would like to show you another angel of the write if you ain't mind.. I'll show you two versions of the write. It depends which one you appreciate. Have a look below:

Ist version:
"she used to f**k men for money and fame
she used to curse 'em just with an aim
Oh yea..
she used to f**k men.. Ooo--Ooo
men.. men... men
she used to f**k men for the glory and reign,
but what she got just pain in the rain
Oh yea..
~~ Sing with me~~
she used to f**k men..
men.. men.. men.. Oooo--Oooo
Just for the money and fame
until she hung herself, cause of the shame
Oh.. this shame~~ unbearable pain
Now she used to blame...
that..
she used to f**k men for money & fame
until she hung herself because of the shame.

IInd version:
she used to f**k men for money and fame
she used to f**k men for money and fame
she used to f**k men for money and fame
until she hung herself because of the shame
So, when she bleed.. then she claims...
she used to f**k men for money and fame
until she hung herself because of the blame.

Nevermind.. It was all my thoughts were on your pretty cool poetry. You're oneself a white one.. aren't ya? Well, .. good by me. Anyway, i'm heading on to check out your poetry!

[Alex]

I have to say this made me laugh- no one has ever translated my writing into a song before so I have to applaud your creativity and your ability to refresh and surprise! Thank you for your opinions with this piece, it is very helpful and even if I don't go back and change this one, your opinions will be used in my future writing! I love the line 'she used to f**k men for the glory and reign' I may pinch that one for another poem! The second version I enjoyed also, however, perhaps it shows your talents instead of mine so I propose you write something with the basic idea such as this and expand and create it into something of your own- I would definitely read that! May I ask what is a 'white one'- I am intrigued and will take it as a compliment whatever the definition. Thank you very much for your interest and feelings towards my writing- its an honour :)

[Arsh]

Well, then... it's a pleasure to make a 'white one' laugh. Umm... neah, it's your talent, I only followed the playfully waved talent of yous to modify what you just please. Never-mind, I was just worrying to think, what if you too my words negative? But thankfully, you understood the feelings even the emotions of my bare heart.. and I appreciated it. Oh.. Ooo.. poor heart.. it`s never meant to be controlled or.. is it? Neah... so, now you want me to write something on it? Whao.. what a dream comes true. You just dived into my heart.. ain't ya? Thanks.. loved having you around the heart. Soon, i'll pop ya up with a mail & let ya know what I cook for ya.. in disguise of a hottest song. However, oh... you ain't know, what a 'white one' is? Well, 'white one' has got many name, the one's well known as a 'white shark' but here, i'm not calling ya shark, after all, how can I be? I don`t wanna get eaten by ya.. or do I? Anyway, stand up and go in front of the mirror right now and see what ya see.. don`t ya see 'white one'? lol

[Alex]

Of course not, anyone's words are appreciated by myself as it only makes for better writing! Haha I laughed out loud about your shark comment- nobody has said that to me before! I see a little more black than white about myself, after all my writing is all about drugs, sex and violence so 'white one' could be disputed! Thank you for all of your compliments but please don' think too highly of me- I'm just a teenager trying to understand the world so hardly William Shakespeare- thanks again :) Keep writing!

[Arsh]

Really? Well.. even the drug, the heat of violence &, of course, a very pleasurable sex... that belong to 'whiteness' than 'darkness' ... it's always in beholders eyes how one perceives what he wants to. Even the sex's a remedy for 'love' as long as one treats it all right. So, always be 'white' .. don't even give a chance to 'darkness' not even to enter your breathtaking trespass. Anyway, always a pleasure to be around your heart. Keep me always in there!

[Alex]

I guess it can be white as well as black! But, exactly- it all depends on 'who'. Thanks for all of your thoughts- its a pleasure to hear them!

[JC]

Again, you delve into the tormented, seemingly simplistic but utterly profound.

[Alex]

Thank you very much! This piece of writing is probably my least favourite- on the verge of being deleted but I will perhaps think again. Much appreciated!

[JC]

Kerouac said something like First thought, pure thought...or to that idea...it's there, created already, no need to destroy it but come back now and then and get something from it that may be unexpected...

[Alex]

That's a great idea, I may just do that!

[Rob Santana]

Short piece that reveals a lot of pain and suffering. I applaud your straightforwardness. Well done.

[Alex]

Thank you very much, yes I am quite straightforward- perhaps a little too much haha! Thanks again for sharing your opinions, much appreciated!

[RileyRedding]

You've conveyed a powerful message in these four lines.
It flows well, and dissects as issue we should all spend some time thinking about.
Keep up the great work.

[Alex]

Thank you for your thoughts and encouragement- it means a lot!

[Laura Lynn]

oh yeah, I don't know how deadly, but it is a true threat to one's spirit putting you through the wringer. Basically, feeling that judgement feels destructive, but then if things are going better it ends up being better in the end? I don't know. But I felt ashamed for not receiving love, which is weird because I was very interested in love, but I didn't deserve the kind of love I was searching for at that time because I needed to see what life was like? I still feel upset about it, but there is no other way to achieve understanding I guess and all must go through these judgment cycles with people, it really should be sort of interesting. I'm not sure I'm all keyed into the hanging bit, but it is dramatic. Maybe you would not get our attention unless it was extreme like this.

[Alex]

Thank you for sharing your thoughts and experiences, it is all really helpful. Yes, I am quite a blunt writer which can be good or bad haha. I was just experimenting with my writing as I like to portray different messages and situations and some don't work as well as others! Thank you for the review, I appreciate it very much :)