Cigarette

He shook his head and lipped a crumpled cigarette

damn I hate these, I must get some better ones

you don't ever seem to listen to me I said

and shifted in the cold

his long black coat twisted and turned

I told him not to buy it

you will have holes in your pocket and that

will crumple all of your cigarettes

Reviews

[JC]

I can see that you have a very sophisticated way with dialogue, it's an everyday scene, slow and real like a JIm Jarmusch film, but with a wit like Woody... I imagine you see the world with a greater perspective, you see the meaning others don't, you see the beauty in everything...

[Alex]

Wow this is amazing thank you! I don't really have a plan with my writing I just frantically write down so I'm glad that you can pick your way through and be effected by it. I cannot thank you enough for your thoughts, I am loving the comparisons also! Much appreciated as always.

[SEO]

The last two lines are really good. This is a really cool way to depict a tiresome, complicated, difficult relationship. This might benefit, though, from some clearer distinction of who's talking and what is being said vs. what is being thought.

[Alex]

I agree also, I feel my writing is very confusing under a new eye. Thanks for the help!

[J Johnson III]

Nice short poem. I don't know what it is about this, but I like it. It calls to me. Well done.

[Alex]

Haha yeah its abit weird, thank you very much for reviewing!

[PloughBoy]

Well done, Weseveredheads-- a "thinking man's" short, of sorts. Funny how we'll spend so much on cigarettes which kill us, and so little on fine clothing.

An interesting take on the many paradoxes life serves us up.

[Alex]

Haha I didn't think of it like that but I love your thoughts on it. Thank you very much, very helpful!

[PloughBoy]

The pleasure was all mine. :}

[Coyote Poetry]

Hard world when we need to write about cigarettes. $7.00 a pack in the USA. I enjoyed the tale. Gave life to the cigarettes and the coat. Thank you for sharing the short story.
Coyote

[Alex]

About the same in England actually! I'm glad you enjoyed it, it was very spontaneous and I didn't think much of it~ thank you for the confidence!

[Coyote Poetry]

I laugh at my co-workers. No money for food. They will buy cigarettes.

[Alex]

Lucky for them smoking decreases appetite!